Did you get hit by your parents?

Dudess

Callipo wrote: »

I don't understand why people are giving Chuck a hard time?


Hitting kids is wrong but there are times when a parent can "crack" and give a slap here and there. Parents are only human too and some kids can be a nightmare at times.

But it should never be the norm. Last resort? maybe.

In our house it was the norm. I don't hold it against my parents as they didn't know any better. I mean, TV didn't start till like 4 o clock or something back then! They didn't have all the "clever" info we now all have.

It does no good to hit a child. Really you will just turn them into liars at the lower end of the scale. Why tell the truth? You will get a hiding.

It is not nice getting the arse beat off you when you are 10 because you got your new shoes covered in dirt.

It happened a lot in schools too back in the day. Sadly in schools they never found a suitable replacement or punishment.

People are agreeing it should only be a last resort - it's the people who are vehemently opposed to any physical chastisement whatsoever who aren't acknowledging that.

IsMiseLisa

My father was an awful asshole. Battered often to the point of many bruises for the stupidest of things. Said no to going to the grandmother's and was dragged into the shed by the hair and beaten with a length of wood.

My father, peculiarly, approached the idea with good intentions but his parenting methods are retarded. He had anger issues.

I'm not against the odd slap to a child - although I do think it's a bit stupid - but should I have children of my own, I intend to teach them discipline and respect without having to resort to violence.

My father beating me made me hate him. Interestingly, the only productive punishment was when my mother made me stand in the corner of the kitchen and stare at the wall for an hour. It was the most boring, annoying and actually effective punishment. Beatings made me angry. Staring at a blank wall made me obedient to my mother.

Odd one that.

Dudess

Edal wrote: »

Dudess wrote: »

A... golf club?! :eek:

How some people view one slap on the arse of a very badly behaved child as same as the above is just...

Who views it as the same?

There is considerable lack on this thread of distinction between a slap as a last resort and downright assault/abuse/cruelty.
Statements that all smacking is wrong fail to be specific.

ziggy23

Edal wrote: »

So, have I go this right? We're arguing whether or not it's right to hit (or smack) a kid?

Holy fúck. The correct answer is no, never.

That is your opinion

stovelid wrote: »

Well that's that so.

Mods, you can lock up now.

Haha I like you:D

Edal wrote: »

I'm sure he didn't murder anyone, though. A smack is a force of nature, an advantage of the superior eg. a man hitting (or smacking) a woman. Not saying a man is superior to a woman, but has more physical strength, so you are abusing your position. Just like with the kid, even if it is just a smack.

Not the way I'd like to bring them up.

What way do you discipline your kids out of interest?

Edal

Dudess wrote: »

There is considerable lack on this thread of distinction between a slap as a last resort and downright assault/abuse/cruelty.
Statements that all smacking is wrong fail to be specific.

Sorry, but I can't be more clear here. Smacking is wrong even as a last resort, full stop.

Crazy Horse 6

Yes and i turned out fine.
Now back to the that rape porn.

stovelid

Edal wrote: »

Sorry, but I can't be more clear here. Smacking is wrong even as a last resort, full stop.

Not only are they gettin paddled but Christmas is cancelled.

Standard Toaster

rocuronium wrote: »

we were battered. mainly by our mother. patents tried talking to me about the wrongs and rights but to no avail. nothing regsitered other than a beating. my mother broke a golf club on my brother. hit my sister such a beating that she s**t herself. i still have a scar on my hand from a similar prolonged stint.

don't think my sister will ever be able to move on from it. and despite all of this, my mother is still the person i admire most in my life.

hmm

Jayus, thats nuts. You were abused, full stop. A fucking golf club? Fuck me.
Excuse my language but this is what I meant earlier. You remember this and are your 'ok' in your mind, but the reality is you were abused. No attack on you, or your mother, was her way of dealing with it.
I will say though I'm glad your close to the aul Hen

I take it your brother hates golf :pac:

Edal

stovelid wrote: »

Not only are they gettin paddled but Christmas is cancelled.

