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The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

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    #542
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    xxxJennyxxx wrote: »
    he was out looking for a girl to lick and finger his backside :confused:

    kfallon is always at that :D


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    #543
    Nead21
    Registered Users Posts: 1,163 ✭✭✭Nead21


    born2bwild wrote: »
    To quote Alan Partridge, once upon a time "I didst venture south" with a girl..

    Came up with a mouthful (I kid you not - a mouth FULL) of blood clot.

    :eek:

    I feel like I've just caught an STD from reading that! :(


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    #544
    Big Nasty
    Registered Users Posts: 22,080 ✭✭✭✭Big Nasty


    smash wrote: »
    Kbannon is always at that :D

    Think you mean kfallon! ;)


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    #545
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    MCMLXXV wrote: »
    Think you mean kfallon! ;)
    that's the one... edited!


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    #546
    cruiser178
    Registered Users Posts: 1,654 ✭✭✭cruiser178


    Cochore wrote: »
    Son, I hate to break it to you but you missed out on some fun times with a potential squirter. Inexperienced women think they need to pee until a more experienced partner who knows what's going on shows them the light.
    itsgrandlike wrote: »
    I'm not sure how true this is!??


    just say 'yes sensi' and learn from it.


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    #547
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    smash wrote: »
    kfallon is always at that :D
    MCMLXXV wrote: »
    Think you mean kfallon! ;)
    smash wrote: »
    that's the one... edited!

    Do you mind, I can see these posts :rolleyes:

    :p


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    #548
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    kfallon wrote: »
    Do you mind, I can see these posts :rolleyes:

    :p
    Yet you never denied it! :D


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    #549
    smallBiscuit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,074 ✭✭✭smallBiscuit


    dr.bollocko wrote: »

    swap jizz and fanny batter
    :D:D


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    #550
    Borat_Sagdiyev
    Registered Users Posts: 589 ✭✭✭Borat_Sagdiyev


    Not sex technically, but worst sexual experience anyway.

    I was with what can only be described as a goddamn eejit one night and we went outside the nightclub at the end of the night and we were "kissing".

    I put that in quotes because I don't really know what we were going, but it sure as hell wasn't kissing. She basically bit down hard on my tongue for the entire time, except for when she was slobbering all over me like a dog. When I think back on it, I don't have any idea why I didn't just push her away and tell her to go home for herself, but I think I was young and only delighted to be copping a feel. I thought the trade off was worth it at the time - it wasn't.

    Tongue was wrecked for a week afterwards. Needless to say, she wasn't going to get anywhere near giving me a BJ after that showing.


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    #551
    shrewdness
    Registered Users Posts: 2,709 ✭✭✭shrewdness


    This talk of women's hands venturing south reminds me of this girl I went home with around a year ago.

    We were both very drunk and went back to hers, and straight up into the bedroom. I was laid out out on the bed and she starts to give me a bj. I was lying back enjoying it when I heard a humming noise - she'd pulled out a vibrator and started using it on herself at the same time! Just as I was about to return the favour she moves the vibrator towards me! Naturally I was getting a bit worried but she just laughed and said she'd massage me with it, so off she went massaging my gooch while continuing the bj, quite a nice sensation actually! However less than a minute later I could feel her venturing even further south with the tool and I got a fright, grabbed it and threw her favourite sex toy against the wall, breaking it in a few bits. She wasn't best pleased and there was no ride for me that night! :(


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    #552
    Mr Benevolent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,456 ✭✭✭✭Mr Benevolent


    shrewdness wrote: »
    This talk of women's hands venturing south reminds me of this girl I went home with around a year ago.

    We were both very drunk and went back to hers, and straight up into the bedroom. I was laid out out on the bed and she starts to give me a bj. I was lying back enjoying it when I heard a humming noise - she'd pulled out a vibrator and started using it on herself at the same time! Just as I was about to return the favour she moves the vibrator towards me! Naturally I was getting a bit worried but she just laughed and said she'd massage me with it, so off she went massaging my gooch while continuing the bj, quite a nice sensation actually! However less than a minute later I could feel her venturing even further south with the tool and I got a fright, grabbed it and threw her favourite sex toy against the wall, breaking it in a few bits. She wasn't best pleased and there was no ride for me that night! :(

    Prude.


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    #553
    Big Nasty
    Registered Users Posts: 22,080 ✭✭✭✭Big Nasty


    shrewdness wrote: »
    This talk of women's hands venturing south reminds me of this girl I went home with around a year ago.

