bed time... necessary??

battleaxe88

I've a 2 year old and Id say im quite strict when it comes to bedtime. Her bedtime is 7 o clock. I like to stick to her bedtime because I think it s very important for children to have a bedtime. My friend on the other hand has a different view on this. She also has a 2 year old, who at times might not be in bed till after ten. I try not to judge, but I cant help think this isn't a good thing. Am i right to think this or do i need to lighten up when it comes to the whole bedtime thing???

Ayla

I think each family and its needs are so different that it's not fair to judge anyone else for any reason, bedtimes included. I know many people who don't believe in bedtimes (for a number of reasons) and since that works for them and their child is still doing well I don't even dwell on it.

Personally, I also put my two young kids down by 6:30-7pm...I feel that they need it, but so do I

Cottontail

I think routine is good for kids, my little man is nearly 2 and is in bed every night by 7.30. He needs the sleep. He wakes then between 7 - 7.30 in the mornings, but I need him up by then during the week to get organised in the mornings. Also I couldn't imagine having him stay up till 10 or so, don't get me wrong, I love his company, but it's only when he goes to bed that we get housework done and get some time to ourselves, which is important too!

Mr. Presentable

OP, you are on the right track. Children thrive on rules and boundaries. A fixed bed time, fixed meal times and similar will give your child a confidence in their world and their place in it.

Sleepy

Our little one is 3 and bedtime varies between 7 and half 7 depending on how tired she is (though she's young enough to believe it's always "halp seben" when we say it's bedtime. The older lad is 6 and his usual bedtime is half 7 mid week and at the weekends it's 8 or 8:30 when we're having a "movie night" which is his treat for being good: getting to stay up with us for a movie when Rory's in bed and he makes the popcorn with me.

I think a lot of kids are staying up too late these days as parents try to spend some quality time with them after long-commutes / days when the child has been in care for most of the day. I can understand the desire to spend time with the kids and how it can be a necessity for some (where the only opportunity for employment involves long hours / the house is in negative equity and moving closer to avoid a stupid commute isn't an option etc.) but we've chosen to set our lives up in a way that gives us more time with the kids than material things / luxuries. Working in IT means I still occasionally have to do stupid hours and travel for work once a week or so but for the most part, I'm home before 6:30 and the other half is there with them all day.

battleaxe88

thanks!! I also need her bedtime of seven. It goes without saying that I love my little girl but I love when seven o clock rolls aound! Its when I finally relax and get to watch something other than Nick Jr

seems like we're all agreed on bedtimes!! I understand why people would keep the kids up late if they were in work all day. My friend is a stay at home mam like myself.

differtent strokes i suppose!

nesf

We'd love our kids to go down early but neither has any notion of doing so. Both are doing perfectly fine and don't seem to be affected by the lack of a definite bedtime but we'd like the extra time of just the two of us in the evening to be honest.

Now the (almost) 2 year old is growing out of her nap, so even less peace!


The thing is, I know in my youth I never managed to keep a bedtime, I was always up late reading or whatever from a young age, so I've some sympathy for my kids wishes in this.

Das Kitty

Our guy goes sometime between half 7 and 9, entirely depends on how tired he is. His naps are erratic, some days he'll sleep an hour, other days 3. He's never woken at a regular time in the morning either.

It suits us all to be flexible, he's a relaxed, confident little chap who's only cranky when teething (working on those goddam eye teeth for 2 months)

We'll probably settle into more of a routine when he's in school.

Do what works for you and let your friend do what works for her family.

How Strange

My 9.5 month old goes to bed between 6.45-7 and we all need that routine. He loves going to bed and very rarely complains when he's put down. It's restrictive because no matter what we have to be at home by 6.30 every evening. I know families with babies and toddlers who go out at night together. In one sense I envy their freedom but I also love that we get to relax and have baby free time at 7pm every evening.

The Bishop Basher

We never had a set bedtime and both kids, now 8 and 13, have always known when they're tired and want to go to bed. I believe it teaches them a certain level of responsability and it means we never had to fight with them over it. As long as it was within reason, they chose the time themselves.

Worked for us but different strokes and all that...

