Teenage daughter heavy period

EScifo

Hi,

I just wanted some advice on this. Firstly my daughter is 11 and spends half the time with me and half the time with her mother. Her mother does not seem to ever talk to her about anything

My daughter seems to have very heavy periods and does not seem to be able to manage it very well. The bed sheets were covered in blood the last two nights - no problem, I just changed them. But after the first time (this has happened before) I bought her the heavy duty pads. This did not seem to help. Maybe tampons and pads are the answer? When I was in the shop buying the pads, the heavier duty tampons seemed huge so not sure if that is the right thing for an 11 year old.

The real problem is the disposal and management issue. I asked her to clean up her room recently and there were a load of used pads. Which was fairly disgusting as one could imagine. I asked her to a.) change them regularly and b.) put them in a bin immediately. Now last night she used the toilet before going to bed and when I went up later there was bloody tissue paper everywhere and blood smeared on things. I cleaned up after her and thought perhaps it was an accident/once off but then this morning again there seemed to be residue on the floor around the bathroom. Now - I don't want to sound like a teenager but I have never smelt anything so bad - I nearly vomited a few times. Why would that be? It was not a very nice start to the day. I got my daughter to mop the floor and use some cleaner around the toilet. After she left for school and before I left for work I went into her room - it smelt pretty bad (soiled sheets, soiled underwear etc) and was dirty.

So - how can I help her manage her periods more effectively? As I said her mother does not seem to talk to her about it and I have so I was wondering/looking for advice from women (with heavy flows) etc about how to manage it?
Diet?
shorts or something?

thanks !


*actually - I see in the title I said teenage daughter! well, clearly not

ash23

I had pretty heavy periods when I was younger and it does take time to get used to dealing with them.

I'd recommend two heavy duty pads at night, placed side by side. Also there are pampers bed sheets you can get which you place under the sheets. This will stop the mattress getting stained and dirty.
She is probably too young for tampons yet, especially bigger ones. You need to sit her down and talk to her about her personal hygeine. Leaks can and will happen. but she needs to know it's more likely if she doesn't change her pad regularly.
However, she needs to learn to check the toilet when she is done and make sure she hasn't left any blood behind. it's quiet normal that when you use the loo during your period that blood would get on your hands and on the seat and even leave a stain in the bowl after flushing. But most women know to check around and make sure all is clear before they leave the bathroom.

A bin in the bathroom would be good, as well as some wipes for the toilet. Get wet wipes for her as that is much easier than trying to clean herself with tissue after a leak. I have a packet of baby wipes in the bathroom for that and they go into the bin once I freshen up.

Also, you need to let her know that stale blood smells. If she is leaving pads and stained underwear in her room, it will begin to smell. She should rinse her soiled underwear and put them in the laundry. The nappy sacks for babies are perfect for this as they are scented and will mask the smell until a wash is done. They can also be used for stained pads and they're pretty cheap.

It must be hard for her if her mum doesn't talk to her about her periods. Because she probably feels awkward talking to her dad about it. Have you any sisters or a mother she would be close to that she can go to for advice about this kind of thing?

IvyTheTerrible

If her periods are so heavy that heavy duty pads don't seem to work, maybe have a word with her mum about bringing her to the GP, just to get checked.

Really impressed though that you have already talked to your daughter about this. It's important that she learns about the hygeine issue early on, cos if this happens around school friends, they will be a lot less gentle with her.

Fittle

I had very heavy periods as a teen as well, and in a house full of men many years ago, it was a very difficult time (in the days when men just didn't talk about periods too!).

I would agree with everything Ash said - particularly about the nappy bags.

How is her personal hygiene for the rest of the month? Does she shower regularly etc? Stale blood smells, and blood from a period does not smell like 'normal' blood anyway, so the smell you are getting is quite normal if stuff is being left around her room that has been stained. I would also suggest getting an aunt or female relative to talk to her about this - while I appreciate that you are doing what you can, for HER sake, it must be very embarrassing having such heavy periods and not knowing how to deal with them.

Morag

Ok first off she's 11 and there is a hell of a learning curve with this and none knows how to manage period when they first started happening to us.

Secondly, if they are that heavy then a trip to the dr may be a good idea, also is she getting enough iron? That ammount of blood loss and not enough iron can effect her engry level and make her very tried.

