bed time... necessary??

cynder

Moonbeam wrote: »

*mod warning*
This post is very harsh and uncalled for.
If anyone else uses such scare tactics there will be infringements.

In no way am i implying anyone here does that or will do that.

How Strange

Personally I think putting the children to bed at a set time and having time for you and your partner to chat etc is important for your relationship. We're fortune because I get home at 5.30 so I have some time to play with my son etc before bed. My husband gets home at 6.30ish but at that stage the little lad is cranky and tired.

January

grindelwald wrote: »

In no way am i implying anyone here does that or will do that.

Then why even bother mentioning it in that context?

wolfpawnat

8 o'clock. Without fail for my 33 month old, has to be that time so he sees his father after college, but any later and I would not get to relax before bed, as I have to clean the place after he goes to sleep! (usual with little boys!)

I find him having a routine is great, he is always grabbing his towel for his bath at half 7 then looking for "boky" when I put on his jammies!

stovelid

grindelwald wrote: »

Putting them to bed at 7 so you can have a peaceful evening is selfish, i remember a couple who did that with their kids and locked the bedroom door so that they could not get out and interrupt their quite evening meal, so happens one had matches, they both died, burnt to death while parents had their nice evening meal... oh the parents heard their screams but ignored them.....

Why bother having kids when you only want to spend time as a couple. i do agree that mom and dad need their time but whats about after 9pm.... sending kids to bed early just so you can have our time every night is a tad selfish. just my opinion....... we on total have about 6 hours of mom and dad time a week. works for us... sometimes we have more sometimes less.

Utterly unbelievable.

How dare you come out with this stuff to other parents.

And equally unbelievable that it warrants only an on-thread warning.

I , for one, will not be back.

littlebug

Funny we've never been much of a family for routine for mealtimes, partially dictated by babies that defied any effort at establishing any routine :rolleyes: but for some reason when they were smaller 8pm was always bedtime. I don't remember it ever being a conscious decison, it just happened thats when they were tired. Now they're bigger its stretched but the normal routine is upstairs at half 8 and generally asleep sometime between 9 and half past.
I'm smiling at everyone saying about the need for time together.... when kids have gone to bed we're usually to be found in different parts of the house doing our own thing .. or sometimes in the same room doing different things! and our relationship is just fine

How Strange

littlebug, you and your partner had consistent children free time though. What you chose to do with it was up to you. Most of the time we watch tv and I fall asleep around 9pm, wake up and shuffle off to bed around 9.30.

littlebug

How Strange wrote: »

littlebug, you and your partner had consistent children free time though. What you chose to do with it was up to you.

Very true.... and it's back to the old "whatever works" mantra.

I think its about down time rather than "our" time or "me" time or a need to be away from them. My kids tend to get a bit more hyper as the evening goes on but when they go upstairs and almost instantly start calming down a bit so they've maybe an hour of downtime before they go to sleep. I find that I need downtime too before bed and that's hard to get while they're getting more wound up:D
once they get to an age where they can sit quietly reading and not bickering in the evenings they can stay up as long as they like:)

Humans eh!

We were never really strict as far as bedtime was concerned.
Our kids were such good company and such fun.
Maybe our relationship suffered.
It fell.

I am apart from my family now. The hole in my heart is unfillable.
Don't be in a hurry to put your children to bed. They will only wake up older.
But make time for each other too.

The best things in life,
are not things.

Enjoying the thread BTW, bringing loads of happy memories back.

Orion

stovelid wrote: »

And equally unbelievable that it warrants only an on-thread warning.

I , for one, will not be back.

What do you suggest? Ban grindelwald? You may not agree with the post but that's the basis of discussion. It could have been phrased a hell of a lot better and the anecdote was irrelevant hence the on-thread warning.

I just checked and exactly one person reported grindelwald's post and you were not that one person. If you have a problem with a post report it. We will then deal with it as we deem appropriate. If you have a problem with the way we moderate a thread then feel free to pm us. But don't question a mod decision on thread as per the charter.

Dudess

Selfish to put the kids to bed early? Nasty thing to say tbh. Surely small kids need to go to bed early anyway? And what are the negatives of a bit of structure? Fair play to those parents who never get exhausted and don't need a break but not everyone is so perfect.

