Did you get hit by your parents?

Millicent

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I find it distressing to see parents hit their children. They're only little kids ffs. They're teaching their own kids that it's alright to hit someone if they annoy you or do something you believe is wrong. My 4 siblings were all hit growing up and I think I was only hit twice....both times totally indeserved. One time was for drawing hopscotch on the patio outside in chalk and my mother gave me a whack with the wooden spoon...how is that alright??? It's fecking bizarre behaviour. I was the most well behaved of the 5 of us but on the rare occasion that I was bold (I'm talking before hitting my teens here), my parents disciplined me with grounding, extra maths homework, no pocket money, no dessert. There's other ways to discipline kids and it worked for me.

The mad thing is, the punishment that drove me most spare was when I was banned from telly, and could see my family all watching something good through the window of the patio door. The slaps or wooden spoon were actually less of a deterrent than having something I enjoyed taken away. I don't think I ever did what I was being punished for again!

gerryo777

rocuronium wrote: »

we were battered. mainly by our mother. patents tried talking to me about the wrongs and rights but to no avail. nothing regsitered other than a beating. my mother broke a golf club on my brother. hit my sister such a beating that she s**t herself. i still have a scar on my hand from a similar prolonged stint.

don't think my sister will ever be able to move on from it. and despite all of this, my mother is still the person i admire most in my life.

hmm

Jesus, that's not good!

ziggy23

rocuronium wrote: »

we were battered. mainly by our mother. patents tried talking to me about the wrongs and rights but to no avail. nothing regsitered other than a beating. my mother broke a golf club on my brother. hit my sister such a beating that she s**t herself. i still have a scar on my hand from a similar prolonged stint.

don't think my sister will ever be able to move on from it. and despite all of this, my mother is still the person i admire most in my life.

hmm

That is abuse. No offence but your mother sounds like she had anger problems. I would in no way hit my child just for saying the wrong thing, not saying please etc or use objects to beat him. I only smack him after I have exhausted all the other avenues naughty step, taking away his toys etc and I would rather not smack him but sometimes it has to be done. Your poor sister that sounds like a rotten childhood to be honest:(

Millicent

gerryo777 wrote: »

Come back to me when you've reared 3 or 4 of them.

Why is this an argument? Are you actually trying to say that some people have better judgement just because they've had children? It's been said elsewhere on thread that non-parents can't judge. Why? Is there some extra reasoning skills that come with being inseminated? I really can't wrap my head around it.

moco

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I find it distressing to see parents hit their children. They're only little kids ffs. They're teaching their own kids that it's alright to hit someone if they annoy you or do something you believe is wrong. My 4 siblings were all hit growing up and I think I was only hit twice....both times totally indeserved. One time was for drawing hopscotch on the patio outside in chalk and my mother gave me a whack with the wooden spoon...how is that alright??? It's fecking bizarre behaviour. I was the most well behaved of the 5 of us but on the rare occasion that I was bold (I'm talking before hitting my teens here), my parents disciplined me with grounding, extra maths homework, no pocket money, no dessert. There's other ways to discipline kids and it worked for me.

I remember my dad slapping us one night cos he came up the stairs and we weren't asleep. Wtf?! I remember thinking at the time, what a prick.

I only remember getting hit a few times and that was one of them. I've forgotten the actual slap part, but I always remember the feeling of being raging with him for doing it, for no reason and just because he was probably in bad form.

Feisar

I got it a fair bit usually for being stubborn and completely unreasonable. Plus I'd opt for the pain rather than being house bound for a week in the summer.

Worst one was after playing in a building site. Got it severe from a rod used to hold up plants. I'll never forget it, pissed myself etc. I wouldn't tell where I got a couple of cement dipped nails so it went on for a good while. I knew Dad knew where I got them and he wanted me to admit it but the funker wasn't going to break me.

It was abuse but he didn't want me playing on a building site and getting injured/killed.

ziggy23

Degringola wrote: »

Has the decline in using corporal punishment on children resulted in more peaceful societies? Have we now more peaceful or more violent skangers on our streets?

I think your chances of getting beaten up when you're out are greater than nowthey were when corporal punishment was more common.

Thoughts?

