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Tv in the bed room

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  • 10-12-2011 10:24pm
    #1
    Storm_rages
    Registered Users Posts: 210 ✭✭


    My son is two and from day zero i have anyways said i won't allow him to have a tv in his bedroom. My inlaws have built a house and included a room for him (they have moved furthur away from us and the idea is that he would spend a couple of days a month with them). But they have put a tv in his bed rooom. Problem is they are not the sort of people who you can have a quite word with, They know how strongly i feel about it, they had suggested getting him a tv for his room for his birthday and were told no, Im fumming but it is their house, do i have a right to say i don't want it in there? He is two!!!


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    #2
    meercat
    Registered Users Posts: 4,745 ✭✭✭meercat


    this room will probably have other guests staying too
    just ask them not to allow it to be used when he is staying over(he is a child after all)
    dont make an issue over it
    enjoy the grandparents while they are still around


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    #3
    MyKeyG
    Registered Users Posts: 2,282 ✭✭✭MyKeyG


    Storm_rages wrote: »
    My son is two and from day zero i have anyways said i won't allow him to have a tv in his bedroom. My inlaws have built a house and included a room for him (they have moved furthur away from us and the idea is that he would spend a couple of days a month with them). But they have put a tv in his bed rooom. Problem is they are not the sort of people who you can have a quite word with, They know how strongly i feel about it, they had suggested getting him a tv for his room for his birthday and were told no, Im fumming but it is their house, do i have a right to say i don't want it in there? He is two!!!
    You have a right to say anything you want concerning your own child. I would imagine the only reason this issue has any chance of becoming ugly is because of your in-laws. I wouldn't be too hard on them. Grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren especially when it comes to things they never had themselves or even couldn't give their own kids. But stay the course. You've got two years of resolve put down you don't want to throw that all away.

    Even adults are advised not to have a television in the bedroom. I would recommend you do some research on the subject so that you can present genuine valid reasons as to why you're opposed to this idea. That way your out laws can't reason you're being a) Difficult or b) Just trying to deprive your child of something a lot of other children are allowed. Stick to your guns.


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    #4
    Rosy Posy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,666 ✭✭✭Rosy Posy


    You could get a nice cloth and drape it over it when he's staying there- thats what we do in our grandparents houses, or when on holiday. If he's two then out of sight is out of mind. As for the in laws, show them this:

    http://www.facingthechallenge.org/sigman.php

    with particular reference to the stuff about children under three.
    best of luck- this is a thorny issue for lots of families!


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    #5
    Storm_rages
    Registered Users Posts: 210 ✭✭Storm_rages


    Its an attic conversion, so its just meant for my son. They have a guest bedroom as well. I hate the idea of him going up there any just sitting watching movies. Your right grandparents do love to spoil their grand kids but why can't they see what i see, he loves spending time with them, just hanging out they don't need to go against me at every turn to win his love. Example, i don't want him eating crap, he comes in the other day and they said to me "you won't be happy he had chips".. I'm like ok (thinking i would rather potatoes but once in a blue moon no harm done).. Then they drop the boom shell "burger king chips"! Really, is this the only place they could bring him? Turns out he really likes them! of course he does they are covered in salt... ok sorry rant over...


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    #6
    Zambia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,333 ✭✭✭Zambia


    Somethings you just wont change I would say just let them do what they want. The older they grow the less influence you can effect outside your own house. My son has all his grandparents and a great grandma. He has never met any of them.


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    #7
    Birdie086
    Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭Birdie086


    Zambia wrote: »
    Somethings you just wont change I would say just let them do what they want. The older they grow the less influence you can effect outside your own house. My son has all his grandparents and a great grandma. He has never met any of them.

    I agree with Zambia, it won't make that much of a difference and will make going to his grandparents more of a treat


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    #8
    MyKeyG
    Registered Users Posts: 2,282 ✭✭✭MyKeyG


    Have to strongly disagree with both Zambia and Birdie. It will make more difference than you think. Your in-laws are challenging your right to raise your child how you see fit. If it was merely a case of giving the child a treat then OK but they appear to be people who do what they do with a certain amount of provocation involved. What happens once the child is introduced to the wonderful world of having a television in his room? It's the classic Paris V The Farm. He comes home to no television and there's growing resentment that's strengthened every time he goes to visit Nana.

