Did you get hit by your parents?

Chuck Stone

Liam Byrne wrote: »

I disagree. As I clearly stated, it did me no harm whatsoever.

Well apart from the slap itself I'd be of the same opinion but it's impossible to say whether or not an individual who has been slapped would have turned out better or worse.

fiinch

Andrewh1984 wrote: »

Well what happens when he is in school and he kicks John from down the road? John will no doubt, hit him back. By me slapping him on the hand, it lets him know that it is not okay to kick people because they are going to retaliate if he does.

you're missing the point, which is that you don't need to hit someone to teach them that it's wrong to hit, and that it is total hypocrisy to use violence as a means to punish violence. slapping yours or anyone elses kid is lazy, and teaches far more than just an eye for an eye.

oh and i'm sure he can learn that lesson when john hits him back, because john is a kid too and hasn't been taught any better, as an adult, you should know better.

that been said, some kids are going to get into scraps anyway, just part of growing up and learning what's socially acceptable and what's not.

Tigger

i don't have a child i have a niece who basically gets to be herself when i'm around

she interupts drunk idiots or berates people who park in handicapped spaces

if anyone talke4d down to her i'd like to think she'd make mincemeat of them
if anyone touched her well thats their problem.

sh1tstirrer

partyatmygaff wrote: »

Seriously?

Stop lying. I'm not the only one who saw your post before you edited it.

Now you are calling me a liar :mad:

ElleEm

It is never okay to hit a child. I agree with the other posters who say it's a lazy way of disciplining. My mother walloped me around the place when i was young,but she identifies that as being the 'done thing back then,noone knew any better, etc'. She knows now that there were other ways and neither her or my dad would do it to their grandkids.

phasers

You parents overreact about everything. So if your Mam or Dad gave your child a slap on the bum for misbehaving you'd ban them from ever seeing them again? fcuk sake.

Liam Byrne

fiinch wrote: »

... get into scraps anyway, just part of growing up and learning what's socially acceptable and what's not.

.....which their parents should teach them BEFORE they get into said scraps.

TheZohanS

Well as a teacher and a parent and a grand parent and a godfather and a ninja I'd kick all your kids up the hole if I felt like it. :eek:

Liam Byrne

bryaner wrote: »

It wasn't me! wrote: »

Worked on me. I got a smack when I deserved it. Wakes some smartarse little brats right the fook up. It can work, therefore it can be an appropriate tool of parenting. Made me smarter, certainly. I always moderated my behaviour, making a judgement call. Following an evaluation, I either decided not to do whatever got me smacked again, or I made the judgement that it was worth it and changed my behaviour to reflect my new desire to not get caught again.

I understand what your saying and yes the odd smack when seriously out of line probably does no harm, but getting thumped and kicked to the point of black eyes and split lips that you try and hide from friends and family is just pure out of order imo..

No-one's advocating or excusing thumping or kicking. That's abuse no matter what age the victim or assailant is.

Liam Byrne

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Liam Byrne wrote: »

I disagree. As I clearly stated, it did me no harm whatsoever.

Well apart from the slap itself I'd be of the same opinion but it's impossible to say whether or not an individual who has been slapped would have turned out better or worse.

You blanketly claimed earlier that it was harmful......now you're saying you agree that it didn't harm you or I ?

So that's a retraction of the earlier claim, then ?

My name is URL

I've no kids but I'd be fairly pissed off if I saw somebody hit a child.. even if it's their own.

There are tried and tested ways of dealing with things which are far more effective than giving them a hiding when they misbehave.

fiinch

Liam Byrne wrote: »

.....which their parents should teach them BEFORE they get into said scraps.

yeah, but hopefully not by hitting them.

TheZohanS

My name is URL wrote: »

There are tried and tested ways of dealing with things which are far more effective than giving them a hiding when they misbehave.

That's true, but you get tired of eating tapas every night.

Abi

Andrewh1984 wrote: »

I don't have any kids of my own but I have slapped my nephew in the past.

You have no right to do that.

He kicked me and I wouldn't tolerate that. His parents don't correct him and you might say it is not my place to correct the child but when he raises his foot to me, in my house, I will correct him, whether that is a slap on the hand or a telling off.

You speak sternly to him to not kick you, and ask his parents to deal with him. If there is a behaviourial issue, then it is up to the parents to deal with him, not you.