    We were both very drunk and went back to hers, and straight up into the bedroom. I was laid out out on the bed and she starts to give me a bj. I was lying back enjoying it when I heard a humming noise - she'd pulled out a vibrator and started using it on herself at the same time! Just as I was about to return the favour she moves the vibrator towards me! Naturally I was getting a bit worried but she just laughed and said she'd massage me with it, so off she went massaging my gooch while continuing the bj, quite a nice sensation actually! However less than a minute later I could feel her venturing even further south with the tool and I got a fright, grabbed it and threw her favourite sex toy against the wall, breaking it in a few bits. She wasn't best pleased and there was no ride for me that night! :(

    Maybe you should change your name to 'prudeness'! :pac:

    EDIT: In there before me Confab! : D


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    #554
    shrewdness
    Registered Users Posts: 2,709 ✭✭✭shrewdness


    Confab wrote: »
    shrewdness wrote: »
    This talk of women's hands venturing south reminds me of this girl I went home with around a year ago.

    We were both very drunk and went back to hers, and straight up into the bedroom. I was laid out out on the bed and she starts to give me a bj. I was lying back enjoying it when I heard a humming noise - she'd pulled out a vibrator and started using it on herself at the same time! Just as I was about to return the favour she moves the vibrator towards me! Naturally I was getting a bit worried but she just laughed and said she'd massage me with it, so off she went massaging my gooch while continuing the bj, quite a nice sensation actually! However less than a minute later I could feel her venturing even further south with the tool and I got a fright, grabbed it and threw her favourite sex toy against the wall, breaking it in a few bits. She wasn't best pleased and there was no ride for me that night! :(

    Prude.

    Didn't fancy getting a vibrator up the hole myself but each to their own!


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    #555
    Ficheall
    Registered Users Posts: 9,033 ✭✭✭Ficheall


    When did this "going south" phrase start being used to mean towards one's backside? Moving "south" from the nether regions surely brings one to one's legs, no?
    (Assuming the North-South axis runs perpendicular to some tangent on the Earth's surface. Otherwise the various positions would give rise to a lass going "north by north west" on one, etc.)

    In retrospect that does sound intriguingly naughtical...


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    #556
    Dublin_Gunner
    Registered Users Posts: 7,692 ✭✭✭Dublin_Gunner


    Enderman wrote: »
    Another time was at another ex's cousin's wedding, we stayed at a hotel. The usual happened, get plastered at it, having a laugh with the family I never met before, with the exception of my ex's family. So anyway there we were at it when I got a text on my phone, low and behold it's my ex's sister, which read out 'where the **** are you <name>, im hot and wet 4 you!' Needless to say my ex threw me out of the apartment straight away and I just lay outside the room totally clueless as to what happened. I rang her sister and as it turns out she sent the text to me instead of her fiancé. I have the same first name as her fiancé so yeah...

    Anyways I eventually got back in to sleep on the floor for the rest of the night, my ex was still in a bit of a tizzy over it. The next morning was extremely quiet and embarrassing at the breakfast table. :o

    Jaysus, did ya not head to her sis' room?? ya big eejit!


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    #557
    suzie987
    Registered Users Posts: 174 ✭✭suzie987


    empacher wrote: »
    Always get a little worried when a girls hand start to stray south.

    Worst ever had to be a house party. Everything going well. Girl pulls back, goes " I need to pee" comes back says she didn't need to go, we resume and same thing happens again. After the 4th time I get up and leave. Never walked home so pissed off. Was nearly considering popping one off on the way home.

    Sounds like a girl who needs to learn a thing or two about the big O - she was on a winner there ;)


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    #558
    Catxscotch
    Registered Users Posts: 371 ✭✭Catxscotch


    When my ex boyfriend was still living at home we were having a great time in the shower while his family were out. Great until he accidently caught me the wrong way..I was quite young and inexperienced. I took such a shock I fainted in the shower. He had to ly me out on the bathroom floor, and then his father arrived home. The ex was so shaken by the time I woke up, he was nearly in tears with fright and fear of the father needing the loo!!!


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    #559
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Catxscotch wrote: »
    When my ex boyfriend was still living at home we were having a great time in the shower while his family were out. Great until he accidently caught me the wrong way..I was quite young and inexperienced. I took such a shock I fainted in the shower. He had to ly me out on the bathroom floor, and then his father arrived home. The ex was so shaken by the time I woke up, he was nearly in tears with fright and fear of the father needing the loo!!!

    I bet he finished off while you were out cold! :D


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    #560
    cruiser178
    Registered Users Posts: 1,654 ✭✭✭cruiser178


    Catxscotch wrote: »
    When my ex boyfriend was still living at home we were having a great time in the shower while his family were out. Great until he accidently caught me the wrong way..I was quite young and inexperienced. I took such a shock I fainted in the shower. He had to ly me out on the bathroom floor, and then his father arrived home. The ex was so shaken by the time I woke up, he was nearly in tears with fright and fear of the father needing the loo!!!

