Dating someone with radically differing religious views?

Pepe LeFrits

This is all purely hypothetical of course

Has anyone ever dated someone who, as the title suggests, held very different religious views to themselves?

It seems to me there would probably be insurmountable obstacles for something long term to work between say, an atheist or agnostic and an evangelical Christian... even two easy going and broadly accepting ones.

Whatever about differences in opinions on raising children and that, is it possible for two people to really click together when they disagree on some of the very fundamentals of existence? Even the very definitions of what love is would likely differ.

Aaaanyone? Am I wrong?

Dravokivich

I might have once, but wasn't really something I thought much of around then. Would of been about 20 at the time.

Don't generally bring it up either as I've absolutely no views on religion. Even an Athiest would be the complete opposite of me :P

Sky King

It depends how dogmatic / tolerant each party is I suppose.

I couldn't see it working for me though.

Don't generally bring it up either as I've aboslutely no views on religion. Even an Athiest would be the complete opposite of me

You're agnostic then.

Colonel Panic

I wouldn't date someone who was too religious or too atheist. They're both as bad as each other.

parker kent

Long term there probably would be issues if one were extremely dogmatic about it and not willing to let the other person have their beliefs (or lack thereof). If they were willing to accept the other persons beliefs, then it could work. I would admire somebody for having a belief system, but they would have to be willing to accept that I am extremely liberal and don't believe in organised religions.

But tbh I'd have more problems with somebody that writes "should of" instead of "should have" instead of somebody that had different beliefs to me :pac:

Sauve

I'm not at all religious, so to be with someone who was probably wouldn't work.
He'd have to accept the fact that I don't believe in God and never try to convince me otherwise.
I'm all for different views/hobbies/ways of seeing the world, it's what makes relationships interesting, but when it comes to religion, for people who do believe it's such a major part of their life, I could see the problem coming from their side and not wanting to be with me because of my total lack of beliefs.

Dravokivich

Sky King wrote: »

You're agnostic then.

Maybe, but I wouldn't be inclined to say that myself as it's something I haven't looked into a great deal.

Sky King

I am going to coin a pidgeonhole for someone who hates being pidgeonholed and put you in it!

Dravokivich

Sky King wrote: »

I am going to coin a pidgeonhole for someone who hates being pidgeonholed and put you in it!

Well to be honest, I've glanced over a write up of it on Wiki once and didn't agree with it.

Ya might as well put a hole together to throw this pidgeon into so!

irishh_bob

Colonel Panic wrote: »

I wouldn't date someone who was too religious or too atheist. They're both as bad as each other.

Doubt that, while millitant atheists can Be somewhat self righteous, at least they use evidence and reason when it comes to arguing rather than blind faith

Dravokivich

Wouldn't the problem be the arguing itself, not the subject nor the manner in which it is?

old hippy

I don't hold religious beliefs & I have dated a few who held strong christian beliefs. There were no real clashes, apart from one girl who (after having sex) sang me a song about the lord. I kid you not.

Another time she brought her guitar to the pub & started to sing but was asked not to!

It's all about compromise, isn't it?

Sauve

Dravokivich wrote: »

Wouldn't the problem be the arguing itself, not the subject nor the manner in which it is?

Definitely.
Though religion is one thing that I think it'd be difficult for a lot of people to decide to 'agree to disagree' on.
Personally, I could accept that somebody believes whatever they believe, but I could see it being an issue for the other person, when the whole ethos of their religion is to 'spread the word', 'promote the faith' etc.
They would firmly believe that I am a sinner and doing wrong by not believing and would be obliged by their faith to try to 'help' me....
That's where the arguing/disagreement could never be solved.

Dravokivich

Sauvignon82 wrote: »

Definitely.
Though religion is one thing that I think it'd be difficult for a lot of people to decide to 'agree to disagree' on.
Personally, I could accept that somebody believes whatever they believe, but I could see it being an issue for the other person, when the whole ethos of their religion is to 'spread the word', 'promote the faith' etc.
They would firmly believe that I am a sinner and doing wrong by not believing and would be obliged by their faith to try to 'help' me....
That's where the arguing/disagreement could never be solved.

I myself would agree with the part I underlined. But my comment was moreso towards irishh_bob providing an example of people who were agressive about their ideals. In my experience they would also be agressive towards people who held the same ideals, but who were passive about it.

irishh_bob

Dravokivich wrote: »

I myself would agree with the part I underlined. But my comment was moreso towards irishh_bob providing an example of people who were agressive about their ideals. In my experience they would also be agressive towards people who held the same ideals, but who were passive about it.

i see what you mean and you are right , dogmatic people are annoying no matter what the topic is

sensibleken

I once went out with a mass going catholic who thought protestants in northern Ireland should 'go home'.