Moonbeam

My 2 year old goes about 9 and my 9 month old about 10/11 after a bottle.
We both work so could not do the 7pm bedtime as we would be just in the door.

Evil-p

Mr. Presentable wrote: »

OP, you are on the right track. Children thrive on rules and boundaries. A fixed bed time, fixed meal times and similar will give your child a confidence in their world and their place in it.

God I hate that saying - Children thrive on rules and boundaries. Sure some children like routine but just as many don't. Children thrive on love and affection and fun and good food and security. Children don't become confident because they eat at the same time everyday. And I think it puts unfair pressure on parents to conform to some idealised standard of how children should sleep.

My daughter goes down between 7.30 - 9 depending on whether it is a creche day or not. And thats because creche often put her down for a later nap than I would.

binxeo

@OP I have always had a bed time for my kids and I do think it is a good thing for them. I am sure your friends thinks the way she is doing things is fine, but I think the difference will be noticed when they both start going to school. It will be most likely easier for your daughter to get up in the mornings for school and concentrate for the whole day. Where as the your friends child might struggle with the new routine and find it difficult to concentrate in school. This is just my thinking on it. I know they are only two and school seems a long way off, but start as you mean to go on. That is my motto anyway! Nothing is better then a good nights sleep.

BTW does your friend by any chance let the little one go to bed late because they will then sleep later in the mornings. I know a few mums that would do this, especially if there were no other kids to get up for school etc.

battleaxe88

@binxeo
During the week they'd be up early, her 6yr olds in school. On the weekends everyone would sleep in. I always kept to the routine, Id get my daughter up at 8, she'd nap from 10-12 then bed at seven. She doesnt nap anymore so I leave her wake up in the morning herself. She wakes up between 8 and 9. No naps then bed at seven. She wants bed at seven now, often taking my hand to go upstairs to bed. Its obviously whatever works better for you and your children and thats just what worked for me!

binxeo

battleaxe88 wrote: »

@binxeo
During the week they'd be up early, her 6yr olds in school. On the weekends everyone would sleep in. I always kept to the routine, Id get my daughter up at 8, she'd nap from 10-12 then bed at seven. She doesnt nap anymore so I leave her wake up in the morning herself. She wakes up between 8 and 9. No naps then bed at seven. She wants bed at seven now, often taking my hand to go upstairs to bed. Its obviously whatever works better for you and your children and thats just what worked for me!

If they are up early during the week I would think the little one would be wrecked by ten at night. What time does the 6yr old go to bed? Does he/she have a bedtime routine! I think yeh it probably what is works best for some. It wouldn't be for me, I would be more like you in that regard, keeping the kids to the routine, during the week and at weekends.

stovelid

Forget the children. We want our own time in the evening.

15 month in bed by 7 and 3 year old between 730 and 8.

Davidth88

stovelid wrote: »

Forget the children. We want our own time in the evening.

15 month in bed by 7 and 3 year old between 730 and 8.

That would be my initial reaction too

We have a 5.5YO , she gets ready for bed 7:30 , bed by 8 ( 8 :15 at latest )

We also have a 3 month old , she is in bed by 7 , but then again gets a feed at 11

Our 5 YO gets really cranky if she is up any later .

We are are quite ' strict ' about it , but TBH we very rarely get any arguments.

The Bishop Basher

binxeo wrote: »

@OP I have always had a bed time for my kids and I do think it is a good thing for them. I am sure your friends thinks the way she is doing things is fine, but I think the difference will be noticed when they both start going to school. It will be most likely easier for your daughter to get up in the mornings for school and concentrate for the whole day. Where as the your friends child might struggle with the new routine and find it difficult to concentrate in school.

Not so. Neither of ours had a problem transitioning from Montessori to school. Even when the eldest started secondary school this year and had to be up at 6:30am she knew herself she had to go to bed earlier and we haven't had to get her up once. That's where learning responsability from an early age comes in. This is only our experience. Everyone has their own way of doing things and all kids are different but I just wanted to point out that the theory is not neccessarily true.

And as for shoving the kids of to bed for some peace, I don't get that. Spare time is short enough, I cherish every moment I get with them and some of the best times are in the evening when everyone is relaxed.

stovelid

Swanner wrote: »

And as for shoving the kids of to bed for some peace, .

