The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

Mr Freeze

Great thread.....some great stories....laughing out loud here at work over some of them.

Didn't happen to me this, but just got it in an email and felt it was relevant here. If this guy was a boards user, he would be posting it no doubt.

An ex-English policeman has been jailed for six months for leading his former colleagues on a car chase because he was so embarrassed about being pulled over while driving nude.

Andy Easterby, 30, had been on holiday with his girlfriend at the resort town of Scarborough in North Yorkshire, Britain's Daily Mail reported.

The couple ended the trip by having sex in their car in the early hours of the morning.

Easterby did not put his clothes back on and was seen by an alert CCTV operator, driving nude through the town centre at 3am.

Police were dispatched. But Easterby was so embarrassed at the prospect of being caught by former colleagues in a state of undress that he reversed at speed as they approached.

His tyres smoking, Easterby drove the wrong way down one-way streets and went through no-entry signs with his girlfriend in the passenger seat, the court heard.

He briefly succeeded in evading police but was soon forced to abandon his car and continue the escape bid on foot.

He was eventually found crouching behind a rubbish bin, wearing only shoes and socks.

Easterby pleaded guilty to dangerous driving yesterday and was jailed for six months and banned from driving for three years.

The judge acknowledged Easterby's embarrassment but said that he needed to deter people from leading the police on chases.

It was not Easterby's first driving offence. He was forced to end his eight-year career as a policeman two years ago after being convicted of drink-driving.

Link

Benicetomonty

A resounding Pics or GTFO to all of u

bigpints

minidazzler wrote: »

Is anyone else wondering what bigpints real username is?

i just stumbled accross this thread and thought i would create an account. cough

Press_Start

Mate of mine was staying at my place,still live with parents, thats grand, we were heading out cos we hadn't seen each other for ages. Another mate, one im not actually fond of, and who's liked me for ages, plus shes f@cking annoying as hell, asked to stay too, i softied up and said sure why not.
Long story short we ended up shackin' up in my bed, in my parents place.
It was awful, she couldn't do anything right! Foreplay was more like choreplay, anything that required her effort was useless!! She had a tongue peircing as well which she didnt use to great effect, even when asked to stop!
When we eventually got down to the horizontal monster mash, all she did was lie there like a feckin' corpse!!
I couldnt even finish myself, so as soon as she was done, i just left her off and pretended to go asleep.
She even boasts about all the sex she has and how great she is at it!!!

minidazzler

[QUOTE=Press_Start;76029183
She even boasts about all the sex she has and how great she is at it!!![/QUOTE]

I've learned, any girl that talks openly about all the sex she hasand how great she is, is lying worse than guys and is probably crap. She thinks cos she lets guys fcuk her she is great at it. The best are the ones who have no illusions that they are great and say "I'm bad at this, but wanna try it"

foodie66

shrewdness wrote: »

This talk of women's hands venturing south reminds me of this girl I went home with around a year ago.

We were both very drunk and went back to hers, and straight up into the bedroom. I was laid out out on the bed and she starts to give me a bj. I was lying back enjoying it when I heard a humming noise - she'd pulled out a vibrator and started using it on herself at the same time! Just as I was about to return the favour she moves the vibrator towards me! Naturally I was getting a bit worried but she just laughed and said she'd massage me with it, so off she went massaging my gooch while continuing the bj, quite a nice sensation actually! However less than a minute later I could feel her venturing even further south with the tool and I got a fright, grabbed it and threw her favourite sex toy against the wall, breaking it in a few bits. She wasn't best pleased and there was no ride for me that night!

Uh, could you not have just asked her stop instead of breaking it against a wall? Weird

foxyboxer

bigpints wrote: »

i literally prayed right there, "PLEASE DONT CUM, PLEASE DONT CUM, PLEASE DONT CUM", "just give me 2 minutes please",

Quick tip.

"mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-"

kryogen

bigpints wrote: »

hmmmmmm, were to start with this one, havent even told my good friends this one, hope you enjoy

was in prague one weekend on a stags and with all stags you find yourself in the highest of upstanding places to go on a night out with your friends, strip clubs mainly........

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant! just the laugh i needed today

kylith

Stiffler2 wrote: »

I do this probably 95% of the time. The wife isn't happy but she cums before I do anyway and women get the multiples so who cares since she has cum already.

The main reason for this is I fookin hate kids so there ye go ladies.
If blokes do this to you you now know the reason why.

The thing is that it's a huge blow to anyone's self esteem if it seems that your partner cannot orgasim while they're actually having sex with you. I was reduced to tears on more than one occasion because my partner at the time would pull out and finish himself off by hand; I felt like there was something wrong with me. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your wife would roll off, having had apparently no satisfaction from having sex with you, and you discovered that she wasn't going to the bathroom to clean herself up, but to masturbate? I'm guessing that you wouldn't like it.

It's not about whether she climaxes or not; it's about her feeling desirable and skilled enough to bring you to orgasm. Constantly pulling out is emotionally selfish, and, for me, it felt like having sex with me was something he felt he had to do, but got no enjoyment from.

If you're certain that you don't want kids then get the snip, ffs, or use a reliable method of contraception, then everyone will be happy.

foxyboxer

kylith wrote: »

The thing is that it's a huge blow to anyone's self esteem if it seems that your partner cannot orgasim while they're actually having sex with you. I was reduced to tears on more than one occasion because my partner at the time would pull out and finish himself off by hand; I felt like there was something wrong with me. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your wife would roll off, having had apparently no satisfaction from having sex with you, and you discovered that she wasn't going to the bathroom to clean herself up, but to masturbate? I'm guessing that you wouldn't like it.

It's not about whether she climaxes or not; it's about her feeling desirable and skilled enough to bring you to orgasm. Constantly pulling out is emotionally selfish, and, for me, it felt like having sex with me was something he felt he had to do, but got no enjoyment from.

If you're certain that you don't want kids then get the snip, ffs, or use a reliable method of contraception, then everyone will be happy.

I would guess that men become accustomed to a certain way or feel to 'finishing off' during adolesence and beyond. That's just normal. A vagina is a completely different feeling to a fist and for some it doesn't push the right buttons so to speak so finishing off by hand does the trick.

smash

foxyboxer wrote: »

A vagina is a completely different feeling to a fist and for some it doesn't push the right buttons so to speak so finishing off by hand does the trick.

Pot the brown next time then.

kryogen

May aswell throw in my one now

I had been seeing this girl for a few weeks, about 3 i think, when i was younger, she was still a virgin and we had planned to have sex on this one particular night when her parents were both away, my only previous experience with virgins had been positive so on the night in question i arrive at the house all excited and giddy to be the first one to get inside this beautiful womans vagina and we have a nice dinner, watch a dvd then decide to head upstairs

I do my best to make her as comfortable as possible, massage her, finger her, go down on her etc... tell her how beautiful she is and everything and then I get the tip in, and my God the screaming was unbearable! you would swear i had stabbed her in the eye with a knife!

So i steadied myself, got the lube, which i had brought too in case of complications and tried again, slowly, this time i got it in, success!!!!! it was quite painful for her at the start but then she relaxed, i could feel her start to enjoy herself the longer it went on which was great

except for one thing, i was bored as ****!!! this was quite easily the worst sexual experience of my life and was the one and only time i have Faked It... after a considerable amount of time of her lying like a sack of potatos and refusing to move at all in case it hurt her, i had asked her to get on top as i said she would find it easier to control how deep i went etc... i just pretended to be getting close, started breathing heavier, made stupid noises and all that, sure she wasnt gonna know any different was she and pretended to come with a final thrust

I then got off her and had to finish my blood soaked penis off myself in the bathroom while being as quiet as possible!