I have trouble believing that story about the child with matches too.

stovelid

Orion wrote: »

What do you suggest? Ban grindelwald?

I can't think of anything more against the spirit of a friendly parental forum than to basically suggest that mine and others parenting choices are not only selfish but to imply neglect with some weird anecdote about child death

Why would I retroactively report something that had already been dealt with before I read the offending post?

I am just answering the above and won't post again or derail the thread any more. Apologies to the other posters.

Moonbeam

if you have an issue feel free to pm us or bring it to the attention of the category mods
but,please do not argue with the moderators on the thread.

This is the last time that this is being dealt with on thread.

Evil-p

Dudess wrote: »

Selfish to put the kids to bed early? Nasty thing to say tbh. Surely small kids need to go to bed early anyway? And what are the negatives of a bit of structure? Fair play to those parents who never get exhausted and don't need a break but not everyone is so perfect.

I have trouble believing that story about the child with matches too.

I don't think there is anything wrong with putting a child to bed at 5.30 if that is the time they are tired and ready for bed. But I do think there is something wrong with putting a child to bed before they are ready, potentially having crying every night, because the parents need alone time. Parenting is not a 7-7 job. And while i'm sure most people on this thread put there kids to bed because they are tired, I know people who leave there kids bawl in the cot till they sleep because they parents feel they "deserve" alone time.

Sleep trainers have a lot to answer for. They have managed to instill these beliefs regarding "normal" baby sleep and any parents who fall short of this idealised standard feel they are doing something wrong. If sleep involves leaving your child cry then you are doing something wrong imho.

My baby goes to bed when she's tired, she has yet to sleep through a night (11 months old) and I'm not a bit worried about it - she will someday and until then its my job as her mother to be available to comfort her. I work full time outside the home and I manage just fine because I have no expectations that my daughter is falling short of.

Penny Dreadful

grindelwald wrote: »

Putting them to bed at 7 so you can have a peaceful evening is selfish, i remember a couple who did that with their kids and locked the bedroom door so that they could not get out and interrupt their quite evening meal, so happens one had matches, they both died, burnt to death while parents had their nice evening meal... oh the parents heard their screams but ignored them.....

Why bother having kids when you only want to spend time as a couple. i do agree that mom and dad need their time but whats about after 9pm.... sending kids to bed early just so you can have our time every night is a tad selfish. just my opinion....... we on total have about 6 hours of mom and dad time a week. works for us... sometimes we have more sometimes less.

In my opinion the bedtime depends on the child and the family. If a small child is tired and benefits from going to bed at an early set time most evenings then that is fine. Equally I think the making a 10 year old go to bed at 7pm is not right.
When we were children we had a set early bedtime and the only time we riled against this was during the summer when we couldn't understand why it was bedtime while still be bright outside.
Personally I think small children need quite a bit of sleep and should go to bed at a set time and relatively early e.g. a 7 year old at 8.30, stories and read for a while but should be asleep by 9.15/9.30pm on a school night.
There is absolutely nothing selfish (as far as I am concerned) about making time for you and your partner. In fact I think it is important to remember that you were a unit before you had your children and no loose sight of that.
Children should be loved and cherished but making the entire world about them all of the time isn't necessarily a good thing..........again in my opinion.
No one is suggesting that children are treated as you suggested in the story you recounted. :rolleyes:

big syke

grindelwald wrote: »

Putting them to bed at 7 so you can have a peaceful evening is selfish, i remember a couple who did that with their kids and locked the bedroom door so that they could not get out and interrupt their quite evening meal, so happens one had matches, they both died, burnt to death while parents had their nice evening meal... oh the parents heard their screams but ignored them.....

Why bother having kids when you only want to spend time as a couple. i do agree that mom and dad need their time but whats about after 9pm.... sending kids to bed early just so you can have our time every night is a tad selfish. just my opinion....... we on total have about 6 hours of mom and dad time a week. works for us... sometimes we have more sometimes less.

Did they not smell the smoke.....?

I dont think 7 is early.

I think sleep at 11 is late for a 12 year old.

I think dvds in a bedroom for 4-6 year olds is not right.

