The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

Siuin

minidazzler wrote: »

Life'll kill you, STD's are like Pokemon, gotta catch 'em all.

You speak... like a Pokemaster...

Ms. Pingui

When I was about 18, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his parents house. Suddenly his dad bursts into the room, looks shocked, and asks us if we are using protection! Mortified!

MugMugs

So? Were you ?

smash

I thought you had to shag monkeys or tom hanks to catch aids...

Ms. Pingui

MugMugs wrote: »

So? Were you ?

Yes! Though that intervention put an end to us needing protection for a while... We didn't have sex in that house again for a long time!

coffee_cake

smash wrote: »

I thought you had to shag monkeys or tom hanks to catch aids...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LifEjXPl1Ak

44leto

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

When I was about 18, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his parents house. Suddenly his dad bursts into the room, looks shocked, and asks us if we are using protection! Mortified!

and can I join in.

Ms. Pingui

44leto wrote: »

and can I join in.

Ew gross! I feel sick now, with the thought of that! Thanks!

smash

Might as well tell mine then.

When I was 17 we had a big party in the house, all the family were over and myself and my gf at the time slipped off for quicky in my room. She jumped up on top and was bouncing away and then there was big crack... Never felt pain like it! We sat there for a second and I said I was ok so we finished off.

So got dressed and went off to the sitting room and got comfy on the couch when she said "eh, look st your leg". So me sitting there in my finest white jeans (they were in at the time) with a pool of blood forming starting to freak out...

I ran out and got changed, grabbed my mam cos my dad had a few drinks and had to tell her I needed to get to the hospital, briefly explained what happened and pretended to everyone that I thought my appendix were at me. Then I had half my family trying to get me to jump up and down or bend into certain positions because if it was appendix I wouldn't be able to do that.

2 hours later I left a and e and was told I should be ok. My gf had to sit with my mam in the waiting room the whole time I was in getting my bits examined by various nurses. That was the plus side I guess. And no lasting problems thank god.

Teyla Emmagan

smash wrote: »

Might as well tell mine then.

When I was 17 we had a big party in the house, all the family were over and myself and my gf at the time slipped off for quicky in my room. She jumped up on top and was bouncing away and then there was big crack... Never felt pain like it! We sat there for a second and I said I was ok so we finished off.

So got dressed and went off to the sitting room and got comfy on the couch when she said "eh, look st your leg". So me sitting there in my finest white jeans (they were in at the time) with a pool of blood forming starting to freak out...

I ran out and got changed, grabbed my mam cos my dad had a few drinks and had to tell her I needed to get to the hospital, briefly explained what happened and pretended to everyone that I thought my appendix were at me. Then I had half my family trying to get me to jump up and down or bend into certain positions because if it was appendix I wouldn't be able to do that.

2 hours later I left a and e and was told I should be ok. My gf had to sit with my mam in the waiting room the whole time I was in getting my bits examined by various nurses. That was the plus side I guess. And no lasting problems thank god.

What was wrong then?

And also, white jeans were NEVER in

smash

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

What was wrong then?

And also, white jeans were NEVER in

Torn muscle or blood vessel or something, can't remember. But the doc looked at my gf in front of my mam and said "no sex for a week"

And they were sooo in! I was a bit of a raver between 15-17.

mickrock

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

**** isn't sex.

It's sex with someone I love.

ringadingding

An old mate of mine, a gay guy, this is his story but he tells it better.
He met a married guy, they were fooling around back at my mates apartment , and the married guy starts rimming and fingering him at the same time, all is great, until a particularly orgasmic squirm caused him to sh!t a bit in the guys mouth. Liquidy sh!t
He didn't even know he'd **** until the guy ran out of the room spitting and retching, when he followed him, yer man punched him on his arse, got dressed and left.

My mate was absolutely morto, and it took him two years to tell the story, and two weeks to talk to me after i laughed and told all of our mates.... But that sh!t needed to be told.

Grim but 100% true.

Jen Pigs Fly

Not me, but a friend of mine I couldn't believe it when I heard it. I am re-telling what she has told me, we're quite open with each other!

So she's newly single and out having fun, she goes out this weekend - I didn't go with her, was being kept fairly occupied with me new lover - anyway so she hooks up with this guy from our town, who is quite well known.

So, she goes back to his after a few kisses, her with a lot of vodka in her (she overdrinks at the best of times ) and the same with him. So he brings her to the living room, where he then goes down on her, 'great' she thinks 'found someone normal for a ONS'.

So she suggests they move to his room, he agrees. So up in his room she returns the favour and starts going at him giving him a BJ. After a while he starts pushing at her head telling her to 'go lower', thinking she meant his balls, off she went.

But no, he kept insisting she went lower - he wanted her to go at it to his hole!

The crazy girl did it too!

So she started doing it, was too drunk or polite to say no, dont ask me why she's quite Naieve when it comes to sex and likes to please lads. So shes licking away at it when he turns over.

And tells her to stick her fingers in.

So she is literally riding him up the pooper with her fingers, him on his hands and knees loving every second of it. He came in like 5 minutes.

