Heartbroken...

Fittle

Well, I'm heartbroken. I got a lovely card for my 9yr old son..saying Happy Christmas Son and wrote a wonderful personalised message on it..all about how he has done stuff in school this year, what he wants from Santa etc...I put it in our letterbox late last night so that he got it this morning when he woke up.

The card said (on the front) 'To the Most Wonderful Son in the World' and he yelled out to me ...'Mam, mam, my daddy sent me a christmas card....!!!!'

His dad left me when I was pregnant and hes never seen him...it was obviously a bit of a mix-up. He has rarely, if EVER, mentioned the man..I regularly ask him if he'd like to talk about him..I'm as open and honest about him as I can be, showing him photos and telling him stories of our relationship.

He genuinely seems completely uninterested in anything I have to say about his dad.

I handled the situation as well as I could...and in his defence, he actually laughed at the idea of the card being from his dad...but it broke my heart...and I feel like I'm back to where I was 9yrs ago..all vulnerable and waiting for his dad to love him...

Sorry guys, just feeling really bad this evening after that incident this morning:(:(

January

Oh God, I can only imagine how hard that was for you... *hugs*

Saaron

At least he has a wonderful, loving mother

Fittle

Thanks..

I think it was such a shock to me that he would get mixed-up like that. His dad has never sent him a card..he's never met him. I pride myself on raising a pretty rounded little fella, and try to encourage him to chat about his dad, if he ever wants to (without going ott).

But obviously, his dad is still on his mind in some shape or form...though I had no clue:(

kelle

Oh Fittle, how could he blank such a lovely little boy (the result of your own great work of course) out of his life - I was welling up while reading your post! He obviously has so much love from his mother, he is so lucky.

It must be awful for Klingon Hamlet and others in his predicament to read your post, they would give anything to be able to give a card to their child/ren and get that reaction.

Frowzy

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this today! That must have really crushed you.

I barely knew my father he left when I was very small. I do however remember expecting him at all the big moments of my life. The morning of my confirmation was spent at the upstairs window waiting for him to arrive. I honestly don't know what I was expecting. I blamed my mother for chasing him away, I even thought he'd have stayed if I'd been a boy. The disappointment lasted right up to my 18th birthday. For some reason every year I thought he'd show up. When I think back to my poor mother raising me and my sister alone I feel so guilty now. The things she did without to give us good birthdays/Christmas etc.... I can't ever make it up to her. She did however give me away at my wedding.

But your boy will grow up and be a credit to you I promise. When the realisation hits him that his dad just never wanted him you can only be there for him. Being a parent is hard without this added complication, I wish I could make it easier/better for you.

Parenting is about highs and lows. Stick with it Hun, you're doing a fabulous job xxx

Sunnyisland

Fittle this has to be expected and for a few years at least single parent families have to try and play both parents which is very hard,When you son is older hopefully you can sit him down and explain everything to him then,keep strong.

Fittle

I really don't think he has that 'longing' in him. I know a huge part of this is coming from me, and the emotions I went through when he was born. He said to me later that he only thought it was from his daddy because why would I post a card to him, when we live in the same house !

He never mentions the man...even though I bring him up every now and then, he will say 'sure why would I want to talk about him mam, I don't even know him'

Oh well, I'm possibly over-reacting what with it being christmas soon etc..thanks for the posts guys;)

Klingon Hamlet

Fittle it's such a tough time of year for single-parent families, and I'm so sorry to hear your boy's father disappeared

But just remember, your happy boy is HAPPY...because he has you to love and adore and protect and guide him.

You're his shining light and you're the reason christmastime...every time...of the year is blessed.

Fittle

Thanks, and of course you're right;)

The thing is, his dad didn't actually 'disappear' at all - he lives three miles away with his girlfriend, her 6year old son and their own 2yr old son. So not only did he choose not to be a dad to his biological son - but he decided to raise someone elses child too!

Anyway, I'm long over the sadness and madness of his choices..and my lad is a great kid and I wouldn't have our life together any other way;)

Deliverance

Fittle you are an example of what being a good parent is about. Despite the obvious hardship that you have had to endure you have a positive take. Take comfort in the fact that your child will no doubt grow up to be an upstanding individual based on you as a role model.

You are outstanding, well done to you.

ash23

It's a good opportunity to talk to him about it I guess, although I can imagine how you felt. God, I'd be just sick if my daughter thought she got something from her father only to have gotten it from me.
Was he disappointed?

I know they don't go around longing for their absent parent but there is obviously a small part of them that hopes someday the absent parent will make contact.
I try to tell my daughter it's highly unlikely as he would no longer know where we are or what we are doing because I do worry about her holding out for that "happy ending".

Fittle

ash23 wrote: »

It's a good opportunity to talk to him about it I guess, although I can imagine how you felt. God, I'd be just sick if my daughter thought she got something from her father only to have gotten it from me.
Was he disappointed?

he didn't seem disappointed - in fact, he laughed when he realised his error and said 'what was I thinking!'. Anyway, he hasn't mentioned it since, nor have I. I regularly talk to him about his dad - regularly ask him if there's anything on his mind and so on - he just looks up to heaven and says 'Mam, WHY would I want to talk about a man I don't even know!!!!' and continues doing whatever he's doing!.

He's not a child who can lie very well - he's not a 'deep thinker' (thank God!) so I don't think there are any hidden emotions about his dad that he feels he can't say out loud...well, I hope there aren't anyway!

He seems to just accept the fact that it's me and him - he has never 'yearned' to have his dad at a match or at a show etc - he really doesn't seem to dwell on the fact that he has no dad in his life, which is why I'm often very grateful that there was never a dad around to begin with - he just accepts his situation and gets on with it. Although he's 9 now, and I'm sure hormones are fast approaching..so who knows what's ahead for his teenage years