You may think putting a child to bed at 7 and thus providing structure is selfish i however think that letting your kids sit in their rooms late at night watching dvd's or I'm a celebraty is taking an easy way out.

Just my opinion.

cynder

big syke wrote: »

Did they not smell the smoke.....?

I dont think 7 is early.

I think sleep at 11 is late for a 12 year old.

I think dvds in a bedroom for 4-6 year olds is not right.

You may think putting a child to bed at 7 and thus providing structure is selfish i however think that letting your kids sit in their rooms late at night watching dvd's or I'm a celebraty is taking an easy way out.

Just my opinion.

Easy way out of WHAT?

Last night they were cuddled up to us on the sofa, watching im a celeb, laughing at the funny bis, the little ones went to bed at 9.15 after the task was done, the eldest watched the whole thing. Its a thing we've been doing for the last 9 years....

Also at the end of the day my kids are happy, im happy were all happy...

cynder

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

In my opinion the bedtime depends on the child and the family. If a small child is tired and benefits from going to bed at an early set time most evenings then that is fine. Equally I think the making a 10 year old go to bed at 7pm is not right.
When we were children we had a set early bedtime and the only time we riled against this was during the summer when we couldn't understand why it was bedtime while still be bright outside.
Personally I think small children need quite a bit of sleep and should go to bed at a set time and relatively early e.g. a 7 year old at 8.30, stories and read for a while but should be asleep by 9.15/9.30pm on a school night.
There is absolutely nothing selfish (as far as I am concerned) about making time for you and your partner. In fact I think it is important to remember that you were a unit before you had your children and no loose sight of that.
Children should be loved and cherished but making the entire world about them all of the time isn't necessarily a good thing..........again in my opinion.
No one is suggesting that children are treated as you suggested in the story you recounted. :rolleyes:

As i said im not implying they are!

also where did i say 'Children should be loved and cherished but making the entire world about them all of the time isn't necessarily a good thing'

Did i or did i not say mom and dad can have their time after 9.....

To me 13 hours sleep a night is not a good thing, reccomended time is between 10 and 12, my guys get 10 hours sleep a night.....

cynder

January wrote: »

Then why even bother mentioning it in that context?

What that some parents put themseves before their kids?

*Im not saying people lock thiers kids in their rooms at 7pm so they can have a romantic evening together.

big syke

grindelwald wrote: »

Easy way out of WHAT?

Last night they were cuddled up to us on the sofa, watching im a celeb, laughing at the funny bis, the little ones went to bed at 9.15 after the task was done, the eldest watched the whole thing. Its a thing we've been doing for the last 9 years....

Also at the end of the day my kids are happy, im happy were all happy...

Easy parenting, letting them stay up as late as they want...in my opinion

As is mine who is in bed by 7(doors not locked, no matches etc). My child is happy, my OH is happy and so am i. How you can call that selfish is beyond me...

big syke

grindelwald wrote: »

What that some parents put themseves before their kids?

*Im not saying people lock thiers kids in their rooms at 7pm so they can have a romantic evening together.

But how is having a bed time like 7 O'clock putting themselves before their kids?

Kids thrive on structure and this provide structure...

cynder

big syke wrote: »

Easy parenting, letting them stay up as late as they want...in my opinion

As is mine who is in bed by 7(doors not locked, no matches etc). My child is happy, my OH is happy and so am i. How you can call that selfish is beyond me...

But they are not up as late as they want they were sent to bed at 9.15. if they wanted to say awake as long as possible they would be up till 12....

I think its selfish to send to the child to bed at 7 when child in not tierd and only reason for sending child to bed is to have mom and dad time.

big syke

grindelwald wrote: »

Amy guys get 10 hours sleep a night.....

So you 12 year old wakes up at 9? Is he/she not in school?

cynder

big syke wrote: »

So you 12 year old wakes up at 9? Is he/she not in school?

sorry that was the boys ages 4 and 6,

12 year olds need less sleep than 4 year olds..... also she is diabetic and insulin has to be taken at 10pm or it will not last through to 8am in the morning, her blood sugars will be high and she will have a hard time regulating them if she took insulin at 9 and she also has to have food with her insulin....

unless you want to discuss how im a bad parent with her endoincrinologist, am i doing the easy parenting by letting her run wild,,,,,

big syke

grindelwald wrote: »

Im think its selfish to send to the child to bed at 7 when child in not tierd and only reason for sending child to bed is to have mom and dad time.

