The Audit

Tauriel

The Internal Revenue Service decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough auditor in the office. The auditor is not suprised when Paddy shows up with his accountant.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Paddy."How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. You’re on!"

Paddy says, "I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It’s a bet." Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Paddy says, "Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."The auditor can tell Paddy isn’t blind, so he takes the bet Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand dollars, with Paddy’s accountant as a witness.

He starts to get nervous."Would you like to go double or nothing?" Paddy asks. "I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains like hell, he can’t make the stream reach the bin on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a big win.

But Paddy’s accountant moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the accountant. "This morning, when Paddy told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me $20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!"
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A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You’re not really a brunette, are you?"
She says "No, I’m really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."