The Online Dating Thread Part II **Mod Warning** Read First Post/or Post 7389

Captain Havoc

Hi Captain Havoc, these members are perfect for you: Snowy is 29 and lives in Donegal. She is looking for a friend.


Why do you tell me about people who are looking for a friend 500km away????????

Larianne

C.D. wrote: »

I'd given up on this a while ago, found RL to be more successful (not difficult tbh). This is stolen from someone else's post. Very interesting reading.

Basically confirms what I'd thought about internet dating- the top 20% of guys get all the action and as a result can pick choose their girls, and subsequently mess a lot of them around. Very depressing (and surprisng) to see how shallow some (most) of the OKC girls are. Not to mention people of PoF.

On a sidenote, I must be really ugly if the "least attractive" guys are getting a 20% response rate . I got 10% and sent about 80 messages over 2 months. 3 dates, one girl I was seeing for about 6 weeks but it wasn't going anywhere. Each message was about 10-20 minutes, so I was putting in ~3hours per reply and ~6 hours of message writing per date.

Wish you all the best of luck, glad I did it but the return on my time is not worth it!

But you have to be attracted to someone for it to work. :cool:

I understand what you're saying, some people just are not photogenic.

C.D.

Larianne wrote: »

But you have to be attracted to someone for it to work. :cool:

I understand what you're saying, some people just are not photogenic.

Aye, this is true. But look at how the graphs are skewed- one would assume an "average" girl would into an "average" guy, but this is not the case. I am not one to jump around to conclusion, so I did do some thinking around the data and alternative hypothesises:

1) The good looking guys mail loads of girl and feign itnerest very well. Naturally, said girls choose the best looking guys. Plausible

2) OKC's users are not representative of the general population- i.e. the girls are better looknig than average and the guys are not. Unlikely considering the size of the user base

Occum's razor would suggest accepting the results at face value. Please note this is not "attack" on girls using OD, more just my observations and how I felt after my experience.

Galwayguy35

SOconfusing wrote: »

Because whatever physically attractive qualities I may or may not have are instantly blown away if I am shorter than her.

I'm 5 7' - 5 8'ish

Women look at height the same way guys look at weight. I pretty much knew going into this that I wouldn't get anywhere with such physical statistics up on show. But I would not be comfortable with lying either.

The girl in question has not replied in 6 days anyway so I imagine it was just to keep her replies in the green as someone else said earlier. Not seeing anyone else on OKC in my area anymore that I like/think I might have a chance with.

I've never even gotten a date. These things really have a way of making a person feel quite worthless.

Nobody should ever feel worthless. Im around the same height as you are and to be honest it would never stop me mailing someone that i would be interested in. Some women have said that they prefer taller guys and i have no problem with that. I have got dates though and met someone last year and we were in a relationship for a few months. Dont give up everyone here is in the same boat.

stargazer 68

C.D. wrote: »

one would assume an "average" girl would into an "average" guy,

1) The good looking guys mail loads of girl and feign itnerest very well. Naturally, said girls choose the best looking guys. Plausible

2) OKC's users are not representative of the general population- i.e. the girls are better looknig than average and the guys are not. Unlikely considering the size of the user base

One persons 'average' is another persons hot!! :P

awec

This post has been deleted.

stargazer 68

awec wrote: »

And the other way about too!

Yeah but I couldnt think of a nice way to put that bit!

Insect Overlord

Dovies wrote: »

Yeah but I couldnt think of a nice way to put that bit!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder? :pac:

*sips organic cider*

Slowly starting to lose hope with dating sites - OKCupid barely has women from Galway on there and the ones on POF ... <shrugs>.

mc_grens

DwightShrute wrote: »

I'm thinking of adopting the Larianne strategy (and if your dates are going so well shouldn't you be bowing out of here?;)) of not putting a pic up and initiating contact with the girls whose profiles I like. Might not be so effective with a guy doing it but I would include pics in the personal mail to them.

Sounds a bit wussy I know but I'm just not fully comfortable having my pic on a dating site.

Thats exactly what I do, and instead of mailing photos I give them my flickr photostream address. I have a set of pictures of myself there for anyone to look at if they want to. Takes the pain out of it.

Also I've been reading the discussions about height. I find there's a very clear majority of taller girls online- on the site I'm on at least.

IHeartShoes

What constitutes taller for the purposes of this conversation?

IHeartShoes

IHeartShoes wrote: »

What constitutes taller for the purposes of this conversation?

Taller, for me, would be 5'9+

mc_grens

Deleted User wrote: »

Taller, for me, would be 5'9+

Taller than me in heels I suppose. I'm 6 foot on the button, so lets say 5'9" +

IHeartShoes

Phew;)

mc_grens

IHeartShoes wrote: »

Phew;)

Its not that I'd have a massive problem with it- its just a comment.

I also find that there's a big skew towards teachers, medical (both female dominated professions I know), and legal among the girls on the site.

Honey-ec

Regarding height - I'm 5' 7" in my bare feet. I love really high heels and would always wear them on a night out. So if a guy messages me and his height is 5' 10" or under, I tend to lose interest, even if he appeals to me otherwise. I know it sounds very shallow, and I'm writing off potentially lovely guys. I've no problem with being an inch or two taller than someone when I'm dolled up, but if I'm towering over them, we're both going to look like idiots.

And no, I won't just wear flats. Honey-ec doesn't "do" flats :cool:

Commence judging me.

awec

This post has been deleted.

mc_grens

Honey-ec wrote: »

Regarding height - I'm 5' 7" in my bare feet. I love really high heels and would always wear them on a night out. So if a guy messages me and his height is 5' 10" or under, I tend to lose interest, even if he appeals to me otherwise. I know it sounds very shallow. I've no problem with being an inch or two taller than someone when I'm dolled up, but if I'm towering over them, we're both going to look like idiots.

