If you took over all the world's TV stations for 1 min, what would you say/do?

John Doe1

I would time permitting say/do

1. "Oi israel, hi palestine fcuking get over yourselves and wise up"

2. "There's no santa"

3. Scratch ma nuts till the transmission ended

MrStuffins

Fap!

ballsacky

Get my lad out.

Brendog

"Greetings gentlemen, All your base are belong to us!"

10green bottles

I would say"such a crap thread that i read" but i would prob say "unite the 32" !!

DEFTLEFTHAND

Put a bullet in my head.

Frowzy

Cancel Fair City.

fran oconnor

Moon the world with my hairy hole..

John Doe1

10green bottles wrote: »

I would say"such a crap thread that i read" but i would prob say "unite the 32" !!

Ho ho ho humour

holystungun9

I'd take the opportunity to do a kind of sexy global chat-roulette style broadcast.

Colilfc

Stare motionless at the camera for 58 seconds, then give the finger for the remaining 2.

Stinicker

2girls1cup or 1guy1jar, epic pwnage!

Pherekydes

Four fcuking nil. hahahahahahahahaha

Normal transmission will now resume.

aN.Droid

Goatse

efb

I wish to talk to you this evening about the state of the nation's affairs, and the picture I have to paint is not, unfortunately, a very cheerful one.

The figures coming which are just now becoming available to us show one thing very clearly. As a community we are living away beyond our means...

BBDBB

"This message has been sponsored by the following organisations....

Chuck Stone

I'd have a very convincing alien mask and say that 'we' will be destroying the earth in exactly one hour.

LordSutch

Wearing a V for Vendetta mask (and taking in talking in his voice); Burn the bondholders, pray to your God, smile (at least once a day), eat lots of roughage, make Love, not war, look in the mirror, be aware of yourself, tell your partner you love them, have a good poo, don't trust your government, check the oil level in your car, turn off the oven, pat yourself on the back, if it itches, scratch it! That should fill about 30 seconds, I would then cut to a snail crossing the pavement, to fade . . . . .

tallaghtmick

Tell them the cake is a lie and eat one.

InkSlinger67

"The following people are arseholes......."

the purple tin

"Hey! I'm on TV... fart!"

CardBordWindow

I'd do the Angelus.


Dong!!





Dong!!






Dong!!

Bipolar Joe

I would be sitting in a high backed chain next to a blazing fire, surrounded by books. I'm wearing a smoking jacket, have a pipe in my mouth and am reading Sense & Sensibility. The camera would slowly zoom in, then I look up, smile at the camera and say "Oh, hallo. You look lovely today." Then the camera zooms out.

ejmaztec

I'd do a 60 second version of 60 MInute Make-Over, and turn someone's house into a kip.

Standard Toaster

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWdgAMYjYSs

Back in the days when trolling was actually difficult..

Samba

Hello Dears,

Please accept my apology for hijacking your television set. I am Mr. Johnson Traore; I work with a leading security company here in Abidjan - Ivory Coast as Director in Charge of Vaults.

I have two abandon consignment Trunk boxes worth 10.7MUSD in our Security Vault right now, the consignment belongs to one of our customs who also happen to be my friend.

But right now he is dead and no one has come forward to lay claim to this consignment for over a year now and my company want to turn over the two consignment to the Ministry of Securities as unclaimed item in line with the policy of my company.

I seek for your urgent assistance to come forward and make claim to this consignment so that it will be delivered to you as the next of kin to the deceased customer.

Please be rest assured that my intention is genuine and I am willing to present you with all the necessary documents to authenticate my claims and will facilitate the quick release of the consignment, since the customer has paid all necessary dues before his death, all we need do is make legal transfer of ownership of the consignment to your name legally at the court and you become the bona-fide owner of the consignment and it will be shipped to your choice destination by Diplimatic Courier.

Please note that as soon as I receive your acceptance e-mail, I will give you more details and what to do.

Kindly to reply me through my private email address: , if you are interested because we have just 7 working days to make this claim and please you must keep this information secret until we are through.

Thank you and May God bless you,

Mr. Johnson Traore

Rhyme

"I'm as mad as Hell and I'm not going to take it anymore"

...or just armpit-fart the Jurassic Park theme song.

paddyandy

All success in Nationhood begins with good Laws. Mankind is totally dependant on them as much as food and water and Oxygen.

Irish Guitarist

I'd declare my love for Carol Vorderman and read out a poem I've written for her.

Hello Miss Vorderman
Can I be your lover man?
I like the way you do sums
You have a nice bum

I miss seeing you on Countdown
Rachel Riley makes me frown
I'll love you until the cows come home
Now it's time to end my poem

orourkeda

I'd put up the filthiest pornclip I could find

orourkeda

ballsacky wrote: »

Get my lad out.

That woud make for a nice comedy sketch

John Doe1

The following people are gay:

Tom Cruise
50 cent
Daithi O Se

Kaneda_

I would expose my mothers cheating and how she stole 5000 euro from my father so the whole world would know

Brendog

InkSlinger67 wrote: »

"The following people are arseholes......."

".....and now we move on to liars"

Mammanabammana

Kaneda_ wrote: »

I would expose my mothers cheating and how she stole 5000 euro from my father so the whole world would know

You should just do that right here right now.

Snakeblood

Stick on the bank account number and a brief sob story about my fake long term illness. Several billion people watching, should be worth a few quid.

elefant

John Doe1 wrote: »

The following people are gay:

Tom Cruise
50 cent
Daithi O Se

and MacGyver.

Rwood

I'd line the casts of Eastenders, Faircity, all the incarnations of CSI and law and order, Keeping up with the Kardashians and shoot them with balls of Sh(*e and then I'd finish them off with a 50 cal.
It mightn't do much for the world as a whole but it would make me feel better.

Ledger

This

ballsymchugh

Rhyme wrote: »

"I'm as mad as Hell and I'm not going to take it anymore"

...or just armpit-fart the Jurassic Park theme song.

this guy had it right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcXyMfK0eDQ

mackg

More than likely stutter and sweat profusely.

humanji

Even though it's a perfect opportunity to try and unite humanity, the urge to rickroll the entire planet would be just too much.

Lady Chuckles

John Doe1 wrote: »

I would time permitting say/do

1. "Oi israel, hi palestine fcuking get over yourselves and wise up"

2. "There's no santa"

3. Scratch ma nuts till the transmission ended

:(:(

foxyboxer

InkSlinger67 wrote: »

"The following people are arseholes......."

You'd have the majority of people saying "What's he saying?" in their native tongue. Whereas a mooning/flashing is universally understood.

cosmicfart

People of Earth, this is Bartron, commander of the Martian invasion force. Your planet is in our hands. Resistance is useless. We have captured your President. He was delicious!

Plazaman

Citizens of the World, please lodge €1 each to the account number shown below or I shall use my power to take over TV Stations to unleash these on you everyday......

Cut to montage of Jedward, Chris De Burgh and Ritchie Kavanagh songs

Morlar

" I am your Lord, returned. " Then start reading the Book of Revelations.

The_B_Man

"Did anyone see me keys??"

Godsentme

I'd have Ang Jolie and Beyonce beggin' to give me head for for 58 seconds, then I'd say , "Ok so, Work away":D

ImpossibleDuck

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee."

And as I say the last line I would aim my gun down the camera and shoot the lens right before my time runs out.

Stiffler2

I would print out a photo of all the FF members & FG members, place it on the ground. Drop my trousers and $h!t on both pictures live on air during my 1 minute.