Did you get hit by your parents?

Hobbes

readyletsgo wrote: »

Parents are too frightened to 'hit' their kids as society looks done on this.

You should only resort to violence if there is no other choice. That said I have only had to hit my son once, and that was to get him out of a tantrum where physical harm may of happened. From what I have learnt now I have regretted it, as there are ways to deal with it.

As it stands now my son has freedom. For example, instead of hitting him for breaking something we explain why it is wrong. If he does it on purpose he loses toys/perks for a set time.

So he is aware of consequences and if he wants to act on them or not. For example he wouldn't bring his dish to the kitchen when finished. So we told him isn't allowed to play with any computer device until he does.

If he tries it again, we don't give out. We would go something like "Sure, I can bring the dish to the kitchen for you, and you can play computer tomorrow. Is that a deal?".

Works fine.

Pyr0

Chuck Stone wrote: »

It's not I suppose because the wife can walk away in theory.

I privilege beaten children can't really avail of.

Beating seems like a very harsh word to use here. I can see where you're coming from when referring to children lashing out at a father/mother figure when older because they were on the recieving end of numerous beatings. Anyone I know who got a clip around the ear or a smack on the arse for doing something they were not supposed to have not turned out to be violent individuals, or resent their parents because of these punishments. If anything it helped reinforce the idea that what they did was wrong.

Galtee

I don't understand people who hit/slap their children because their child hit/slapped someone else (either a sibling or someone elses child) to try and reinforce the idea that slapping is wrong. It's brainless in my opinion.

Turtyturd

Pyr0 wrote: »

Beating seems like a very harsh word to use here. I can see where you're coming from when referring to children lashing out at a father/mother figure when older because they were on the recieving end of numerous beatings. Anyone I know who got a clip around the ear or a smack on the arse for doing something they were not supposed to have not turned out to be violent individuals, or resent their parents because of these punishments. If anything it helped reinforce the idea that what they did was wrong.

That idea can be reinforced in other ways though. Funny thing is that if another child in school gave their kid a 'clip around the ear' the majority of parents in support of hitting their kids would be up at the school complaining.

Pyr0

Turtyturd wrote: »

That idea can be reinforced in other ways though.

I believe that all depends on the child. Using my younger self as an example if I did something bad that was in need of punishment (going as far as being physically aggressive to others), if I was simply told 'not to do it again' or 'grounded' it never worked. I don't know what it was about the physical side of the punishment that worked but it wasn't fear of my parents wrath or anything like that. I feel the combination of both a stern talking to and a smack to the arse solidified that idea that what I did was wrong.

I do have to point out, when ever I did anything "bad" I wasn't always punished physically. It all depended on what exactly I did and how bad it was.

Funny thing is that if another child in school gave their kid a 'clip around the ear' the majority of parents in support of hitting their kids would be up at the school complaining

Why would this kid be hitting my child for example?

I just generally wouldn't like the idea of anyone else laying a finger on my child. Hell, some parents wouldn't even appreciate another kid or parent giving their siblings a lecture on the rights and wrongs of life and society.

Carter P Fly

It constantly amazes me how many people are to damaged to understand the difference between beating a child and smacking a child as a punishment.

Its like they have it in their head that because their dad beat the sweet fcuk out of them for no reason means that everyone who lay's their hands on a child is doing the same.

Not getting a slap is getting away with it IMHO.

Galtee

Carter P Fly wrote: »

It constantly amazes me how many people are to damaged to understand the difference between beating a child and smacking a child as a punishment.

Its like they have it in their head that because their dad beat the sweet fcuk out of them for no reason means that everyone who lay's their hands on a child is doing the same.

Not getting a slap is getting away with it IMHO.

I'm sorry but this doesn't make any sense, you shouldn't slap children fullstop, it's a lazy way out and serves no good.

Turtyturd

Carter P Fly wrote: »

It constantly amazes me how many people are to damaged to understand the difference between beating a child and smacking a child as a punishment.

Its like they have it in their head that because their dad beat the sweet fcuk out of them for no reason means that everyone who lay's their hands on a child is doing the same.