That didnt last long.

old hippy

sensibleken wrote: »

I once went out with a mass going catholic who thought protestants in northern Ireland should 'go home'.

That didnt last long.

Holy crap. Really?

Zillah

sensibleken wrote: »

I once went out with a mass going catholic who thought protestants in northern Ireland should 'go home'.

That didnt last long.

Horrifying. If you let them get away they'll just breed and be back. No quarter!

sensibleken

Zillah wrote: »

Horrifying. If you let them get away they'll just breed and be back. No quarter!

fortunetely her catholicism didnt extend to a prohibition on contraception or abortions so hopefully we're good.

irishh_bob

sensibleken wrote: »

I once went out with a mass going catholic who thought protestants in northern Ireland should 'go home'.

That didnt last long.

not defending such ignorance but the level of anti catholicism in northern ireland far outweighs the level of anti protestantism

sensibleken

irishh_bob wrote: »

not defending such ignorance but the level of anti catholicism in northern ireland far outweighs the level of anti protestantism

she wasnt northern irish

Otis Driftwood

Im non religious myself so unless a potential mate was militant in their beliefs it wouldnt bother me.

Fad

It depends really, I dont really talk about faith a lot (Or my total lack of faith), but if it were someone who'd continually try and engage me on it, I wouldn't go near them, if it's an each to their own kinda thing, perhaps, but I'm not big into delusion*....


(*Or what I think is delusional)

deandean

OP in my experience, any significant (i.e. anything more than 'insignificant')religious difference in a relationship is a complete and utter deal-breaker. There's just no reconciling.

And don't even think about meeting his/her parents. :mad:

Logical Fallacy

Colonel Panic wrote: »

I wouldn't date someone who was too religious or too atheist. They're both as bad as each other.

How can you be too Atheist?

It's not a matter of scale, it's more binary.

Galvasean

As someone of absolutely no religion whatsoever I must admit I'd find it difficult to date anyone with strong religious beliefs. I don't think it's healthy to constantly bite one's tongue when your other half every time they say something you strongly disagree with on a fundamental level.
I recall dating a few girls in my time who, while not religious par sé, were 'spiritual'. By and large they would drive me mad constantly asking if I thought their beliefs were stupid and if I respected them as a person because of said beliefs. It has me thinking if people with very vague wishy washy ideas of 'something' non descript could be so naggy about their non specific beliefs imagine what it would be like to be with someone with strongly held believes that are actually based with something?
Nah, think I'll stick with my atheist girlfriend. One less thing to argue over.

parker kent

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

How can you be too Atheist?

It's not a matter of scale, it's more binary.

I imagine they mean somebody that is extremely in your face about atheism.

sensibleken

parker kent wrote: »

I imagine they mean somebody that is extremely in your face about atheism.

I love the way you cant shove athiesm in your partners face, but you can shove your genitals in your partners face

Peetrik

Athiest myself and I dated a born again christian for 5 years.
The major sticking points for me would have been her insistence on giving 10% of all our earnings to her church and of course what do you tell your kids... and not just about the invisible man in the sky but also; if dinosaurs existed hehehe... yeah I know, fundamentalists

The Big Red Button

I'm an atheist.

I can't see myself ever going out with someone very religious. I mean, I'd have no long-term future with them ... I don't want a Catholic (or any other religious) wedding, I do not want my children baptised, I would hate them being brought up to believe in what I consider to be fairytales.

I can respect the religious beliefs of my friends and family, but personally I think it's too big of an issue in a long-term relationship. I just don't see how it could ever work out without one person ending up having to seriously compromise their own beliefs. I'm not willing to make that compromise, and I wouldn't expect it of my partner either. I guess it's a bit of a dealbreaker for me.

bnt

Adults can work things out - or just not talk about them - but the question of kids would be hard to resolve. Whether to have any at all, how to bring them up, schools, and so on. Either Mr. or Mrs., or both, would be unhappy with the process ...

Sauve

bnt wrote: »

Adults can work things out - or just not talk about them - but the question of kids would be hard to resolve. Whether to have any at all, how to bring them up, schools, and so on. Either Mr. or Mrs., or both, would be unhappy with the process ...

That's true, but if the two of you want to get married? Sleep together before marriage? Other differences, e.g. the wife working outside the home to name one example....

These are all major issues that both sides would have pretty firm beliefs in. It would be tough to get around/ignore these issues.

yawha

Colonel Panic wrote: »

I wouldn't date someone who was too religious or too atheist. They're both as bad as each other.

Malari

Nope, couldn't do it. I'm atheist but don't really think about it on a daily basis. I just think that someone who believed in a god would be completely incompatible with me.

Colonel Panic

yawha wrote: »

Well, I can't argue with XKCD!

old hippy

Malari wrote: »

Nope, couldn't do it. I'm atheist but don't really think about it on a daily basis. I just think that someone who believed in a god would be completely incompatible with me.