    Could you be a little more graphic .....please


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    #561
    Catxscotch
    Registered Users Posts: 371 ✭✭Catxscotch


    cruiser178 wrote: »
    Could you be a little more graphic .....please

    No..This aint a porn site..I'm still a good Catholic girl!!


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    #562
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Catxscotch wrote: »
    No..This aint a porn site..I'm still a good Catholic girl!!
    Cool, just pm us then :D


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    #563
    veloc123
    Registered Users Posts: 85 ✭✭veloc123


    wyndham wrote: »
    :confused: He put it in your ear?

    Nasal sex is sOO overrated...!!


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    #564
    canonball5
    Registered Users Posts: 445 ✭✭canonball5


    Catxscotch wrote: »
    No..This aint a porn site..I'm still a good Catholic girl!!

    When i first read that I thought he had hit you.:D


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    #565
    Jimmy Bottlehead
    Registered Users Posts: 10,121 ✭✭✭✭Jimmy Bottlehead


    Catxscotch wrote: »
    No..This aint a porn site..I'm still a good Catholic girl!!

    Not if you took it up the poop chute :pac:


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    #566
    Catxscotch
    Registered Users Posts: 371 ✭✭Catxscotch


    Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »
    Not if you took it up the poop chute :pac:

    Ah, but the whole point of the story was that I DIDN'T take it up...there.
    Im a good girl..


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    #567
    jester77
    Registered Users Posts: 11,262 ✭✭✭✭jester77


    Catxscotch wrote: »
    When my ex boyfriend was still living at home we were having a great time in the shower while his family were out. Great until he accidently caught me the wrong way..I was quite young and inexperienced. I took such a shock I fainted in the shower. He had to ly me out on the bathroom floor, and then his father arrived home. The ex was so shaken by the time I woke up, he was nearly in tears with fright and fear of the father needing the loo!!!

    accidentally my hole

    *grabs coat*


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    #568
    arybvtcw0eolkf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 24,878 ✭✭✭✭arybvtcw0eolkf


    Catxscotch wrote: »
    No..This aint a porn site..I'm still a good Catholic girl!!

    So your the mother of ten babie's with the lad then?.


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    #569
    ringadingding
    Registered Users Posts: 1,010 ✭✭✭ringadingding


    suzie987 wrote: »
    Sounds like a girl who needs to learn a thing or two about the big O - she was on a winner there ;)

    The man that cracks that can of worms open, will have a key to her city for life.


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    #570
    Seachmall
    Registered Users Posts: 7,041 ✭✭✭Seachmall


    Macie Moldy Performer wrote: »
    So your the mother of ten babie's with the lad then?.

    Weren't you reading? She takes it up the arse, best contraception there is.


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    #571
    Wompa1
    Registered Users Posts: 8,170 ✭✭✭Wompa1


    TheOldSeaDog wrote: »
    I was out on a college nite in a city in the south with the lads. Got drunk and copped off with this one in a popular niteclub. The I had no money so she paid for a taxi back to hers which was an appartment near the river. Get in clothes off, into bed and I start fingering vigorously and I tried to fist her vadge but she stopped me cos my fist was too big. So then eventually we got to riding but I had no bag on me. After a while she falls fast asleep but I'm not finished. I keep going with her asleep and eventaully she starts getting all dry and I can't put it in properly. So I take the opportunity to implement of of the best moves you see in pornos - I got up and spat on her vulva a few times and then spat on my hand and rubbed it on her too. I always wanted to do that!!! "huuuock...thooo. <slaps vulva> You like that?"
    Anyway riding away again, her asleep, no bag and I say fcuk it, no point stopping so I just blow and spill my dick into her vadge. Wham bam thankyou mam. So I just slide out over her and get out of the bed and get dressed again.
    Then I have a bit of a nose around her apparment and then I leave but as I was still drunk I could not find my way out of the apparment complex and ended up exiting via the car park entrance. So I set off for home, proabably 4am at this stage, in the pissing rain and I take a "short cut" across this area but I go worng and end up walking through the city landfill. Tired as fcuk, covered in mud, soaked wet and so i get up into the cab of a bulldozer that was parked there and go asleep in the seat. Then I wake up at like 7.30 when its brright and I get my bearings and go back home. Going into college about an hour later and all the dump machines are driving around - lcuky escape.

    Good oul nite all the same though eh!

    Ha Ha Great example of why you shouldn't bring a stranger home or go home with one yourself.


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