You make it sound like they're thrown up the stairs to a chorus of parental cackling or something.

The Bishop Basher

stovelid wrote: »

You make it sound like they're thrown up the stairs to a chorus of parental cackling or something.

Fair enough. Probably worded a little harshly.

Just the idea of sending kids to bed so parents get some time off sounds a little selfish to me.

cynder

My husband gets in from work between 6 and 7 cant send the kids off to bed an hour later, they would never see him.

4 and 6 year old go into thier bedroom between 8.30 and 9.10 they go to sleep around 10, they play for a bit then we bring them up a snack and a drink while they are watching a dvd or i read stories to them , they have loads of books and love them. They are then up at 8am, even on weekends.

12 year old goes to her bedroom around 9.30-10 asleep before 11.

Thing go haywire at this time of year as they love im a celeb get me out of here, so they can stay up and watch some of that, the eldest will watch all of it. its a family thing weve done since the programme started back in 2002.... (at least i think it was 2002)

stovelid

Swanner wrote: »

Fair enough. Probably worded a little harshly.

Just the idea of sending kids to bed so parents get some time off sounds a little selfish to me.

Fair enough.

I love my kids deeply but I also value an hour or two with my wife in the evening or just to unwind. I'm luckier than some insofar as I can see them in the evenings for nearly 2 hours before they go to bed.

Obviously bed time isn't set in stone. My 3-year old sometimes come down for a treat for a few hours but in general, he usually conks out solid from 7.30/8 - 730/8 so it would appear to me that we wants/requires that sleep.

Not really bothered about letting them dictate their sleeping hours to be honest. I'll decide that as their parent.

binxeo

Swanner wrote: »

Not so. Neither of ours had a problem transitioning from Montessori to school. Even when the eldest started secondary school this year and had to be up at 6:30am she knew herself she had to go to bed earlier and we haven't had to get her up once. That's where learning responsability from an early age comes in. This is only our experience. Everyone has their own way of doing things and all kids are different but I just wanted to point out that the theory is not neccessarily true.

And as for shoving the kids of to bed for some peace, I don't get that. Spare time is short enough, I cherish every moment I get with them and some of the best times are in the evening when everyone is relaxed.

I wouldn't think my theory to be true. I have no evidence to back it up. I am interested to hear the other side of it as you have said where staying up the bit later doesn't cause any problems with getting up and routines.

As for getting some time in the evening when the kids are bed we do enjoy that but then again we are at home all day cause the country is in a jock and we can't get a job lol So we are luck in the way that we get to spend the whole day with the kids so we can get time to ourselves in the evening and not feel guilty about it. But if we were working and not getting home till 6.30/7pm it might be different. Would most likely have the kids up a bit later to get some time with them.

With all that said I don't think it is selfish for the parents to get some time alone. In the end of the day parents need quality time together, they are the nuts and bolts of the family. If something goes wrong with them, then the kids will suffer, so I think it is very important to regularly get time alone without the kids to reaffirm your relationship with your partner, get time to talk and relax together. For us our relationship has to come first, then the kids. As mad as that might sound, there is logic behind it, it is just hard to explain.

Quazzie

Both me and my wife work a fully days work and it is roughly 6pm before we both arrive home. If we put our (just) 3 year old son to bed at 7 we wouldn't get to spend any bonding time with him at all. As it is he goes to bed when he feels like it, which is usually around 9pm. On very rare occasions he will stay up beyond that but its far from common. He rises with us the next morning at 7am and the routine starts again.

He is just turned 3 and getting close to 9pm he will grab his soother and his blanket and come give us a kiss and a hug and turn and walk to his bedroom. Either myself or my wife will follow him and tuck him with a kiss goodnight. I think the routine works for us, because this is how it has always been for him and he shows absolutely zero signs of lack of sleep or lack of routine. We try our best to keep to this routine, even at the weekends, so I think its unfair to judge others just because their routine is different to your own. As the old saying goes. Different stroked for different folks.

cynder

Quazzie wrote: »

so I think its unfair to judge others just because their routine is different to your own. As the old saying goes. Different stroked for different folks.

very true ! I remember having to be in bed for 7pm at school going age and yawing while in music class @ 9.30 (i used to play the recorder) so much that i got banned, the teacher told me to go to bed earlier! I was getting 13 hours sleep a night!