Rolled over and fell asleep. That morning he rode her, lasted 2 mins.

Weirdest thing about it was that he was completely clean and fully shaven/waxed so he was out looking for a girl to lick and finger his backside

And I heard that before he was with a girl who rode him with a strap on :P

retalivity

was at a house/birthday party for a guy that i used to work with, wasnt great friends with him, and he had his sister and little brother up for the weekend. Was a crowd of us around, got introduced to the sister, she wasnt bad, got drunk, went out to a few pubs and a club, wnded up scoring her and coming back to the apartment.
It was only a 1 bed apartment, and the guy was moving out the next day, so had most of the stuff gone already. We went at it, wasted, and shortly passed out. I woke up on the couch the next morning with her wrapped around me, both of us bollock naked, and her little brother sitting in front of us on the floor watching cartoons. Her brother/My work colleague came in shortly, wasnt best pleased, and took him out to the cinema or for ice cream or something.
we were still hammered, once he was out the door she jumped on me again, said he wont be back til the nighttime, so lets hang around and horse all day. Good times!
So we're drinking & ****ing and its great craic, a few hours pass and she goes 'i want to try something'. She then emptys the ice tray into her mouth and immediately goes down on me.
I dont know what kind of sensation I was feeling, but it was definitely more weird than nice, and it was bloody cold. After 5-10mins or so, she stops, gets more, shoves them up her ladys area & screams at me to **** her. She was loving it, and me in my semi inebriated state was happy to go along with it. So shes getting near and she says 'lets go out on the balcony'. Im in the swing of things now and im like '**** yeah lets go on the balcony!!!'. It was a 3rd flort apartment overlooking a courtyard with a few families milling about. So we go out (its about 5pm on a sunday), a few minutes of pumping her over the railing and we're done.
Back inside, I immediately think 'jesus this is crazy', could easily have been caught, & my cock is now red raw, so we go our separate ways. I go straight into a pub across the road to meet a few friends, tell them all the story over a few pints. They're always better after a hard days work!

I never saw her again. And her brother was always weird to me after that. In fact, i'd go so far as to say our working environment after that was 'icy'.

LH Pathe

Sure the worst sex is no sex.

And that's if you didn't get any at all..

Too bad; should be more giving.

Is that a positive thing? No idea; but I'll risk that rump regardless. point being; guys in guys particular.. always hope for a negative outcum

foodie66

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

did a bird up the brown thomas one time in my old punto , near some run down warehouses and all was going ok till i got a hum of something , took my lad out and was covered in poo and i didnt speak 1 word to her after that , quiet aukward drive to leave her home , i went home and sat in a bath for about an hour feeling dirty

I don't understand why this was so shocking to you, or why you were so traumatised. What did you expect? :rolleyes:

born2bwild

foodie66 wrote: »

I don't understand why this was so shocking to you, or why you were so traumatised. What did you expect? :rolleyes:

I know, I had a Punto once, too. A hot shower wasn't enough. Took years in therapy to deal with the trauma.

born2bwild

To quote Alan Partridge, once upon a time "I didst venture south" with a girl..

Came up with a mouthful (I kid you not - a mouth FULL) of blood clot.

mickrock

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

did a bird up the brown thomas one time in my old punto , near some run down warehouses and all was going ok till i got a hum of something , took my lad out and was covered in poo and i didnt speak 1 word to her after that , quiet aukward drive to leave her home , i went home and sat in a bath for about an hour feeling dirty

I bet you haven't smashed in many back doors since then.

abouttobebanned

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

Not me, but a friend of mine I couldn't believe it when I heard it. I am re-telling what she has told me, we're quite open with each other!

So she's newly single and out having fun, she goes out this weekend - I didn't go with her, was being kept fairly occupied with me new lover - anyway so she hooks up with this guy from our town, who is quite well known.

So, she goes back to his after a few kisses, her with a lot of vodka in her (she overdrinks at the best of times ) and the same with him. So he brings her to the living room, where he then goes down on her, 'great' she thinks 'found someone normal for a ONS'.

So she suggests they move to his room, he agrees. So up in his room she returns the favour and starts going at him giving him a BJ. After a while he starts pushing at her head telling her to 'go lower', thinking she meant his balls, off she went.

But no, he kept insisting she went lower - he wanted her to go at it to his hole!

The crazy girl did it too!

So she started doing it, was too drunk or polite to say no, dont ask me why she's quite Naieve when it comes to sex and likes to please lads. So shes licking away at it when he turns over.

And tells her to stick her fingers in.

So she is literally riding him up the pooper with her fingers, him on his hands and knees loving every second of it. He came in like 5 minutes.

Rolled over and fell asleep. That morning he rode her, lasted 2 mins.

Weirdest thing about it was that he was completely clean and fully shaven/waxed so he was out looking for a girl to lick and finger his backside

And I heard that before he was with a girl who rode him with a strap on :P

If you're expecting us to recoil in horror you're in the wrong place!