He needs to know that he cannot go around kicking people.

I agree with you completely. But it's not your job to intervene, but you can tell him that he's not to do that to you.

fiinch wrote: »

total hypocrasy. hitting a child for hitting you simply reinforces to them that it is a normal behaviour to react violently in order to punish someone.

Completely agree.

Carlow52 wrote: »

Come back when the new born is 21 years old or so when you have been there and done that as opposed to this sort of asinine claptrap.

So you're saying people without children shouldn't have any take on it, purely because you have a child / children and are ill-tempered?


Those without children are entitled to their opinion, and while they don't have experience of it, it doesn't mean they will also make bad parenting choices.

Chuck Stone

Liam Byrne wrote: »

You blanketly claimed earlier that it was harmful......now you're saying you agree that it didn't harm you or I ?

So that's a retraction of the earlier claim, then ?

As slap is painful by it's very nature. That is an incontrovertible fact.

As for lasting psychological damage I don't think I sustained any from the slapping I got but it's impossible to say.

Abi

Chuck Stone wrote: »

As slap is painful by it's very nature. That is a incontrovertible fact.

As for lasting psychological damage I don't think I sustained any from the slapping I got but it's impossible to say.

It has to some extent Chuck, you've turned into an adult that disapproves of it as a result.

Chuck Stone

Abi wrote: »

It has to some extent Chuck, you've turned into an adult that disapproves of it as a result.

I guess so but what I mean is that I'm not bitter with my parents or anything. They came from different times when hitting kids was quite normal.

My Mother was telling me about a teacher she had who slapped them for being late even when the bus broke down or got stuck in snow or something. On top of this if she told her folks there would be another slapping administered!

More violent times for kids back in those days.

Liam Byrne

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Liam Byrne wrote: »

You blanketly claimed earlier that it was harmful......now you're saying you agree that it didn't harm you or I ?

So that's a retraction of the earlier claim, then ?

As slap is painful by it's very nature. That is an incontrovertible fact.

Painful =/= harmful.

A tetanus injection is painful, as is re-seating a broken bone. Neither are harmful. So stop muddying the waters by trying to create a link between different concepts.

So I'll ask again....do you now accept that - contrary to what you claimed earlier - a slap is not harmful ?

Chuck Stone

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Painful =/= harmful.

So I'll ask again....do you now accept that - contrary to what you claimed earlier - a slap is not harmful ?

Jebus you're some pedant.

Slapping is both painful and harmful. For some people more than others.

There appears to be a linear association between the frequency of slapping and spanking during childhood and a lifetime prevalence of anxiety disorder, alcohol abuse or dependence and externalizing problems.

Source

Liam Byrne

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Jebus you're some pedant.

It comes handy when people are trying to misleadingly equate actual "incontrovertible" facts with their own agenda.

Just avoid pulling that stunt and I won't have to pull you up on it.

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Slapping is both painful and harmful

Need I refer you yet again to the fact that it did neither you or I any harm ? A fact which you accepted earlier ?

Aspirin can cause harm too. We don't ban aspirin just because some people use it inappropriately and do cause harm. Child doses are smaller, because the child is smaller, so you certainly don't wallop or full-on "hit" a child.

But we weren't talking about abuse, we were talking about slaps or smacks.

Super-Rush

Threads merged.

Chuck Stone

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Need I refer you yet again to the fact that it did neither you or I any harm ? A fact which you accepted earlier ?

I also said that it's impossible to tell. I don't have a 'control' me who lived the exact same life in an alternate universe only without the slapping so that I can compare notes with him.

Do you understand that? The scientific method and all that.

Abi

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I guess so but what I mean is that I'm not bitter with my parents or anything. They came from different times when hitting kids was quite normal.

My Mother was telling me about a teacher she had who slapped them for being late even when the bus broke down or got stuck in snow or something. On top of this if she told her folks there would be another slapping administered!

More violent times for kids back in those days.

My parents would be able to tell me similar. My mother would tell me how hers lashed a brush off her back. She was the eldest of her siblings, and was held responsible for everything. She went through years of on / off speaking to her, but one thing was very clear to me, there is a major resentment there, and it had a knock on effect on me as a child.

When I began talk as a teenager about wanting to go to college, she resented it, completely slated it and told me to start bringing money into the home. I was made to feel like a lazy teenager and there was a constant commentary about how she was made to walk X amount of miles for her family collecting food and milk regardless of the weather. I'd every respect for her that she did that for her family, but treating me as an ungrateful bitch, and ordering me to get out and get a job was her projecting her resentment on me as far as I'm concerned.

I was never a naughty child, never got myself into any trouble and always did well in school. But her resentment of me was obvious once I hit my mid teens, I didn't know why I felt picked on until then.

Yes I would have had it easier than her, but I never said I didnt accept that, she saw me as herself as a child and thought I was living the life of Reilly in her head. I ended up having to leave the home in my mid-teens, got a job, worked, took courses and went to college, all of my own accord. I'm sad she wasn't more supportive. If it was me in her position I'd have fought to give my daughter the best shot in life she could get, rather than bicker and begrudge. I get on with her as I said before, but that mark is still there in my mind. I had to leave her to get anywhere in life.

My point being, she had issues she was projecting on me, and during her childhood she was made to feel the same way. Her mothers hardships, and she was basically physically abused.

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Painful =/= harmful.

A tetanus injection is painful, as is re-seating a broken bone. Neither are harmful. So stop muddying the waters by trying to create a link between different concepts.

So I'll ask again....do you now accept that - contrary to what you claimed earlier - a slap is not harmful ?

I agree a slap may not be physically harmful, may pink / redden the skin, but that's not really the issue here.


You're teaching a child to talk with it's hands. If you smacked an adult in the face as an adult, you could still be done for assault if you could prove it / it was witnessed. Nobody has a right to put a hand to anybody, so why is it okay if an adult smacks a child?

I can understand a parents patience being tried, but how you deal with it at the time will have an effect on how they deal with things in the future.

Liam Byrne

Abi wrote: »

I agree a slap may not be physically harmful, may pink / redden the skin, but that's not really the issue here.


You're teaching a child to talk with it's hands. If you smacked an adult in the face as an adult, you could still be done for assault if you could prove it / it was witnessed. Nobody has a right to put a hand to anybody, so why is it okay if an adult smacks a child?

I can understand a parents patience being tried, but how you deal with it at the time will have an effect on how they deal with things in the future.

Yes, and how I deal with stuff - as a result of a proper upbringing - is to walk away from petty fights and macho agro ****e, respect people and their property, and only resort to violence in extreme situations such as direct self-defence.

So if that's what it taught me, where's the problem ?

It has already been highlighted that it's those who were abused with severe violence are most against its use, regardless of level, proportionality or appropriateness.

You also mentioned someone projecting their issues on you - something that I suspect is being repeated from a different angle, and probably understandably so.

That's not a coincidence.

Chuck Stone

Liam Byrne wrote: »

So if that's what it taught me, where's the problem ?

Liam Byrne =/= an empirical sample.

Liam Byrne

One question - what would the opponents view as an acceptable alternative ?

Psychological tactics like silent treatment / disdain ? Leading to later unbalanced individuals who refuse to talk about issues ?

What does more "harm" ?

Maybe minimal discipline is better, leading to someone who expects and gets their own way, and can't then deal with real life ?

And if every approach does some "harm", who can say which does least ? Genuinely - is a slap that bad compared to risking a spoilt brat or psychologically immature offspring ?

Given Chuck's observation re a lack of a benchmark, how do we really know what does damage and what doesn't ?

Abi

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Yes, and how I deal with stuff - as a result of a proper upbringing - is to walk away from petty fights and macho agro ****e, respect people and their property, and only resort to violence in extreme situations such as direct self-defence.

So if that's what it taught me, where's the problem ?

I'm sure there are variants in the severity slaps, smacks, hard smacks / wallops and worse amongst children.

But you said yourself that you'd only hit back in self defense. You didn't do that as a child because there was someone much bigger than you dishing out the smacks. If there was someone as big as you are now, hitting you, you said you'd defend yourself.

Liam Byrne

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Liam Byrne wrote: »

So if that's what it taught me, where's the problem ?

Liam Byrne =/= an empirical sample.

Believe me, I know - when I read about or listen to (what at least appears to be a majority of) Irish people's habits re greed, waste, TV viewing, tabloid-reading and general views re responsibility or drink or honesty, that does seem to be a valid conclusion.

Abi

Liam Byrne wrote: »

You also mentioned someone projecting their issues on you - something that I suspect is being repeated from a different angle, and probably understandably so.

That's not a coincidence.

Just seeing the edited part of your post there, would you be able to explain that to me a bit more? Just trying to understand your angle on it.

Liam Byrne

Abi wrote: »

But you said yourself that you'd only hit back in self defense. You didn't do that as a child because there was someone much bigger than you dishing out the smacks. If there was someone as big as you are now, hitting you, you said you'd defend yourself.

Incorrect. If I do something wrong and it was made apparent what was wrong and that I deserved it, the self defence isn't an issue.

Self defence - to me - is in relation to unwarranted / unprovoked attacks.

Chuck Stone

Liam Byrne wrote: »

One question - what would the opponents view as an acceptable alternative ?

Explaining to the child why they should not do something.

Avoiding situations that might lead to misbehaviour. Like dragging a small child around a shopping centre for yonks until they become irritable.

Removal of privileges.

Extra chores.

Any good?

Edit:

Three basic discipline strategies will work with children most of the time: prevent problems, talk right and do no harm.

Prevent problems

Understand and fully accept your role. You are the parent in charge. You are the role model in chief, so how you behave is important, too. You decide on the rules. You decide what's important, what is non-negotiable — such as a safety rule — and what can be overlooked.

At the same time, respect your child. Validate your child's feelings; don't ever ridicule or demean your child.

Learn to read your child's signals and pay attention to your child's biorhythms. Then you will be able to prevent many problems caused by fatigue or hunger. Recognize when your child has anger or stress, and teach your child how to handle these states.

Understand enough about child development so you don't expect a particular type of behavior before your child is developmentally ready.

Try to be consistent. Although consistency never can be absolute (parents are people, and people feel differently at different times and are different from each other), it helps the child learn parental expectations if you're as consistent as possible.

Use your child's desire to please you. Your approval is more valuable than anything else.
Give your child choices whenever possible, because this helps the child with future decision-making. The long-range goal of discipline is that your child will choose to do the right thing when you're not around.

Use environmental control. This includes everything from childproofing you home when your kids start to crawl to making the atmosphere of your house as quiet and calm as possible.

Use the three best weapons parents have to redirect a young child before discipline is needed: Ignore mildly bad stuff, such as siblings squabbling but not hurting each other; distract the child from an unwanted action; and remove the child from the scene of brewing trouble.


Talk right

Communicate your expectations clearly.

Keep the volume of your voice down.

Don't say too much! State the rule, state what you expect, and then zip it.

Be specific in your criticism and praise. Say "You didn't make your bed," not "You were bad today, and I had to make your bed." Say "You cleaned up your room without being asked; that's being responsible."

Make rules specific and understandable. Rules must be brief, developmentally appropriate and enforceable. Don't use warnings such as "If you hit him one more time, you'll have to go to your room!" A rule never should be broken.

Master the "effective command." Be close, be concise, start with the child's name, and use a commanding facial expression, but speak softly. There's no need to say "please," because it's a command. Example: "Jeremy, stop hitting your sister."

Use humor — it helps.

Think before you speak.

Do no harm!

Don't spank. Don't give a verbal spanking (put-downs, screaming, sarcasm, threats, nagging).

Don't compare children, because both favorable and unfavorable comparisons can be hurtful.

Don't assign roles. Avoid phrases such as "He's the stubborn one!"

Don't be a model for unwanted behavior. (Your child's brain is like a VCR tape — what the child saw you do could be there forever!)

Don't ever threaten to withhold your love. This is terrifying to children.

Don't be afraid of disciplining your child using the correct strategies. All children need intelligent, informed parenting, even when they protest or grumble.

Source.

Liam Byrne

Abi wrote: »

Liam Byrne wrote: »

You also mentioned someone projecting their issues on you - something that I suspect is being repeated from a different angle, and probably understandably so.

That's not a coincidence.

Just seeing the edited part of your post there, would you be able to explain that to me a bit more? Just trying to understand your angle on it.

Just as they projected their issues onto you guys by completely overdoing the discipline, you guys are over-compensating via a hatred of any physical punishment, when - like all things in life - there is an acceptable middle ground and common sense.

Unfortunately in Ireland the powers-that-be don't usually allow for that, assuming that we're all extremists unable to behave rationally.

Liam Byrne

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Liam Byrne wrote: »

One question - what would the opponents view as an acceptable alternative ?

Explaining to the child why they should not do something.

Avoiding situations that might lead to misbehaviour. Like dragging a small child around a shopping centre for yonks until they become irritable.

Removal of privileges.

Extra chores.


Any good?

The second one is abuse anyway, regardless of slapping.

I think the issue is that lots of people who want kids don't actually want to be parents, and don't act appropriately.

That said, a child has to learn that life doesn't always give you options re perfect situations, and that throwing a tantrum/being a brat is not acceptable.

They can't learn that if they're molly-coddled from it either.

Da Shins Kelly

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

So if it was "as a last resort", how should non-parents deal with, say a school or youth-club situation, where the parents are unlikley to be in attendance?

You can't say it's the only way and then forbid someone else to do it!

I didn't say it was the only way. I said it was a last resort. Discipline should take place in the home, by the parents. It's not the responsibility of youth club co-ordinators or what have you to discipline someone else's child. I've worked with other people's children, and in those situations if a child is being unruly and disrupting the enjoyment of other children, they're excluded from the activity and the parents are informed later. How the parents decide to deal with that is up to them. In my experience anyway, children are much more likely to push the boundaries with their parents than with strangers.

My name is URL

The burning question is if smacking children is a right-wing or left-wing passtime.

darlett

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

i didnt say that. i said i'd lose it, like ban them from ever seeing the child again

You can't possibly upon reflection mean that. I'm assuming we're not talking about your parents whipping the child- Im not suggesting violence is acceptable. But if there's a moment where your grandparents are trying to settle the child, maybe hes acting wildly beside a road , or kicking an expectant mother, and they smack the bum to most effectively get their NO message across, you would ban them from seeing the child again.

My parents love their grandchild so much its like they're reborn. To take that away would be the most cruel bastard of an act to do, and taking away the love of the gps due to misguided pride and principles hardly represents the act of a parent. If a parental slap teaches a child to beat up their siblings, what life lessons would a child learn from such a bitterly harsh punishment to your parents, to your child and to yourself? Forgiveness? The love and understanding section must be from a different chapter of the perfect parenting handbook.

moco

darlett wrote: »

You can't possibly upon reflection mean that. I'm assuming we're not talking about your parents whipping the child- Im not suggesting violence is acceptable. But if there's a moment where your grandparents are trying to settle the child, maybe hes acting wildly beside a road , or kicking an expectant mother, and they smack the bum to most effectively get their NO message across, you would ban them from seeing the child again.

My parents love their grandchild so much its like they're reborn. To take that away would be the most cruel bastard of an act to do, and taking away the love of the gps due to misguided pride and principles hardly represents the act of a parent. If a parental slap teaches a child to beat up their siblings, what life lessons would a child learn from such a bitterly harsh punishment to your parents, to your child and to yourself? Forgiveness? The love and understanding section must be from a different chapter of the perfect parenting handbook.

If it was me, I wouldn't stop the grandparents seeing the child again, but they certainly wouldn't be seeing them unsupervised.

If I’d spent my child’s lifetime patiently teaching them right from wrong and how to behave through much better methods, and someone who knew that undid it all with a slap, I’d be absolutely fuming.

prinz

Liam Byrne wrote: »

No-one's advocating or excusing thumping or kicking. That's abuse no matter what age the victim or assailant is.

+1 the issue is being completely muddied with tales of being 'walloped around the place' or being beaten with brush handles/belts etc.

Abi wrote: »

It has to some extent Chuck, you've turned into an adult that disapproves of it as a result.

So how has it affected me? .....

Abi wrote: »

You're teaching a child to talk with it's hands.I can understand a parents patience being tried, but how you deal with it at the time will have an effect on how they deal with things in the future.

You see this is where it falls down all over again. The last time I raised my hand to someone in anger I got a smack... and it was the last time I ever tried it. I have never started a fight. From the time I started in primary school I have never been in troublle with schools, never been suspended, never been in trouble with the gardaí, and I'm actually known by friends etc as one of the slowest people to get worked up about something. So just what effect did a few slaps in my very young childhood have on me?

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Use the three best weapons parents have to redirect a young child before discipline is needed: Ignore mildly bad stuff, such as siblings squabbling but not hurting each other; distract the child from an unwanted action; and remove the child from the scene of brewing trouble....

Let's just say your kid won't share a toy with a friend/cousin, and they squabble over it and your kid takes the toy away and excludes the other.... as long as nobody is being physically hurt you should leave them to it? Am I getting that right

There were no significant differences between children of parents who spanked seldom (green zone) and those who spanked moderately (yellow zone)," Baumrind said.

Families in the orange zone could have used spanking often, but with little or no intensity. Those in the "yellow zone" used physical punishment only occasionally, with little or no intensity, while those in the "green zone" used little or no physical punishment with no intensity.
The children of parents in the green zone who never spanked were not better adjusted than those, also in the green zone, who were spanked very seldomly, Baumrind said.
Studies of verbal punishment yielded similar results, in that researchers found correlations just as high, and sometimes higher, for total verbal punishment and harm to the child, as for total physical punishment and harm. "What really matters," said Baumrind, "is the child rearing context. When parents are loving and firm and communicate well with the child (a pattern Baumrind calls authoritative) the children are exceptionally competent and well adjusted, whether or not their parents spanked them as preschoolers."

http://berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2001/08/24_spank.html

But, but, but I thought they were all violent saddos...

Call Me Jimmy

The idea of hitting a child is preposterous (yea I looked it up). One would want to be in some sort of a crazy land to do that.

Chuck Stone

prinz wrote: »

Let's just say your kid won't share a toy with a friend/cousin, and they squabble over it and your kid takes the toy away and excludes the other.... as long as nobody is being physically hurt you should leave them to it? Am I getting that right

I'll be honest - I'm getting out of my depth here so I might sound stupid but what came to mind about the above is should the child be forced to share his toy if it is indeed his toy?

I don't know.

Millicent

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I'll be honest - I'm getting out of my depth here so I might sound stupid but what came to mind about the above is should the child be forced to share his toy if it is indeed his toy?

I don't know.

Yes, because it's a good life lesson and characteristic to teach a child. Doesn't require a slap there, but I would discipline a child to share. The biggest reason to discipline children is to teach them how to interact with society in the best way for them and society. If the child won't share, sure, he has the toy, but he won't have many friends for long.

Tony EH

bryaner wrote: »

I understand what your saying and yes the odd smack when seriously out of line probably does no harm, but getting thumped and kicked to the point of black eyes and split lips that you try and hide from friends and family is just pure out of order imo..

Oh for **** sake, who the hell is actually condoning such actions. Really?

AGAIN...there's a world of difference between a smack on the arse, when reasoning power fails and "...getting thumped and kicked to the point of black eyes and split lips..."

Jesus H Christ... :rolleyes:

You know, sometimes there's no talking to an unruly child, despite all the claptrap that some people are engaging in here.

A case in point, I used to know a family with a four year old lad, who was well behaved most of the time, however, he had this terrible habit of biting his cousins, who would end up in floods of tears. The parents tried the reasoning approach, the aunts and uncles tried to talk to him about it. It did no good. The child simply didn't have the cognitive reasoning to fully understand what he was being told and why he shouldn't be biting other people, despite many efforts to explain it to him, or using other forms of punishment.

One day he bit particularly hard down on his younger cousin and his older sister, there was a good few years between them, bit him. Finally he realised that what HE was engaging in.

He never did it again.

prinz

Millicent wrote: »

Yes, because it's a good life lesson and characteristic to teach a child..

Congrats on being able to reply sensibly. My mind was well and truly boggled.

Teaching a child to share, what kind of monster failure of a parent are you.. :rolleyes: lol.

Millicent

prinz wrote: »

Congrats on being able to reply sensibly. My mind was well and truly boggled.

Teaching a child to share, what kind of monster failure of a parent are you.. :rolleyes: lol.

You may un-boggle your brain now, sir!

Junco Partner

Very rarely but if I was bould enough I'd get a clip round the ear or maybe even the dreaded wooden spoon, but it was very rare, even rarer as I got older, and grew bigger than either parent.

In hindsight I probably deserved a few more. It's probably an unpopular opinion but I'd agree with smacking as a punishment. Don't get me wrong,there's a smack for severe bad behaviour and then there's being beaten for trivial stuff. If the child does something bad a clip round the ear is going to teach them quicker than the naughty corner. The few times I did get a smack I made sure never to do that thing again. I would go abit further and say smacking in school is acceptable but I dunno should I go that far. Judging by some of the ***** that I went to school with, who acted the bollox just because they knew that the worst they'd get was a note home I'd agree with corporal punishment. Although judging from the horror stories my dads told me about his school days I dunno can teachers be trusted with that sort of power.

cynder

Millicent wrote: »

Yes, because it's a good life lesson and characteristic to teach a child. Doesn't require a slap there, but I would discipline a child to share. The biggest reason to discipline children is to teach them how to interact with society in the best way for them and society. If the child won't share, sure, he has the toy, but he won't have many friends for long.

TBH I hate the sharing is caring lark, there is a point the child should not have to share. I recall my daughter going to creche and other kids would come up take the toys off her and say caring is sharing and she was left with no toys to play with.

Some kids should be taught they cant have everything they want and if someone is playing with something quite happily they should not take it off them or demand it be shared with them.

Millicent

grindelwald wrote: »

TBH I hate the sharing is caring lark, there is a point the child should not have to share. I recall my daughter going to creche and other kids would come up take the toys off her and say caring is sharing and she was left with no toys to play with.

Some kids should be taught they cant have everything they want and if someone is playing with something quite happily they should not take it off them or demand it be shared with them.

Ah, yeah, there has to be a balance. I'm not saying the child should sacrifice its own interests or give up all their toys because another child wants them. What I'm more referring to is a child (and most do it at some stage or other) deciding they're not willing to share anything. In the instance where another child is visiting and may not have toys to play with, teaching them charity and caring for others is not a bad thing.

That doesn't mean the child has to be left with nothing. I've been minding kids before and come across cases where there are plenty of toys to play with but one child decides they want something someone else has. In that case, I've told the child who may be wailing to be given that toy that somebody else was playing with it first.

Sharing shouldn't be confused with allowing other children to be greedy and just taking what they want either.

moco

grindelwald wrote: »

TBH I hate the sharing is caring lark, there is a point the child should not have to share. I recall my daughter going to creche and other kids would come up take the toys off her and say caring is sharing and she was left with no toys to play with.

Some kids should be taught they cant have everything they want and if someone is playing with something quite happily they should not take it off them or demand it be shared with them.

I agree, our cousin used to come to the house and raid our room for our favourite toys to take home with her, then we were told by her mum 'don't be silly, you have to share' when we were upset. Eh, no.

Kids learn to share of their own accord if they realise nobody will play with them if they don't. It's not really like adult life anyway, no adult has to share their personal belongings with anyone who happens to ask when they don't want to.

Millicent

moco wrote: »

I agree, our cousin used to come to the house and raid our room for our favourite toys to take home with her, then we were told by her mum 'don't be silly, you have to share' when we were upset. Eh, no.

Kids learn to share of their own accord if they realise nobody will play with them if they don't. It's not really like adult life anyway, no adult has to share their personal belongings with anyone who happens to ask when they don't want to.

That wasn't sharing though. That was one child being a greedy bully and your mam giving in (no offence) for an easy life. Sharing doesn't mean you have to end up worse out of the deal. My nephew tries to take my partner's son's toys home with him every time he's here and he gets told they're not his to take. He's still allowed to play with the toys though and is shared with.

moco

Tony EH wrote: »

Oh for **** sake, who the hell is actually condoning such actions. Really?

AGAIN...there's a world of difference between a smack on the arse, when reasoning power fails and "...getting thumped and kicked to the point of black eyes and split lips..."

Jesus H Christ... :rolleyes:

You know, sometimes there's no talking to an unruly child, despite all the claptrap that some people are engaging in here.

A case in point, I used to know a family with a four year old lad, who was well behaved most of the time, however, he had this terrible habit of biting his cousins, who would end up in floods of tears. The parents tried the reasoning approach, the aunts and uncles tried to talk to him about it. It did no good. The child simply didn't have the cognitive reasoning to fully understand what he was being told and why he shouldn't be biting other people, despite many efforts to explain it to him, or using other forms of punishment.

One day he bit particularly hard down on his younger cousin and his older sister, there was a good few years between them, bit him. Finally he realised that what HE was engaging in.

He never did it again.

I would see that as different to slapping a child anyway.

Slapping is more like ‘I’m the adult, do what I say or I’ll hurt you’, whereas one child biting another for biting them will teach the child what it’s like to be bitten and hopefully stop them doing it again.