A Toast

Tauriel

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a pub and each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage a fly landed in each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Irishman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Scotsman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling: "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
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A good Irish man, John O’Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting the Guinness and having a contest as to who could make the best toast.

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said "Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife".
That won him the top prize for the toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night".
She said, "Aye, what was your toast ?"
John said, "Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife".
"Oh me that is very nice indeed John", Mary said.

The next day Mary ran into one of John’s toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night with a toast about you Mary".
She said, "Aye, and I was a bit surprised meself ! You know, he’s only been there twice ! Once he fell asleep and the other time, I had to pull him by the ears to make him come !"