LOL. Bástard you

Abi

rocuronium wrote: »

we were battered. mainly by our mother. patents tried talking to me about the wrongs and rights but to no avail. nothing regsitered other than a beating. my mother broke a golf club on my brother. hit my sister such a beating that she s**t herself. i still have a scar on my hand from a similar prolonged stint.

don't think my sister will ever be able to move on from it. and despite all of this, my mother is still the person i admire most in my life.

hmm

Admire or fear?


I think you and your siblings could do with counseling, because that's a far cry from a heat of the moment smack on the bum. That is physical abuse.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

rocuronium wrote: »

we were battered. mainly by our mother. patents tried talking to me about the wrongs and rights but to no avail. nothing regsitered other than a beating. my mother broke a golf club on my brother. hit my sister such a beating that she s**t herself. i still have a scar on my hand from a similar prolonged stint.

don't think my sister will ever be able to move on from it. and despite all of this, my mother is still the person i admire most in my life.

hmm

If that was me, there would not be a chance I would still be talkign to my mother. And even less of a chance of her getting within 100 yards of her grandchildren.

cursai

Speaking of child abuse. The three part series of this is England starts next week on e4. Now we can watch other peoples kids getting bet. And say "oooh sure he deserves it".:)

CamperMan

I don't mind the odd slap when you have done something really naughty, that's how kids learn not to do naughty things..

JupiterKid

rocuronium wrote:

we were battered. mainly by our mother. patents tried talking to me about the wrongs and rights but to no avail. nothing regsitered other than a beating. my mother broke a golf club on my brother. hit my sister such a beating that she s**t herself. i still have a scar on my hand from a similar prolonged stint.

don't think my sister will ever be able to move on from it. and despite all of this, my mother is still the person i admire most in my life.

hmm

That is just disgusting.:mad::( Your mother physically abused you and your siblings - no other way of viewing it. I hope that the woman feels guilty of what she did to her own children and that you may eventually get an apology from her before she dies. She owes you an apology for what she did.

Your mother had no right to take out her anger and psychological problems on you and your siblings.

Demonique

I got severely beaten by my mother when I was 13, she grabbed me by the hair and shook me and then hit me on the leg with my riding crop because £20 was missing from her handbag

Turned out the stupid cnut had left it in her locker at work

MrSing

I got it and i will pass it on! dont know if it did me any harm or any good but im enjoying the joint right now:)

Edal

CamperMan wrote: »

I don't mind the odd slap when you have done something really naughty, that's how kids learn not to do naughty things..

No it is not.

Arianna_26

rocuronium wrote: »

we were battered. mainly by our mother. patents tried talking to me about the wrongs and rights but to no avail. nothing regsitered other than a beating. my mother broke a golf club on my brother. hit my sister such a beating that she s**t herself. i still have a scar on my hand from a similar prolonged stint.

don't think my sister will ever be able to move on from it. and despite all of this, my mother is still the person i admire most in my life.

hmm

Seriously? Your mother battered you and your siblings and she is the person you most admire?

Edal

Arianna_26 wrote: »

Seriously? Your mother battered you and your siblings and she is the person you most admire?

Seriously, trolls, ever hear of them?

JupiterKid

I hate this crap of "spare the rod and spoil the child" and "bring back the birch" rubbish. Because that's just what it is - rubbish used to justify/rationalise the bullying of small children.

You will often find that children who were badly physically abused by their parents not only do not turn out to be well adjusted adults, but because of their traumas and issues go on to become alcoholics, drug addicts, suffer from depression/low self-esteem/anxiety and in some cases become abusers themselves.

Beating a child senseless deserves a stint in prison.

Arianna_26

Edal wrote: »

Seriously, trolls, ever hear of them?

Try making a point rather than a poor attempt at sarcasm.

Abi

CamperMan wrote: »

I don't mind the odd slap when you have done something really naughty, that's how kids learn not to do naughty things..

Is it?


Would you not agree that it damages a relationship between a parent and child? or that it would teach the child to try solve a dispute with physical force?