Now I would go ape**** if anybody else smacked my child. I've given them full permission in the creche to use the naughty step etc but nobody else has a right to smack someone elses child. I really don't know tbh I think some of the scumbags out there had the parents that used to call them little bastards etc

Feisar

Millicent wrote: »

Why is this an argument? Are you actually trying to say that some people have better judgement just because they've dropped a load of sprogs? It's been said elsewhere on thread that non-parents can't judge. Why? Is there some extra reasoning skills that come with being inseminated? I really can't wrap my head around it.

as a parent Joe...

rocuronium

ziggy23 wrote: »

That is abuse. No offence but your mother sounds like she had anger problems. I would in no way hit my child just for saying the wrong thing, not saying please etc or use objects to beat him. I only smack him after I have exhausted all the other avenues naughty step, taking away his toys etc and I would rather not smack him but sometimes it has to be done. Your poor sister that sounds like a rotten childhood to be honest:(

i can't say i disagree with you ziggy. 25 years later and it's far easier to see it for what it was

gerryo777

Millicent wrote: »

Why is this an argument? Are you actually trying to say that some people have better judgement just because they've dropped a load of sprogs? It's been said elsewhere on thread that non-parents can't judge. Why? Is there some extra reasoning skills that come with being inseminated? I really can't wrap my head around it.

"dropped a load of sprogs", your use of the English language is impeccable.
Non-parents can judge all they like but the theory of rearing children is one thing, actually doing it is another. Every child is different.

Eve_Dublin

Millicent wrote: »

The mad thing is, the punishment that drove me most spare was when I was banned from telly, and could see my family all watching something good through the window of the patio door. The slaps or wooden spoon were actually less of a deterrent than having something I enjoyed taken away. I don't think I ever did what I was being punished for again!

Exactly. A hit with the spoon is over in a second (but that's not to say it's harmless just because it's quick). The worst punishment I got was the extra maths homework. I remember my dad would say in a serious, sombre tone if I was a bit cheeky or something, "Right, get your maths books...."....I'd be in absolute tears but by jaysus, it worked

ziggy23

rocuronium wrote: »

i can't say i disagree with you ziggy. 25 years later and it's far easier to see it for what it was

Things were done so different back then but I do think it has gone too far towards the other extreme. I've seen kids in public headbutt, kick and bite their parents:eek: No child deserves to be beaten for not being asleep, or drawing on chalk on the ground. A smack is always the last resort but it has to be done sometimes.

Millicent

gerryo777 wrote: »

"dropped a load of sprogs", your use of the English language is impeccable.

It should be. I've a degree in it. What you are referring to there is a colloquialism used to inject humour into quite a serious post. Any other literary criticisms before we continue?

gerryo777 wrote: »

Non-parents can judge all they like but the theory of rearing children is one thing, actually doing it is another. Every child is different.

So do you get some sort of special knowledge once you've had a child? Seriously, I don't get it. Are you not allowed judge any situation unless you're involved with it at the moment? What do you say to all those parents mentioned on thread who say they regret hitting their kids? Or to the people who say being hit affected them in a severe way? Are those people not allowed to say, "That was wrong" if they have no children themselves?

stovelid

Millicent wrote: »

Why is this an argument? Are you actually trying to say that some people have better judgement just because they've dropped a load of sprogs? It's been said elsewhere on thread that non-parents can't judge. Why? Is there some extra reasoning skills that come with being inseminated? I really can't wrap my head around it.

It's probably the only highly stressful and difficult full time profession on boards where discourse is nearly always dominated by non experts.

Dudess

I know people can use the "Wait til you've kids" line in a very smug, patronising, obnoxious manner, but it's a reasonable, understandable point to make sometimes, this topic being one such example: while people are entitled to say they don't like smacking of children, if they say it's bad, lazy parenting - while not parents themselves - they're inviting "Are you a parent?" queries.
The pressure, frustration, anxiety, exhaustion of certain situations when the child is being impossible and every disciplinary avenue has been exhausted, and the parent is at their wits' end and a light slap on the bum is the very last resort, leaving the parent guilty in the aftermath... I don't think a non parent is qualified to call that bad parenting. And I'm a non parent. It certainly doesn't look lazy to me either - you can't have a grand parenting plan for random isolated moments of extreme stress you're unprepared for.
The individual situation should be borne in mind. It's hurtful to tell parents who administer the odd light slap that they fail at parenting.

Some of the stuff described here though is cruelty, which is a different matter.
And obviously even a light slap for a piss-poor reason like the kid being boisterously playful just because the parent is in a bad mood is completely unreasonable.

Millicent

stovelid wrote: »

It's probably the only highly stressful and difficult full time profession on boards where discourse is nearly always dominated by non experts.

Are you saying that all parents are experts then? That all those people who slap their kids know exactly what they're doing?

I know it's a stressful and emotive subject but that doesn't mean anyone who is childless (or "child free" as some would prefer to term it) cannot extend an opinion.

