Miscarriage

Marielady

Hi Ladies, im new to this, was just looking for some advice. I had a miscarriage 5 weeks ago, I was 6 weeks along and had just found out a few days before I mc that I was pregnant, it was my and my husbands first pregnancy. I feel so upset all the time, and cry myself to sleep every night, my husband is great but I try not to worry him with how im feeling, does things get easier or should I go to see my doctor? Is this normal? I rerally want to try for another baby but my husband not sure yet after what we went through?Any advice would help?

shannie

Remember everything happens for a reason and sometimes its for the best. I'm not saying this is a good thing, its not at all, but you've now been through the experience and you know what its like, you will now be 10 times more thankful when you do have a wonderful baby

purejuice

Sorry to hear of ur loss, i went through a miscarriage nearly 3 months ago, went for scan at 13 weeks and baby had died at just over 9 weeks, to say my heart was broken is a understatement :mad:, it took me then 3 weeks and countless scans to be taken into hospital to have a d&c as it never came away naturally. I had started to recover but the past few days I have been feeling low again as my body is just starting to get back to normal. It was our first pregnancy to and we bought a charm for february as that is when I would of been due. Take one day at a time and if you ever need to chat about anything you can PM me and maybe we can support each other.

Moonbeam

Sorry to hear about your loss. You gp can help you.

*mod note*
We can not give out medical information on these forums.
Please go see your doctor

Orion

Sorry for your loss. You should definitely see your doctor.

I've split this out to its own thread to avoid dragging up 3 year old memories in the thread you posted in.

cocoemma

Im very sorry for your loss, i cried reading that, i understand how you feel even the thoughts of it makes me v. updet. I will say though that a friend of mine had a miscarraige and found out at the scan, she was devastated, but a year or two later she went on to have FOUR children,they are now 8yrs, 6yrs, 5yrs and 7 months old so it will get better and you can go on to have children, mourning is normal remember you will feel that joy of pregnancy again..

please speak to your partner about how your feeling i know you think you don't want to upset him and he's probably thinking the same, i think starting the ''talk'' is hard to do but once you's get going you can air your feelings and you'll both feel better instantly knowing that you both have a understanding for each others feelings and knowing your both in the same boat, plus it will bring you both closer together as a couple.. I wish you the very best of luck xxxxx

xzanti

Sorry for your loss.. I had 2 miscarriages in 2008 and 2009, the first was early and I had just, like yourself, found out I was expecting. The second was at 10 weeks.

It's a horrible feeling of helplessness that no woman ever wants to experience

Give yourself time to heal, it will not happen over night, but it will get easier.. You'll never forget your lost little one but the pain will subside.. Just be good to yourself and take it easy.. and if you feel ready to try again then why not?. I know the Doctors don't really recommend it straight away but I know women who did and had no problems. It's really up to yourself.

mcgrailg

From a mans perspective, this is something that my wife and i are currently going through. She went for her 12 week scan about 8 weeks ago and we found out that the baby didnt make it past the 9 week stage and it was fairly devastating for us as it was out first and planned. As much as i could support and reassure my wife i knew there were things she was keeping to herself so i encouraged her to go see the free counselling service the hospital offers. She went to the first 2 session by herself and i went with her last night and its been very beneficial fir her and i actually got something out of it myself, as we could talk about the miscarriage and the fears for the future.

If i can help in anyway pm me

Hannibal Smith

Marielady wrote: »

Hi Ladies, im new to this, was just looking for some advice. I had a miscarriage 5 weeks ago, I was 6 weeks along and had just found out a few days before I mc that I was pregnant, it was my and my husbands first pregnancy. I feel so upset all the time, and cry myself to sleep every night, my husband is great but I try not to worry him with how im feeling, does things get easier or should I go to see my doctor? Is this normal? I rerally want to try for another baby but my husband not sure yet after what we went through?Any advice would help?

Sorry to read this Marielady. I had a miscarriage this time last year (24th Nov) and it takes time, but yes it does get easier. Crying all the time and feeling upset is perfectly normal and it's a great release for how you're feeling. Like you, I was afraid to bother my husband with how I was feeling all the time because it was such a sad place to keep bringing him back to...but in the end I had to because I just felt so so sad. So talk to your husband, or to a friend, or to your doctor if you feel you they're not options that are open to you. Don't carry it all yourself, because telling some one else how upset you are does help.