Not getting a slap is getting away with it IMHO.

Does this just apply to parents and kids or does it apply to everything?

Da Shins Kelly

On the topic of the wooden spoon, I was never struck with one. I do remember one time though when my mother was trying to cook and I was being a little sh*t, and she wheeled around and brandished the spoon in my face saying, 'You'll get a smack with this if yer not careful!' I quietened down pretty much immediately after that. I don't think it was the threat of being hit that did it though, but rather seeing my mother so angry. My mother is quite placid, it takes a lot to rouse her to anger and she'd never have hit me with a weapon, so seeing her so furious and annoyed just shocked me, I guess.

I think sometimes getting little shocks like that is necessary, whether it's just shouting or a smack. Rather than being bad parenting, it teaches children the boundaries that they can't cross and teaches them a bit of respect. I have the utmost respect for my parents, and while I was never beaten, I was given a smack now and then. Looking back, I think they did the right thing at the time. There was no other way I was going to learn, as a five year old, that running around the kitchen pulling things down off the table and counter tops and then laughing in my mother's face when she told me to stop was unacceptable behaviour. Kids push the boundaries and it's a learning curve for them. To be honest, I think it's good parenting to lay out very clearly what the boundaries are so your kids learn that quickly. I think it's better for them in the long run. And before anyone says it, I'm not talking about beating a child or smacking them the minute they misbehave in any small way. I'm talking about a smack as a last resort when a child is being completely out of order and not listening. In my experience, the smacks didn't even hurt, it was just the shock of realising that I had crossed the line and made my parents very angry. That is not bad parenting.

Galtee

To be honest I know what you're trying to say, however, I don't agree with slapping as a shock tactic. You're right though, when a child is being bold it's difficult to get them to stop as they are not thinking straight, it's difficult enough to get adults to stop most of the time and we're supposed to be reasonable people. My preferred technique would be to use the same tactic but assign certain words to certain situations thus creating shock words, ie the same words over and over again which indicate different levels of unacceptable behaviour. It's not going to happen in a day but over time they realise that when you use certain words all the time and are consistent then they will learn what's coming next and once they slip into this way of doing things then they really will respect you, not just fear getting a slap. It's all about consistency in my opinion. Also I believe that it teaches the child how to read situations by themselves, and prepares them for dealing with people in general outside of family etc in the long term.

vtec_vixen

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Whoever first introduced the wooden spoon to Irish culture is one child hating bastard.

ziggy23 wrote: »

Has nobody experienced a wet tea-towel across the back of the legs rather than a wooden spoon? Ouchies:eek:

Oh Jeebus I remember them...Some Clatter off a wet tea towel let me tell you.. I dion't know which was worse that or the wooden spoon.. :L

Can't really blame the spoon though, they'd always find something else to clatter you with!!!

Parents can be very inventive when you pss them off

robindch

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Better to be slapped as a child then be put on the naughty stool and have pussied assed hippies for parents.

Good way to go if you want either a violent kid, or one who's frightened by their own shadow.

Da Shins Kelly

robindch wrote: »

Good way to go if you want either a violent kid, or one who's frightened by their own shadow.

I was slapped as a child, and I'm neither of those things.

moco

I massively resented being slapped as a child. It was just humiliating and emotionally hurtful, rather than the physical pain. It made me so angry at my parents. I had fantasies of running away or being adopted by my cousin!

My parents used to shout at us a lot and whereas they didn’t hit us much the threat was always there. Relations used to comment about how good we were, because if we went to visit we’d just sit on the sofa and not a peep out of us. Really, it’s because we were well warned in the car before-hand, and were afraid to move or speak.

I don’t think that’s a healthy way to be and I’m certain it’s made me more shy and withdrawn than I would have otherwise been. Compared to stories I’ve been told of when I was really small I was very bubbly and chatty, but that went. Even now in social situations I’m very quiet and don’t really speak until someone speaks to me first.

prinz

Carter P Fly wrote: »

It constantly amazes me how many people are to damaged to understand the difference between beating a child and smacking a child as a punishment. Its like they have it in their head that because their dad beat the sweet fcuk out of them for no reason means that everyone who lay's their hands on a child is doing the same..