Degringola

ziggy23 wrote: »

Now I would go ape**** if anybody else smacked my child. I've given them full permission in the creche to use the naughty step etc but nobody else has a right to smack someone elses child. I really don't know tbh I think some of the scumbags out there had the parents that used to call them little bastards etc

I agree with you about other people disciplining my kids, but that is not remotely what I was talking about. How did you get that from my post?

Chuck Stone

There are situations where physical chastisement is acceptable. Like pulling a child back from a busy road but for non-lifeboat situations hitting children is just bullying.

Da Shins Kelly

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Hitting children is stupid.

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Hitting children is fucking stupid.

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Hitting children is stupid.

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Which was fucking stupid.

Chuck Stone wrote: »

assaulting children to make them do what you want is fucking stupid.

Chuck Stone wrote: »

They hit me though which was fucking stupid.

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Hitting children is fucking stupid.

I think Chuck thinks hitting kids is stupid...

Kiera

Chuck Stone wrote: »

There are situations where physical chastisement is acceptable. Like pulling a child back from a busy road but for non-lifeboat situations hitting children is just bullying.

So you think your parents are awesome and bullies? Am i getting this right?

ziggy23

Degringola wrote: »

I agree with you about other people disciplining my kids, but that is not remotely what I was talking about. How did you get that from my post?

You were talking about corporal punishment is that not smacking in schools etc?
Oh I was agreeing with your post btw I just tend to start waffling away sometimes:o

Millicent

Dudess wrote: »

I know people can use the "Wait til you've kids" line in a very smug, patronising, obnoxious manner, but it's a reasonable, understandable point to make sometimes, this topic being one such example: while people are entitled to say they don't like smacking of children, if they say it's bad, lazy parenting - while not parents themselves - they're inviting "Are you a parent?" queries.
The pressure, frustration, anxiety, exhaustion of certain situations when the child is being impossible and every disciplinary avenue has been exhausted, and the parent is at their wits' end and a light slap on the bum is the very last resort, leaving the parent guilty in the aftermath... I don't think a non parent is qualified to call that bad parenting. And I'm a non parent. It certainly doesn't look lazy to me either - you can't have a grand parenting plan for random isolated moments of extreme stress you're unprepared for.
The individual situation should be borne in mind. It's hurtful to tell parents who administer the odd light slap that they fail at parenting.

Some of the stuff described here though is cruelty, which is a different matter.

You still don't know where some of those people are coming from. Some of them, like me, might have helped to rear a sibling or other child. Just because you don't have a biological child, doesn't mean you don't have any parenting experience.

I hit my brother once (the sibling I feel I helped to rear). It was wrong and I shouldn't have done it. It only exasperated a bad situation.

The other part of it is though (and I've already said I accept that it may be a last resort where a child is going to hurt themselves so I'm not saying never do it), when smacking gets to be part of your arsenal, it becomes entirely possible that you will use it where it is not warranted. In the heat of frustration, isn't it better to err on the side of caution and not use violence that might turn out to be an excessive response in retrospect?

gerryo777

Millicent wrote: »

It should be. I've a degree in it. What you are referring to there is a colloquialism used to inject humour into quite a serious post. Any other literary criticisms before we continue?



So do you get some sort of special knowledge once you've had a child? Seriously, I don't get it. Are you not allowed judge any situation unless you're involved with it at the moment? What do you say to all those parents mentioned on thread who say they regret hitting their kids? Or to the people who say being hit affected them in a severe way? Are those people not allowed to say, "That was wrong" if they have no children themselves?

Well done with your degree, hope it made your parents proud!
Now enroll in the school of life, you might learn something.

cursai

Childrens minds are somewhat akin to animals. Don't understand reasoning or logic. Obedience has to be associated with a reasonable amount of pain.

Chuck Stone

Kiera wrote: »

So you think your parents are awesome and bullies? Am i getting this right?

I can kinda stand back from my up-bringing and see what was good about it and what wasn't.

And yes, my parents are an example to me of how to graft and make your way through life.

Even so my parents smacked me as a child which was ****ing stupid.

Do you have any criticisms of your parents?

Millicent

gerryo777 wrote: »

Well done with your degree, hope it made your parents proud!
Now enroll in the school of life, you might learn something.

That's your argument? Why not deal with some of the points I've made on physical punishment? You've completely ignored any other part of my response.

Eve_Dublin

gerryo777 wrote: »

"dropped a load of sprogs", your use of the English language is impeccable.
Non-parents can judge all they like but the theory of rearing children is one thing, actually doing it is another. Every child is different.

...and every parent and their parenting styles are different too. Most parents don't hit their kids so it's ridiculous to say it comes part and parcel with being a parent as it's not the standard or most common form of punishment in this day and age. I don't need to have kids to know that.