    Personally I see nothing wrong whatsoever with you instructing your in-laws that if your wishes are not respected then sleepovers are simply not possible. You certainly should allow for doting grandparents to spoil your child from time to time but not at the expense of your parenting. At the end of the day they have the luxury of handing the child back while you have to get on with raising him.


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    #9
    xzanti
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 10,439 Mod ✭✭✭✭xzanti


    I agree with the above.

    You're the parent and what you say goes.. If you say no tele then they should respect that.. I would find it a bit cheeky that they went right ahead and equipped the room with a tele after you had forbidden it.

    Call me a killjoy but I would put my foot down on this tbh.. They need to know that they shouldn't go over your head when it comes to raising your children.


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    #10
    ElleEm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    Could your partner not speak to them about this, seen as they are his parents?
    They are obviously not listening to you.

    It sounds like they need a "reminder" before they take him out about the do's and don'ts. They are being so disrespectful to your wishes. Even the whole "oh, you won't be happy..." comment. They didn't make a mistake by bringing him to Burger King, they did it KNOWING you "wouldn't be happy".


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    #11
    bad2dabone
    Registered Users Posts: 6,333 ✭✭✭bad2dabone


    xzanti wrote: »
    Call me a killjoy but I would put my foot down on this tbh.. They need to know that they shouldn't go over your head when it comes to raising your children.

    Totally agree, it's undermining you and not on


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    #12
    evolving_doors
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭evolving_doors


    Hold on a second.....
    a bedroom is for sleeping in, is he going to watch it at night time like vincent brown our something...obviously not...so the other possibility is that he is going to use it during the daytime...does that mean he is up in the 'attic'watching tv on his own? I just wouldn't leave a two year old upstairs in the attic on their own unsupervised..no way..I can't imagine the inlaws are going to hang around there while he is watching it either..either they are looking after your child our they are not... This is a matter for your husband to sort out...he needs to step in and not leave it to the 'fussy' mother .


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    #13
    Zambia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,333 ✭✭✭Zambia


    You lay down the law , the grandparents ignore it what then?

    Sever contact ?
    Deny them visiting rights?

    What do you regard as a win, them doing as they are told? Chances are they will consider themselves able parents.

    They raised their kids as you are ,as far as they see it now is the time to be the fun Grandparents. I know at the end of the day its your kid but just be sure how much you are prepared to lose if you take on this fight.

    Just giving a devils advocate here. Best of Luck whatever you decide.


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    #14
    Storm_rages
    Registered Users Posts: 210 ✭✭Storm_rages


    Thanks everybody, given me lots to think about. I very much agree with Armelodie but the points made by Zambia are very clever. I don't want a battle. I would never stop him from seeing then (and unless its something very serious from staying over). I guess i just need a way of saying it. So have decided going to get the husband to text/call/speak to them and ask them. Fingers crossed they will see our point... god i hope they do..

    Thanks so much everyone for the different views


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    #15
    loopymum
    Registered Users Posts: 1,234 ✭✭✭loopymum


    I agree with everything Zambia said to be honest, it's not the end of the world is it? I really think a lot of older folk are stuck in their ways too.

    We have similar here but to be honest as the kids get older and as I have had more of them, I am just so grateful that they get time to spend with their grandparents occasionally and they will have lovely memories when they older ones are gone.

    My MIL is the nicest woman but a right old bag at times, but I just let it go.

    I pick my battles, things like car seats safety are really what is important.

    I don't know your MIL or age but it sounds as if they love his company if they built a room especially for him so I doubt he will get much time to watch TV.


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    #16
    MyKeyG
    Registered Users Posts: 2,282 ✭✭✭MyKeyG


    loopymum wrote: »
    I agree with everything Zambia said to be honest, it's not the end of the world is it? I really think a lot of older folk are stuck in their ways too.

    We have similar here but to be honest as the kids get older and as I have had more of them, I am just so grateful that they get time to spend with their grandparents occasionally and they will have lovely memories when they older ones are gone.