So happens that i yawn a lot especially when i read out loud, something to do with oxygen flow, same thing was happening when i was playing the recorder.

Penny Dreadful

Swanner wrote: »

Fair enough. Probably worded a little harshly.

Just the idea of sending kids to bed so parents get some time off sounds a little selfish to me.

I fail to see how there is anything selfish about wanting to spend some time alone with your husband/wife with the kids asleep in bed The kids have you all day long, they get tired and so are put to bed and the mum and dad get some time together. Makes for a happy family all round I'd have thought.

Lynfo

Moonbeam wrote: »

My 2 year old goes about 9 and my 9 month old about 10/11 after a bottle.
We both work so could not do the 7pm bedtime as we would be just in the door.

Same as this, our 2 year old goes up between 8.30 and 9.00. She never goes straight to sleep, we can hear her chatting away most nights for a good half hour or more.

stovelid

Lyrics of this are somewhat relevant here. :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThdCEVhOPvM

Tipsygypsy

battleaxe88 wrote: »

I've a 2 year old and Id say im quite strict when it comes to bedtime. Her bedtime is 7 o clock. I like to stick to her bedtime because I think it s very important forchildrento have a bedtime. My friend on the other hand has a different view on this. She also has a 2 year old, who at times might not be in bed till after ten. I try not to judge, but I cant help think this isn't a good thing. Am i right to think this or do i need to lighten up when it comes to the whole bedtime thing???

Ive been thinking about this, my response would have varied considerabley depending on the stage in our family we were at. When our eldest was a preschooler I was very casual about his bed time, he was a terrible sleeper, I was fulltime mom at home and there were no time constraints on us at all. Plus his dad worked away from home and so I was on my own from Monday to Friday and I loved his company to be honest. Once he started school of course this had to change and he and his little brother found themselves having to adjust to a better routine. which they did, no problems at all. Now we have 3 boys, ages 9, 6 and 4. They all go up the stairs at 8:30, younger 2 have lights out straight away but the 9 year old can read or whatever (as long as he doesnt make noise and wake the other 2), he is usually asleep by 9:30 sometimes 10. On the weekends we would let them all stay up alot later.
Really my point is that different ways have worked for us over the years, totally depends on the circumstance (and the child). Each to their own I say. Let you do what works for you and your friend do what works for her. As with most things in parenting, every family is unique, and its really not anyones place to judge anyhone else.

cynder

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

I fail to see how there is anything selfish about wanting to spend some time alone with your husband/wife with the kids asleep in bed The kids have you all day long, they get tired and so are put to bed and the mum and dad get some time together. Makes for a happy family all round I'd have thought.

Putting them to bed at 7 so you can have a peaceful evening is selfish, i remember a couple who did that with their kids and locked the bedroom door so that they could not get out and interrupt their quite evening meal, so happens one had matches, they both died, burnt to death while parents had their nice evening meal... oh the parents heard their screams but ignored them.....

Why bother having kids when you only want to spend time as a couple. i do agree that mom and dad need their time but whats about after 9pm.... sending kids to bed early just so you can have our time every night is a tad selfish. just my opinion....... we on total have about 6 hours of mom and dad time a week. works for us... sometimes we have more sometimes less.

Moonbeam

grindelwald wrote: »

Putting them to bed at 7 so you can have a peaceful evening is selfish, i remember a couple who did that with their kids and locked the bedroom door so that they could not get out and interrupt their quite evening meal, so happens one had matches, they both died, burnt to death while parents had their nice evening meal... oh the parents heard their screams but ignored them.....

Why bother having kids when you only want to spend time as a couple. i do agree that mom and dad need their time but whats about after 9pm.... sending kids to bed early just so you can have our time every night is a tad selfish. just my opinion....... we on total have about 6 hours of mom and dad time a week. works for us... sometimes we have more sometimes less.

*mod warning*
This post is very harsh and uncalled for.
If anyone else uses such scare tactics there will be infringements.