I understand there's a frustration there and I don't envy many parents out there...it's a tough job and I have a lot of respect for parents generally but I don't see how hitting your kid is a good form of discipline. I see it in Dublin - parents hitting their kids in public and the kid crying their eyes out and carrying on they were before, if not worse. And then they'll give them a chocolate bar or something to calm them down. It doesn't work and it's teaching your kids the wrong set of values. Kids need to learn about real life consequences and learn that if you feck up, you'll looe out on something be it chocolate, pocket money, time with your friends but if you feck up in life, you generally don't get a thump in the arm and teaching your kids that that's an okay form of punishment is bizarre and wrong in my eyes. And instilling that kind of fear in kids is just not right.

AstridBean

Got the wooden shpoon across the hand and arse a few time alright.

moco

Dudess wrote: »

I know people can use the "Wait til you've kids" line in a very smug, patronising, obnoxious manner, but it's a reasonable, understandable point to make sometimes, this topic being one such example: while people are entitled to say they don't like smacking of children, if they say it's bad, lazy parenting - while not parents themselves - they're inviting "Are you a parent?" queries.
The pressure, frustration, anxiety, exhaustion of certain situations when the child is being impossible and every disciplinary avenue has been exhausted, and the parent is at their wits' end and a light slap on the bum is the very last resort, leaving the parent guilty in the aftermath... I don't think a non parent is qualified to call that bad parenting. And I'm a non parent. It certainly doesn't look lazy to me either - you can't have a grand parenting plan for random isolated moments of extreme stress you're unprepared for.
The individual situation should be borne in mind. It's hurtful to tell parents who administer the odd light slap that they fail at parenting.

Some of the stuff described here though is cruelty, which is a different matter.

A lot of what you're talking about is how parenting can be stressful etc. but I still don't think it's right for a parent to hit a child...especially because they're at their wits end and have lost their temper. People can't draw out and hit another adult who is being difficult, so why is it ok to do the same to a child?

ziggy23

cursai wrote: »

Childrens minds are somewhat akin to animals. Don't understand reasoning or logic. Obedience has to be associated with a reasonable amount of pain.

I hope you are being sarcastic!! The weird thing is a dog will not respond to smacking at all even when you are at your wits end whereas a child will. And I cant emphasise enough by smacking I mean a light smack on the bum after they have continued to wreck the house after being on the naughty step etc!!

Kiera

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I can kinda stand back from my up-bringing and see what was good about it and what wasn't.

And yes, my parents are an example to me of how to graft and make your way through life.

Even so my parents smacked me as a child which was ****ing stupid.

Do you have any criticisms of your parents?

So your parents are now fúcking stupid grafters?

Have you been on the sauce today?

And no, i have no criticisms about my parents.

Degringola

ziggy23 wrote: »

You were talking about corporal punishment is that not smacking in schools etc?
Oh I was agreeing with your post btw I just tend to start waffling away sometimes:o

Sorry, I was talking about corporal punishment by parents, didn't mean to widen it out in to schools etc, though I suppose my use of the term 'corporal punishment' may have widened out the issue!

(I'm all confused myself now!) I just don't know if more peaceful methods within the family has translated into more peaceful coexistence in wider society or the opposite. It just makes me wonder.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

gerryo777 wrote: »

Well done with your degree, hope it made your parents proud!
Now enroll in the school of life, you might learn something.

This "school of life" - isn't that the school that advises you not to think, never to investigate a situation but to just last out in a knee-jerk fashion and to never, ever conisder the sonsequences?

mikom

ziggy23 wrote: »

And I cant emphasise enough by smacking I mean a light smack on the bum after they have continued to wreck the house after being on the naughty step etc!!

God help the kids who live in bungalows.

Kanoe

yep, old school style. I lost scalp, hair, stitched skull after being thrown against a wall, too many numerous bruises, strains, sprains to mention. Bitches be crazy. Thing is I wasn't a bad kid at all, I was quiet and reserved. I made up for it after the fact though and did everything I could possibly get away with by my teens because I generally stopped giving a ****.

As it happens I can't lay a finger on anybody, I haven't got it in me. My daughter would cry child abuse if I so much as shouted at her and she just walks all over me. The irony.


(I know why I was too but I can't say here)

gerryo777

Millicent wrote: »

That's your argument? Why not deal with some of the points I've made on physical punishment? You've completely ignored any other part of my response.

I've given you my response, I've stated where I think a short sharp smack is acceptable and I've stated that beating children is unacceptable.

Eve_Dublin

Just to add, I don't think parents who do give their kids the odd slap are bad parents. My own parents were great and they did the best they knew how back then. They followed their own parents example. I still wouldn't do it myself.