Snowie

abouttobebanned wrote: »

If you're expecting us to recoil in horror you're in the wrong place!

speak for her self i remember getting a bj and cheeky one was slipped in poor girl didn't expect a mouth full of hot mess :pac:

abouttobebanned

The man was clean as a whistle down there (she says) I say fair play to him and her!

empacher

Snowie wrote: »

speak for her self i remember getting a bj and cheeky one was slipped in poor girl didn't expect a mouth full of hot mess :pac:

Always get a little worried when a girls hand start to stray south.

Worst ever had to be a house party. Everything going well. Girl pulls back, goes " I need to pee" comes back says she didn't need to go, we resume and same thing happens again. After the 4th time I get up and leave. Never walked home so pissed off. Was nearly considering popping one off on the way home.

Cochore

empacher wrote: »

Worst ever had to be a house party. Everything going well. Girl pulls back, goes " I need to pee" comes back says she didn't need to go, we resume and same thing happens again. After the 4th time I get up and leave. Never walked home so pissed off. Was nearly considering popping one off on the way home.

Son, I hate to break it to you but you missed out on some fun times with a potential squirter. Inexperienced women think they need to pee until a more experienced partner who knows what's going on shows them the light.

Africa

Re the guy with the Ice: Done that too. Thought it was fun, but can create some lubrication issues when inserted into her.

Second one.

I was 17 and was about 4 months into my first year of college. Had a gf back home and she came down one of the nights. Now I was in digs, which is living with a family - gotta say i hated this, had no freedom really whatsoever and the landlady was a b*tch. Anywho, bottom line is I was not allowed people over at all.

So gf came down. We went at it for a while in my room, which is separate from the rest of the house in the sense that it is a converted garage that is attached, with the only entrance through the laundry at the back which connects the restof the house, so the laundry area is like my hallway, the jax is there too. We were trying to be a bit quiet but also not really. The bed had wheels on it on a wood floor, so each thrust moved it a fair bit and few whacks on the wall.

After a while of this, I need the bathroom. Just putting on a pair of boxers, i walk out to the laundry area to use the jax. BUT im cut off by the landlady. "[name] have you got someone in there?" in her b*tchy voice. "no" of course is my answer, to which she replies "I want to check". I replied with give me a minute, went back in, and had a small panic. Got dressed and thought, where do I hide her? Only exit is blocked by b*tch lady and not much I can do! Admit or improvise?

Cue the cupboard. This is only small, so thank god my gf was too. Hid her nakedness in the cupboard, threw on some clothes myself, and said 'fine, come in' to the landlady. She looks around the room, at the bed, walks about a bit, and DOESNT check the cupboard. "We'll talk about this tomorrow" she says to me before storming out, clearly thinking she had caught me. So got away with it with her, we never got round to that talk. Not so much with the gf... she was ok with it at first, but gradually as the night went on, she was like 'i cant believe I was hid in a cupboard' and I was in the doghouse for a fair bit.

foxyboxer

mickrock wrote: »

It's sex with someone I love.

If a schizophrenic **** off his alter ego is that sex? :pac:

--Kaiser--

Africa wrote: »

Re the guy with the Ice: Done that too. Thought it was fun, but can create some lubrication issues when inserted into her.

Second one.

I was 17 and was about 4 months into my first year of college. Had a gf back home and she came down one of the nights. Now I was in digs, which is living with a family - gotta say i hated this, had no freedom really whatsoever and the landlady was a b*tch. Anywho, bottom line is I was not allowed people over at all.

So gf came down. We went at it for a while in my room, which is separate from the rest of the house in the sense that it is a converted garage that is attached, with the only entrance through the laundry at the back which connects the restof the house, so the laundry area is like my hallway, the jax is there too. We were trying to be a bit quiet but also not really. The bed had wheels on it on a wood floor, so each thrust moved it a fair bit and few whacks on the wall.

After a while of this, I need the bathroom. Just putting on a pair of boxers, i walk out to the laundry area to use the jax. BUT im cut off by the landlady. "[name] have you got someone in there?" in her b*tchy voice. "no" of course is my answer, to which she replies "I want to check". I replied with give me a minute, went back in, and had a small panic. Got dressed and thought, where do I hide her? Only exit is blocked by b*tch lady and not much I can do! Admit or improvise?

Cue the cupboard. This is only small, so thank god my gf was too. Hid her nakedness in the cupboard, threw on some clothes myself, and said 'fine, come in' to the landlady. She looks around the room, at the bed, walks about a bit, and DOESNT check the cupboard. "We'll talk about this tomorrow" she says to me before storming out, clearly thinking she had caught me. So got away with it with her, we never got round to that talk. Not so much with the gf... she was ok with it at first, but gradually as the night went on, she was like 'i cant believe I was hid in a cupboard' and I was in the doghouse for a fair bit.

First time Ive ever told anyone that story! No better place than the interwebz.

You should have embellished this a bit to make it more interesting

itsgrandlike

Cochore wrote: »

Son, I hate to break it to you but you missed out on some fun times with a potential squirter. Inexperienced women think they need to pee until a more experienced partner who knows what's going on shows them the light.

I'm not sure how true this is!??

Africa

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

You should have embellished this a bit to make it more interesting

you should have a tall glass of shut the f*ck up :pac: