Did you get hit by your parents?

30Min

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Don't try to explain it away lads. Your parents, like mine, lacked intelligence when it came to disciplining children.

Say it and say it loud - my parents assaulted me as a child and I'm proud.

You come across as childish and immature in this post tbh. I think your parents should have smacked you, as I don't think the methods they used were very successful. Im not intending to hurt your feelings here. This is just my opinion.

irelandspurs

I got hit with alot of household items,also fairy liquid in the mouth for swearing,My step dad used to sing forever blowing bubbles each time.:(

Snakeblood

30Min wrote: »

You come across as childish and immature in this post tbh. I think your parents should have smacked you, as I don't think the methods they used were very successful. Im not intending to hurt your feelings here. This is just my opinion.

They did hit him. Obviously it wasn't very successful, but then, that's hitting children to teach them things for you.

Sunnyisland

My mother hit us my father never touched us, In hindsight some of the beatings we got were not right,It brought a lot of fear into the family or some people might say respect , For the most part it wasent to bad and imo we have gone to much the other side now .

wexford12

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Better to be slapped as a child then be put on the naughty stool and have pussied assed hippies for parents.

You should be ashamed of yourself to come out with such a statement. And if your here as a Mod for Boards well I give up

Einstein

wexford12 wrote: »

You should be ashamed of yourself to come out with such a statement. And if your here as a Mod for Boards well I give up

I agree with him, the whole naughty step thing imho is laughable.

I got many a slap on the back of the hand or the knee if I did something wrong, did me no harm whatsoever. I'm not talkin about getting a beating, or a slap round the head, that's not right, but sitting on a step for 6 mins as punishment makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Hannibal Smith

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Not 'hit', but slapped on the leg the odd time. Never when I didn't deserve it though, they weren't doing it for kicks.

That's what my dad used to say 'i didn't hit you I slapped you. If I hit you, you'd know all about it!'

I hated getting slapped. I don't think I ever deserved it. Maybe if I put my finger in a plug hole and it was out of fright or something...but a lot of the time he was just peed off

CdeC

Mostly out of fustration we were all smacked, it seems bizarre now.

We were a family of 8 kids so understandably my parents were stressed.

None of my siblings would hit their kids now as it just seems so wrong now and when I remind my parents of times when they hit us they dont believe that it ever happened. It's weird but they actually believe that they never smacked us.

Glinda

If your parents are a**eholes, they will still be a**eholes whether they slap/hit you or not. They will just find other ways to express their a**ehole-ness.

A parent who thinks it's acceptable to lash out at a child in anger (because they confuse revenge/retrbution with discipline) will do so verbally, emotionally or in whatever way is 'acceptable' to them.

Physical violence is not always the worst thing - if your parent doesn't do any physical harm to your body, why exactly is a slap more harmful than another form of attack? Why is a slap delivered by a loving parent worse than being put out of the room or made feel awful/guilty?

Of course anyone with kids knows they can push you to the very, very edge. In that case you need to calm down, and deal with things when you can think.

Having said all that, I don't smack my kids. Not because I think it's a terrible thing to do, but it's just not 'me'.

My own mum's modus operandi if we upset her was to cry and tell us she hated her life, and other unbelieveable psychological stuff that left us constantly on edge, never knowing when we would set her off.

My dad would give you a slap if you annoyed him. On the other hand he was perfectly predictable, so you always knew where you stood and what the rules were.

Guess which I found more damaging....

Glinda

Of course the opposite of my opening sentence above is also true, if your parents are pretty fantastic, then even if they slap you, they will still be fantastic, because their overall fantastic-ness will shine through in an overall way.

In the end of the day, a happy, well adjusted parent is a much better predictor of a happy child than any particular technique they use

LoonyLovegood

As a child I got a few slaps, yeah. Nothing huge, they'd never go more than one or two, and even then it was really rare. I only remember two incidents, one because I got a yoghurt straight before dinner when I'd been told no, and I got a tap on the hand. The other was from when I was six and squeezed out the front room window to go out with my friends. The fact that I could fit out that eight inch gap still makes me wonder!

Fluorescence

Yep, and I can count on one hand the amount of times I was hit. It was only ever when I was being a complete and utter cunt, or when I was endangering myself or my brothers. The last time I was hit I was 12, and my mother slapped me so hard I got a nosebleed. She never touched me again (though shortly after that it became "unreasonable" for parents to slap their children, so my younger brother has never been physically disciplined the way myself and my older brother were).

The first time they ever hit us was when my older brother was 1 year old, and kept going to stick his hand into the fireplace. He was slapped on the back of the hand as a last resort.

denhaagenite

Sky King wrote: »

I dunno man, you know when you see a kid having a complete spa attack in the supermarket because it wants a golly bar or whatever - do you think if that kid got a punch in the face every time it did that, it would continue to behave in this way?

For more helpful parenting tips, PM me.

Is that you Dad?

Having to lock myself and small sister in the bathroom because he was having a spa attack with a wooden spoon was no fun either. I don't even think he knew it was a kitchen utensil. Don't have six children if that's your first reaction to playing noises when you've got a hangover or have come off nights.

Abruptly stopped when he gave up the drink, neither of which were mentioned again. I won't be physically/ mentally abusing my children.

Chuck Stone

30Min wrote: »

You come across as childish and immature in this post tbh.

Thanks. I enjoy my youthfulness.

I think your parents should have smacked you,

That's nice. And I hope your parents didn't smack you. That's the difference between you and I guess.

as I don't think the methods they used were very successful

Yeah because you been following my life in celeb mags because I'm famous n'all.

Im not intending to hurt your feelings here.

Don't worry. You really haven't. You're just some random person on the web commenting on something I commented on - it takes a hell of a lot more than that to hurt my feelings I assure you.

This is just my opinion.

You're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to consider it bullshit - and that I do Sir/Ma'am.

Have a nice day.

30Min

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Thanks. I enjoy my youthfulness.



That's nice. And I hope your parents didn't smack you. That's the difference between you and I guess.



Yeah because you been following my life in celeb mags because I'm famous n'all.



Don't worry. You really haven't. You're just some random person on the web commenting on something I commented on - it takes a hell of a lot more than that to hurt my feelings I assure you.



You're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to consider it bullshit - and that I do Sir/Ma'am.

Have a nice day.

Wow- passive aggressive- how text book psychology of you. You really do come across as smug and annoying. And Im afraid its blatantly obvious from your post, that you can't accept that other people have opinions which differ to your own.

Looks like it doesn't make a difference either way does it? You're smacked and you turn out as above, you're not smacked and you turn out well adjusted. Everyone on this board has differing stories.

My mother smacked me when I was growing up. She learned this behaviour from her parents. She's not a bad person or a bad parent but 'Supernanny' wasn't around during her day. I was only smacked when I was bold and I haven't suffered for it. You have no business telling others on this forum that their parents or their own parenting skills are below par. Who do you think you are? Mind your own business/kids and stop being so self righteous.

Chuck Stone

30Min wrote: »

Wow- passive aggressive- how text book psychology of you.

I don't pay much heed to pop-psychology tbh.

You really do come across as smug and annoying.

It's funny that you call me passive aggressive smug/annoying and yet you entered the thread with this post.

30Min wrote: »

I think your parents should have smacked you, as I don't think the methods they used were very successful.

And Im afraid its blatantly obvious from your post, that you can't accept that other people have opinions which differ to your own.

I accept that people have different opinions but that does not mean I have to agree with them.

Looks like it doesn't make a difference either way does it? You're smacked and you turn out as above, you're not smacked and you turn out well adjusted.

I really can't figure out what you're trying to say here tbh.

My mother smacked me when I was growing up. She learned this behaviour from her parents. She's not a bad person or a bad parent but 'Supernanny' wasn't around during her day.

Sounds very similar to my experience. I think my parents are great people but I don't think that the smacking (not that I was excessively smacked or anything) was commendable.

I was only smacked when I was bold and I haven't suffered for it

I too was smacked. I don't agree with it now though. Apart from the evidence I have presented that shows that smacking children is harmful I believe that it's just a little bit weird that a grown-up hits a child.

You have no business telling others on this forum that their parents or their own parenting skills are below par.

I'm not telling people how to parent I'm giving my opinion on smacking. If people are interested they can read through the thread listen to peoples experiences, weigh up the evidence and make up their own minds. This forum is about having a debate is it not?

Mind your own business/kids and stop being so self righteous

Children are everybody's business. It's not so long ago that people wouldn't intervene if a child was getting a smacking in public.

Nowadays people will intervene and tell a parent to stop - do you think they should walk away because it's none of their business? I don't.

Anyway you began the condescension and I think my response was appropriate. I've disagreed with many people on this thread without it getting personal.

RussellTuring

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Liberty doesn't factor into it if they're seriously crossing a line.

Why not? What's the line anyway?

Some mindless thugs and teens in London decided that their liberty included arson and looting - whose liberty takes precedence ?

Completely off-topic and a red herring if ever I've seen one. Anyway, I already said in the part of my post you quoted that precedence should go to the one not causing physical harm. I would have thought this would be obvious.

The one who is not breaking the law or being a brat.

Maybe not then. Again, who the "brat" is is determined by the person carrying out the punishment. You're just saying it's okay for parents to smack their kids if they decide they're brats. It's not an argument for smacking.

It's a lesson well learnt via a minor smack or two in time (and no, we're not talking about a thumping or a hiding) before someone with less of the child's interests at heart teaches them it later.

Are you trying to say that parents are doing the children a favour by hitting them before someone else does? I think it's better to teach them to avoid violence as much as possible rather than using it as a tool to solve disputes and teach people to behave how you want them to. In hitting the child, parents are only perpetuating violence. The idea that they are doing it to prevent violence is nonsense.

Also, if you see it as a sign of looking after the child's interests then how can you say that my smacking your kid isn't doing the same? Or hitting my partner?

I'd also still love to see a response from Philologos on my previous post.

CamperMan

yes... and sometimes required hospital treatment for cuts

citizen_p

I did when I deserved it, usually the threat was enough.
Didn't do me any harm to get the odd slap!
(slap as in one hit, not a full fledged beating or anything, now thatd be abuse)

RussellTuring

Mousey- wrote: »

I did when I deserved it, usually the threat was enough.
Didn't do me any harm to get the odd slap!
(slap as in one hit, not a full fledged beating or anything, now thatd be abuse)

What good did it do?

saa

I hate to admit it but if I was hit within reason for a reason it didn't bother me and doesnt now but if I was hit or shouted out because a parent was frustrated or couldn't control things oh I do hold resentment over that,
and many people do for any discipline that was taken too far or didn't have a reason.

Johnny Foreigner

I have never hit a woman or child in my life. I am proud of the fact. I never will. I feel it is wrong for a man to do this.
I broke a man's cheek bone, and beat him unconscious in a fight once, and realised then what damage I could do to someone. I resolved that I would never hit a woman or child as I could do them some serious damage, being a lot bigger and stronger than them.
My Father beat both my Mother and I when I was a child. My Grandfather had beaten my Father as a child and so he thought that it was normal to do so.
I don't think it is ever acceptable for a man to hit a woman or child. A parent should be able to discipline their child without resorting to physical violence.
I spent my childhood living in fear of the violence I witnessed and experienced. I grew up thinking fighting was normal, and a way of life. As I got older I realised that it was wrong.
There is no need to hit a child in any way. I was slapped, kicked, and punched by my Father. I don't see a difference between being slapped or punched, as they have the same effect on a child; fear.
I think a real man has self control.

Abi

CamperMan wrote: »

yes... and sometimes required hospital treatment for cuts

I hope thats a joke.


If not, did you tell anyone about it? by sometimes, I take it that you mean it happened more than once?

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

I have never hit a woman or child in my life. I am proud of the fact. I never will. I feel it is wrong for a man to do this.
I broke a man's cheek bone, and beat him unconscious in a fight once, and realised then what damage I could do to someone. I resolved that I would never hit a woman or child as I could do them some serious damage, being a lot bigger and stronger than them.
My Father beat both my Mother and I when I was a child. My Grandfather had beaten my Father as a child and so he thought that it was normal to do so.
I don't think it is ever acceptable for a man to hit a woman or child. A parent should be able to discipline their child without resorting to physical violence.
I spent my childhood living in fear of the violence I witnessed and experienced. I grew up thinking fighting was normal, and a way of life. As I got older I realised that it was wrong.
There is no need to hit a child in any way. I was slapped, kicked, and punched by my Father. I don't see a difference between being slapped or punched, as they have the same effect on a child; fear.
I think a real man has self control.

Or woman.

Children can be trying, but thats exactly what they are, children.


If you continually guide a child through their life, and can honestly say that you have, then they will respect you. Even during difficult times with their peers, they will still remember that it will hurt you more to go outside your rule.

There are children being dragged up these days, and being had without much thought going into it. This presents a major problem, when realistically you have to be fully prepared for the emotional, physical, and financial commitment that goes into it.


A parent that hurts a child is a parent with an anger problem. Children take time, nurturing and guidance. To put it another way, children need programming. You get it right, or you get it wrong.

booboo88

Sweet mothering jesus, did my parents what....the amount of times you'd get a wallop across the ass, you can sure I didnt do whatever I was doing again.

Some of the kids now need a slap. If I did some of the sh!te when I was a kid I wouldve been knocked into next week.

Abi

booboo88 wrote: »

Sweet mothering jesus, did my parents what....the amount of times you'd get a wallop across the ass, you can sure I didnt do whatever I was doing again.

Some of the kids now need a slap. If I did some of the sh!te when I was a kid I wouldve been knocked into next week.

Yeah? and you know what? me too.


Though what I did was, I went awol. I lived by the hand and the threat and was treated strictly. There was no give / take with my parents. From the age of 16 I started going missing. I felt I couldn't talk to them, and there was no lee-way as I grew older. Their game plan to keep me in order was to keep me in. It turns out, it wasn't just their biggest regret, it was mine. I never understood them, because they never talked to me.

I apolgised to my parents in my twenties for what I did, because I love them regardless. But I wish they said to me 'we should have listened and trusted you'. That would have meant a big difference to me, because I saw them as 'the enemy'.

Fizman

Does waterboarding count as being 'hit'?

booboo88

Abi wrote: »

Yeah? and you know what? me too.


Though what I did was, I went awol. I lived by the hand and the threat and was treated strictly. There was no give / take with my parents. From the age of 16 I started going missing. I felt I couldn't talk to them, and there was no lee-way as I grew older. Their game plan to keep me in order was to keep me in. It turns out, it wasn't just their biggest regret, it was mine. I never understood them, because they never talked to me.

I apolgised to my parents in my twenties for what I did, because I love them regardless. But I wish they said to me 'we should have listened and trusted you'. That would have meant a big difference to me, because I saw them as 'the enemy'.

But that doesnt mean everyone goes awol?
Some people react in different ways, in my life whether or not my parents gave me a clout when I desserved it is the least of my worries

Paddy Cow

Why do the parents who have no problem with smacking their kids go bat sh!t crazy at the thought of someone else smacking their child? Surely if it does no harm to the kid then they should have no problem with someone else doing the same? Teachers have to control classes of 30 kids and aren't allowed to smack or yell at them. How do parents think other people in authority should control/discipline their kids, if that child is used to having a smack to draw the line?

Dionysus

I see in this morning's Irish Times that the current government is flying a kite, proposing to ban smacking children in the home:

Ban on parents smacking children considered

Would be interesting to see what people think of it.

doolox

...but that is the way the world works. The bigger stronger entities, countries, companies and individuals lord it over the smaller weaker and less powerful ones.

Nonsense you hear on TV.

Violence doesn't work and is futiile. Truth is violence does work and can be very effective otherwise the richest countries in the world wouldn't be spending vast sums of money on ways to inflict it. Departments of defence wouldn't exist if violence and fear did not work.

Try reasoning with kids.

Tell that to the victims of the latest London riots as an example of what can happen in the absence of fear and respect for elders and for social order.

Violence is a last resort and should only be used very sparingly, if at all. All other options should be tried first before resorting to violence.

Lia_lia

Nope. Never got so much as a slap. My parents were in good control of us all the time, never needed to resort to violence.

My Dad used to (and still does) kinda beat us up...but more in a play fight way . Like the way my brother and I fight. Gets pretty violent though! I've got really hurt a lot. But it's all in good spirit

charlemont

Abi wrote: »

Yeah? and you know what? me too.


Though what I did was, I went awol. I lived by the hand and the threat and was treated strictly. There was no give / take with my parents. From the age of 16 I started going missing. I felt I couldn't talk to them, and there was no lee-way as I grew older. Their game plan to keep me in order was to keep me in. It turns out, it wasn't just their biggest regret, it was mine. I never understood them, because they never talked to me.

I apolgised to my parents in my twenties for what I did, because I love them regardless. But I wish they said to me 'we should have listened and trusted you'. That would have meant a big difference to me, because I saw them as 'the enemy'.

That's very similar to my experience. All of the hassle from the folks just made me worse.

focus_mad

Yup got hit, when I was acting the bo**ix.

Didn't do me any harm!

Jesus Wept

No.
It's a bizarre concept.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

focus_mad wrote: »

Yup got hit, when I was acting the bo**ix.

Didn't do me any harm!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=76106806&postcount=640

focus_mad

I've already read your post ( can I have my 5 seconds bk?)

I was a bit of a mentaler when I was a kid so I think getting a cuff around the ears was enough to stop me doing something, that I shouldn't have been doing, again.

I never referred to 'it doing harm to others', I was commenting on my own life experience if that is quite alright?

This is a discussion forum anyway so people sometimes just don't agree.

RussellTuring

focus_mad wrote: »

I've already read your post ( can I have my 5 seconds bk?)

I was a bit of a mentaler when I was a kid so I think getting a cuff around the ears was enough to stop me doing something, that I shouldn't have been doing, again.

I never referred to 'it doing harm to others', I was commenting on my own life experience if that is quite alright?

This is a discussion forum anyway so people sometimes just don't agree.

Do you think slapping kids stops them doing only objectively bad things or does it stop them doing things that their parents don't want them to do? There is a difference.

focus_mad

RussellTuring wrote: »

Do you think slapping kids stops them doing only objectively bad things or does it stop them doing things that their parents don't want them to do? There is a difference.

I suppose that boils down to the parent?

I once got cuffed for hiding the car keys as me da was trying to find them as his Da had been rushed to the Mater. Reasonable? I think so. Others may not agree though and that is fair enough.

RussellTuring

focus_mad wrote: »

I suppose that boils down to the parent?

Not really. I was asking if me slapping my child enforces my ideas of how she should act on particular issues, or if it somehow gives them the ability to decide on right and wrong in general. I would think it's the former. Anyway, my point is that whether or not it works isn't really the issue for me. Many things achieve what they aim to do but they do so at a high cost. Using physical force to either coerce someone into or prevent them from doing something needs a lot of justification and justification on an individual basis. For me and other people, saying "it did me no harm" isn't enough; you have to show what good it does.

Nothingbetter2d

i got hit as a child by my mother.

she used the wooden spoon mostly... but when we were really bold she wasn't afraid to clobber us with a sweeping brush.

to be honest it knocked some sense into us.

there is too many little brats out there that could do with a good slap or two

stimpson

Hitting kids is the last acceptable form of domestic violence. All the pro smacking arguments were used to justify hitting women at one stage. If you have to hit your kids to get them to behave then you're doing it wrong.

jugger0

When i was about 4 or 5 my older sister got me to call my dad a bastard while he was in the shower, he ran after me in his dressing gown with a slipper in hand and gave me a whack across the arse when he caught me, never swore in front of my father after that... indeed i was a pretty good kid because i knew i'd get a smack if i acted the bollocks.

RussellTuring

jugger0 wrote: »

When i was about 4 or 5 my older sister got me to call my dad a bastard while he was in the shower, he ran after me in his dressing gown with a slipper in hand and gave me a whack across the arse when he caught me, never swore in front of my father after that... indeed i was a pretty good kid because i knew i'd get a smack if i acted the bollocks.

You weren't really a good kid then. You were just behaving a certain way because you were in fear of being punished otherwise.

jugger0

RussellTuring wrote: »

You weren't really a good kid then. You were just behaving a certain way because you were in fear of being punished otherwise.

isnt that how it works? if you woke up tomorrow and there was no laws or punishments for criminal behavior would you still behave as if there was?

Odysseus

Interesting thread, I spend a lot of my professional life listening to and seeing the effects of child abuse. However, there is a significant difference between smacking a child and physical abuse.

There are many ways of disciplining a child and corporal punishment can be one of them. If used lightly and occasionally it can be beneficial in my opinion.

I experienced severe corporal punishment in school which I disagree with. With my parents a smack on the legs as a small child, my dad's belt when I was older though this was occasional. Only once when I was about 16 did my dad use his hands on me, dropped me with a punch, though I provoked him and I know he felt very bad about it later.

My dad had grown up with severe physical abuse, so it was always a last resort with us. A smack does not equal abuse and sometimes it may be needed. However, if it is needed frequently there is a problem too

stimpson

Odysseus wrote: »

A smack does not equal abuse and sometimes it may be needed. However, if it is needed frequently there is a problem too

I'm not sure I'd go so far as to call it abuse, but I don't think it's any more effective than non-violent methods.

Studies have shown that consistency is the key to effective discipline. Smacking is usually used as a last resort and once a parent starts to smack there is nowhere left to go so they keep smacking. When consistent smacking gets results the parent assumes it was the smacking that worked rather than the consistency.

I can try to dig out the study later on but it left quite an impression on me and made me resolve to never lift my hand to my son. I find reasoning and the naughty step are sufficient tools to ensure good discipline.

suicide_circus

The "no slapping" school of parenting goes hand in hand with the "my little darling is the centre of the universe" school of parenting. A moderate spank should be available to every parent where necessary. Have you seen the state of the behaviour of the kids produced in the last 10/15 years?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

i got hit as a child by my mother.

she used the wooden spoon mostly... but when we were really bold she wasn't afraid to clobber us with a sweeping brush.

to be honest it knocked some sense into us.

there is too many little brats out there that could do with a good slap or two

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showp...&postcount=640

PLUS - no slapping =/= no discipline

suicide_circus wrote: »

The "no slapping" school of parenting goes hand in hand with the "my little darling is the centre of the universe" school of parenting. A moderate spank should be available to every parent where necessary. Have you seen the state of the behaviour of the kids produced in the last 10/15 years?

Comeplete bull****! That's merely an inaccurate point trotted out to make your argumen to look sensible. even if it were accurate, it would still be a strawman arguement unless you can actually link to the two.

Also, explain Scandanaiva, where it's banned, has no such problems.

philologos

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=76106806&postcount=640

Poor argument on your behalf.

You can't compare abusive violence which actually harms with giving a child a light slap. That would be disproportionate. It is obvious what the difference is. That's why the argument you linked to is fundamentally flawed.

I'm not up for banning parents to punish in a way that is reasonable, and in a way that leads to their children behaving provided it provides no significant bruising, scarring, or any other physical harm. Anything else is just the nanny-state going nuts.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Philo, my good man, if we're going to debate this, you're goign to have to start debating the argument I put forward and not some completely different argment that hapepns to suit your rebuttal better.

philologos wrote: »

Poor argument on your behalf.

You can't compare abusive violence which actually harms with giving a child a light slap. That would be disproportionate. It is obvious what the difference is. That's why the argument you linked to is fundamentally flawed.

My argument WOULD BE flawed if that were indeed my argument, which it was not.

I'm not up for banning parents to punish in a way that is reasonable, and in a way that leads to their children behaving provided it provides no significant bruising, scarring, or any other physical harm. Anything else is just the nanny-state going nuts.

No it isn't. Again, you are making a claim that suits yoru rebuttal without checking it.