I remember when my mother would give me a round of slaps, it was never for anything BAD bad, maybe horse-play beyond my bed-time. I remember thinking how much I hated her when she walked out of the room. As an adult, I 'get on' with her, but I don't have any respect for her.

The last time she took her hand to me was when I was about 18 when she slapped me across the face. I slapped her back across the face and asked her how it felt, and then told her to never put a hand to me again.

Wrong to slap my mother? yes. But why was it okay for her to take her hand to me, and for all the years behind it?


It wasn't.

DEFTLEFTHAND

My mother was quite hard on us in our early years. I recall getting one particularly savage beating at the age of 5 which I can still visualize vividly. I was told to lie to my Dad as to how I got my injuries. Looking back on it now I know she went through alot of personal trauma shortly after I was born and when that doesn't justify what she did I can understand it somewhat.

Edal

Arianna_26 wrote: »

Try making a point rather than a poor attempt at sarcasm.

Sorry, the mother beat them with a golf club, yet she is still the hero in their lives.

Will try harder next time.

Arianna_26

Edal wrote: »

Sorry, the mother beat them with a golf club, yet she is still the hero in their lives.

Will try harder next time.

Hmm, ok, I will try to make sense of this - I take it you are saying that the poster I questioned is the troll not me.

I was questioning their response because, to be honest, from my life experience - I don't understand how someone who broke a golf club over his sibling's back could be the person he most admires in life (I think it's a he, apologies if I'm wrong)

Then again people get familiar with things over time and overlook them so I was unsure - hence the questioning.

Dudess

Edal wrote: »

Arianna_26 wrote: »

Try making a point rather than a poor attempt at sarcasm.

Sorry, the mother beat them with a golf club, yet she is still the hero in their lives.

Will try harder next time.

Well of the person who posted it, maybe not of their sibling(s). You never know - the effects of abuse can be strange. It is documented that some abuse victims will try whatever they possibly can to make their abusers approve of them...

Alessandra

Got the odd smack deservedly and not so. It hasn't done me much harm!

cursai

Going by some of the abusive negotiating skills of people trying to condemn physical punishment. I think they'd better try and invest in a sally rod lest their kids are only subject to verbal abuse

JupiterKid

There is another angle to this issue - apparently the primary motivation for some of the "elder abuse" that middle aged adults do to their elderly parents is one of seeking revenge for what was meted out the them as children. A warped sense of "payback" to the elderly parent.

Like I mentioned before, victims of child abuse often turn out to very damaged adults.:(

Abi

Dudess wrote: »

Well of the person who posted it, maybe not of their sibling(s). You never know - the effects of abuse can be strange. It is documented that some abuse victims will try whatever they possibly can to make their abusers approve of them...

This is why I suggested counseling. His mother brought them up to think 'to fear is to respect'. This has crossed over to adulthood now, and is likely to have an effect on his adult relationships and his relationship with women I'd wager.

Nobody could come out of that without some kind of mental damage, it was horrific by the sounds of things. Nowadays if that shyte went on, she wouldn't have had her kids for long.

Children don't ask to be born. Ill tempered parenting like that means the child fears the parent, not the 'bold' act itself. Knocking the shyte out of a child only creates resentment, damages communication between parent and chiild and in turn it means they're less likely to come to that parent if the come across other problems / issues. They might feel like they can't talk to them.

Physical abuse has a knock on effect, depending on severity - it has an effect on some level or another.

TeddyTedson

Hitting kids is just lazy parenting. Or perhaps ignorant in some cases.

cursai

JupiterKid wrote: »

There is another angle to this issue - apparently the primary motivation for some of the "elder abuse" that middle aged adults do to their elderly parents is one of seeking revenge for what was meted out the them as children. A warped sense of "payback" to the elderly parent.

Like I mentioned before, victims of child abuse often turn out to very damaged adults.:(

And it can be children who aren't exposed to physical punishment often turn out undisciplined, spoilt and unacceptable of authority.