Who ever mentioned that?

grindelwald wrote: »

12 year olds need less sleep than 4 year olds.....

Not really 10 hrs is the norm for school children

grindelwald wrote: »

also she is diabetic and insulin has to be taken at 10pm or it will not last through to 8am in the morning, her blood sugars will be high and she will have a hard time regulating them if she took insulin at 9 and she also has to have food with her insulin....

unless you want to discuss how im a bad parent with her endoincrinologist, am i doing the easy parenting by letting her run wild,,,,,

I never knew that insulin must be taken that late...

grindelwald wrote: »

unless you want to discuss how im a bad parent with her endoincrinologist, am i doing the easy parenting by letting her run wild,,,,,

Im not saying you are a bad parent i am making the point that each to their own and whatever works for you works. But my point is you cant say putting a child to bed at 7 is selfish

cynder

big syke wrote: »

Who ever mentioned that?



Not really 10 hrs is the norm for school children



I never knew that insulin must be taken that late...



Im not saying you are a bad parent i am making the point that each to their own and whatever works for you works. But my point is you cant say putting a child to bed at 7 is selfish

The parent time was mentioned in the thread, and one of the reasons why kids are put to bed.

Insulin sometimes need to be taken at nigh even 3am 5am in the morning (depending on ketones) the insulin she is on is supposed to last 12 hours it only lasts 8 so he blood sugars are high in the morning is she takes insulin at 9, we cant give her extra insulin as she will crash during the night and could go into a coma.

I think it is selfsih when its only done so parents can have their time.

The Bishop Basher

Humans eh! wrote: »

I am apart from my family now. The hole in my heart is unfillable.
Don't be in a hurry to put your children to bed. They will only wake up older.
But make time for each other too.

The best things in life,
are not things.

Says it all imo.

Evenings are the best times with your kids when everyone has downtime

It's not about what time you send your children to bed but the reasons for sending them to bed. If you're sending kids to bed earlier then you need to just for alone time and time out then I think you are doing them a disservice.

If you're sending them to bed cause they're tired, it make sense.

I'm a great believer in trusting our children to let us know when they're tired, hungry, angry, sad, sick etc etc.

Way too much mollycoddling and political correctness going on these days.

cynder

I understand most people dont see where im coming from as my childhood impacted significantly on the choices i make as a parent. Others did not have the severe upbringing i had and had quite normal childhoods, however mine was far from normal, so far to say my kids will always come first. I in no way will change that.

Ive been with my husband for 14 years and we are very happy and very compatible, it works for us, and he also puts the kids first.

However no one knows when that will change It doesnt matter how often you have OWN time nothing will change one partner falling for someone else. I do think own time is needed now and then but not every-night from 7.

At the end of the day, What will be will be....

But my kids will always come first.

Sparkyd2002

fully believe a routine is good here and if you dont start one early they wont ever develop 1.not completely fixed to a specific time eg. every nite at 8pm but in general aim to have my 3 yr old and 6 yr old asleep by 9.find if we keep them up 1 night a bit later they push for it again the next nite so its just easier all around they know the deadlines and limits.Also it means that myself and herself have some hour or two to catchup and communicate . Otherwise we'd hardly talk as they are busy little rascals during the day.

Fittle

Evil-p wrote: »

God I hate that saying - Children thrive on rules and boundaries.

I think perhaps the expression children strive on structure might be better. I had a very difficult week last week with my brother critically ill (we are hopeful he'll be ok now). My 9yr olds bed time was all out of synch - he had 2 unexpected sleepover on school nights and didn't get to bed until midnight another night. This situation couldn't be helped - but he wet the bed over the weekend:(. He was very upset himself - he has never wet the bed in all his 9yrs and he just didn't understand that because his week was so different to previous weeks, his body was reacting like this.

Anyhow, he's usually in bed by 9, reads a book and asleep by 9.30