+1, I remember one poster on a thread such as this before moaning about it before. It went on and on, until they later admitted that their father used a belt to beat them quite often IIRC.

robindch wrote: »

Good way to go if you want either a violent kid, or one who's frightened by their own shadow.

As someone said above, I got a slap a few times as a kid (maybe 5 or 6) and I'm also neither of the things you mention above... What happened there I wonder. The old child psychologists don't back up your assertion either.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

I was slapped as a child, and I'm neither of those things.

I was slapped as a kid and foster many aggressive tendecnies when I was a teenager.

Seriously. Cushion had to throw in the phrase "pussy assed hippies" in order to make his statement look even slightly sensible. The majority of parents who do not hit their kids would hardly be described as such.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I got slapped when i deserved it, it done me no harm. If more children were appropriately punished by their parents nowadays there wouldnt be as many spoilt unmannerly teenage brats around as there is.

Turtyturd

CJC999 wrote: »

I got slapped when i deserved it, it done me no harm. If more children were appropriately punished by their parents nowadays there wouldnt be as many spoilt unmannerly teenage brats around as there is.

Can you prove that?

Sykk

http://cycling74.com/forums/?bb_attachments=164661&bbat=2379&inline

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

CJC999 wrote: »

I got slapped when i deserved it, it done me no harm. If more children were appropriately punished by their parents nowadays there wouldnt be as many spoilt unmannerly teenage brats around as there is.

How do yo explain the fact that Scandanavia has outlawed and isn't being over run by spoilt brats, where as in Ireland it's legal and, in your own words, there are unmannerly teenage brats all over the place.

And one other point: whatever about slapping kids, try slapping teenages and see where it gets you. Rule number one: if you're going to hit somoene, it's a good idea to make sure they're not as strong as you.

prinz

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

How do yo explain the fact that Scandanavia has outlawed and isn't being over run by spoilt brats, where as in Ireland it's legal and, in your own words, there are unmannerly teenage brats all over the place..

I'd say that has a lot more to do with the importance they put on civics and social responsibility than getting the (very) odd slap.

Galtee

prinz wrote: »

I'd say that has a lot more to do with the importance they put on civics and social responsibility than getting the (very) odd slap.

Hmmmm, so it's ok to dish out the (very) odd slap?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

prinz wrote: »

I'd say that has a lot more to do with the importance they put on civics and social responsibility than getting the (very) odd slap.

Same thing.

RussellTuring

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I did.

I think it was unnecessary adult-on-child violence.

Hitting children is stupid.

What say y'all?

I was occasionally slapped by my mother when I was a child. I can't remember doing anything in particular to warrant the slaps, just the slaps themselves. I can't say for sure that it did me any harm but I did spend a lot if my youth getting into fights and have always been fairly shy when it comes to opening up to people emotionally.

Taking this into account, it can hardly be said that being hit taught me right from wrong, reasoning skills or how to relate to people. It certainly didn't teach me to "respect authority". If anything, it taught me that being in a position of authority does not make you right. By myself, I eventually realised that the best way to deal with people is by trying to reason with them and if this doesn't work, it's not necessarily their fault.

I really can't see how anyone can justify hitting children in a situation where they wouldn't hit an adult. The only reason I'd harm anybody would be to prevent a greater injury to them, myself or another person. Most of the pro-smacking arguments I've heard seem to be fundamentally about enforcing the authority of the parents. This is not a justification for any violence in and of itself so I don't see how it can be used as one for hitting children when they are especially vulnerable.

It wasn't me! wrote: »

Worked on me. I got a smack when I deserved it. Wakes some smartarse little brats right the fook up. It can work, therefore it can be an appropriate tool of parenting. Made me smarter, certainly. I always moderated my behaviour, making a judgement call. Following an evaluation, I either decided not to do whatever got me smacked again, or I made the judgement that it was worth it and changed my behaviour to reflect my new desire to not get caught again.