Arianna_26

Abi wrote: »

This is why I suggested counseling. His mother brought them up to think 'to fear is to respect'. This has crossed over to adulthood now, and is likely to have an effect on his adult relationships and his relationship with women I'd wager.

Nobody could come out of that without some kind of mental damage, it was horrific by the sounds of things. Nowadays if that shyte went on, she wouldn't have had her kids for long.

Children don't ask to be born. Ill tempered parenting like that means the child fears the parent, not the 'bold' act itself. Knocking the shyte out of a child only creates resentment, damages communication between parent and chiild and in turn it means they're less likely to come to that parent if the come across other problems / issues. They might feel like they can't talk to them.

Physical abuse has a knock on effect, depending on severity - it has an effect on some level or another.

The scary thing is that a lot of abuse is hidden so perhaps she would still have her children. It'd be nice to think she wouldn't though - that a teacher or someone would spot something was amiss.

markesmith

My father did, when I was younger, and often for fairly trivial/meaningless things. I've never really had a good relationship with him since, and it definitely had a bit of an effect on me growing up. I'd never hit my kids, it's a coward's way.

bryaner

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I did.

I think it was unnecessary adult-on-child violence.

Hitting children is stupid.

What say y'all?

I used to get hammered guess that's why I don't really talk to my old man now

Abi

Arianna_26 wrote: »

The scary thing is that a lot of abuse is hidden so perhaps she would have still had her children. It'd be nice to think she wouldn't though - that a teacher or someone would spot something was amiss.

You know, you're not wrong there. It can take several weeks before a child can speak to a specialist if they were physically abused, they can't speak for themselves. I find it amazing that a child can be left in the care of a parent if physical abuse is being investigated.

Ridiculous.

ziggy23

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Hitting kids is just lazy parenting. Or perhaps ignorant in some cases.

I really don't understand this statement. Would lazy parenting not be just letting them away with murder and not disciplining them at all?

Old Perry

I was given a few slaps by the oul ones as a kid, and a few as an adolescent , im sure they had no other choice with the way acted some times but i seen a side to my parents at that stage i wish i hadnt.

Disciplining a child through that method also takes a lot of discipline on the parents behalf in order to get the right message across, that method id assume is very often used (by parents who mean well) as a last resort and so can be used in the spur the of the moment, its not a decision which should be made in the spur of the moment though for obvious reasons.

Dudess

When my mum gave me the odd slap (always preceded by lots of warnings and it didn't happen from adolescence at the latest) I would be pissed off with her, but now I understand where she was coming from, and the annoyance I'd feel at the time would be shortlived. So I don't think it has damaged me.
The good she did far, far outweighed the odd slap she administered.
I had a great relationship with her, and I had a strained one with my dad, yet he never gave me a slap. I found his irrational grumpiness and yelling over nothing far worse.

TeddyTedson

ziggy23 wrote: »

I really don't understand this statement. Would lazy parenting not be just letting them away with murder and not disciplining them at all?

I'm not saying let them away with murder but hitting a child is the easy way out really.
You can punish the child in ways that the child will actually have to give some though about what it has done wrong. You might have to put yourself out to ensure the child is punished but it's what you sign up for when you have kids.
I was hit as a child and I'm not going to say it did me any harm even though sometimes, and they agree now it went too far but perhaps to somebody else it would have.
I remember after being hit just becoming more and more angry with them, and not giving a seconds thought about my own actions, building up massive rage.

TeddyTedson

Dudess wrote: »

When my mum gave me the odd slap (always preceded by lots of warnings and it didn't happen from adolescence at the latest) I would be pissed off with her, but now I understand where she was coming from, and the annoyance I'd feel at the time would be shortlived. So I don't think it has damaged me.
The good she did far, far outweighed the odd slap she administered.
I had a great relationship with her, and I had a strained one with my dad, yet he never gave me a slap. I found his irrational grumpiness and yelling over nothing far worse.

You sound like you accept it more than endorse the idea.
Sorry I haven't been following the thread, but would you slap your own kids?

flyaway.

