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Poem - Tomorrows

  • 11-11-2011 4:20pm
    #1
    Musiconomist
    Registered Users Posts: 176 ✭✭


    Tomorrows



    As a child, I stood before,
    Vast futures, a golden door,
    Promising, to hold in store,
    Glory, joy, and nothing more,

    I saw the door, slowly close,
    Youth passing, unfolding prose,
    Paths converge, withholding woes,
    Chances slipping, moments froze,

    Now the door, slightly ajar,
    A solar crack, healing scar,
    Youth-charged dreams, seem so far,
    Now I wonder, where they are,

    All my prayers, heaven-sent,
    All tomorrows, came and went,
    Bearing sorrows, discontent,
    My hope mislain, life, misspent.


Comments

  • #2
    The Mad Hatter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,718 ✭✭✭The Mad Hatter


    There's some good stuff here, and your focussed rhyme scheme is effective.

    At least half the commas are unnecessary, though.


  • #3
    Musiconomist
    Registered Users Posts: 176 ✭✭Musiconomist


    The Mad Hatter wrote: »
    There's some good stuff here, and your focussed rhyme scheme is effective.

    At least half the commas are unnecessary, though.


    Hmmm I disagree. I think most are appropriate. A couple are technically unneccessary, but I prefer to leave them in. This is the way I would like the poem to be read.


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