Caught son looking at ''blue''

horsemeat

Hi guys,

I walked in on my twelve year old son today on the computer looking at a bit of blue and playing with himself.

I was shocked tbh, and quickly left the room, the young fella was fairly embarrassed himself and has been a bit quiet all evening since.

Not sure how to broach this? we haven't had any talks yet about the birds and the bees and I wasn't expecting to have to have any for another 2 or 3 years.

I'm not sure whether to tell his mother or not either. She doesn't know and I don't want to upset her.

Advice?

killwill

It is a perfectly natural thing to do.
Sit him down and let him know that.
And at 12 it is about time for the B&Bs chat.

mcmoustache

I agree with the poster above and I would also suggest not telling his mother. I don't think it would do any good and could damage trust between you and your son.

He'll feel bad enough for getting caught but knowing that it was being discussed by his parents (and possibly more as far as he thinks) will only add to the embarrassment.

nesf

A perfectly normal thing for him to be doing, though sloppy that he got caught. Don't worry, you've a normal, healthy and curious son!

I'd have a chat with him about what he watches not being like real life and make sure he knows that but other than that I'd just advise him that it's a very private thing and he should take steps not to get caught by his mother or someone else.

Noffles

Lol... "Blue"

Tell him it's cool, normal thing to do and move on... make any sort of big deal about it and it'll back fire..

ScouseMouse

mcmoustache wrote: »

I agree with the poster above and I would also suggest not telling his mother. I don't think it would do any good and could damage trust between you and your son.

He'll feel bad enough for getting caught but knowing that it was being discussed by his parents (and possibly more as far as he thinks) will only add to the embarrassment.

MMMM. Have to say I disagree on this one. I would tell the mother. It a normal thing to happen and in my opinion, she should know, but not mention it.

Ickle Magoo

horsemeat wrote: »

Hi guys,

I walked in on my twelve year old son today on the computer looking at a bit of blue and playing with himself.

I was shocked tbh, and quickly left the room, the young fella was fairly embarrassed himself and has been a bit quiet all evening since.

Not sure how to broach this? we haven't had any talks yet about the birds and the bees and I wasn't expecting to have to have any for another 2 or 3 years.

I'm not sure whether to tell his mother or not either. She doesn't know and I don't want to upset her.

Advice?

He's 12 - you really need to have a quite detailed B&B chat ASAP.

Would his mother get upset? If she would then I'd suggest keeping it between you and him, if she's the kind of mum to take such news in her stride then I think him hearing from her that it isn't something wrong, just something that should be kept private is better than the message all the cloaks and daggers and possible upset gives...wouldn't hurt to point out that the reality is usually nothing like internet porn and not the best place to learn tips on how to interact with girls, either.

All the best you.

Duke Leonal Felmet

Glad to hear there is nothing wrong with your son.



*wishes he had internet at that age*

KTRIC

Leave him be for the moment. Might be easier to talk to him about it in a couple of days.

OP, are you his father ?? Might be best if his dad spoke to him. Less embarrassing.

MarkR

Tell him it's normal. Don't tell the mother. Get him to close the door. Start knocking. Get his hearing tested.

username123

horsemeat wrote: »

we haven't had any talks yet about the birds and the bees and I wasn't expecting to have to have any for another 2 or 3 years.

This is the shocking part of the post. He is 12!! Birds and bees chats are 2 or 3 years overdue!!!

What you walked in on is normal, but I would speak to him about discretion.

Ellis Dee

Tell him what Woody Allen said: Masturbation is sex with someone you love.;);)

Duke Leonal Felmet

You know, a lot of these videos show women being treated like an object, as part of the fantasy, or whatever.

It might be worth your while pointing out that these videos are fantasy, much like a hollywood movie, and thus not a basis for treating future girlfriends. Otherwise he might get the wrong idea.

Just a thought.

Statistician

knock before entering.

Moonbeam

*Mod comment*

Please keep this thread on topic

Witcher

Time for you to step up to the podium, embrace your duties as his father and tell him how to avoid getting caught next time:pac:

Seriously though..I wouldn't be worrying about it, looks at it this way he's normal and as another poster said you have someone to blame for future computer viruses. Win win:P

Plazaman

horsemeat wrote: »

Hi guys,

I walked in on my twelve year old son today on the computer looking at a bit of blue and playing with himself......

KTRIC wrote: »

Leave him be for the moment. Might be easier to talk to him about it in a couple of days.

OP, are you his father ?? Might be best if his dad spoke to him. Less embarrassing.

You could go blind from too much of it, not read posts on forums properly and the like....

Sound advice so far from all. IMO leave it a couple of days then mention it quietly to him to reassure him it's perfectly natural. Take the opportunity to discuss all the facts with him as you don't really want porn to teach him about sex and relationships.

If he's still quite since the incident and still embarrassed then talk to him straight away. I think it's best to tell him the conversation is between the two of you as a young fella would hate to think his mother knows about these things. Obviously you can tell the missus if needs be but tell her to keep it to herself (I'm sure the roles would be reversed is the birds and bees talk were between mother and daughter).

Ophiopogon

I'd agree that with what has already been said but I would just add that maybe you should find out what he had actually been looking at.

I have no problem with porn mostly but there is some really fvcked porn out there as you prob know and some of it should not be watched by those too young to understand.

Have a chat with him, it maybe embarrassing for him but should be done.

LashingLady

I'd probably be a bit concerned about unbridled access to the internet, particularly if there are younger children who might use the same computer.