What do you consider "deserving it", exactly? You seem to imply here that it's justified because it does what it is intended to do, i.e. making the child do what the parent wants. How does that mean that what the parent wants the child to do is justified? If I had a disagreement with my partner and slapped her, it may make her at least pretend to agree with me and if I do it enough times she may never disagree with me again. Does this mean that her "evaluation" of the situation is valid?

I notice you say that it didn't actually stop you from doing what you wanted to but just stop doing it if you agreed with your parents and find a way to hide it if you didn't. This to me highlights the fact that the slaps didn't actually make you behave better but taught you that getting caught and slapped was undesirable. In essence, getting slapped seems only to have taught you that you didn't like getting slapped and not why your actions were wrong.

headmaster wrote: »

When anything would go missing, or a sweet was taken, it was actually called stolen, then everyone of us, girls and boys would be put faces to the wall, pants down by the ankles and beaten by a rod on our backsides till someone owned up. Someone always would, in order to get the hitting and embarassment stopped, even though they wouldn't have taken anything. Terrible terrible times, plenty more of these and other stories as well. I'm talking of the late 50's and all the 60's, it wasn't much better in school, you wouldn't go home telling them about it either, or you would be given worse. Is it any wonder people are still affected by these so called pillars of society, because that's what they usually were.

Collective punishment is considered a human rights violation. What happened to you was inexcusable.

Dudess wrote: »

There is considerable lack on this thread of distinction between a slap as a last resort and downright assault/abuse/cruelty.
Statements that all smacking is wrong fail to be specific.

Do you then care to specify what is a justifiable slap as a last resort and what isn't? When the person who decides what is justified is the one carrying out the punishment, there's a lot of room for abuse of power.

prinz

Galtee wrote: »

Hmmmm, so it's ok to dish out the (very) odd slap?

As a measure of absolute last resort yes, I think so.

One of the times I got slapped I remember (I remember most - any that happened say around 4 or 5 years of age - after that it was made clear I was too old to get slapped or spanked), I was out front playing with the family dog when it bolted across the road and in a moment of madness I went after it. Luckily enough there was no traffic at the time (it was a fairly busy road). My mother saw what happened out the window and came running after me, when she caught up with me I got a smack across the arse for ignoring what I had been told countless times before and then a hug because I had scared the living daylights out of her. She was in as much shock as I was after that. Going by what some of the people have posted on this thread she should be up for child abuse.

As for the 'it will effect you for the rest of your life' argument... getting spanked a couple of times hasn't affected nearly as much as some of the things my parents said to me over the years. Should I report them for psychological abuse? There were times when I wished I'd get a slap of the wooden spoon instead of a level headed, regular tone explanation of why I'd let them down. That was much worse IMO... some of those are the things that have really affected me 20 odd years later.

Galtee

prinz wrote: »

As a measure of absolute last resort yes, I think so.

One of the times I got slapped I remember (I remember most - any that happened say around 4 or 5 years of age - after that it was made clear I was too old to get slapped or spanked), I was out front playing with the family dog when it bolted across the road and in a moment of madness I went after it. Luckily enough there was no traffic at the time (it was a fairly busy road). My mother saw what happened out the window and came running after me, when she caught up with me I got a smack across the arse for ignoring what I had been told countless times before and then a hug because I had scared the living daylights out of her. She was in as much shock as I was after that. Going by what some of the people have posted on this thread she should be up for child abuse.

As for the 'it will effect you for the rest of your life' argument... getting spanked a couple of times hasn't affected nearly as much as some of the things my parents said to me over the years. Should I report them for psychological abuse? There were times when I wished I'd get a slap of the wooden spoon instead of a level headed, regular tone explanation of why I'd let them down. That was much worse IMO... some of those are the things that have really affected me 20 odd years later.

