The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

voz es

Went out in the city with a friend, we hadnt been out in ages together. Had a great evening and then we started on the vodka's. What ever idea we had the round developed into triple vodka and a dash of red bull, the night slipped. Its a blank untill a few hours later where i'm trusting back and foward, still getting my beaings and quickly i look down there is this massive chick and not the best looking, i just kinda jerk my head back, and out of nowhere i vomit all over the girl............... not my finest moment.

I WARN YOU NOW THIS SECOND STORY IS AWFULL

Another story my cousin told me about a time in Birmingham and there is a very shy guy. Out in the nightclub and he meets an excentric looking girl, she litterly pulls him out of the night club.He has a big smile on his face
as he waves good bye to his mates. Next day in college he is distant with all and refuses to talk about the night. Its about two weeks untill one of the girls gets the story out of him. So they arive back to the flat and their is a waterproof bed sheet on her bed. He dosent think too much of it the juices are flowing and he aint going to ask questions. So a while later she brings a dildo back from the bathroom she gets him to dildo her up the rear.... she sprays sh1te every where all over him, the dudes up and running, looks over his shoulder, shes rolling around in it screaming for him to come back.......

Thats all folks,,,,,,,,

ziggy23

Dudess wrote: »

Apparently it's not ideal to be dating a woman who has a child, but at least she's a "goer".
To me, a goer would imply a woman who's promiscuous and/or good in bed - can't see how having a baby guarantees either. Interesting take.

Yea a lot of men seem to think a woman who has had a child is going to be great in bed! She could have only had sex once and gotten pregnant:pac:

Jen Pigs Fly

voz es wrote: »

So a while later she brings a dildo back from the bathroom she gets him to dildo her up the rear.... she sprays sh1te every where all over him, the dudes up and running, looks over his shoulder, shes rolling around in it screaming for him to come back.......

Thats all folks,,,,,,,,

:eek::eek::eek:

/vomit

pragmatic1

voz es wrote: »

Went out in the city with a friend, we hadnt been out in ages together. Had a great evening and then we started on the vodka's. What ever idea we had the round developed into triple vodka and a dash of red bull, the night slipped. Its a blank untill a few hours later where i'm trusting back and foward, still getting my beaings and quickly i look down there is this massive chick and not the best looking, i just kinda jerk my head back, and out of nowhere i vomit all over the girl............... not my finest moment.

I WARN YOU NOW THIS SECOND STORY IS AWFULL

Another story my cousin told me about a time in Birmingham and there is a very shy guy. Out in the nightclub and he meets an excentric looking girl, she litterly pulls him out of the night club.He has a big smile on his face
as he waves good bye to his mates. Next day in college he is distant with all and refuses to talk about the night. Its about two weeks untill one of the girls gets the story out of him. So they arive back to the flat and their is a waterproof bed sheet on her bed. He dosent think too much of it the juices are flowing and he aint going to ask questions. So a while later she brings a dildo back from the bathroom she gets him to dildo her up the rear.... she sprays sh1te every where all over him, the dudes up and running, looks over his shoulder, shes rolling around in it screaming for him to come back.......

Thats all folks,,,,,,,,

Thats an urban myth. I've heard it before.

KamiKazeKitten

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek:

/vomit

Why oh WHY did you have to quote it? Reading it once was bad enough, my poor eyes
:P

GetWithIt

ziggy23 wrote: »

Yea a lot of men seem to think a woman who has had a child is going to be great in bed! She could have only had sex once and gotten pregnant:pac:

Certainly that was the case with my parents. FACT.

Not sure where my 5 siblings came from though.

Snowie

pragmatic1 wrote: »

Thats an urban myth. I've heard it before.

just like women's "orgasims"

ibarelycare

KamiKazeKitten wrote: »

Why oh WHY did you have to quote it? Reading it once was bad enough, my poor eyes
:P

Did you not cop on when you started reading it that it was the same post again?

saa

voz es wrote: »

she sprays sh1te every where all over him, the dudes up and running, looks over his shoulder, shes rolling around in it screaming for him to come back.......

Explosive diarrhea, kinky.

KamiKazeKitten

ibarelycare wrote: »

Did you not cop on when you started reading it that it was the same post again?

