Messy bedrooms.

Daisy M

Firstly I want to apologise for such a silly post but I do need a little perspective.
I have 3 children and the oldest a boy has just turned 14. He leaves his room in a tip will drop clothes on the floor when he takes them off, bundle things in his wardrobe and under the bed. He has some bebe guns and will fire it off and leave dozens of those stupid annoying little balls everywhere. Socks and rubbish is fired inside the bed ect ect, its driving me mad!! I give the room a good clean once or twice a week and get him to do it at the weekend but when he does I dont think he does a good enough job and we end up arguing (too much) about it.
My husband thinks he should be responsible for his room but I am worn out from nagging about it and think it would be easier to do it myself. But even when I do he has it back to square one in a couple of hours and I end up having another nagging session, I am seriously sick of my own voice at this stage. He is a great kid besides doing well in school, teachers are happy with him and family and friends regularly comment on how nice he is. I dont want something so trivial to grow legs and end up causing more resentment and problems between but I also want to teach him and his siblings a little responsibility and pride in themselves and their surroundings.
I would appreciate any opinions on this, if you think I am overreacting and too uptight about it feel free to let me know, or if ye have been there and managed to find a solution please share. Also just to add while I am not a neat freak I dont like a big mess so its hard for me to ignore any tips on to lighten up a little would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Moonbeam

I would stop doing it for him and when h complains about having no clean clothes etc it is his own tough luck!
Once he keeps it clean I would not worry about mess.
or else stop all pocket money etc until his room is tidy weekly and explain to him he doesn't have many jobs to do in the house but the room is his and he is lucky to have his own room and all you ask is that he keeps it relatively tidy.
The last one is threaten he will have to share a room with a sibling if it continues!

listermint

Speaking from the other side of the fence, When i was a wee one my mother always harped on at me to clean my room.

I despised doing it because thats what teenagers do.Hobbies consist of sitting around / playing computer games or anything else not remotely related to cleaning.

Now a days i am a clean freak and my place is spotless.


Its something you grow out of, I would however take the BB guns off him because shooting them at a wall is not conductive of someone caring about there surroundings I wouldnt have gotten away with that at that age.

I would stick to the weekend nagging. Let him clear the room each week dont be cleaning up for him, as that does nothing but instill lazyness.

Remember its a teenagers room and they are frankly messy thats generic across them. But once a week of nagging is enough to keep the relationship healthy.

slarkin123

My 2 are 10 and 8 and i refuse to clean their rooms now. I used to spend at least 3 to 4 hours on each room and within a week they would be in a complete state again. When they start to get bad again I'll march them up on a Saturday afternoon to do it themselves. Im finding now that its taking a bit longer each time to get into a bad state. I reckon its cause they know stupid mammy won't be doing it for them.

LashingLady

I think some kids (and adults) need a little bit of help in not getting their room in such a mess in the first place. Has he got an accessable wash basket and bin or waste paper basket? Is there some sort of designated place for stuff that is upstairs that has to go downstairs? Some people are organised and some aren't and will try and try to be tidier but keep failing! Although lots of teenagers are also just lazy!

KittyeeTrix

We live out in a rural area and anyone who would visit us live about 20km away.....
Personally I don't care too much what state the kids rooms are in. It's their room, their mess!!!!
I will maybe once a month (when I've run out of bowls and cups:D) ask them to scoot around their room and do a clean up.
I'd also ask them to tidy up if they are having friends overnight or over for an afternoon.

The Princess Bride

Firstly,where teens are concerned,there is no such thing as a silly post!

I have 3 children,the 2 teenagers have their own wash baskets, and are both able to use washing machine,dryer,clothes line(:rolleyes:) and iron. The 11 year old is great also,although I have to lend a helping hand as he's rather young to be doing it all by himself just yet.
I work outside the home,and tbh,have more important things to be doing on my off duty,than cleaning up someone else's mess.
As some other post said,if he's expecting pocket money,he needs to earn it.I don't think it's too much to expect a 14 y/o to keep his room reasonably tidy.
Having said that,I really don't think anything is worth ranting over- I seldom venture into my girls' rooms, I value my sanity -and having normal blood pressure is something I wish to enjoy for a few more years,thank you very much!

If one of mine asks to go to disco,cinema,meet friends,the room is always checked before they go,so it's a win win situation for all.

