The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

e30fitz

have you tried the rodeo position yet?

When your at it doggy style tell her that her best friend loved it this way and just see how long you can hold on :eek:

michael999999

Temptamperu wrote: »

Reminds me of a time I took aload of E and was riding me ex for about two hours Ended up getting thrown of her.

Try a few viagras on top of them! Youll be sweating like red rum!

celticcrash

Brought this hot girl home one night, when we had finished she snuggled in to me, head on chest and one of her legs laying between my legs.
Next morning when I woke up she let a little wimper out of her and I felt her
getting moist. Yes I said to myself nothing better than slow morning sex.
Than she got more moist and than more moist and than I said to myself jesus
shes pissing in her sleep all over my leg and bed. Dirty bitch:D

mattjack

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Oh yeah, me two ladys.!!

..

Teyla Emmagan

mattjack wrote: »

..

Matt, you made that up. Get back to catching mice and badgering your wife for a BJ

mattjack

I may have posted this before....
..I was with this young lady years ago who asked me would I eat chips out of "her knickers".....I spent 4 hours driving around looking for a chipper called "her knickers"

mattjack

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Matt, you made that up. Get back to catching mice and badgering your wife for a BJ

she's out drinking

Mr.Crinklewood

mattjack wrote: »

she's out drinking

He was talking to me about the BJ.

Teyla Emmagan

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

He was talking to me about the BJ.

Gosh, you too!? Gotta admire persistence in a man...

mattjack

:eek: what BJ and im ringing mrs mattjack now

augustus gloop

the first time i tried it was classy.... she was older and took control of the situation, we are naked... i am trying to wet her up, but she wont let my fingers near her, so she lines me up dry
me, being a complete novice and as horny as a dog with 2 dicks proceeds to try to enter, much to my complete agony, she was not enjoying the process either, disaster altogether, even in my limited exp knew this was ****e... she later asked me when we could meet again?


yeah.... see ya:mad:

Jen Pigs Fly

Another one, back in my younger days (when I was too afraid to say anything ) had an ex who took forever, if at all, to finish when drunk.

Cue me 2 hours later lieing there, can no longer feel anything from my belly down, wishing, hoping ,begging that he'd finish.

Bástard never did most of the time.

Got older, more confident, copped on and any similiar encounters now get told to finish himself off :pac:

The worst is the 'Have you come yet?' ... stop talking and get moving bítch and we'll see :cool:

ascanbe

mattjack wrote: »

I may have posted this before....
..I was with this young lady years ago who asked me would I eat chips out of "her knickers".....I spent 4 hours driving around looking for a chipper called "her knickers"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcYppAs6ZdI

I like it.

7Sins

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

Another one, back in my younger days (when I was too afraid to say anything ) had an ex who took forever, if at all, to finish when drunk.

Cue me 2 hours later lieing there, can no longer feel anything from my belly down, wishing, hoping ,begging that he'd finish.

Bástard never did most of the time.

Got older, more confident, copped on and any similiar encounters now get told to finish himself off :pac:

The worst is the 'Have you come yet?' ... stop talking and get moving bítch and we'll see :cool:

I've the same problem so i do, i gives it 15 mins, pull out, **** on tits, does the job like :pac:

hondasam

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

Got older, more confident, copped on and any similiar encounters now get told to finish himself off :pac:

Works better if you tell him to start himself off, fast and furious.

Insect Overlord

Got off with a fat bird in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.

hondasam

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Got off with a fat bird in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.

How many levels before you got off?

barakus

G.muny wrote: »

Just remembered another time a fella emerged from the kitchen with his home made ice dildo declaring "He had always wanted to try this with a girl"..........I was drunk by the way otherwise I would have found it alot stranger. In fairness I should have known better and experienced first hand what an ice burned fanny felt like. When I told him it felt awful and to stop he kept trying to insist it would get better and kept coming at me with it while I tried to explain it was actually extremely painful. In the end I had to take it off him and throw it across the room to get him to give up on the idea.

Needless to say I never returned any of his calls afterwards

:Dthat is quality. wonder how long that was sitting in the freezer for

ascanbe

barakus wrote: »

:Dthat is quality. wonder how long that was sitting in the freezer for

Yeah, that one struck me, too.
If it was recognisable as a dildo, i'd love to know how he went about creating it?
Did he hollow out a dildo, fill it with water and put it in the freezer?
Maybe he used some other long, cylindrical object and then shaped the frozen object it yeilded into an ice-dildo.
Perhaps not..
Can you buy 'ice-dildo' mold's now?
That's probably a silly question..of course you can in this crazy ol' world..

barakus

ascanbe wrote: »

Yeah, that one struck me, too.
If it was recognisable as a dildo, i'd love to know how he went about creating it?
Did he hollow out a dildo, fill it with water and put it in the freezer?
Maybe he used some other long, cylindrical object and then shaped the frozen object it yeilded into an ice-dildo.
Perhaps not..
Can you buy 'ice-dildo' mold's now?
That's probably a silly question..of course you can in this crazy ol' world..

maybe he whittled a calippo into the shape of a penis?

