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The worst sex you have ever had with someone?
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Was with a girl who didn't like me cummin in her or on her, even though she was on the jack n jill
Got her back tho. Next time we're in the sack, I say feckin nothing when I'm hittin the vinegar strokes.
Another time, same girl, we'd just watched the 1st Pirates of the Carribean movie earlier and slipped off for a bit of namby pamby
she goes.....'Aye....sea turtles!'
I was feckin gutted
if i had to talk to you in real life i'd get so confused0 -
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I hooked up with a guy years ago - I was 17 and he was 19, but he was a virgin. I had been staying in my aunt's for the summer, and myself and this guy had been going out for a few weeks when I had a free place and I took him home.
We went up to my room and started making out and things started moving on. But, maybe because he had waited for a while and wanted it to be special, he was moving very slowly and reverently. It took about an hour before we actually got to the deed - which was fine - but, even then, he was moving sooooooo slowly and spending ages just lying on top of me with this big grin on his face. I didn't want to pick up the pace, 'cause it was his first time, and he seemed to be enjoying himself, and whenever I started moving it a bit more, he slowed it down again.
Then, all of a sudden, he pushes his upper body up with his hands and shouts out "I can't believe I'm having sex"
Cue heavy footsteps racing up the stairs. My aunt had come back and heard him roaring! She burst into the room and started screaming at me. Yer man just froze, so there I was - him on top of me, I'm desperately trying to escape, and my aunt is calling me every name under the sun!
................
Now that's what I'd call -an auntie climax.
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Macie Moldy Performer wrote: »Up the bum, no harm done!.
Up the gicker, cum quicker!
1 in the can is worth 2 in the bush 0 -
hmmmmmm, were to start with this one, havent even told my good friends this one, hope you enjoy
was in prague one weekend on a stags and with all stags you find yourself in the highest of upstanding places to go on a night out with your friends, strip clubs mainly........
so after many beers, many nightclubs and strip clubs me and one of my friends went on the pull and clicked these two girls who had no word of english, but absolutley stunning, me not having sex for over the three month mark was very horny and gagging for some sex, no talking needed and we were all headed back to hotel, my friend had his own room so we went our seperate ways, get her back to the room when after about 30 seconds into fooling around the phone rings, the security guard asks that i get rid of the prostitute in my room (wasnt a prostitute), cleared that up by trying to ask the girl if she was a prostitute by making money hand gestures to the girl (smooth) who was not impressed, nodded the head to say no im not a prostitute and without even mentioning the security guard she was on her way out the door. (BALLS) So what i think anyone with 3 months of no sex i ran after her with my cock absolutley rock solid, the friction in the pants as i went after her was actually kinds nice, eventually tucked the little guy under the belt to hide the stalker and did my best to get her back.
Not rememebering she couldnt speak any english i said i was sorry and tried to explain the whole security guard incident to her but could see by her face she had no idea what i was saying, i even remember putting on a stupid czech accent and kept speaking english which obviously made no difference, oh the confusion.
Eventually she bought back into the irish charm with the czech accent and things were looking up (literally). But we couldnt go back to mine so down a smelly alley seemed like a good choice since i was so horny and just wanted to shoot and go to bed. So down some alley we went, after about 10-15 seconds of kissing and my cock pumping like a sore thumb she unbuckled my belt, i thought i was going to cum right there, im usually not bad in the bedroom, 15, somtimes 20 minutes, but this girl was ridiculously good looking and 3 months outside the bedroom few drinks on me and that little breeze hitting me as she took down my bottoms and i thought im just going to spooge right here.
i literally prayed right there, "PLEASE DONT CUM, PLEASE DONT CUM, PLEASE DONT CUM", "just give me 2 minutes please", sure she couldnt speak any english so was literally speaking out loud, still kissing she went to grab my tootsie roll and i quickly slapped it away, was like a girl on a first date when ya want a feel of her funbags, but if she gave that one tug i would have exploded, i didnt know what to do, she must have thought i didnt like foreplay or something (not that it was the best surrondings) and pulled out a condom, i thought ok maybe if we get that on i wont be so bad, but she grabbed the thing like a joystick, felt amazing but it was all comming (literally) to an end and just as she pulled back the condom over the worm i let out this very unfortunate YYEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Looked to the heavens and enjoyed the 2-3 seconds of pleasure and then said............ "BALLOX"
When i looked backed down the girl was bending over and had no idea that id just jizzed myself. I looked down at that unbelivable bum and thought what could have been, i turned the girl around pointed to the little guy and the look of disappointment was almost as bad as mine. I apologized to the girl and went on my way. Never had that problem since, of course i told the lads that i was a stallion the night before.
Rookie mistake, you NEVER go out with a loaded gun
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xxxJennyxxx wrote: »Not me, but a friend of mine I couldn't believe it when I heard it. I am re-telling what she has told me, we're quite open with each other!
So she's newly single and out having fun, she goes out this weekend - I didn't go with her, was being kept fairly occupied with me new lover - anyway so she hooks up with this guy from our town, who is quite well known.
So, she goes back to his after a few kisses, her with a lot of vodka in her (she overdrinks at the best of times) and the same with him. So he brings her to the living room, where he then goes down on her, 'great' she thinks 'found someone normal for a ONS'.
So she suggests they move to his room, he agrees. So up in his room she returns the favour and starts going at him giving him a BJ. After a while he starts pushing at her head telling her to 'go lower', thinking she meant his balls, off she went.
But no, he kept insisting she went lower - he wanted her to go at it to his hole!
The crazy girl did it too!
So she started doing it, was too drunk or polite to say no, dont ask me why she's quite Naieve when it comes to sex and likes to please lads. So shes licking away at it when he turns over.
And tells her to stick her fingers in.
So she is literally riding him up the pooper with her fingers, him on his hands and knees loving every second of it. He came in like 5 minutes.
Rolled over and fell asleep. That morning he rode her, lasted 2 mins.
Weirdest thing about it was that he was completely clean and fully shaven/waxed so he was out looking for a girl to lick and finger his backside
And I heard that before he was with a girl who rode him with a strap on :P
Paul Galvin Perhaps?0 -
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