The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

allandanyways

Arawn wrote: »

Expect alot of pm's!

I welcome PMs. As long as the sender knows their way around the female anatomy and no, looking it up on wikipedia does not count. :pac:

Arawn

allandanyways wrote: »

I welcome PMs. As long as the sender knows their way around the female anatomy and no, looking it up on wikipedia does not count. :pac:

Lol's so you want someone to pretend they care about your pleasure?? :pac:

mickrock

Owryan wrote: »

Hate to burst your bubble but just because you pull out dont mean she cant get pregnant. It might not be as likely but still a possibility

Yes, the man might have released some spores already.

I think that's how it works.

Johnny Foreigner

At 21 I was driving my girlfriend home from a night out. She made it clear on the way that she was feeling horny and wanted sex. The problem was she lived at home with her parents so I couldn't come in. I suggested we have a quickie in the car. So up the top of the hill we drove and pulled over. We frantically got undressed and I rolled back the passenger seat to get on top of her. All was going well and I was busy pounding away with the windows getting steamed up. Things were going so well in fact that we failed to notice my girlfriend had grabbed the handbrake in the throws of passion and the car was now slowly rolling down the hill as I was pounding away. The next thing there was an almighty bang as my car hit a tree, and I thrust so hard my girlfriend screamed in agony. I opened the car door and realised we had rolled off the road and down a railway embankment. Fortunately the car had hit a tree which stopped it rolling onto the train tracks. We got dressed and I called the AA. I had a tough time explaining to the recovery man how the steamed up car ended up down the railway embankment.

allandanyways

Arawn wrote: »

Lol's so you want someone to pretend they care about your pleasure?? :pac:

I maintain a delusion that someday, it will happen. :cool:

Arawn

allandanyways wrote: »

I maintain a delusion that someday, it will happen. :cool:

thoughts of lesbian relationship so??

Siuin

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

We got undressed and I called the AA.

Nakedness does make them come faster

allandanyways

Arawn wrote: »

thoughts of lesbian relationship so??

Jesus no, pleasing one woman (i.e. myself) is enough work.

banie01

My worst sex story is like a tragic comedy!!

The morning after my 18th Birthday party, my GF called over to wake me up in the nicest possible way (And since I had to have her home at 12 the night before she was fresh as a daisy!LOL)
Anyways.....
A little later that morning and we are in full on rock the room mode, when all of a sudden my GF lets out a scream......!
I think to myself hmmmmm 18 years really do a man make!
She's never done that in the previous 2 years we were going out Go me I must be a legendary swordsman!!!
Manhood! I have arrived!

So in the .05secs it takes all these thoughts of my fantastic sexual prowess to flash through my mind
My GF screams again!!
And I Belatedly realise that there's actually something wrong with her....

So I extricate myself and my GF is in agony...
Holding her stomach and crying, So I have to help her dress and end up carrying her over to her Mams!
Where I haveta explain in the politest terms possible what happened, to her Folks!!!!!
Without implying that their firstborn daughter and myself were in anyway involved in any sexual activity!!

While this is going on....The worst hangover of my life is starting to set in!(I mean it I'm 32 now and its still the worst one ever!)
And my GFs Ma has called for an ambulance!,
We get to the hospital and it turns out my GF had an ovarian cyst that ruptured mid shag!!!!
She spent 11days in hospital and I was with her everyday, feeling guilty as sin for putting her through all that......
Along with waiting for the second scream before I copped onto the fact she was hurt!

allandanyways

banie01 wrote: »

My worst sex story is like a tragic comedy!!

The morning after my 18th Birthday party, my GF called over to wake me up in the nicest possible way (And since I had to have her home at 12 the night before she was fresh as a daisy!LOL)
Anyways.....
A little later that morning and we are in full on rock the room mode, when all of a sudden my GF lets out a scream......!
I think to myself hmmmmm 18 years really do a man make!
She's never done that in the previous 2 years we were going out Go me I must be a legendary swordsman!!!
Manhood! I have arrived!

So in the .05secs it takes all these thoughts of my fantastic sexual prowess to flash through my mind
My GF screams again!!
And I Belatedly realise that there's actually something wrong with her....

So I extricate myself and my GF is in agony...
Holding her stomach and crying, So I have to help her dress and end up carrying her over to her Mams!
Where I haveta explain in the politest terms possible what happened, to her Folks!!!!!
Without implying that their firstborn daughter and myself were in anyway involved in any sexual activity!!

While this is going on....The hangover of my life is starting to set in!
And my GFs Ma has called for an ambulance!,
We get to the hospital and it turns out my GF had an ovarian cyst that ruptured mid shag!!!!
She spent 11days in hospital and I was with her everyday, feeling guilty as sin for putting her through all that......
Along with waiting for the second scream before I copped onto the fact she was hurt!

I have read this word for word somewhere else. Urban myth?

banie01

allandanyways wrote: »

I have read this word for word somewhere else. Urban myth?

Urban myth my arse! I'll provide witnesses if ya like :P
I did post it on boards before in a similar thread though
Here
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=64938749

JuliusCaesar

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

Fortunately the car had hit a tree which stopped it rolling onto the train tracks. We got undressed and I called the AA. I had a tough time explaining to the recovery man how the steamed up car ended up down the railway embankment.

:eek: I don't think the AA actually require that...

allandanyways

banie01 wrote: »

Urban myth my arse! I'll provide witnesses if ya like :P
I did post it on boards before in a similar thread though
Here
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=64938749

that's the job, knew I had read it before! My apologies for doubting you!

banie01

allandanyways wrote: »

that's the job, knew I had read it before! My apologies for doubting you!

No bother
I should be glad that my worst sexual moment is worthy of being considered
''Urban Myth''
Thanks

Arawn

banie01 wrote: »

No bother
I should be glad that my worst sexual moment is worthy of being considered
''Urban Myth''
Thanks

She'll prob give you a handshandy as a way of apology:pac:

banie01

Arawn wrote: »

She'll prob give you a handshandy as a way of apology:pac:

Well apologies are always welcome as are happy endings :P
And I'm sure unlike one of her earlier experiences that not only could I plant a flag on her clitoris
I'd quite happily return that favour too! :cool: :P

suzzi

people...take note of tales of dubious "real experiences"...it's christmas guys......no need to lose the plot.....and they all lived happily ever after......yeah!...

AlanC275

In bed and she asks for a lick out...i agree and make my way down...the dirty **** had gotten off her period and not washed ( no joke ) i got sick in my mouth made my excuses and left. That smell will stay with me forever ****ing sick!

foodie66

Fergality wrote: »

Rode this slag in 2007 that just smelled. There wasn't much more to it, really.

Was sleeping with this English bint for a few months around three years ago, and she was mad into it. The sex was grand and everything, but I could never finish the job because one of the boys in work had claimed she had "a Simpsons mouth" as soon as we all got a good look at her. Just couldn't concentrate from then on!

Shockingly boring stuff from Fergal, as usual :pac:

jeesh, aren't you a catch ...

foodie66

Stiffler2 wrote: »

she doesn't have an account and doesn't know my username
Jeez I need some privacy in my life.

how is it fúcking the session up ?
She comes, I come, no kids coz I pulled out before I came.

It may ruin it for the wimmen cumming but kids scare the ba jaysus out of me and that ain't gonna happen to me.

Can you not just use contraception like most adults? You said your wife doesn't like it yet you won't replace that 'method' with something that satisfies both of you? Makes loads of sense :rolleyes:

homerjay2005

Have those whove been caught in the act by parents and relations, not heard of locking the door

Dub Ste

Many many years ago,me and my ex girlfriend were out on the town,had a rake load of drink before heading home for what I thought would be a night of passion.

Got into bed,a bit of kissing,a bit of cuddling,then she asked me to go down on her,no problem,it's what I love best........unfortunately the combination of having a skinful of beer,being in a comfy bed,the warmth between her legs,the softness of her thighs........I fell asleep whilst licking her out,I only found out when she punched me on the top of head,felt like she'd smacked me with a shovel.