I still dont think he has forgiven me, i have never touched a virgin again just in case

Korvanica

kryogen wrote: »

I still dont think he has forgiven me, i have never touched a virgin again just in case

smash

kryogen wrote: »

I then got off her and had to finish my blood soaked penis off myself in the bathroom while being as quiet as possible!

What was she, 12? And you didn't wear a rubber?

Korvanica

Korvanica wrote: »

I believe he is referring to his penis.

kryogen

smash wrote: »

What was she, 12? And you didn't wear a rubber?

17 and correct!

i didnt claim to be the cleverest back then!!!

Sue me

CiaranMT

kryogen wrote: »

May aswell throw in my one now

I had been seeing this girl for a few weeks, about 3 i think, when i was younger, she was still a virgin and we had planned to have sex on this one particular night when her parents were both away, my only previous experience with virgins had been positive so on the night in question i arrive at the house all excited and giddy to be the first one to get inside this beautiful womans vagina and we have a nice dinner, watch a dvd then decide to head upstairs

I do my best to make her as comfortable as possible, massage her, finger her, go down on her etc... tell her how beautiful she is and everything and then I get the tip in, and my God the screaming was unbearable! you would swear i had stabbed her in the eye with a knife!

So i steadied myself, got the lube, which i had brought too in case of complications and tried again, slowly, this time i got it in, success!!!!! it was quite painful for her at the start but then she relaxed, i could feel her start to enjoy herself the longer it went on which was great

except for one thing, i was bored as ****!!! this was quite easily the worst sexual experience of my life and was the one and only time i have Faked It... after a considerable amount of time of her lying like a sack of potatos and refusing to move at all in case it hurt her, i had asked her to get on top as i said she would find it easier to control how deep i went etc... i just pretended to be getting close, started breathing heavier, made stupid noises and all that, sure she wasnt gonna know any different was she and pretended to come with a final thrust

I then got off her and had to finish my blood soaked penis off myself in the bathroom while being as quiet as possible!

I still dont think he has forgiven me, i have never touched a virgin again just in case

kryogen wrote: »

17 and correct!

i didnt claim to be the cleverest back then!!!

Sue me

You didn't come across as the most conscientious either :rolleyes:

Maedbhish

Right now.

SteoL

foxyboxer wrote: »

Quick tip.

"mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-mary-harney-naked-"

I've just come.

bebostunnah

One lad gave me a lick out though not where i was expecting, shoved his tongue right up my brown hole, little did he know i was off sick from college for 3 days due to diarrhorea, needless to say he didnt stay long

JustAddWater

bebostunnah wrote: »

One lad gave me a lick out though not where i was expecting, shoved his tongue right up my brown hole, little did he know i was off sick from college for 3 days due to diarrhorea, needless to say he didnt stay long

Classy!

bebostunnah

JustAddWater wrote: »

Classy!

Never asked for it?

Seachmall

bebostunnah wrote: »

Never asked for it?

Could've wiped...?

matt-dublin

bebostunnah wrote: »

One lad gave me a lick out though not where i was expecting, shoved his tongue right up my brown hole, little did he know i was off sick from college for 3 days due to diarrhorea, needless to say he didnt stay long

salad tossing?

PS your a minger and need to shower more often

44leto

These days even the worse sex I ever had would be good sex:(

bebostunnah

matt-dublin wrote: »

salad tossing?

PS your a minger and need to shower more often

Haha infracted ballbag!



Ps. Dr. Bollocko can lick my bum anytime he wants!

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

Seachmall

bebostunnah wrote: »

Haha infracted ballbag!



Ps. Dr. Bollocko can lick my bum anytime he wants!

But he is right about the shower.

If anyone ever leaves your house with a taste of poo in their mouth you should take a look at the situation and ask yourself "Why?".

ineedtoknow

oh dear

ineedtoknow

pragmatic1 wrote: »

The time I took viagra and couldnt cum.

bless!!