What's in a name?

Tauriel

Indian chief decided it was time to give his 3 sons their adult names as they had reached manhood. So he gathered them in to his tent, together with the elders of the tribe.

He turns to the 1st son, "Son, you will be called Eagle. "
The 3rd son interrupts, "Father, father, what will I be called?"
"All in good time my son", replies the Chief.
He continues, "you will be called Eagle because you are strong and wise."
The Elders agreed.

He then turns to the 2nd son, but the 3rd son says "Father,father, what will I be called?"
"All in good time, my son" he replies.
He then continues to the 2nd son, "Son you will be called Swallow".
The 3rd son says again "Father, father, what will I be called?".
"All in good time my son" comes the reply.
He then continues, "you will be named Swallow because you are quick and cunning."
The Elders agree.

He then turns to the 3rd son who is asking, "Father Father,what will I be called?"
"Son, you will be called Thrush."
"Why is that father?" he asked excitedly.
"Because you are an irritating cnut."

_______________________________________________________

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy’s two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da" sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!".

"I’ll prove it," Murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course, what’s the use of fookin" one?"