And no, I won't just wear flats. Honey-ec doesn't "do" flats :cool:

Commence judging me.

See- this is kinda my thinking on the whole thing too- from the opposite (non-heel wearing) side of course! Not a flat fan.

Pembily

Honey-ec wrote: »

Commence judging me.

It's your choice, you choose who you want and so what!

I am 5'5 and I wear baby heels so rarely over 5'8!

IHeartShoes

Well, I'm 5ft 7 and only ever wear 3 or 4 inch heels all day every day but I'm not bothered about being taller than my date. Generally tower over my mates anyway..

Galwayguy35

Honey-ec wrote: »

Regarding height - I'm 5' 7" in my bare feet. I love really high heels and would always wear them on a night out. So if a guy messages me and his height is 5' 10" or under, I tend to lose interest, even if he appeals to me otherwise. I know it sounds very shallow, and I'm writing off potentially lovely guys. I've no problem with being an inch or two taller than someone when I'm dolled up, but if I'm towering over them, we're both going to look like idiots.

And no, I won't just wear flats. Honey-ec doesn't "do" flats :cool:

Commence judging me.

I dont see why anyone would judge you. If you like tall men there is nothing wrong with that.

Sky King

You are eliminating over 50% of men just for the sake of heels though....

You must really like heels!

Pembily

Sky King wrote: »

You are eliminating over 50% of men just for the sake of heels though....

You must really like heels!

But that is like saying that if someone will only date slim guys then they are eliminating a certain percentage! What's wrong with it?

Sky King

It's more like saying you;re not going to date guys of average slimness or greater, since 5'10" is the average height.

But Pem I disagree with your slimness analogy, since slimness or lack thereof can be attributed to lifestyle, whereas height is mainly genetic.

Also, the poster said she dislikes men below this height mainly because she loves wearing heels - again i don't see the slimness analogy working there

But to address your post, I don't think, nor did I say there's anything wrong with having a preference. It was just an observation.

If I was single I personally wouldn't rule a significant majority of girls out on the basis of their height in relation to me when I am wearing my favourite footwear, but hey, each to his or her own!

awec

This post has been deleted.

Sky King

Hence my use of the words can be and not is always.

Elessar

So I got chatting to a cute girl on POF just general banter, playfully slagging her, it gets to deeper conversation, we start getting to know each other a bit more. She hadn't viewed my profile at all. So when it comes my turn to message her again I noticed she has viewed my profile. BANG. Silence from her. She completely blanks me.

I mean, I can understand if you don't find someone attractive but why not just view their profile immediately to see first? Why wait til you are messaging them for hours on end :rolleyes: It's not as if she didn't see the pic I send with the first message!

*le sigh* Internet dating.

LegacyUser

@Elessar

What height are you? Maybe she saw your height on your profile.

Pembily wrote: »

But that is like saying that if someone will only date slim guys then they are eliminating a certain percentage! What's wrong with it?

There really is no comparison. She is basically saying she would skip over a potential soul mate, who is physically still taller than her...so she can wear her favourite fashion accessory.

You cannot find a male version of this view on women. I'm not 5 7" cause I ate too much or lead an unhealthy life style.

Her view is just one of many I have come across that really just proves to me how unattractive most women will see me.

I don't hold it against women at all mind. I don't blame them at all. The reality is, not everyone meets the requirements for love. Despite what Hollywood keeps pushing.

I do appreciate the positive words from some posters here though.

However,

C'est la vie.

djk1000

So, I'm a bit of a lurker on this thread, but I'm looking for advice (actually, more like reassurance). I've tried the internet dating thing a few times, met some nice people and ended up going out with one girl for about 6 months.

I gave it a break after that breakup, but I accidentally left a profile up on one of the sites, I got a message out of the blue about 2 months ago from a really nice girl, her profile gave the impression that she was smart and funny, I could see that she was attractive from her pics.

Anyway, had a first date last weekend and it was awesome! She's funnier, smarter and better looking than I imagined, she's the first girl in a really long time that I felt that I had an immediate connection with. I think she liked me too, there was some kissing at the end of the night which she instigated and she is all on for another date this weekend.

Here's the problem, I've realised that I'm a bit insecure! It's not something I've experienced before, but I'm kind of wondering what the catch is or what baggage she's carrying and stressing a bit that I'll mess up next weekend or that she's not that into me after all.

Has anyone else felt like this? How do you deal with it? I don't want to go on the next date with all this stuff floating around in my head as it will probably cause me to be nervous or overbearing.

Shy_Dave!

Yeah, having a weird time of it myself.
I'll start by saying I rarely send out the first message on POF.
I guess I'm stupidly shy even online, but I message two girls recently, neither replied and seemed to not look at my profile.

Had 5 girls message me over the last few weeks and struck up conversations with all of them.
I stopped messaging for probably 4/5 days due to being busy, sent them my apologies for having not been on recently.
Most of them replied but then all the conversations went dead again.

Then a lovely girl messaged me a few days ago, saying I was cute we exchanged a few messages that night and I said I was heading to bed but I would like to message her the next day if she didn't mind.
I did and haven't had a reply. Then today I see her add me on the 'Meet Me' feature on POF, but she hasn't messaged me back, huh?!

Also I have a question, I look through a good few profiles each day (hope that doesn't sound creepy :P) but not even 5% will view my profile back, is this usual?
I get maybe a handful of views each week at best, more when I log in regularly.
Also if any of this post sounded boastful it wasn't intended!