The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

Captain Darling

Laika1986 wrote: »

The key to a good relationship is punctuality, everyone knows that

Alot does depend on the time of arrival. Ahem.

smash

Rumpybumpy wrote: »

I wish I was getting some some sex to have stories about worst of it

kbannon, you didn't have to re-reg just to say that. We're an understanding group really.

Rumpybumpy

I

smash wrote: »

Rumpybumpy wrote: »

I wish I was getting some some sex to have stories about worst of it

kbannon, you didn't have to re-reg just to say that. We're an understanding group really.

Excuse me

7Sins

We need a "The worst sex you have ever had with yourself" thread. It'd be my turn to shine

matt-dublin

7Sins wrote: »

We need a "The worst sex you have ever had with yourself" thread. It'd be my turn to shine

has an aura of danger **** there.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmoooommmmmmmmmm.....
FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP"

Stiffler2

John Doe1 wrote: »

Ah fisting is there anything more romantic?:)

Perhaps double fisting or 1 in the pink, and 1 in the stink

matt-dublin

Lets not forget the Shocker:

THE SHOCKER :O

(thos claws are gastly...)

Korvanica

matt-dublin wrote: »

Lets not forget the Shocker:

THE SHOCKER :O

(thos claws are gastly...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HqY9Ie74v8

Dan133269

Captain Darling wrote: »

Had you pencilled it into your diary or something? A blow job on the 3rd of February at 16.43 hours followed by some classic intercourse?

This is why I love AH.

That referee story is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

mattjack

ziggy23 wrote: »

Yea a lot of men seem to think a woman who has had a child is going to be great in bed! She could have only had sex once and gotten pregnant:pac:

really

itsgrandlike

Ha these stories are hilarious, kept me busy for the most part of the day!

A guy I used to kiss had been ringing a few times to meet up. I had little enough interest but said yes to give my friends something to talk about! We ended up getting pretty pissed together, back to mine and started kissing.. We undressed in my room and I put my hand down there..... Max, two strokes and he came... I was like..... eh.... what just happened..
Anyways fell asleep and didn’t think a lot of it.. In the morning he was touching me up and all the rest, we were kissing and I went to give him a bj and he came almost instantly again... He didn’t seem to think this was weird.. In fact I felt like saying “This doesn’t usually happen to me!”
This story doesn’t even count I suppose seen as we didn’t have sex.. (although it was that small Im glad I didn’t waste my time!) We haven’t seen or spoken since...!

Galtee

itsgrandlike wrote: »

Ha these stories are hilarious, kept me busy for the most part of the day!

A guy I used to kiss had been ringing a few times to meet up. I had little enough interest but said yes to give my friends something to talk about! We ended up getting pretty pissed together, back to mine and started kissing.. We undressed in my room and I put my hand down there..... Max, two strokes and he came... I was like..... eh.... what just happened..
Anyways fell asleep and didn’t think a lot of it.. In the morning he was touching me up and all the rest, we were kissing and I went to give him a bj and he came almost instantly again... He didn’t seem to think this was weird.. In fact I felt like saying “This doesn’t usually happen to me!”
This story doesn’t even count I suppose seen as we didn’t have sex.. (although it was that small Im glad I didn’t waste my time!) We haven’t seen or spoken since...!

You're obviously just very good at your jobs.

Stiffler2

smash wrote: »

I'm sure she'll be here to contribute soon...

Seriously? 95% of the time? Way to fúck up a good shagging session!

she doesn't have an account and doesn't know my username
Jeez I need some privacy in my life.

how is it fúcking the session up ?
She comes, I come, no kids coz I pulled out before I came.

It may ruin it for the wimmen cumming but kids scare the ba jaysus out of me and that ain't gonna happen to me.

44leto

itsgrandlike wrote: »

Ha these stories are hilarious, kept me busy for the most part of the day!

A guy I used to kiss had been ringing a few times to meet up. I had little enough interest but said yes to give my friends something to talk about! We ended up getting pretty pissed together, back to mine and started kissing.. We undressed in my room and I put my hand down there..... Max, two strokes and he came... I was like..... eh.... what just happened..
Anyways fell asleep and didn’t think a lot of it.. In the morning he was touching me up and all the rest, we were kissing and I went to give him a bj and he came almost instantly again... He didn’t seem to think this was weird.. In fact I felt like saying “This doesn’t usually happen to me!”
This story doesn’t even count I suppose seen as we didn’t have sex.. (although it was that small Im glad I didn’t waste my time!) We haven’t seen or spoken since...!

I don't see anything wrong with that, he came didn't he and anyway women don't get "organisms" like men, they just have to lie there and think of Ireland.

Besides I am such a man I would have came twice in the time it took him to come once.

petes

Ripped my banjo string while a girl was going down on me. That wasn't much fun!

smash

Stiffler2 wrote: »

It may ruin it for the wimmen cumming but kids scare the ba jaysus out of me and that ain't gonna happen to me.

So go get a vasectomy... If it annoys her, then it is fúcking the session up!

Insurgent wrote: »

Ripped my banjo string while a girl was going down on me. That wasn't much fun!