You need to work with her to put a system in place for dealing with pads, a bin in the bathroom with a lid and scented bin liners can help, as well as washclothes just for her and some violet/lavender soap rather then wipes and a small laundry bag she can put them in when she's used them, same bag can be used for stained underwear. That way the bag can be taken and slung in the washing machine. She will need to rinse out the underwear in cold water which will remove most of the blood and the smell before she puts them in the laundry bag.

It's messy and ick and yucky and not nice when you start having to deal with all of this as a kid and I can understand her not wanting to and hoping that you'll clean it up, after all as her parent you've clean up after her for most of her life and now your having to deal with something which is seen as more 'adult' and 'personal' but it's just another bodily fluid and if you have that attitude then she will do and hopefully cope better.

Dark sheets on the bed can help and well it could be that she is just not positioning the pad correctly on her underwear and her Mam just assumes she is. There is a knack to it and if the pad is not put on correctly it can move and it just won't absorb anything.

Yes most Dad's don't have to deal with this but many do and hopefully you can encourage and empower to get a grips with all of this and set her up in a good routine cos she will be dealing with this for the next 35 years of her life.

EScifo

Thanks for all the suggestions!

Yes, I think I will put some wipes in the bathroom plus a lidded bin

Also in her bedroom.

Generally, when she is over with me I have her bath and shower so I would say it is quite good but I think during her period I will get her to shower daily.

I worry a bit about the Iron levels but she does not seem too tired or anyway anaemic

she is staying with my sister soon and I will ask her to have a word about positioning etc


Thanks again

spurious

That amount of blood loss isn't normal, to be honest. A visit to the GP might help.
Is it possible she isn't positioning the pads correctly, or is wearing underwear that is too loose and allows them to move?

Darlughda

No that is not normal. Visit GP. Organise visit to the hospital/ gynae section. First step they will do is ultra sound and then surgery to see what the prob is.

I went through all of this, and still go through it, although, 15yrs on, I don't need the invasive surgery to confirm that I have fibroids.

I suffered with anaemia with my heavy periods and with emotional stuff. You sound good. Talk to her about what she is going through.

up for anything

My sister started her periods when she was ten. She had to take to the bed two days out of the five of her period every month. She had heavy periods, suffered very badly from cramps and general exhaustion and this continued on even while on the pill throughout most of her life. The most GPs here and in the UK offered her were heavy duty Ponstan tablets which didn't ease the pain for her at all. At the age of 37 she moved abroad to work and once there went to see the doctor to get something to help with the pain. He referred her on to a Gynaecologist. When she saw him and told him her history he was gobsmacked and horrified that she has never been referred to a gynaecologist before and went off on one about the dark ages and quacks. Under most medical systems a young girl like that suffering from heavy periods would be sent in order to check that it was normal rather than stemming from something else.

My own first few periods were very heavy and destroyed the bed, night clothes etc. It can take up to a year to settle down. My daughter used tampons from the very beginning. She had just turned twelve. As long she is responsible and reminded there should be no problems with using tampons and it is certainly easier for them in school not to be conscious of bulky pads and worrying whether anyone will notice the bulge. There would be no difference after she got used to inserting them between 'beginnners' tampons and super ones. Along with tampons she could use pads too at night which would lessen messy bed syndrome.

Be gentle with her. It's difficult adjusting to the whole adulty thing of periods when you are still pretty much a child and her level of self-awareness will still be quite low. For me, I wouldn't up for standing over her while she cleans up the mess - it's a bit akin to making kids who wet the bed wash the sheets. Just make her aware that she needs to take some responsibility at home because if it happens at school she will be shamed. Another year will see her level of self-awareness take a big jump and she will take more control.

planetX

I think it sounds normal - certainly quite a few of us on here have said that we were the same. I remember at that age using 3 large pads, 2 side by side and one lengthways, and it would still leak onto the sheets. Unless she gets up twice or more in the night that's going to happen, even with tampons. It was agony as well, so make sure you get in lots of paracetamol, lots of hot water bottles and lots of sympathy

spurious

planetX wrote: »

I think it sounds normal - certainly quite a few of us on here have said that we were the same. I remember at that age using 3 large pads, 2 side by side and one lengthways, and it would still leak onto the sheets. Unless she gets up twice or more in the night that's going to happen, even with tampons. It was agony as well, so make sure you get in lots of paracetamol, lots of hot water bottles and lots of sympathy

That doesn't mean it's normal. It means too many Irish women put up with menorrhagia.
Outside lesbian relationships, few women even know what other women's flow is like. I eventually got a Mirena IUS for mine - best thing I ever did.