Friday 'Uns

MonkieSocks

Although born to a good Irish-Catholic family, Colm had always wanted to be Jewish.

As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge and go through the formal conversion process.

He studied Judaism all semester.

Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion.

On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi’s office, ready to begin.

The Rabbi said,
"I’m sorry, but before I give you the test, I must discuss my fee, its £5000."

"Holy Mother! £5,000!" exclaimed Colm, "That’s a lot of money.

How about £50?"

"Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi.

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My wife said tonight,

"Do you realise my mother is coming over for dinner in 5 minutes?"

I replied, "Yes I know, I'm getting ready now"

She said,"That sounds like her car pulling up outside"

"No I said, that's my taxi, see you later"

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A man and a woman were deeply in love. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted so bad.

In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.

"I can’t stand it anymore," she told him. "Let’s play a game.

For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I’ll remove one piece of clothing."

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.

He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.

At 60, off came the pants.

At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now, seeing her naked for the first time, and traveling faster than he ever had before,he became very excited and lost control of the car.

He veered off the road, over an embankment and wrapped the car around a tree.

His girlfriend was thrown clear, but he was trapped.

She tried to pull him free but alas, he was stuck. "Go up to the road and get help," he said.

"But I haven’t anything to cover myself with!". she replied.

The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.

"You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.

Along came a truck driver.

Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

"My boyfriend, my boyfriend!" she sobs, "He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!"

The truck driver, looking down at the shoe between her legs, replies,

"Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid there’s no hope for him."

patmac

Players and staff from Sunderland FC visited a local children's hospital for the Christmas period.

"It's nice to put a smile on the faces of those who are worse off than we are and who are facing a long uphill struggle," said David Wilson aged 6.

Mental Mickey

patmac wrote: »

Players and staff from Sunderland FC visited a local children's hospital for the Christmas period.

"It's nice to put a smile on the faces of those who are worse off than we are and who are facing a long uphill struggle," said David Wilson aged 6.

Brilliant.