Boss went mental at me, worried about tomorrow.

LegacyUser

So in work on Thursday my boss lost it with me and I have no idea what to do about tomorrow when I have to face her in work. I had a training course off-site on Friday so I didn't see her then.

Yesterday morning she made a joke about me in front of some people from a different department. I thought nothing of it and made a joke back about her. Everyone laughed and that was it. For the rest of the morning she seemed to be in a bad mood. She can be very abrupt when dealing with staff so I just tried to stay out of her way and get on with my work. She only spoke to me once during the morning when she asked me if I knew where a certain file was. Often, if you don't answer immediately, as in within a millisecond, she starts walking away from you, sort of huffily. I hadn't been dealing with the file in question but suggested where I thought it might be. She had already started walking away from me. She seemed very angry.

In the afternoon she asked me where another file was. This was something that she had been directly dealing with and she had told me that it would be placed in a certain place. When she, very snappily, asked me where it was I responded with "I thought you put it with X." She snapped at me "I didn't put it anywhere!!" and she stormed into her office. I was shocked but thought I should clarify what I meant so I went to her office, knocked on the door and before I could even start she laid into me. I can honestly say I have never been spoken to like that in my life. She told me I was disrespectful with my comment that morning in front of the people in the other department, I told her it was a joke and that I apologised for any offence caused. She told me it wasn't a joke and that I am rude and have an attitude. She told me I made the day extremely unpleasant for her because I spoke to her rudely everytime she spoke to me. She then told me that by coming to her office I was trying to intimidate her! This was all shouted at me and unfortunately there were no witnesses.

I ended up in tears afterwards and she didn't speak to me for the rest of the day until we were leaving and she, yet again, barked at me about something. I have been really upset over the whole thing, particularly the comment about me trying to intimidate her. That isn't me at all.

I discussed it with another workmate who was on leave at the time and she is appalled by what happened. If the boss wants to speak to me tomorrow I don't think I would feel comfortable being alone with her but equally I don't want to drag this out and have bad feeling. I can't go above her and complain because the head of our department is a very good friend of hers.

I felt like she had slapped me in the face with the way she spoke to me. It was so aggressive. My workmate said that it seems very hypocritical of her to be so angry over a joke I made when she saw no issue in making one about me first.

I am really worried about tomorrow as I have no idea how she will act with me. I dont want to make things worse but equally I don't think it was fair for her to treat me that way.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

growler

She sounds like a bit of a loose cannon and her behaviour certainly wasn't very professional. Clearly she wasn't expecting to be the butt of your joke.

Unless she's a certified nutter, assume she'll have calmed down by tomorrow and carry on as though nothing much has happened. If you are so concerned about her behaviour and she's making you feel afraid, then you may want to talk to HR, if she continues to behave like she did last week, that's bullying.

Guess it depends on whether this is abnormal behaviour or just the first time you've been on the receiving end, if she has no "previous" it might all blow over or she'll feel like a right twit for flying off the handle in such an unprofessional manner.

the_syco

Shaken_up wrote: »

Yesterday morning she made a joke about me in front of some people from a different department. I thought nothing of it and made a joke back about her. Everyone laughed and that was it.

Sounds like she is used to joking (bullying) about people that don't joke back.

castie

Had a similar issue before that resolved itself.

Boss's Boss rang me up one day I wasnt working to ask me things.
When I had no idea what he was talking about he started giving me all sorts of crap and even called me a "useless asshole" to which I hung up.

Three days later passed him in work and he tried to start a conversation and I walked past him. He called me back and asked whats with the attitude....

Seems he had already brushed it under the carpet himself and was surprised I took it personally. Didnt have many friendly chats with him after that but didnt affect work at all.

tenchi-fan

I think you should relax. Female managers can often be over-emotional.

looksee

tenchi-fan wrote: »

I think you should relax. Female managers can often be over-emotional.