I think someone as young as your son shouldn't really have access to internet porn, there's a difference between the pictures in Loaded or Playboy and the stuff you get online.

Big Bag of Chips

You need to have "the chat"... now! He has found porn on the computer, possibly directed there by his friends in school. So if you're not telling him about sex, you can be absolutely certain he's getting some sort of information from somewhere.

Better that you tell him "the facts", rather than his friends and the internet teaching him their version.

I wouldn't leave it a few days to be honest. That's only dragging it out for him... and you. Have a chat as soon as you can, buy some proper books "Boys Talk/Girls Talk" were in my day! And tell him to read through and if there is ANYTHING that he wants to ask that you will answer it for him.

It's embarrassing, but not life threatening.. don't let him feel like he's wrong.

Also set up some restrictions on your computer..!

nesf

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Also set up some restrictions on your computer..!

Generally it's safe to assume that any tech-smart kid will get around said restrictions in some way.

Sin City

I think most the comments here are right
He is discovering he has urges and nothing wrong with that.
Wait till he hits his teens, the carpet and probably the bedsheets will be like velcro lol

Seriously you can always have a chat with him, teach him women are not sex things etc and to respect them. But honestly , he will be looking at it more and more, its a part of growing up. Just reassure him its nothing to be ashamed of

Big Bag of Chips

nesf wrote: »

Generally it's safe to assume that any tech-smart kid will get around said restrictions in some way.

Ah! I know that, but at least it might slow him down abit! A robber will rob your house if he wants to, but you still wouldn't leave the front door open to make it easy for him!!

drunkmonkey

horsemeat wrote: »

I'm not sure whether to tell his mother or not either. She doesn't know and I don't want to upset her.

Advice?

Horse unless you do all the washing in the house i'd say she already knows or else he has a very crusty sock somewhere. Tell him you didn't tell his mother even if you did.

I'd say nothing except the b&b talk and also leave a key in his door so he can lock it now and again. Think you will have to have an internet ban or at least check his browsing history when he finishes using the internet.

The poor chap...the last thing you want him to think is looking at naked women is wrong. It's healthy.

AhSureTisGrand

nesf wrote: »

Generally it's safe to assume that any tech-smart kid will get around said restrictions in some way.

And if they're not, they will be soon enough after you introduce said restrictions

CIARAN_BOYLE

AhSureTisGrand wrote: »

And if they're not, they will be soon enough after you introduce said restrictions

Only restriction that works is removing the internet, or leaving computer in the family room and not leting him access the internet in any other way

stargazer 68

Well folks saw this thread yesterday and thought some of the comments were great. My son is 13 and I said 'ah sure he wouldnt even know where to look for that stuff or what to look for'.

Home yesterday and went into his room to look for something and he was on a porn site looking at a movie!! :eek::eek:. Now he doesn't know I saw what it was as I just took a sidewards sneaky glance. What do I do??? His Dad lives in the US so he can't really have the discussions mentioned above unless its by email!! I can't say anything to my son - wouldn't know what to say!!

Duke Leonal Felmet

Dovies wrote: »

Well folks saw this thread yesterday and thought some of the comments were great. My son is 13 and I said 'ah sure he wouldnt even know where to look for that stuff or what to look for'.

Home yesterday and went into his room to look for something and he was on a porn site looking at a movie!! :eek::eek:. Now he doesn't know I saw what it was as I just took a sidewards sneaky glance. What do I do??? His Dad lives in the US so he can't really have the discussions mentioned above unless its by email!! I can't say anything to my son - wouldn't know what to say!!

As I said above, my main concern would be that he would get the wrong idea on how to treat lady by watching this material. So perhaps your role is to set that straight.

nesf

Dovies wrote: »

Well folks saw this thread yesterday and thought some of the comments were great. My son is 13 and I said 'ah sure he wouldnt even know where to look for that stuff or what to look for'.

Home yesterday and went into his room to look for something and he was on a porn site looking at a movie!! :eek::eek:. Now he doesn't know I saw what it was as I just took a sidewards sneaky glance. What do I do??? His Dad lives in the US so he can't really have the discussions mentioned above unless its by email!! I can't say anything to my son - wouldn't know what to say!!

Maybe get an uncle or someone similar to have a chat with him? Failing that, there are worse things than your mother talking to you about it (not much but, eh ).

stargazer 68

nesf wrote: »

Maybe get an uncle or someone similar to have a chat with him? Failing that, there are worse things than your mother talking to you about it (not much but, eh ).

Its not his embarassment Im worried about - its mine!! :eek::D

Iwannahurl

My own opinion, FWIW.

I don't have a child that age, so this is my attitude rather than my experience.

Firstly, I disagree with some points made by several earlier posters.

IMO it is inadvisable to provide a child with private and uncontrolled internet access in their own room. That is a general observation which may not apply in your case.

Another general observation: children often have more knowledge (and instincts) than you might realise, so they need to get age-appropriate information about sex, sexuality and related matters sooner rather than later.

I don't know what shade of "blue" was involved in your situation, but if your son was already at that stage without having had any significant input from you then the horse had already bolted to some extent.

I also think it's appropriate to let his mum know. IMO consistency of approach between parents is important. Each parent must say what they mean and mean what they say, and on important matters they should not contradict each other. I'm not sure how such consistency could be achieved without both parents communicating openly with each other. Privacy is important, but secrecy is a different kettle of fish.


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