I went f*cking mental,asked what she was playing at,she tells me I was asleep between her legs,I told to f*ck off,no way was I asleep...she says if it wasn't me asleep between her legs,who was it that was snoring.......:o:o

Needless to say,no happy finish for me that night

44leto

I don't know if this is an urban myth. I heard this story from from an A and E nurse years ago.

The old Renaults use to have the gear stick in an L shape sticking out of the dash. A couple were having some car fun down in Dollymount. While he was she was manoeuvring into position naked he lifted her up and she fell down on to the gear stick and the gear knob went up her arse and her muscles clamped around it.

They had to call the fire brigade to cut the gear stick and A and E had to get it out. Again I have no idea if that is a true story.

itsgrandlike

Dub Ste wrote: »

Many many years ago,me and my ex girlfriend were out on the town,had a rake load of drink before heading home for what I thought would be a night of passion.

Got into bed,a bit of kissing,a bit of cuddling,then she asked me to go down on her,no problem,it's what I love best........unfortunately the combination of having a skinful of beer,being in a comfy bed,the warmth between her legs,the softness of her thighs........I fell asleep whilst licking her out,I only found out when she punched me on the top of head,felt like she'd smacked me with a shovel.

I went f*cking mental,asked what she was playing at,she tells me I was asleep between her legs,I told to f*ck off,no way was I asleep...she says if it wasn't me asleep between her legs,who was it that was snoring.......:o:o

Needless to say,no happy finish for me that night

Hahaha hilarious! Reminds of a time when I was in bed with my then bf after a crazy night of vodka! He was on top, I sorta fell asleep/dozing and was half dreaming thinking about this idiot called Jimmy who had been annoying me at work that day.. While my bf was giving me his best moves and me in my sleepy drunken state, I yelled Awwwhhhh Jimmy!! (which was meant to sound like ugh Jimmy leave me alone) Needless to say my bf was less pleased, didnt continue and would talk to me in the morn!!

slowmoe

I have a few bad experiences. My then (now ex) fiancee in the middle of drunk sex telling me how much he loved how active i was in bed not like 'your one' from the last weekend.....

A french bf who i adored but had hygeine issues, which i counter acted by only having sex in the shower invited his brother to join us without telling me Still a bit freaked out that it was his brother and the general hygiene/craziness

Another ex told me not to worry if i became pregnant that he'd definitely marry me! Right in the middle of sex! I freaked out and kicked him off me thinking he wasn't wearing a condom but he told me it was his way of being romantic :eek:

smash

banie01 wrote: »

So I extricate myself and my GF is in agony...

You finished off first though right?

I'm still undecided if I should tell my story. Because it wasn't bad sex, but it ended up with a sexual injury which spiralled way out of control

itsgrandlike

slowmoe wrote: »

I have a few bad experiences. My then (now ex) fiancee in the middle of drunk sex telling me how much he loved how active i was in bed not like 'your one' from the last weekend.....


Oooohhh Mmmmmmm Geeeeee!! The Feckin Edgit!!

The_Minister

homerjay2005 wrote: »

Have those whove been caught in the act by parents and relations, not heard of locking the door

Not everyone has locks on their door.

bijapos

homerjay2005 wrote: »

Have those whove been caught in the act by parents and relations, not heard of locking the door

Locks on bedroom doors were banned by De Valera under pressure from Rome after the 1932 Eucharistic Congress to help preserve the purity of comely irish maidens. Twas only after the first miaow of the then baby Celtic Tiger in 1996 that they were reinstated.

44leto wrote: »

I don't know if this is an urban myth. I heard this story from from an A and E nurse years ago.

The old Renaults use to have the gear stick in an L shape sticking out of the dash.........

Thats a pretty big yoke to have shoved up your pussy let alone your arse.

Urban myth imo.

smash

bijapos wrote: »

Thats a pretty big yoke to have shoved up your pussy let alone your arse.

Urban myth imo.

pfft, that's nothing. You need to watch more porn!