No, we weren't hit. And we did not turn out spoiled or rude or whatever. When/if I have kids, I would never even think about hitting them. I would like my children to respect me, not fear me. I do not think regularly smacking a kid ever works. I mean, if you have to do something over and over and over again, it's hardly working is it? Anyway, I would want any kids of mine to feel safe and loved at all times- like myself and my siblings did. There is no point in having kids if you do not absolutely adore them. They need guidance and to be TAUGHT not given dramatic punishments that are upsetting to all involved. Physical punishment does not prepare a child for the 'real world' because in the real world we are not allowed to hit people we are annoyed with.

ringadingding

My stepdad was extremely slap happy, proper beatings, mainly me cos I was a chopsy little fukka.

Even then when I was 6/7 I knew I was smarter than him.
I lost so much respect for my mum for allowing this to happen and even lying to family and friends about my black eyes and bruises.

I hate injustice with a passion now, and go out of my way to help the underdog whenever I can.

And I can very confidently state that my children have never and will never get a physical punishment and will never be in a position to fear violence in our home.

cursai

ringadingding wrote: »

My stepdad was extremely slap happy, proper beatings, mainly me cos I was a chopsy little fukka.

Even then when I was 6/7 I knew I was smarter than him.
I lost so much respect for my mum for allowing this to happen and even lying to family and friends about my black eyes and bruises.

I hate injustice with a passion now, and go out of my way to help the underdog whenever I can.

And I can very confidently state that my children have never and will never get a physical punishment and will never be in a position to fear violence in our home.

But is that not physical Abuse more than physical punishment?

ringadingding

cursai wrote: »

But is that not physical Abuse more than physical punishment?

Where do you draw the line? But yes your probably right.

I personally could not strike a child in any circumstances.

Fear is not respect, and for me it's unhealthy to have fear of physical punishment.

Dudess

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Dudess wrote: »

When my mum gave me the odd slap (always preceded by lots of warnings and it didn't happen from adolescence at the latest) I would be pissed off with her, but now I understand where she was coming from, and the annoyance I'd feel at the time would be shortlived. So I don't think it has damaged me.
The good she did far, far outweighed the odd slap she administered.
I had a great relationship with her, and I had a strained one with my dad, yet he never gave me a slap. I found his irrational grumpiness and yelling over nothing far worse.

You sound like you accept it more than endorse the idea.
Sorry I haven't been following the thread, but would you slap your own kids?

I hope I wouldn't but I can understand a slap by hand (not implement like wooden spoon) on the bottom with warnings beforehand as a last resort when the child is being impossible and every other option has been tried and the otherwise loving and nurturing parent is just worn out, frustrated and stressed and at their wits' end. I know such parents feel awful about it afterwards - and no doubt planned never to do it before they had children.

A similar admonishment for a minor misdemeanour just because the parent is in a bad mood though - I don't agree with that. And obviously a beating, no matter what, is unacceptable.

Thoms Yorkie Bars

A slap on the leg the odd time. Never anything too serious...

Oh, apart from the shovel to the back of the head, ha, silly me. I get a bit forgetful sometimes

luckyfrank

I was never hit, then again i never deserved a slap

Standard Toaster

flyaway. wrote: »

No, we weren't hit. And we did not turn out spoiled or rude or whatever. When/if I have kids, I would never even think about hitting them. I would like my children to respect me, not fear me. I do not think regularly smacking a kid ever works. I mean, if you have to do something over and over and over again, it's hardly working is it? Anyway, I would want any kids of mine to feel safe and loved at all times- like myself and my siblings did. There is no point in having kids if you do not absolutely adore them. They need guidance and to be TAUGHT not given dramatic punishments that are upsetting to all involved. Physical punishment does not prepare a child for the 'real world' because in the real world we are not allowed to hit people we are annoyed with.

Bingo.

amacachi

Odd wee cuff now and then does no harm. When you see someone in public though who makes basically no attempt to talk to a kid and goes straight into screaming at them followed by a hiding ya wonder how far they'll go when there aren't other people around.