    My MIL is the nicest woman but a right old bag at times, but I just let it go.

    I pick my battles, things like car seats safety are really what is important.

    I don't know your MIL or age but it sounds as if they love his company if they built a room especially for him so I doubt he will get much time to watch TV.
    No this one little compromise is not the end of the world but where does the compromise stop? Next it's feeding him Burger King every time they have him. Then they decide they got around the OP with this so they buy the kid the television. I can only go on what the OP said but they don't seem like just your regular doting grandparents who like to spoil nor old fashioned eccentrics who can be 'a right old bag'. They seem to enjoy provoking the OP by deliberately trying to go against her wishes.

    The development of a child's mental abilities and his training in respecting his parents including their rules and boundaries is just as important as his physical safety. A TV in his room is not a trivial issue by a long stretch. To concede defeat would be to teach the child that rules are made to be broken. Nana and Granddad are the nice ones, Mammy and Daddy are meanies!

    OP I don't know what their problem is but they seem to have made it their mission to undermine your standards and your resolve. You're having your right to raise your child as you see fit compromised. If you give them this inch I guarantee they will return for the mile.


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    #17
    loopymum
    Registered Users Posts: 1,234 ✭✭✭loopymum


    "The development of a child's mental abilities and his training in respecting his parents including their rules and boundaries is just as important as his physical safety. A TV in his room is not a trivial issue by a long stretch. To concede defeat would be to teach the child that rules are made to be broken. Nana and Granddad are the nice ones, Mammy and Daddy are meanies!"

    Sorry I don't have long as have to make dinner but seriously? It's not actually a war you know, only if the op chooses to make it so but hey whatever. They bought a TV for a bedroom in their home that he sleeps in a couple of times a month maybe and he is 2, do you think he is up watching is all night or what? I imagine he doesn't get much time to really, do you? The op hasn't even said that he stayed there yet.

    By the way my kids don't have tvs in their rooms but when we stay in a hotel or with friends I don't throw out the Tv.

    I think it would be worse if they hid it from the OP and put in when mammy and daddy are gone home.


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    #18
    MyKeyG
    Registered Users Posts: 2,282 ✭✭✭MyKeyG


    loopymum wrote: »
    It's not actually a war you know, only if the op chooses to make it so but hey whatever.
    If there is any war it seems clear to me it's is at the insistence of the Grandparents. Their behaviour is completely out of order.
    By the way my kids don't have tvs in their rooms but when we stay in a hotel or with friends I don't throw out the Tv.
    What you do with your kids or what I do with mine is completely immaterial. The OP is entitled to maintain her standards without them being, not just challenged, but challenged so disrespectfully. 'I know you're going to be mad but we gave him chips' I can't figure out what their problem is but it's clear their aim is to provoke the OP at every turn.

    It appears you're satisfied to take my comments out of context to suit your own argument, there's nothing I can do about that. But the point I'm trying to make, and others have agreed, is that the grandparents are challenging the mothers right to raise her child how she sees fit and not you me or the Grandparents have any right to do that.

    OP I gave you my point of view and I have no intention entering into runnning battles with other users so I'm going to leave the thread. But all the best in what you decide to do:)


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    #19
    gizmorox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭gizmorox


    Storm_rages wrote: »
    My son is two and from day zero i have anyways said i won't allow him to have a tv in his bedroom. My inlaws have built a house and included a room for him (they have moved furthur away from us and the idea is that he would spend a couple of days a month with them). But they have put a tv in his bed rooom. Problem is they are not the sort of people who you can have a quite word with, They know how strongly i feel about it, they had suggested getting him a tv for his room for his birthday and were told no, Im fumming but it is their house, do i have a right to say i don't want it in there? He is two!!!

    I'm in childcare years and think it might help if you casually mention that 2 year old children should watch no more than 30 mins of tv per day as it's bad for their developing eyesight and even worse for their minds if they're exposed to violent late night tv.
    Maybe you could suggest they spoil him in a different way? In my experience two year olds love to have books read to them,night time stories read by granny & grandad until the child falls asleep and they'd probably enjoy it.


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