Teeth?

Free ball.

I wonder in the years to come. How many priests and nuns when asked how did you recieve youre calling to the church?. Will reply i was on the internet one day when i was young reading a thread about sex and tuck it as a sign from god that the hole sex thing wasnt for me.




This thread the = The greatest recrutment drive the church has seen in years

Owryan

Stiffler2 wrote: »

smash wrote: »

I'm sure she'll be here to contribute soon...

Seriously? 95% of the time? Way to fúck up a good shagging session!

she doesn't have an account and doesn't know my username
Jeez I need some privacy in my life.

how is it fúcking the session up ?
She comes, I come, no kids coz I pulled out before I came.

It may ruin it for the wimmen cumming but kids scare the ba jaysus out of me and that ain't gonna happen to me.

Hate to burst your bubble but just because you pull out dont mean she cant get pregnant. It might not be as likely but still a possibility

Feisar

Lovin' this thread. I've had some pretty bad sex in my time but nothing like the car crashes this thread is littered with.

Worst that ever happened me was leaving behind an expensive watch my Mum had got me for my 21st. Left her place still drunk the next day and hopped on a bus that said An Lár and half fell asleep. Banged on a load of doors but never found her place!

And no, I don't know why I took the watch off.

Free ball.

Free ball. wrote: »

I wonder in the years to come. How many priests and nuns when asked how did you recieve youre calling to the church?. Will reply i was on the internet one day when i was young reading a thread about sex and tuck it as a sign from god that the hole sex thing wasnt for me.
This thread the = The greatest recrutment drive the church has seen in years

Some of those nuns have some filthy habits...

HalloweenJack

Can't think of a really bad experience, just some weird or embarrassing ones.

Was in bed with my then-GF. My mother was still at work. It was winter so it got dark early enough and myself and the GF lost track of time. Also, my room was in the attic so couldn't hear the front door being opened or shut. So we're going at it with the lights off when the lights flash on and I hear my mother calling up the stairs, asking if I'm feeling ok. We stop. I said "yeah, why?". She says "oh, I could just hear you moaning from all the way downstairs". I just quickly said "yeah, the GF is over". My mother goes "oh, right" and I could hear walking away very quickly for someone with arthritis and two dodgy knees. She avoided me for the rest of the evening.

Another time, had a ONS. Went back to her place, she insists on turning the lights off, fair enough. We're both pretty horny so we hadn't got all our clothes off before we'd got into bed. So to start off, I was licking her out then I moved up to kiss and start pumping away. I love tits so I tried to take her top off to see them and kiss them. She's practically fighting me to keep her top on. She said she can't cum with her top off. Still a good ride, though.

Final one, more embarrassing on my part. Had a ONS with a girl much older than me. At one point during, she turns to me and asks what I like to do. I was still young and naive, just happy for the ride and said something like "this is fine" so then I asked her and she says "oh, I'll do anything". I literally said "fair enough" and kept going at it in the missionary position. Really regret that when I think back on it, I don't know what I was missing.

Feisar

HalloweenJack wrote: »

Final one, more embarrassing on my part. Had a ONS with a girl much older than me. At one point during, she turns to me and asks what I like to do. I was still young and naive, just happy for the ride and said something like "this is fine" so then I asked her and she says "oh, I'll do anything". I literally said "fair enough" and kept going at it in the missionary position. Really regret that when I think back on it, I don't know what I was missing.

Oh to be back there again!

Wurly

Fergality wrote: »

Rode this slag in 2007

Was sleeping with this English bint for a few months around three years ago, and she was mad into it. The sex was grand and everything, but I could never finish the job because one of the boys in work had claimed she had "a Simpsons mouth" as soon as we all got a good look at her. Just couldn't concentrate from then on!

Yawn!:rolleyes:

allandanyways

This is probably my favourite thread on boards ever.

The worst sex I have ever had was with a friend I knew from college who I had fancied for 3 years and who I had built up in my head to be an amazing ride.

So after 3 years of basic mental foreplay, lots of dirty texts and random kisses on nights out etc etc, I decided the next time we were out together that it was going to happen.

So my friend from Germany comes over and we get a room to share in a hotel in town and the deal was whoever pulled first got to bring the bloke back to the hotel room and the loser had to find somewhere else to go. We're out on the lash, yer man comes to the pub we're in and we're away to the hotel, full of anticipation for an unbelievable ride.

There was no foreplay, he literally tore off my dress (had to throw it away, he actually tore it apart) and attempted to shove the skinniest dick I had ever seen in my life into me and I was in no way wet or turned on at all. He kept lobbing away saying "Oh my god this is amazing" and I'm in so much shock, I cant even move because he has me half bent over the edge of the bed, ploughing away. He came with an almighty roar and I'm still lying there, not having contributed at all because the whole thing lasted about 3 and a half minutes. Afterwards, we're having a smoke out the window and he goes "I'm so glad we waited so long, that was unreal" and I just roll my eyes and he goes "I know, I feel the same." I thought maybe he was on drugs or something, but no, he hadn't even drank that much. Strange boy.