Daisy M

Hi guys thanks for all the replies its really helpful.
Up until recently the room tidying wasnt such an issue all 3 of the children have to tidy their rooms. In the past couple of months the oldest lad has put in no real effort when he does his room and it is a mess again in no time. He does have ample storage space a bin and laundry bin so he has no excuses. He does do other jobs besides and does them well, I think the bedroom is becoming a battle of wills. He does get pocketmoney which is linked to jobs but unfortunatly we gave him a months worth in advance as he had a trip with a friend to the north in hindsight this was a mistake, we live and learn:rolleyes:.
The main thing I am beginning to realise is I need to stop nagging!! And maybe lower my expectations a little. I do give all their rooms a good clean once a week and I am resolved now to keep it to that I was starting to clean his on a daily basis which is what was driving me mad.
Thanks a million guys I have got great info from you all, hopefully it will help others too, I hope we do get a teen forum I have a feeling I am going to nee it!

CrazyRabbit

I dont want something so trivia

Not being responsible for cleaning his own mess is hardly trivial. It shows a lack of respect for you, his room, your house & indeed himself.

I would sit him down in a non-confrontational manner and explain that tidying his room (and keeping it that way) is respectful and is a requirement if he wants to be treated more maturely.

Explain that it will be impossible to trust him and treat him more maturely if he cannot take responsibility for such simple tasks and do them well. Also, subtly lay on a guilt trip by saying how you feel that you have failed as parents because he's still acting like a 5 year old even though he's 14, and thought that you had raised him better.

If this 'carrot approach' doesn't work, then go with the 'stick' approach. Set out a list of expectations and punishments for not reaching those expectations. Any clothes/games etc left on floors will be removed...permanently (well until he starts acting more maturely..but don't tell him that). Pocket money (if he gets any) will be withheld until all chores are done to a satisfactory standard.

Justask

Think im alone here. But I do my sons room, he brings down his dirty clothes (but I do have to nag him to do it) It takes 5 mns in the morning and maybe half an hour ona Sat.

He looks after our pets and I never have to ask him to, anythnig for an easy life.

listermint

Justask wrote: »

Think im alone here. But I do my sons room, he brings down his dirty clothes (but I do have to nag him to do it) It takes 5 mns in the morning and maybe half an hour ona Sat.

He looks after our pets and I never have to ask him to, anythnig for an easy life.

Its not going to help him when he is older, trust me. I know lads who had this all their lives. Does nothing for them when they (if) they move out...

Justask

listermint wrote: »

Its not going to help him when he is older, trust me. I know lads who had this all their lives. Does nothing for them when they (if) they move out...

Was the way my folks did it with me and im a Monica now. Works fine for us

lip

OMG,your son could be my 15 year old. The amount of arguments I've had with him over his room. He hides dirty clothes everywhere,socks are the worst.I have taken xbox out of room,tv out of room,grounded him(which I think is only a punishment for me as he drives me mad when hes bored). Finally found something that has worked.My husband and him spent hours a few weekends ago in his room and gutted it. He is now left with his wardrobe,chest of drawers,locker,bed and bookshelf,linen basket and bin. He did have a football table,computer desk,chair,tv stand. The more surfaces he had the more rubbish he threw around. He now has a specific place for everything and he is actually not too bad. I also will not let him have his friends into the house anymore if his room is untidy,so thats a great incentive for him.
Its definately an age thing I think. But so far so good now,he seems to have gotten the message. He brings his linen basket down twice a week and empties his bin on a saturday. Also hoovers and washes his floor on saturdays and dusts. He may not do it to perfection,but at least he gives it a go.
Sorry for the long post. Hope you get it sorted,it can get so stressful with teenagers.

Neyite

My mother, when we finally drove her to it, gutted our room of anything on the floor, or the floor of the wardrobe, or under the bed and black-bagged it. Then when we arrived home looking for out favourite t-shirt or jeans she just told us Dad burned it all.

To be fair she threatened us for weeks and we ignored her. After about a week of wailing that we had nothing nice to wear and our stuff was gone, she finally admitted that she had hid the bags in a shed that we never normally went into. Each week we could earn back a bit of our stuff by doing extra chores.

From about the age of 12 we were responsible for our own laundry, and getting permission for teen discos was dependant on a spotless room.

cynder

My daughter (12) has a messy bedroom, when she does clean it, it only stays that way for a max of 24 hours... I dont wash anything unless its in the washing basket if she doesnt put it in it doesnt get washed..... She has since learned to use the washing machine and dryer...... also she isnt allowed privileges unless her room is clean and tidy (including her wardrobes and draws organised otherwise clothes would just be rammed in)

Im sure she will grow out of it when she she hits 15 or 16... I was the same until i hit 14...

Talking about washing baskets my husband is 32 and he dumps his dirty washing next to the washing basket in the bedroom, he still doesnt put it in the basket......

ash23

My daughter is almost 9 and her room is her problem. I venture in only if I want to change the bedclothes. There is a laundry bin in the hall and if the clothes are in there, they are washed. The only thing I do force her to do is to hang up her clean clothes which does help the mess situation.