Although it doesn't feel like it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will never forget your little one, but the immense sadness you feel now will pass in time xx

Marielady

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

Sorry to read this Marielady. I had a miscarriage this time last year (24th Nov) and it takes time, but yes it does get easier. Crying all the time and feeling upset is perfectly normal and it's a great release for how you're feeling. Like you, I was afraid to bother my husband with how I was feeling all the time because it was such a sad place to keep bringing him back to...but in the end I had to because I just felt so so sad. So talk to your husband, or to a friend, or to your doctor if you feel you they're not options that are open to you. Don't carry it all yourself, because telling some one else how upset you are does help.

Although it doesn't feel like it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will never forget your little one, but the immense sadness you feel now will pass in time xx

Hi, thanks so much for your advice, at least I now know that its normal what im going through and feeling, its just so hard when you get the news your pregnant and be so overjoyed and excited and then a few days later its all taken away from you, you feel very empty and long for the baby you have lost. I left the hospital not knowing what to expect and no information, do you get a call back for a follow up in the hospital after a mc?

purejuice

The midwifes were very good to me leading up to my D&C ringing me and checking on how I was and a lady from the miscarriage group, think she was the hospital pastor or something came to see me while I was there and gave me a book to read which was very helpful, but after I left thats bascially it. I know in Ballinasloe they have a memorial service every year in February (when I was due) so you can go and place your baby in the memorial book and talk with other people but as far as them wanting to see you again they dont. Everybody is different and if you feel that you cant cope I would suggest as other people have to see your GP and maybe talk to someone with your partner so he gets the support he needs as well.

Hannibal Smith

Marielady wrote: »

Hi, thanks so much for your advice, at least I now know that its normal what im going through and feeling, its just so hard when you get the news your pregnant and be so overjoyed and excited and then a few days later its all taken away from you, you feel very empty and long for the baby you have lost. I left the hospital not knowing what to expect and no information, do you get a call back for a follow up in the hospital after a mc?

I know...it is an awful shock and absolutely nothing prepares you for it. You probably hadn't even told anyone else you were pregnant so you're going around trying to act normal in front of everyone else?

Once the hospital are sure everything is gone (sorry to be so blunt) then they kind of sign you off. You can give the hospital a call and ask them if you need to go back. Just be sure to check with either the hospital or the gp when you can try again, before you do.

If you find that you really are struggling with how you're feeling, don't be afraid to go to your GP. Don't torture yourself xx

Marielady

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

I know...it is an awful shock and absolutely nothing prepares you for it. You probably hadn't even told anyone else you were pregnant so you're going around trying to act normal in front of everyone else?

Once the hospital are sure everything is gone (sorry to be so blunt) then they kind of sign you off. You can give the hospital a call and ask them if you need to go back. Just be sure to check with either the hospital or the gp when you can try again, before you do.

If you find that you really are struggling with how you're feeling, don't be afraid to go to your GP. Don't torture yourself xx

No the only one who new was me and my husband, it is hard trying to act normall esp at work as Im usually such a happy, positive person. Its really great to chat to someone who has gone through the same experience and knows how you are feeling, cos until you have gone through it you have no idea what its like! im sorry to hear of your loss too, did you wait long before trying again? the doc told me in the hospital just to wait for next cycle and I could try again but my cycle hasnt returned to normal yet!

Marielady

purejuice wrote: »

Sorry to hear of ur loss, i went through a miscarriage nearly 3 months ago, went for scan at 13 weeks and baby had died at just over 9 weeks, to say my heart was broken is a understatement :mad:, it took me then 3 weeks and countless scans to be taken into hospital to have a d&c as it never came away naturally. I had started to recover but the past few days I have been feeling low again as my body is just starting to get back to normal. It was our first pregnancy to and we bought a charm for february as that is when I would of been due. Take one day at a time and if you ever need to chat about anything you can PM me and maybe we can support each other.

Im so sorry to hear about your loss, god I cannot imagine how hard it is for you, as you carried the baby for 13 weeks, I had known for just one week. I hope things gets easier for you, someday we both will have a beautiful baby and cherish it! It really makes you realise how some people take having children for granted, if they havnt had any problems
conceiving or had a mc.

caprilicious

I'm very sorry for your loss Marielady. The emotions you describe definitely are normal.
It is such an emotional rollercoaster, the excitement of finding out your pregnant only to have your hopes dashed so soon.
I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks & found it very difficult to overcome and still had weepy moments months later.

Give yourself plenty of time to get over things, I hope things get easier with time x

Hannibal Smith

Marielady wrote: »

No the only one who new was me and my husband, it is hard trying to act normall esp at work as Im usually such a happy, positive person. Its really great to chat to someone who has gone through the same experience and knows how you are feeling, cos until you have gone through it you have no idea what its like! im sorry to hear of your loss too, did you wait long before trying again? the doc told me in the hospital just to wait for next cycle and I could try again but my cycle hasnt returned to normal yet!

No, they never said anything to me about when to try again, so I looked it up on the internet and it said to wait for 2 cycles, which I did and got pregnant straight away. When I went to the hospital for a heartbeat check the doctor told me I should have waited for 3 cycles.:rolleyes:

But you go with whatever your doctor says. I guess each situation is different.

purejuice

Thanks Marielady, after going through it has made me all the more want a baby, but as far as cycles go, the doctor advises that you want 1 cycle for every month you was pregnant, but as you said your cycle as still not returned to normal so I would wait a couple more so you @ least know when you are gonna ovulate and can plan it that way. This is my third cycle now and with the last cycle Im not sure I even ovulated so once I see what happens after this cycle I can go and try again

Jerri Jordan

Im so sorry for your loss. It is very common. I had a miscarriage on my first baby at 6 weeks. So did my sister and my cousin. I have loads off friends who also suffered miscarriages.
I tried again a month later and fell pregnant straight away.I now have beautiful 2 year old daughter. On the second attempt.
Nothing makes the loss easier except when i look at my little one i think if i had had the first baby you wouldnt be here. does that make sense? That comforts me.
If you feel your both ready go for it. I have a little musical carosel i bought for my first baby. whenever i look at it i always feel a pang. But it gets easier . time heals. and u will get pregnant again and these memories will fade

Marielady

Jerri Jordan wrote: »

Im so sorry for your loss. It is very common. I had a miscarriage on my first baby at 6 weeks. So did my sister and my cousin. I have loads off friends who also suffered miscarriages.
I tried again a month later and fell pregnant straight away.I now have beautiful 2 year old daughter. On the second attempt.
Nothing makes the loss easier except when i look at my little one i think if i had had the first baby you wouldnt be here. does that make sense? That comforts me.
If you feel your both ready go for it. I have a little musical carosel i bought for my first baby. whenever i look at it i always feel a pang. But it gets easier . time heals. and u will get pregnant again and these memories will fade

Hi Jerri Jordan, Im so glad to hear things worked out for you in the end, its great to hear the stories with the happy endings, it gives me hope that it will work out for me too someday!Mc is really common now im sure it more than one in three women has a mc, it has to be alot more than that. Sorry to hear about your loss too Im sure it makes you an even better mum cos you realise how precious they are!!!!

CathyMoran

I suffered from recurrent miscarriages - I remember one time going into a chemist buying birth control and and pregnancy tests as my husband and I were soo upset with our losses that we were going to stop if we lost another one - he is now over 19 months old and he has a little sister who is just over 5 months old and they light my life very second of their existance. You will never forget those lost but you are more capable to live with it as time goes by - hugs.

themadchef

Marielady wrote: »

Mc is really common now im sure it more than one in three women has a mc, it has to be alot more than that. Sorry to hear about your loss too Im sure it makes you an even better mum cos you realise how precious they are!!!!

I think it really is pretty common but it doesnt take away from the fact that what happened to you was a bomb in your little world though. Ya see, years ago people never talked about stuff. They dried their tears, lifted up their little carpets and gently swept under them. Talking is healing in my opinion. so talk, cry, ask questions, seek advice from people who have had similar experience, and chat to your partner. He's feeling helpless in all of this, i can guarantee you that.

In my case i MC during the night. I went to work the next day. I needed to work through it. Didint miss a day. There was nothing i could do to change what happend. Everyone is different though, i needed not to have to focus on it, needed the support of my co workers, my friends. Sometimes being busy is a blessing. I got Pregnant almost a year later. It takes time for your body to recover, and youre so right, you love them all the more .

All the best to you.

Frowzy

I'm really so sorry to hear about all of your losses.

OP, it is completely normal to feel as you do, in the early stages of pregnancy your hormone levels are rising at an alarming rate and all of a sudden they drop, so it's a little like post natal depression except without the baby to cheer you up.