As Dudess said though, some of the posters here were more than just slapped, they were abused and that's a different kettle of fish altogether.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

mikom wrote: »

God help the kids who live in bungalows.

They have dungeons basements, so don't worry. They won't miss out.

Chuck Stone

Kiera wrote: »

So your parents are now fúcking stupid grafters?

Have you been on the sauce today?

And no, i have no criticisms about my parents.

There's nothing stupid about being a grafter.

Kiera, you probably got slapped by your folks and are having difficulty rationising it.

Suck it up. Parents are not perfect.

Siuin

I saw a grandpa pimp slap his 3 year old granddaughter in the middle of a playground -- the child then sat on the floor and started to scream, so the grandma came over and bitch slapped her husband.

Oh, the cycle of violence!

gerryo777

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

This "school of life" - isn't that the school that advises you not to think, never to investigate a situation but to just last out in a knee-jerk fashion and to never, ever conisder the sonsequences?

What???

mikom

Chuck Stone wrote: »

There's nothing stupid about being a grafter.

True that.......... one of the mainstays of plant propagation.

Millicent

gerryo777 wrote: »

I've given you my response, I've stated where I think a short sharp smack is acceptable and I've stated that beating children is unacceptable.

In what instance though? As a regular punishment or as an extreme last resort?

My other questions related to the thinking that non-parents can't judge. I asked you specific questions in my post around parents who said they regretted it and people without children who said it had affected them.

ziggy23

moco wrote: »

A lot of what you're talking about is how parenting can be stressful etc. but I still don't think it's right for a parent to hit a child...especially because they're at their wits end and have lost their temper. People can't draw out and hit another adult who is being difficult, so why is it ok to do the same to a child?

If your child kept throwing ornaments on the floor trying to break them. You get down to his level and say firmly 'no that is very bold', he does it again. You bring him to the naughty step and keep him there for 2 minutes while he throws a tantrum banging his head non stop and lashing out at you. You again kneel down and say 'you are not to do that again are u sorry?' He refuses to give you a hug and runs out and throws the ornaments again. He is then put back on the naughty step and the process is repeated another 4 times. He waits til your back is turned and does it again. So he gets a smack on the bum. He then says sorry gives you a hug and is back to his normal self;)

Would you totally disagree with me smacking him in this situation? I'm just curious as to what you would do?

Kiera

Chuck Stone wrote: »

There's nothing stupid about being a grafter.

Kiera, you probably got slapped by your folks and are having difficulty rationising it.

Suck it up. Parents are not perfect.

I'm just retyping your words, Chuck

My parents are, Chuck

Deal with it.

ziggy23

mikom wrote: »

God help the kids who live in bungalows.

Naughty corner then

Dudess

I take on board points made by those opposed to smacking but I still see understand why a light slap happens occasionally.
My friend's kid is nine and last night when he was told to get ready for bed, he lost his temper and started yelling and punching the wall. I'd say if I wasn't there he'd have gotten a smack on the arse. He stayed in a strop when given out to in the other room. If he's let get away with that crap, he'll make eejits of his parents under their roof, their rules.

Chuck Stone wrote: »

There are situations where physical chastisement is acceptable. Like pulling a child back from a busy road but for non-lifeboat situations hitting children is just bullying.

Bullying is unprovoked.

stovelid

Millicent wrote: »

Are you saying that all parents are experts then? That all those people who slap their kids know exactly what they're doing?

I know it's a stressful and emotive subject but that doesn't mean anyone who is childless (or "child free" as some would prefer to term it) cannot extend an opinion.

What I am saying -as somebody who has dropped sprogs, as you charmingly put it - is that if I went on the pets forum to argue the toss with dog owners without ever owning one myself and dropped in a description along the lines of 'dragging around your little mutts', I doubt my views would be seen as valid.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

gerryo777 wrote: »

What???

I said, This "school of life" - isn't that the school that advises you not to think, never to investigate a situation but to just last out in a knee-jerk fashion and to never, ever conisder the sonsequences?

In other words, use no ration thinking, intelligence or personal experience whatsover.

Dudess

Kanoe wrote: »

yep, old school style. I lost scalp, hair, stitched skull after being thrown against a wall, too many numerous bruises, strains, sprains to mention. Bitches be crazy. Thing is I wasn't a bad kid at all, I was quiet and reserved.

Assault, unquestionably. Hope you're doing ok now.
Beyond me why people compare a smack on the bum by otherwise loving parents to the likes of what you went through - it kinda makes light of what abuse survivors go through IMO.
Good to read the cycle of violence didn't carry on with you.