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r9DQLp4KHis/TdRmZwmf9QI/AAAAAAAAAHg/WzuWS77gnOo/s1600/calippo.jpg

ascanbe

barakus wrote: »

maybe he whittled a calippo into the shape of a penis?

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r9DQLp4KHis/TdRmZwmf9QI/AAAAAAAAAHg/WzuWS77gnOo/s1600/calippo.jpg

Haha.
That's spot on; i remember having much 'calippo looks like a penis' based fun back when i was in school.
They were tasty, too.
Much like pe..other ice lollies.

G.muny

ascanbe wrote: »

Yeah, that one struck me, too.
If it was recognisable as a dildo, i'd love to know how he went about creating it?
Did he hollow out a dildo, fill it with water and put it in the freezer?
Maybe he used some other long, cylindrical object and then shaped the frozen object it yeilded into an ice-dildo.
Perhaps not..
Can you buy 'ice-dildo' mold's now?
That's probably a silly question..of course you can in this crazy ol' world..

It was a condom he had filled with water, tied at the end and froozen. So like he must have done it before hand. Don't ask me what he was doing when he decided. I am going to make an ice dildo....the strangness of if only really dawned on me in a more sober state, he was really enthusatic about trying it out as well and was super disapointed when I wasn't in to it.

My friends called me the ice queen for months after when I told them

ascanbe

G.muny wrote: »

It was a condom he had filled with water, tied at the end and froozen. So like he must have done it before hand. Don't ask me what he was doing when he decided. I am going to make an ice dildo....the strangness of if only really dawned on me in a more sober state, he was really enthusatic about trying it out as well and was super disapointed when I wasn't in to it.

My friends called me the ice queen for months after when I told them

Actually, yeah; that makes sense.
Feel quite dumb that i didn't think of that, now..
So, not only did you have to suffer through his actions, but they have now, ultimately, resulted in me feeling quite dumb, at this moment.
What an utter b*stard..

foodie66

ThePower11 wrote: »

I remember a few years ago when i was around 17, sneaking behind the bins at the back of an Abrakebabra with this big fat yoke at around 4 in the morning after a lot of fat frogs, I had bought a taco chips, so we got down to business was going fine until she took her top off grabbed my taco chips and smeared it all over her tits and told me to eat it, needless to say I made my excuses and left. Dirty bitch.

that has to be a joke???

Acid_Violet

mattjack wrote: »

I may have posted this before....
..I was with this young lady years ago who asked me would I eat chips out of "her knickers".....I spent 4 hours driving around looking for a chipper called "her knickers"

Roddy Doyle has copyright on that one bucko

Arawn

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

Another one, back in my younger days (when I was too afraid to say anything ) had an ex who took forever, if at all, to finish when drunk.

Cue me 2 hours later lieing there, can no longer feel anything from my belly down, wishing, hoping ,begging that he'd finish.

Bástard never did most of the time.

Got older, more confident, copped on and any similiar encounters now get told to finish himself off :pac:

The worst is the 'Have you come yet?' ... stop talking and get moving bítch and we'll see :cool:

.........Do I know you??

kraggy

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Got off with a fat bird in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.

"Going down?.."

hullaballoo

I've quite a few but I suppose I shouldn't kiss and tell (all of them). I remember one girl who had all this "Catholic guilt" about sleeping with me. She had fcuking mad sex with me, then cried about going to hell and went to sleep.

The bad bit was when she got up to leave and I couldn't remember her name and because I was still drunk, I shook her hand and said "all the best with your religion thing", shut the door in her face and went back to sleep. I still get slagged by her mates for that one.

mattjack

Acid_Violet wrote: »

Roddy Doyle has copyright on that one bucko

which book ?

Mr.Crinklewood

hullaballoo wrote: »

I've quite a few but I suppose I shouldn't kiss and tell (all of them). I remember one girl who had all this "Catholic guilt" about sleeping with me. She had fcuking mad sex with me, then cried about going to hell and went to sleep.

The bad bit was when she got up to leave and I couldn't remember her name and because I was still drunk, I shook her hand and said "all the best with your religion thing", shut the door in her face and went back to sleep. I still get slagged by her mates for that one.

Stop shagging nuns.