It's hard when you do everything right and this happens! You see mothers smoking and drinking etc when pregnant and you feel that you've done everything right and it's not fair. I have two beautiful healthy children and I thank God everyday for them because they really are precious, I also lost four children so I do know what its like.

Even though it may not seem like it now you will feel better soon, but keeping it in might not be the answer. I prescribe a week off work sitting on the couch watching chick flicks :-)

Are you feeling ok physically? I'm not a doctor and I would suggest that you visit your GP especially if your cycle hasn't yet returned to normal. I don't want to worry you any further but I did have to have my last d&c repeated (I had a d&c after each miss). If the depression and irregular bleeding continue pay the doctor a visit. Don't be afraid to get a medical certificate, or to confide in close family/friends.

I hope this advice is helpful, take care of yourself, and let your partner take care of you too x

Hannibal Smith

Frowzy wrote: »

I prescribe a week off work sitting on the couch watching chick flicks :-)

That is an excellent idea!

Though I remember going around like a bit of a zombie the first few days after mine...I didn't really know what to do and thought, I really need to blub this out...so I you tubed Sarah McLaughlin's Angel and boy did that get the boohoos out! Mind you, it's ruined the song for me because I can't listen to it anymore without blubbing :rolleyes::D

Flugelblues

Hi, I didn't want to create a new thread for this topic so am just joining this one (hope that's ok). We had been ttc for almost a year - six months in we bought a fertility monitor (clearblue) and I was delighted to find that I was ovulating (well, getting a LH surge anyway) - it was one of my big fears when we had no success after a few months. From using my monitor I found that my period is always 15 days past my LH surge - this time day 15 came and I had no period and no symptoms - so two days later I did a test and it was positive! Dating it as they do in the hospital I was just over four weeks!

Today I am just over five weeks and have been bleeding since yesterday. It started out as spotting but is more like a period now. My doctor has made an appointment for a scan on Thursday but she said that there is little hope. I am absolutely devastated. I keep flucuating between thinking that there is a very slight possibility that there is hope and the realisation that there really isn't and my scan is just a formality to confirm what is already known.

I have no pain - not even normal period pain. I always thought miscarriages were supposed to hurt - they should hurt...there should be something more than just a slow bleeding away.

I am trying to console myself with the fact that this at least shows that I can get pregnant - it is a reason for hope but it's little comfort at the moment.

Marielady

Flugelblues wrote: »

Hi, I didn't want to create a new thread for this topic so am just joining this one (hope that's ok). We had been ttc for almost a year - six months in we bought a fertility monitor (clearblue) and I was delighted to find that I was ovulating (well, getting a LH surge anyway) - it was one of my big fears when we had no success after a few months. From using my monitor I found that my period is always 15 days past my LH surge - this time day 15 came and I had no period and no symptoms - so two days later I did a test and it was positive! Dating it as they do in the hospital I was just over four weeks!

Today I am just over five weeks and have been bleeding since yesterday. It started out as spotting but is more like a period now. My doctor has made an appointment for a scan on Thursday but she said that there is little hope. I am absolutely devastated. I keep flucuating between thinking that there is a very slight possibility that there is hope and the realisation that there really isn't and my scan is just a formality to confirm what is already known.

I have no pain - not even normal period pain. I always thought miscarriages were supposed to hurt - they should hurt...there should be something more than just a slow bleeding away.

I am trying to console myself with the fact that this at least shows that I can get pregnant - it is a reason for hope but it's little comfort at the moment.

Hi Flugelblues, I know how your feeling the exact same thing happened to me 5 weeks ago, I was going on 6 weeks pregnant, and had a mc, it was my first pregnancy too and I had no clue what to expect. When I started to bleed it was only spotting, very light and I really didnt think it was anything to worry about as all the pregnancy books says that this can happen and not to worry, so I keept doing all my usual things not knowing I should be resting as i was having a mc. Kept spotting for a day and next morning I had really bad cramps like period cramps so then I started to panic so rang my doc and he said to come in, he referred me to early pregnancy unit straight away. By the time I had got there I had lost my baby, I was totally devastated. They done a scan and there was nothing left!I really feel for you and hope that all works out for you, but try and stay positive , sometimes women do bleed and I know of one girl who went on to have a healthy baby. I know it hard I had to go back three time to the unit until they could confirm I had lost it, I kept hoping that they would give me good news but no!!!They do blood work and check if the levels are going up or down and they will do a scan just to be sure, take it easy and try and stay in bed. you can message me anytime hope all goes ok!keep in touch!