You would if you fell in love with each other, trust me. Love conquers all - people tend to compromise or soften their more fervent beliefs in the face of love.

Malari

old hippy wrote: »

You would if you fell in love with each other, trust me. Love conquers all - people tend to compromise or soften their more fervent beliefs in the face of love.

You have to get to know someone before you fall in love with them. Trust me.

I'm not fervent, I just know it wouldn't work for me. And yes, I have briefly gone out with people who believe in a god before.

old hippy

Malari wrote: »

You have to get to know someone before you fall in love with them. Trust me.

I'm not fervent, I just know it wouldn't work for me. And yes, I have briefly gone out with people who believe in a god before.

Sometimes love is instantaenous, though

It's never really come up before for me, I usually go out with atheists and that's close enough
don't think i could go out with someone really religious at all

Malari

old hippy wrote: »

Sometimes love is instantaenous, though

Let me add people who think that love at first sight exists to the list of people I wouldn't go out with :pac:

Seriously, I have been with one or two guys briefly who believe, but long term I just think it would cause problems.

si_vis_pacem

I'm pretty sure theres ways around it. I can only imagine it being insurmountable if one or both partners are particularly dogmatic about how they live their life.

I don't believe in god, but I've no problem with children being taught both sides and making up their own minds.

Pawwed Rig

Would be interesting to hear from a Religious person rather than all of you Godless Heathens

Seriously though I cannot see how it could work if one person was fundamentalist Christian and the other was not religious. If you think about the emotion of love meaning that you would do anything for the other person then it would be strange if they didn't try to give you the "ultimate gift" ie eternal life.

It might be something that you could live with initially but I think it would be a bigger issue as the years go by.

Kids would be a disaster.
Dad: 'there is no such thing as God son'
Mam: 'God is your saviour and your king and is always with you'

Snowie

seriously a woman like that sounds like such a drag. Tho i dunno if i could put up with some one with such far fetched views...

Sauve

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

seriously a woman like that sounds like such a drag. Tho i dunno if i could put up with some one with such far fetched views...

But to a religious person, your ideas will seem far-fetched

Snowie

Sauvignon82 wrote: »

But to a religious person, your ideas will seem far-fetched

lies

strobe

It would depend entirely on the religious views in question. Couldn't date someone that didn't believe in sex before marriage, for instance. Or someone that believed they had to sacrifice a newborn child on every third full moon of the year...

I don't think the word 'religious' is even that important to the question. Could be re-written simply as 'Would you date someone with radically different views to you?' and again it would depend on the particular views.

si_vis_pacem

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Seriously though I cannot see how it could work if one person was fundamentalist Christian and the other was not religious.

Or if one person was a fundamentalist atheist and the other was religious. Can't see Richard Dawkins living under the same roof as a set of rosary beads somehow.

minidazzler

I am pretty stuck in my views, I am completely athiest and as bad as it is, I don't really respect people's views on religion, them as people yes, but not their religious views, especially of the Roman Catholic Church. I won't do a church wedding, and if I ever have kids, which isn't something I really want anyway, I definitely wouldn't want them indoctrinated in.

Have briefly dated/slept with religious girls, from the "something out there" to the "work in the church doing everything I can for Jesus", and have always found ways we are incompatible outside of religion, likely because I am looking for it though.

Giselle

si_vis_pacem wrote: »

Or if one person was a fundamentalist atheist and the other was religious. Can't see Richard Dawkins living under the same roof as a set of rosary beads somehow.

If an atheist is a person who believes in god at all, is a fundamentalist atheist an atheist who doesn't believe in god at all, at all?

What does the term 'fundamentalist atheist' mean??
Serious question.

Pawwed Rig

Giselle wrote: »

If an atheist is a person who believes in god at all, is a fundamentalist atheist an atheist who doesn't believe in god at all, at all?

What does the term 'fundamentalist atheist' mean??
Serious question.

Someone who is more militant. Someone who doesn't believe in any God would be an athiest, someone with total conviction that there is no God or couldn't be a God and whoever believes in God is mentally deficient and 'I am going to point out to you over and over again why there could not possibly be a God and if you still don't believe me I will hurt you' type of person would be fundamentalist.

The same as the difference between a Christian and a Fundamentalist Christian

amacachi

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Someone who is more militant. Someone who doesn't believe in any God would be an athiest, someone with total conviction that there is no God or couldn't be a God and whoever believes in God is mentally deficient and 'I am going to point out to you over and over again why there could not possibly be a God and if you still don't believe me I will hurt you' type of person would be fundamentalist.

The same as the difference between a Christian and a Fundamentalist Christian

That's not what Atheism means. Also the difference between Christian and Fundamentalist Christian is that at least the Fundamentalist is committing to the delusion. It's like comparing Daniel Day Lewis and Hugh Grant.