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The Vent

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  • 21-11-2011 4:15pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 30,444 ✭✭✭✭


    A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He’s going through his usual off-colour and "dumb blonde" jokes, when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands up and says:

    "I’ve heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person’s hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being? It is morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential...because you and your anachronistic kind continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs. You are a pathetic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to Discrimination laws in every civilized country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot."

    Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this Mister! I’m talking to that little bastard on your knee!"
    ________________________________________________________

    Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn’t have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it.

    The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

    He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

    "Well, it’s quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it’s going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

    That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don’t talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

    "No problem," he says. And in they go.

    Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

    They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

    As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation and leans over and kisses Sandra.

    No one says a word.

    So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

    Still, nobody says a word.

    So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.

    His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

    He looks at her mom. "She’s got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

    All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain.

    Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that’s enough, I’ll do the ****ing dishes!"


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