It took me a second or two to realise it (I've been writing essays all day, I'm a bit dozy) and then it was like a car crash, I just couldn't look away unfortunately.

blueser

What is this ''sex'' thing that people keep talking about?

Nodin

KamiKazeKitten wrote: »

It took me a second or two to realise it (I've been writing essays all day, I'm a bit dozy) and then it was like a car crash, I just couldn't look away unfortunately.

O well. You're awake now anyway.

blue note

Had a few drinks in me one night and while thrusting, actually stopped for a moment to scratch my arse. Was not a good move! Went to sleep unfulfilled that night.

Jen Pigs Fly

KamiKazeKitten wrote: »

Why oh WHY did you have to quote it? Reading it once was bad enough, my poor eyes
:P

I don't know! think I like to inflict pain without even knowning it

themadchef

Nodin wrote: »

....could have left her bitter and twisted. Ye wouldn't know.

Mmmm bitter, twisted, man hatin' and lookin' to torture an unsuspecting man whore for a couple of days before letting him die painfully and disposing of his body in lime.

Just sayin' is all



................or i could be just lookin' for a roide :pac:

Chances, we all take 'em!

44leto

I was in LA and I met this attractive girl in a Bar, she was a bit weird but a good laugh and we got on well enough. We went back to the place I was staying for some drinks and some action.

Then her eyes start darting about the room and she start screaming "do you see that" err no, after a while of this type of behaviour I asked her to leave, then she start accusing me of been the devil's agent on Earth. So I got the phone to ring her a taxi, but as she was opening her bag for her cigs I seen she had a gun in there. So I instantly sobered up and charmingly separated her from her bag.

THen she calmed down, I hid her bag and I still Fkuced her, it was good sex, but I didn't sleep.

It turned out she was on tablets (the basket case types) which you shouldn't mix with alcohol. I said i would call but...........

themadchef

44leto wrote: »

I was in LA and I met this attractive girl in a Bar, she was a bit weird but a good laugh and we got on well enough. We went back to the place I was staying for some for drinks and some action.

Then her eyes start darting about the room and she start screaming "do you see that" err no, after a while of this type of behaviour I asked her to leave, then she start accusing me of been the devil's agent on Earth. So I got the phone to ring her a taxi, but as she was opening her bag for her cigs I seen she had a gun in there. So I instantly sobered up and charmingly separated her from her bag.

THen she calmed down, I hid her bag and I still Fkuced her, it was good sex, but I didn't sleep.

It turned out she was on tablets (the basket case types) which you shouldn't mix with alcohol. I said i would call but...........

I get the feeling she was so fúcked up (going by your description of her, the poor thing) she wouldint remember her own name let alone yours.

stupidusername

44leto wrote: »

It turned out she was on tablets (the basket case types) which you shouldn't mix with alcohol. I said i would call but...........

what tablets are in that range?

Kev.

A few years ago I got very drunk,pulled this chick and went back to her Gaff.

While she went upstairs to fit into something a bit more sexy I decided to give my Lad a wash in her kitchen sink,

While doing this I gave my Lad a quick drying with the tea towel and put him away for some big time action,

She came downstairs and we started to get into it kissing and feeling her boobs....

Then I asked her to kiss my chest...

She did and while doing so she was coressing my pork sausage

As she unzipped my jeans and was getting ready to blow him we both looked down and to both of our amazements....




Was a baked bean sitting proudly on my pubic hairs


I never seen her again......

Fergality

Rode this slag in 2007 that just smelled. There wasn't much more to it, really.

Was sleeping with this English bint for a few months around three years ago, and she was mad into it. The sex was grand and everything, but I could never finish the job because one of the boys in work had claimed she had "a Simpsons mouth" as soon as we all got a good look at her. Just couldn't concentrate from then on!

Shockingly boring stuff from Fergal, as usual :pac:

lackofyou

I am looking forward my first experience...

hoorsmelt

Worst time was when I scored a drunk Yank, went back to her place, and couldn't cum cos I was too hammered. She gave me a BJ, but she fell asleep after 45 mins, and didn't wake up until I came in her mouth :pac:

Sittingpretty

muracan wrote: »

Was getting a bj in my car and my gf of the time gagged and then puked up apple tart all over my nethers and the car!
Couldn't get the rid of the smell for ages, embarrasing walk from the car to the flat too!

