I need advice from bereaved parents- please

LegacyUser

Its my friends first Christmas without her only child. It's just unbearable. I am wondering if you could advise me, what helped you get through it. Is there a particualr gesture that helped you in the smallest way? Any advice appreciated.

oh well , okay

We lost one of our twin daughters just before Christmas last year and I can already feel this Christmas looming large . For me the thing that helps is for friends just to talk to me about my daughter , I love when I hear her name mentioned in conversation and I love when friends just let me talk about her . In honesty my friends have been absolutely dreadful but the few that have asked about her have really made a difference . Just let your friend talk when they want to and if they don't want to then just be patient and be there for them .

My wife and I still struggle with our loss every day and I suppose we always will but it does help just to have a friends ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on

fataltragedy

Last year was the first christmas for my parents without my sister, and looking back, I think some of things that made it easier for them was;

.x. we all still 'gave' a Christmas card to her, and put them on her grave
.x. as a friend, there are a number of gifts you could buy that have the poem 'christmas in heaven' on them - google it. They may not be religious, but, if they believe in any kind of heaven, it's incredibly moving but so .. comforting at the same time.

During Christmas day last year, we made sure to carry on with 'tradition' as much as possible, but we included her in every step - dinner held reminiscing stories of christmas' gone by when she was with us. The day was long, and empty in many ways - but her memory was very much alive, and vibrant around us, which I think, could not have been a better way to have Christmas.

As the poster above me said, do, do bring up the child's name - even if they then say, I can't talk about her now, at least you took the step and held out the offering to listen. So many people get awkward on the subject of death, not knowing how to handle grief when people crumple before their eyes, but there's a huge priority difference between feeling awkward in a situation, and giving someone who's grieving the chance to speak, to be heard, and to remember.

It being her only child, it will be a quietly awful time of year for them, but the days do pass, and when you have support around you, then it can only help. Sorry I can't be of more help, speaking from a sibling point of view, but - I wanted to offer my thoughts anyway. x

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for taking the time to respond. I am so sorry for you both too. I really believe you have to go through it before we actually understands what it must be like. I was very close to the deceased, and now wish Christmas would go away.
Thank you for the advice. It's great to hear from others with experience.

I am a friend

Maybe ask her if its ok for you to get a xmas wreath for the grave - it will open the conversation if nothing else.