Flugelblues

Thanks Marielady. I am really sorry to hear about your loss. It is so exciting when its your first pregnancy and to have news like that is just devastating...I know regardless of what pregnancy it is the news is devastating, but when its your first you have no idea what is normal and what isn't. I think I was surprised at how little can be done when you have the symptoms of a mc - just wait for the scan and see how it goes.

I am trying to be a bit optimistic - and would be a lot happier if I stopped bleeding - but its hard especially when my scan seems so far away. I haven't moved from bed since I got home (might go make a cup of tea in a bit though!) - so I am taking it easy and will see what happens.

Marielady

Flugelblues wrote: »

Thanks Marielady. I am really sorry to hear about your loss. It is so exciting when its your first pregnancy and to have news like that is just devastating...I know regardless of what pregnancy it is the news is devastating, but when its your first you have no idea what is normal and what isn't. I think I was surprised at how little can be done when you have the symptoms of a mc - just wait for the scan and see how it goes.

I am trying to be a bit optimistic - and would be a lot happier if I stopped bleeding - but its hard especially when my scan seems so far away. I haven't moved from bed since I got home (might go make a cup of tea in a bit though!) - so I am taking it easy and will see what happens.

Ya I totally get where your at, I cant understand why you have til wait till Thurs id ring GP in the morning and see if they could do a scan tomorrow, its the not knowing is the worst, I got sent in straight away so I dont get why they are leaving you?Tell the GP that you bleeding really heavy and you want a scan tomorrow that that you cannot go another day not knowing!I had bleeding for 5 days but no pain after the mc, make sure and ask plenty of questions when you get your scan cos I was in total shock cos I had my mc at the hospital and left not knowing what was coming next so get all the info you need before leaving the hospital o.k! It is common for bleeding to occur in early pregancy so I wouldnt loose hope just yet, I really feel for you, keep me posted and ring GP in morning!!!Take care of yourself.

Flugelblues

Thanks - I will ring in the morning and see if there is any way I can be brought in earlier. I think that because I am not/was not even six weeks gone she is concerned that they will not be able to see anything at this stage. She also seems to have already decided that it is a mc and so may not see the point in pushing for an earlier appointment. I should have pushed for an earlier one at the time - but one minute it seemed that she was sending me for a scan to see if everything was ok and the next she was telling me that a lot of women have at least one miscarriage and as a result I was a bit all over the place. I know she took loads of blood samples but have no idea why.

Thanks for reminding me too that I will have to ask loads of questions after my scan - I won't be in any state to remember them so will write them down - at least my OH will be with me for the scan (he was in the waiting room this morning)!

Marielady

Flugelblues wrote: »

Thanks - I will ring in the morning and see if there is any way I can be brought in earlier. I think that because I am not/was not even six weeks gone she is concerned that they will not be able to see anything at this stage. She also seems to have already decided that it is a mc and so may not see the point in pushing for an earlier appointment. I should have pushed for an earlier one at the time - but one minute it seemed that she was sending me for a scan to see if everything was ok and the next she was telling me that a lot of women have at least one miscarriage and as a result I was a bit all over the place. I know she took loads of blood samples but have no idea why.

Thanks for reminding me too that I will have to ask loads of questions after my scan - I won't be in any state to remember them so will write them down - at least my OH will be with me for the scan (he was in the waiting room this morning)!

I was was just 6 weeks too, at six weeks there should be a heartbeat and on the scan they would be able to see a sac if its present or not. nothing showed up on my scan cos I had just lost the baby before they done it. its really terrible how they treat women who are having mc they are so common now you would imagine they would be more helpful as in my opinion its one of the hardest things a couple has to go through and there is no support out there, thats why i was reserching the net and came across this forum its really helped me over the last two weeks!!Thanks to everyone who sent me messages!

caprilicious

Flugelblues, I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope it might just be a bleed and not an actual miscarriage.
Could you chance ringing the early pregnancy unit in your local hospital? as they often tell you to come straight in if there's bleeding.

Fingers crossed you will get seen to asap, I hope its not bad news x

Flugelblues

My scan is with the Early Pregnancy unit - because I am still bleeding and have also passed tissue my doctor is sure that I have miscarried and that the scan is just to ensure everything has been removed etc. I am still resting and will just see what happens tomorrow. I think I am better off telling myself it is definitely a mc and not hope for anything on the scan. I know that part of me will be hoping anyway.