Post of the year

Johnny Foreigner

I was 19 years old and my girlfriend was 17. I wasn't allowed to stay over at her parents house, or to enter her bedroom as her Father was very protective. He was a football Referee, and was always out at a match on Sunday mornings for 2 hours. So after months of frustration we arranged next Sunday was to be our session. Regular as clockwork her father went off to the match Sunday morning. As soon as he was gone I was in her house and up the stairs. Her parents had a four poster king size bed, and I decided this was too good to resist. We had 2 hours with the house free and I was going to make the most of it. We got undressed and started having a good time. So much so that we didn't notice the torrential rain outside. Little did we know but the match had been rained off and her father was on his way home from the match. I was busy pounding his daughter doggy style on his four poster bed when he walked in soaked in his Referee kit. The look of shock on his face as he walked in and saw his daughter impaled on me was priceless. My girlfriend had a panic attack. I burst out laughing in fear, which sent her father into a rage. I quickly grabbed my clothes and got dressed running down the stairs while he tore into her. Then I realised his car was blocking mine in on the drive way. I would have to go back and ask him to move his car. He came out of the house and pinned me up against the wall. My legs buckled with fear as I tried to stutter an apology. Then to make matters worse, my legs were shaking so much my clutch control wasn't the best, and I reversed into his car on the driveway. He got out of his car and tried to rip my locked car door open to hit me while swearing as I made a quick get away. I never saw her again.

Jen Pigs Fly

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

I was 19 years old and my girlfriend was 17. I wasn't allowed to stay over at her parents house, or to enter her bedroom as her Father was very protective. He was a football Referee, and was always out at a match on Sunday mornings for 2 hours. So after months of frustration we arranged next Sunday was to be our session. Regular as clockwork her father went off to the match Sunday morning. As soon as he was gone I was in her house and up the stairs. Her parents had a four poster king size bed, and I decided this was too good to resist. We had 2 hours with the house free and I was going to make the most of it. We got undressed and started having a good time. So much so that we didn't notice the torrential rain outside. Little did we know but the match had been rained off and her father was on his way home from the match. I was busy pounding his daughter doggy style on his four poster bed when he walked in soaked in his Referee kit. The look of shock on his face as he walked in and saw his daughter impaled on me was priceless. My girlfriend had a panic attack. I burst out laughing in fear, which sent her father into a rage. I quickly grabbed my clothes and got dressed running down the stairs while he tore into her. Then I realised his car was blocking mine in on the drive way. I would have to go back and ask him to move his car. He came out of the house and pinned me up against the wall. My legs buckled with fear as I tried to stutter an apology. Then to make matters worse, my legs were shaking so much my clutch control wasn't the best, and I reversed into his car on the driveway. He got out of his car and tried to rip my locked car door open to hit me while swearing as I made a quick get away. I never saw her again.

Best post by far! Haha bloody hilarious, a case of what can go wrong, will go wrong and everything did indeed go wrong!

Wompa1

themadchef wrote: »

I get the feeling she was so fúcked up (going by your description of her, the poor thing) she wouldint remember her own name let alone yours.

Hmmmm...not to be a moaning Micheal but doesn't that sound a lot like rape...

im invisible

Its not rape if she dosnt say no ;/)

matt-dublin

You all need to see this site, and this store specifically will win you all over:

http://www.tuckermax.com/stories/tucker-tries-buttsex-hilarity-does-not-ensue/

then move onto the blowjob follies, sushi pants and absenthe doughnuts

Siuin

Fergality wrote: »

Rode this slag in 2007 that just smelled. There wasn't much more to it, really.

Lol and she was a 'slag' because she was having sex with you or...!?

foodie66

Kev. wrote: »

A few years ago I got very drunk,pulled this chick and went back to her Gaff.

While she went upstairs to fit into something a bit more sexy I decided to give my Lad a wash in her kitchen sink,

While doing this I gave my Lad a quick drying with the tea towel and put him away for some big time action,

She came downstairs and we started to get into it kissing and feeling her boobs....

Then I asked her to kiss my chest...

She did and while doing so she was coressing my pork sausage

As she unzipped my jeans and was getting ready to blow him we both looked down and to both of our amazements....




Was a baked bean sitting proudly on my pubic hairs


I never seen her again......

could ya not have gone to the bathroom FFS :rolleyes: