Did you get hit by your parents?

Chuck Stone

dahamsta wrote: »

You were obviously assaulted as a child Chuck Stone, rather than disciplined, and that's terrible, but projecting your own experiences onto other people isn't going to make it better.

If it still makes you that angry, you should talk to someone about it -- confront your parents and/or talk to a professional.

I'm not at all angry. If anything I feel sorry for my parents that they felt they had to hit us.

I love my parents deeply. They're my heroes and a fine example of how to live your life.

They hit me though which was fucking stupid. I could beat my aging Dad up now if it meant getting him to do stuff. Would I beat my Dad up? No. I'd rather set myself on fire.

You feel me?

ilovesleep

I never liked it as a kid but there's something highly enjoyable about it now when a man takes his belt or a cane to my arse. It's good :-)

moco

If an adult hits another adult it's assault. If an adult hits a child who is much weaker and smaller, and isn't allowed to hit back, then that's ok?

I really don't understand people thinking hitting children is ok.

Nolimits

I got the occasional slap on the legs/arse, was used more as a threat, and I deserved it. I'd usually cry after it, but it was more that I got the slap to begin with rather than any pain. The big threat was the belt, I would be threatened with that but never received it, I've been meaning to ask my Dad if it was ever any more than a meaningless threat

gerryo777

Chuck Stone wrote: »

No.

And stop trying to divert attention from the fact that your parents physically assaulted you as a way of making you do what they wanted.

Hitting children is stupid.

Have you got kids?

Brendog

Yeah. They did this thing (Which I think is an act of torture).

When I misbehaved I was told to pick a hand. Whatever hand I chose had to be held out and slapped with a wooden spoon.

Messed up part is that as I closed my eyes and trembled in fear, my parents waited and waited and waited until finally I peeked a look to see what was going on .....

WHACK!!!

Que window-shattering screams and 1 turnip sized swollen hand.

charlemont

My mother is a real old school type, Catholic church attending, DeValera worshipping....So I got fair few beatings for the stupidest of things, She clearly is a lunatic because it seemed to be a power trip too.

My old man gave me few hidings too but they were only for show so the mother would stop nagging him.

My brother had free reign to bully me as he was the good boy played sport and had good grades in school but I put an end to it when I hopped an iron of his head when I was 15.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

gerryo777 wrote: »

Have you got kids?

Are you suggesting he should hit kids he hasn't got?

I always say that, if as a parent, you think it's okay to slap your kids, then you should extend that to everyone else in charge of them. Teachers, sports, sports coaches, youth workers.

After all, if the logic is that it does them no harm and is the best way to dsicipline them and you want the best for your kids, then surely that goes beyond the household?

ziggy23

Oh I got the wooden spoon or the wet tea towel across the back of the legs many a time! I was a brat so always deserved it! I used the naughty corner with my toddler but I have given him the odd smack on the bum once or twice only a light smack. The shock of it usually works!!

Chuck Stone

gerryo777 wrote: »

Have you got kids?

I'm flattered by your interest in me but I am under no obligation to answer your question.

It doesn't matter whether I have kids or not.

Martyn1989

Sky King wrote: »

I dunno man, you know when you see a kid having a complete spa attack in the supermarket because it wants a golly bar or whatever - do you think if that kid got a punch in the face every time it did that, it would continue to behave in this way?

For more helpful parenting tips, PM me.

Trouble is golly bars arnt enough anymore, that kid wants a magnum

PK2008

Be thankful it was your parents and not the Christian Brothers

ziggy23

Surley wrote: »

Got a bamboo cane across the back of my legs once. Fcuking hurt. I turned out ok in the end.

My mam did this once out of sheer frustration the thing snapped in half and we both were in stitches laughing!

gerryo777

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Are you suggesting he should hit kids he hasn't got?

I always say that, if as a parent, you think it's okay to slap your kids, then you should extend that to everyone else in charge of them. Teachers, sports, sports coaches, youth workers.

After all, if the logic is that it does them no harm and is the best way to dsicipline them and you want the best for your kids, then surely that goes beyond the household?

Are you ok there? I just asked the guy if he has kids....

KeithAFC

Absolutely required now more than ever.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

gerryo777 wrote: »

Are you ok there? I just asked the guy if he has kids....

Yeah, I know, but the first bit is relevant to your question, the second is hypthotheical and not really meant at you personally. Unless you disagree with it...

Question remains, though, why did you ask?

gerryo777

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I'm flattered by your interest in me but I am under no obligation to answer your question.

It doesn't matter whether I have kids or not.

Go and see a shrink, you sound like you have some real problems with your upbringing. Don't think boards.ie is the best place to discuss it!

ziggy23

I think what is way worse nowadays is parents cursing and swearing and calling their kids all the names under the sun that has to be way more damaging than a smack on the hand or bum if they are being really bold??

moco

ziggy23 wrote: »

I think what is way worse nowadays is parents cursing and swearing and calling their kids all the names under the sun that has to be way more damaging than a smack on the hand or bum if they are being really bold??

Both are damaging, there's no need for either.

Tayla

Yep, got hit with the wooden spoon the odd time.

I would never hit my kids though, no way.

Taco Corp

ziggy23 wrote: »

My mam did this once out of sheer frustration the thing snapped in half and we both were in stitches laughing!

THe one I was hit with didn't break, left a nice red bamboo shaped mark instead

St.Spodo

I was never hit as a child but then I was always fairly placid.

Chuck Stone

gerryo777 wrote: »

Go and see a shrink, you sound like you have some real problems with your upbringing. Don't think boards.ie is the best place to discuss it!

I have wonderful parents. If I turn out half as good as them I'll be just fine. I don't have an issue with my parents for hitting me as a child. I have an issue for a society that thinks hitting children is an acceptable method of parenting.

It's not.

Hitting children is fucking stupid.

tonycascarino

Wagging your finger at a bold child & telling them that they were naughty is hardly going to work wonders. An odd slap does nobody any harm IMO.

Degringola

But, with plenty of caveats, I think that one short slap is better by far than a tirade of verbal abuse, which lasts much longer in the memory of a child.

Very easy to let your tongue run away with you and, of course, impossible to recall the words.

KeithAFC

moco wrote: »

Both are damaging, there's no need for either.

It needs to be done. They need to know when to draw the line and know what they can and can't do and have traditional values instilled into them. Like cleaning up the house every sunday, eating at the table, don't interrupt conversations, say please and thank you and so on.

We are becoming too North America.

acidskiffle

Got the odd smack or whack of the wooden spoon
Did no harm at all.

Offy

OP stop feeling sorry for yourself.

moco

KeithAFC wrote: »

It needs to be done. They need to know when to draw the line and know what they can and can't do and have traditional values instilled into them. Like cleaning up the house every sunday, eating at the table, don't interrupt conversations, say please and thank you and so on.

We are becoming too North America.

It doesn't need to be done. There are other ways of teaching a child than hitting them or roaring abuse. If this is the only way an adult can get their point across then they have a problem.

gerryo777

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I have wonderful parents. If I turn out half as good as them I'll be just fine. I don't have an issue with my parents for hitting me as a child. I have an issue for a society that thinks hitting children is an acceptable method of parenting.

It's not.

Hitting children is fucking stupid.

So you keep saying.
Don't really like having to but sometimes a smack on the arse will snap a child out of a tantrum or the likes. So if you call that hitting children well then I'd say the majority of parents 'hit their kids'.
Now, beating your children is a different matter altogether......

Millicent

My brother was a little fecker -- I mean hell on wheels. When he hit puberty, he shot up. Think he was about 6 foot 2/3 by the time he was 14/15. He spat in my Mam's face once so she pulled out a kitchen chair and stood on it to give him a slap. :pac:

Funny and all as that memory is, I don't agree with slapping (except, perhaps, where a child is going to injure himself/herself, like putting a hand into the fire, even after being told "no". That's the only extreme I can think of though.)

The fact of the matter is violence does not teach a child the correct way to deal with bad behaviour. It made me introverted, afraid to stand up for myself, and didn't teach me how to deal with others who were aggressive with me. (And that was just the wooden spoon or whatever.) It was all done with the best of intentions but it's not a lesson for any child to learn -- that if you can't reason with someone, you resort to slapping or hitting them with an object.

Offy

moco wrote: »

KeithAFC wrote: »

It needs to be done. They need to know when to draw the line and know what they can and can't do and have traditional values instilled into them. Like cleaning up the house every sunday, eating at the table, don't interrupt conversations, say please and thank you and so on.

We are becoming too North America.

It doesn't need to be done. There are other ways of teaching a child than hitting them or roaring abuse. If this is the only way an adult can get their point across then they have a problem.

And judges could talk nicely to criminals rather than putting them in jail.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

KeithAFC wrote: »

It needs to be done. They need to know when to draw the line and know what they can and can't do and have traditional values instilled into them. Like cleaning up the house every sunday, eating at the table, don't interrupt conversations, say please and thank you and so on.

We are becoming too North America.

There's a difference between discipline and manners.

As regards "North America" - are you of the opinion that they're too liberal?

Millicent

KeithAFC wrote: »

It needs to be done. They need to know when to draw the line and know what they can and can't do and have traditional values instilled into them. Like cleaning up the house every sunday, eating at the table, don't interrupt conversations, say please and thank you and so on.

We are becoming too North America.

You think a child interrupting a conversation is reason enough to hit them? That's fucked up. Controlling through fear will do more damage to a child in the long run.

Pinklady11

We were battered when we were kids. There were a few of us so someone was getting a beating fairly frequent. If you weren't at the receiving end of it then you had to watch whoever was getting it. And yes it did do me harm...it put the fear of god into me if I did something wrong even if it was an accident...minimum 3 or 4 slaps would be dished out. It turned me into a shy timid child.

It's wrong to slap a child. I would never slap my own children.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Offy wrote: »

And judges could talk nicely to criminals rather than putting them in jail.

I believe that Man United are not the team they were five years ago and are now on a slippery slide, although this is just as irrelevant to this thread as is your argument.

tonycascarino

This needs a poll

Precious flower

Ah I got the odd slap, but to be honest I deserved it because I was being a right brat. Didn't do any harm and definitely stopped any bad behaviour in its tracks. Wooden spoon was used to, seems very Irish child parents threatened their kids with one, our one had a smiley face on one side and a frowny face on the other side. That definitely stopped any messing you certainly wouldn't want to see it turn to the frowny face! :P

ziggy23

gerryo777 wrote: »

So you keep saying.
Don't really like having to but sometimes a smack on the arse will snap a child out of a tantrum or the likes. So if you call that hitting children well then I'd say the majority of parents 'hit their kids'.
Now, beating your children is a different matter altogether......

Totally agree. I always give my son fair warning too 'if you keep doing this you will get a smack on the bum' so it really is up to him sometimes. And by a smack I mean a short sharp smack not a punch or a couple of smacks. A friend of mine's daughter kept biting her and she started biting her back not too sure if I agree with that though

moco

Offy wrote: »

And judges could talk nicely to criminals rather than putting them in jail.

As far as I'm aware, judges aren't allowed to hit criminals. If they were, maybe there would be some sense in your comparison.

stovelid

My ma probably smacked us a bit too much. She feels bad about it now but she was a victim of the parenting orthodoxy of the time which was very much spare the rod and your kids end up in jail.

That said, it has swung ridiculously the other way nowadays with light smacking on the arse or hand being equated to abuse.

As a parent now of very strong willed boys, I rarely do it but reserve the right to have it my arsenal of punishment without judgement from other parents, and especially non-parents.

KeithAFC

Millicent wrote: »

You think a child interrupting a conversation is reason enough to hit them? That's fucked up. Controlling through fear will do more damage to a child in the long run.

No. But it is like them answering back and talking over you. Not hit but they need to be told not to do that and be warned. That way they will get the picture and know it isn't allowed.