Also, another time, at a party and this fella I'm with tries to slip me the finger and is jabbing away, really hurting me and says "Oh yeah, you like that on your clit?" and I looked up at him and says "Chief, it's not inside of me!" and he was genuinely surprised, having been told by previous women that the clit was inside and g-spot was another word for it.

matt-dublin

allandanyways wrote: »

This is probably my favourite thread on boards ever.

The worst sex I have ever had was with a friend I knew from college who I had fancied for 3 years and who I had built up in my head to be an amazing ride.

So after 3 years of basic mental foreplay, lots of dirty texts and random kisses on nights out etc etc, I decided the next time we were out together that it was going to happen.

So my friend from Germany comes over and we get a room to share in a hotel in town and the deal was whoever pulled first got to bring the bloke back to the hotel room and the loser had to find somewhere else to go. We're out on the lash, yer man comes to the pub we're in and we're away to the hotel, full of anticipation for an unbelievable ride.

There was no foreplay, he literally tore off my dress (had to throw it away, he actually tore it apart) and attempted to shove the skinniest dick I had ever seen in my life into me and I was in no way wet or turned on at all. He kept lobbing away saying "Oh my god this is amazing" and I'm in so much shock, I cant even move because he has me half bent over the edge of the bed, ploughing away. He came with an almighty roar and I'm still lying there, not having contributed at all because the whole thing lasted about 3 and a half minutes. Afterwards, we're having a smoke out the window and he goes "I'm so glad we waited so long, that was unreal" and I just roll my eyes and he goes "I know, I feel the same." I thought maybe he was on drugs or something, but no, he hadn't even drank that much. Strange boy.

Also, another time, at a party and this fella I'm with tries to slip me the finger and is jabbing away, really hurting me and says "Oh yeah, you like that on your clit?" and I looked up at him and says "Chief, it's not inside of me!" and he was genuinely surprised, having been told by previous women that the clit was inside and g-spot was another word for it.

best moderator ever

smash

allandanyways wrote: »

This is probably my favourite thread on boards ever.

The worst sex I have ever had was with a friend I knew from college who I had fancied for 3 years and who I had built up in my head to be an amazing ride.

So after 3 years of basic mental foreplay, lots of dirty texts and random kisses on nights out etc etc, I decided the next time we were out together that it was going to happen.

So my friend from Germany comes over and we get a room to share in a hotel in town and the deal was whoever pulled first got to bring the bloke back to the hotel room and the loser had to find somewhere else to go. We're out on the lash, yer man comes to the pub we're in and we're away to the hotel, full of anticipation for an unbelievable ride.

There was no foreplay, he literally tore off my dress (had to throw it away, he actually tore it apart) and attempted to shove the skinniest dick I had ever seen in my life into me and I was in no way wet or turned on at all. He kept lobbing away saying "Oh my god this is amazing" and I'm in so much shock, I cant even move because he has me half bent over the edge of the bed, ploughing away. He came with an almighty roar and I'm still lying there, not having contributed at all because the whole thing lasted about 3 and a half minutes. Afterwards, we're having a smoke out the window and he goes "I'm so glad we waited so long, that was unreal" and I just roll my eyes and he goes "I know, I feel the same." I thought maybe he was on drugs or something, but no, he hadn't even drank that much. Strange boy.

Also, another time, at a party and this fella I'm with tries to slip me the finger and is jabbing away, really hurting me and says "Oh yeah, you like that on your clit?" and I looked up at him and says "Chief, it's not inside of me!" and he was genuinely surprised, having been told by previous women that the clit was inside and g-spot was another word for it.

So you never copped a feel during any of the random drunken kisses?

Dublin_Gunner

allandanyways wrote: »

This is probably my favourite thread on boards ever.

The worst sex I have ever had was with a friend I knew from college who I had fancied for 3 years and who I had built up in my head to be an amazing ride.

**snip**

Caveat Emptor

You gotta inpect the goods before you commit to the sale!

MugMugs

I was in the middle of the act with a lass when she climaxed. I naturally kept going but she started shouting "oh Jesus no, stop! Peggy is too tender! She's too tender stop!"

I rolled off her, kinda annoyed and then said "Peggy" while pissing (not literally) myself laughing. She cried and I left....

Spektor

My story is a nightmare.

On holidays in greece, usual lads holiday. Anyway one night I came back to the apartments and I lost my friend who had the key. When i got back he wasnt in. It was nearly daylight and I was wrecked so I thought it would be a good idea to go to the pool and lie down on a bed.

I was dosing off, then a woman came along and started a conversation with me, we had a bit of craic and we kissed. She asked me back to hers, and everything was going great, hot and heavy.

I offered to go down on her, and she said yeah. So about 30secs into licking her out, I realise it tastes really really weird. It tasted like blood. I couldnt believe it, so I jumped up thinking its her time of the month.

I said "are you ok, i can taste blood". Her exact words were, "O I was with some guy last night, and he was really big, and went really hard".

I couldnt remember my reply,but I didnt continue, incase anyone was wondering.
I remember I had blood all over my fingers and all, horrible experience.

Insect Overlord

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Got off with a fat bird in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.

Did you go down? Actually, of course you did.