That's a very sweeping and unhelpful comment. Without too much effort I can think of two male bosses who made similar irrational attacks on me. The fact that they were male is irrelevant to their temper tantrums. Would you have made that point if it had been a male boss under discussion?

Cecil Mor

I think you should relax. Female managers can often be over-emotional.

That's a very sweeping and unhelpful comment. Without too much effort I can think of two male bosses who made similar irrational attacks on me. The fact that they were male is irrelevant to their temper tantrums. Would you have made that point if it had been a male boss under discussion?

It is quite a broad statement and does smack of sexism but even many of my female colleagues, from differing companies over the years, would agree that often their female bosses are sometimes more difficult to deal with or work for.
That issues are slower to be forgotten that when dealing with their male counterparts.

As regards the OP's concerns I'd just let it lie and see how it goes.

In regards to taking phone calls from bosses or dealing with them one on one I've often used a dictaphone or dictaphone App on my phone and recorded the conversations.
Might seem like overkill but no harm having a record if the sh1t does hit the fan.
It has allowed me to accurately quote a specific conversation on subsequent emails but also, post conversation, once you listen back a couple of times you might realise that there really was nothing in it in the first place and not worth getting upset or concerned about.

tenchi-fan

looksee wrote: »

That's a very sweeping and unhelpful comment. Without too much effort I can think of two male bosses who made similar irrational attacks on me. The fact that they were male is irrelevant to their temper tantrums. Would you have made that point if it had been a male boss under discussion?

I've find problem with male managers is they can be overly aggressive and over-critical, possibly prone to letting off steam.

However in my experience some (not all) female managers tend to be difficult in other ways. I can only describe it as more emotional, possibly passive aggressive. Personally I'd prefer someone to shout the odds at me once in a while instead of plotting my downfall!
e.g.

• Becoming best friends with poor performers, possibly going on smoking breaks with them for a gossip session
• Taking sudden or irrational dislikes to people
• When something goes wrong, trying to save face rather than taking responsibility

looksee

I was trying to make the point that the fact of the boss being male or female is completely irrelevant. The situation has to be dealt with regardless of their gender.

She Devil

Can you go over her head?

It seems that she may be feeling the same about you from what she said?
She see's it totally different, and from her perspective, you are doing to her what you say she is doing to you, joking about her, speaking abruptly etc ...
I think its a major breakdown of communication, and could easily be resolved if you talked it out, but it seems she is too highly strung at the moment to do so. So I would go over her head, you can't work while walking on eggshells!
Best of luck with it.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. If possible I'd really like this not to descend into a male boss vs female boss argument. I don't see how that is in any way helpful to my situation.

Since Monday I have been ignored with the exception of this afternoon where, after ignoring me for over an hour and making more of an effort to be nice to everyone else in the office than she ever has before (to the point where my co-workers commented on it) she gave me an extremely curt "hello, Shaken_up" as she walked by me. I spoke to another co-worker who works with us on a part time basis and she said the same thing happened to her with this manager a few months ago. Like me, she was completely floored by it and couldn't even speak back she was so shocked. The manager ignores her too unless she really needs to speak to her. I didn't notice this before as I rarely see this co-worker as she does funny hours.

I'm really upset over this whole thing. The atmosphere has affected everyone in the office and I really do not believe I did anything to justify this hostility from her.

Going to her immediate manager would not fare well for me. They are very close friends and the manager at the top of the department has a history of dealing with these matters by transferring the staff who make the complaint to a different area. I really love where I work (this aside) and I don't want to be moved to another office. The other option would be to go to HR but I don't know if I have the balls.

I am a member of the union but they're not exactly known for standing up for the staff in situations like this. The management style is one of hostility and veiled threats of being moved and I don't want to ruin my career over this woman.

I feel sick going into work everyday and I end up coming home so upset. I don't like being dramatic about it but her hostility towards me is really upsetting. I have no idea what to do.

strandroad

How strong psychologically are you OP? Could you adopt a "kill them with kindness" attitude as means of taking some control?

tenchi-fan

mhge wrote: »

How strong psychologically are you OP? Could you adopt a "kill them with kindness" attitude as means of taking some control?

I'd tend to agree with this.

The altercation is certainly not a union issue and if you approach management or HR you will come out the worse because, despite the clash, the manager is doing her job and no one else is complaining about her.

She had a bad day. She didn't take responsibility for her outburst. She tried to paint herself as the victim.

Now, it's escalated... She is trying to validate herself by "being best friends" with other staff. Meanwhile your working relationship with her has worsened. She is being emotional! That's the point I was trying to make.

So.. if your manager is not willing to fix the situation it is up to you to fix it. Just because she's not professional doesn't mean you can't be.

Clear the air... Say good morning. Offer her a coffee (she'll decline). Briefly give her an update on your workload. If she warms to you a little, just offer a quick apology for "the other day" and say you didn't mean to cause offence.

That's how I'd play it. Good luck!

LegacyUser

tenchi-fan wrote: »

I'd tend to agree with this.

The altercation is certainly not a union issue and if you approach management or HR you will come out the worse because, despite the clash, the manager is doing her job and no one else is complaining about her.

I'm sorry but how do you gather that I would "come out the worse" when I was the one who was verbally attacked and subsequently ignored? The fact that nobody has, as yet, made a complaint about her behaviour means that she's untouchable? She was completely out of order in how she spoke to me and in how she has treated me since then. I have seen co-workers complain over less.

tenchi-fan wrote: »

She had a bad day. She didn't take responsibility for her outburst. She tried to paint herself as the victim.

Now, it's escalated... She is trying to validate herself by "being best friends" with other staff. Meanwhile your working relationship with her has worsened. She is being emotional! That's the point I was trying to make.

So.. if your manager is not willing to fix the situation it is up to you to fix it. Just because she's not professional doesn't mean you can't be.

Clear the air... Say good morning. Offer her a coffee (she'll decline). Briefly give her an update on your workload. If she warms to you a little, just offer a quick apology for "the other day" and say you didn't mean to cause offence.

That's how I'd play it. Good luck!

Well it's pretty difficult to speak to someone who is ignoring you. She stays in the office and I think I would be pretty foolish to go there alone. She accused me of trying to intimidate her last time I did that. For any further conversations with her I will want a witness present. I have also already apologised for the joke and I don't intend to do it again.

I'm actually quite surprised that you think this is down to me.

tenchi-fan

Shaken_up wrote: »

I'm sorry but how do you gather that I would "come out the worse" when I was the one who was verbally attacked and subsequently ignored?

Ok then, complain to management.. then tell us whether your situation at work improved or got worse.

Shaken_up wrote: »

I'm actually quite surprised that you think this is down to me.

Ultimately, it is.

Rhys Essien

OP,reverse psychology is needed here.Bombard her with friendliness.

You will force her into submission.

Irish_Elect_Eng

Shaken_up wrote: »

I'm sorry but how do you gather that I would "come out the worse" when I was the one who was verbally attacked and subsequently ignored? The fact that nobody has, as yet, made a complaint about her behaviour means that she's untouchable? She was completely out of order in how she spoke to me and in how she has treated me since then. I have seen co-workers complain over less.



Well it's pretty difficult to speak to someone who is ignoring you. She stays in the office and I think I would be pretty foolish to go there alone. She accused me of trying to intimidate her last time I did that. For any further conversations with her I will want a witness present. I have also already apologised for the joke and I don't intend to do it again.

I'm actually quite surprised that you think this is down to me.

Unfortunately, although the initial incident may not be your fault, it's your career that is at risk, so fixing the situation is your responsibility and in your best interest.

Looking for "Justice" in these situations can be a satisfying but ultimately self-defeating endeavor, in addition the ability to deal with situations like these is a good sign of maturity and promotion potential.