No wasting food, food costs money. No alcohol and no cigarettes. See too many young kids at 13+ smoking and drinking these days. Should not be allowed.

ziggy23

Pinklady11 wrote: »

We were battered when we were kids. There were a few of us so someone was getting a beating fairly frequent. If you weren't at the receiving end of it then you had to watch whoever was getting it. And yes it did do me harm...it put the fear of god into me if I did something wrong even if it was an accident...minimum 3 or 4 slaps would be dished out. It turned me into a shy timid child.

It's wrong to slap a child. I would never slap my own children.

That is completely different that sounds like abuse:(
I used to keep at my mam and she would eventually give in and give me a smack and I would always stop then.

Chuck Stone

Degringola wrote: »

But, with plenty of caveats, I think that one short slap is better by far than a tirade of verbal abuse, which lasts much longer in the memory of a child.

Probably is but it doesn't make it any less hurtful to kids.

Offy wrote: »

OP stop feeling sorry for yourself.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself at all. My parents rock. I'm lucky to be their child. Love 'em both.

gerryo777 wrote: »

Don't really like having to but sometimes a smack on the arse will snap a child out of a tantrum or the likes. So if you call that hitting children well then I'd say the majority of parents 'hit their kids'.
Now, beating your children is a different matter altogether......

Hitting is initiating violence against children. You're either comfortable with it or you're not.

Millicent

KeithAFC wrote: »

No. But it is like them answering back and talking over you. Not hit but they need to be told not to do that and be warned. That way they will get the picture and know it isn't allowed.

No wasting food, food costs money. No alcohol and no cigarettes. See too many young kids at 13+ smoking and drinking these days. Should not be allowed.

I smoked and drank when I was 13. I was slapped all the way through my childhood. The thing with smacking is, for a lot of people, getting hit by someone who is supposed to protect you means you don't learn to put a value on your own wellbeing. Because of that, I was less inclined to think, "Hang on, this might hurt me/do damage" because my self worth wasn't exactly high.

So when do you think a child should be hit if not for the examples you've given?

rocuronium

we were battered. mainly by our mother. patents tried talking to me about the wrongs and rights but to no avail. nothing regsitered other than a beating. my mother broke a golf club on my brother. hit my sister such a beating that she s**t herself. i still have a scar on my hand from a similar prolonged stint.

don't think my sister will ever be able to move on from it. and despite all of this, my mother is still the person i admire most in my life.

hmm

Eve_Dublin

I find it distressing to see parents hit their children. They're only little kids ffs. They're teaching their own kids that it's alright to hit someone if they annoy you or do something you believe is wrong. My 4 siblings were all hit growing up and I think I was only hit twice....both times totally indeserved. One time was for drawing hopscotch on the patio outside in chalk and my mother gave me a whack with the wooden spoon...how is that alright??? It's fecking bizarre behaviour. I was the most well behaved of the 5 of us but on the rare occasion that I was bold (I'm talking before hitting my teens here), my parents disciplined me with grounding, extra maths homework, no pocket money, no dessert. There's other ways to discipline kids and it worked for me.

gerryo777

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Probably is but it doesn't make it any less hurtful to kids.



I'm not feeling sorry for myself at all. My parents rock. I'm lucky to be their child. Love 'em both.



Hitting is initiating violence against children. You're either comfortable with it or you're not.

Come back to me when you've reared 3 or 4 of them.

Ivan_itch

I never was hit or threathend to be hit, but always behaved incase i was. A child needs to know that there is repercussions for their actions. I am still only in my early 20's but i know that the knowlege that if i done something bad enough that it could happen and it has kept me on the straight and narrow into my adult life. I'm not condoning blatant violence, but a light one slap on the back of the legs to keep them in check wen all all else fails.
Its the fear of the punishment itself being carried out rather than the force applied is what registers with the child.

Can I ask you a question so, if your child misbehaves and you sent them to their room and the refuse and carry on misbehaving or throwing a tantrum and won't respond to your peace and love method. What do you do?

Degringola

Has the decline in using corporal punishment on children resulted in more peaceful societies? Have we now more peaceful or more violent skangers on our streets?

I think your chances of getting beaten up when you're out are greater now than they were when corporal punishment was more common on a familial level.

Thoughts?