The natural alternative to slapping is NOT mental abuse. Maybe that's how your parents dealt with you but that doesn't mean your point is valid just because you wheel it in as the alternative that you were subjected to. With regard to slapping a child as a last resort, What is a last resort? Is there a common concensus on what a last resort is? Dropping a piece of paper on the floor may be a last resort for some adults which is why it's better to have the no slap approach, at least there's no scope for misunderstanding then. Personally I think it's the adults who slap who have issues not the children if they can't deal with them without having to resort to slapping. All you are doing is teaching the child that if they have no other way of dealing with something then they should resort to slapping. There's always another way with children. This isn't with some adults but with children there's scope to teach them that you can handle situations without resorting to violence.

prinz

Galtee wrote: »

The natural alternative to slapping is NOT mental abuse. Maybe that's how your parents dealt with you but that doesn't mean you're point is valid just because you wheel it in as the alternative that you were subjected to..

Christ on a bike. You really paid attention to what I was saying didn't you. Getting a hard-on for the extremes or what? My parents did not subject me to "mental abuse"... and I didn't "wheel it in as an alternative", I was pointing out the stupidity in saying that anyone who was slapped as a kid grows up to be violent or afraid of their own shadow. Getting the few slaps hasn't affected me. Other things did, and they weren't even remotely related to being disciplined over anything.

I think your reaction above highlights the stupidity of this argument as it's entirely circular.

Galtee wrote: »

All you are doing is teaching the child that if they have no other way of dealing with something then they should resort to slapping..

I have never slapped or resorted to violence in my life (apart from defending myself in a few situations that is), so no that is not all, or anything like my mother did.

Da Shins Kelly

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

I was slapped as a kid and foster many aggressive tendecnies when I was a teenager.

Seriously. Cushion had to throw in the phrase "pussy assed hippies" in order to make his statement look even slightly sensible. The majority of parents who do not hit their kids would hardly be described as such.

I think the "pussy assed hippies" thing may have been a joke.

But, with regards to yourself being aggressive, do you really think that's just down to the fact that you were slapped a few times as a child? There are other factors that cause people to turn out that way. I was slapped, and I'm neither aggressive nor withdrawn. I don't think my parents abused me. I was slapped as a last resort or in situations where I was putting myself in danger (running out on a road, reaching to touch the iron, etc.), and it was always explained to me how I did wrong. For anyone to call that 'abuse' is just ridiculous.

stovelid

Some interesting points here from both sides that have certainly given me a lot of food for thought.

One thing that does me strike me is the amount of challenges to pro-to-ambivalent smackers to "prove" their claims that light smacking doesn't inflict trauma on children long-term or negatively affect their long-term relationship with their parents outside of the assurance of their own personal testimony.

It would appear that such claims are no more based on anecdotal grounding than the personal testomonies from people who claim that smacking did affect them negatively as adults.

Is it that negative personal testimonies (even if they don't amount to consensus) just have more emotional weight and that positive ones are easier to discount as a result.

I'm discounting the stories from this analysis that to me are more abuse to my ears. That should be an affront to all people obviously.

I'm a bit dismayed at the repeated conflation of light smacking with physical abuse in the thread. This is also problematic in the sense that many people claim to be well adjusted adults that get on with their parents following the same disciplinary methods as those who claim the opposite. While the validity of the emotional effect has to be respected, it doesn't make it eactly empericial. Nor does it take into account factors in the realtionships that are not being included in the accounts.

Otherwise I'm not having a go. I've already identified myself as a parent that isn't against measured (or non-angry) light smacking and has used it once or twice (and have found that other methods to be admittedly more successful with my child) and am reading the thread with interest.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

I think the "pussy assed hippies" thing may have been a joke.

But, with regards to yourself being aggressive, do you really think that's just down to the fact that you were slapped a few times as a child? There are other factors that cause people to turn out that way. I was slapped, and I'm neither aggressive nor withdrawn. I don't think my parents abused me. I was slapped as a last resort or in situations where I was putting myself in danger (running out on a road, reaching to touch the iron, etc.), and it was always explained to me how I did wrong. For anyone to call that 'abuse' is just ridiculous.

Thouht he might be, but gave him the benefit of the doubt.

As for the agression, yes I do. Kids react differently to different situations and I can remember, when I was slapped, there was no communication and on some occasions I even hit back.

Galtee

prinz wrote: »

Christ on a bike. You really paid attention to what I was saying didn't you. Getting a hard-on for the extremes or what? My parents did not subject me to "mental abuse"... and I didn't "wheel it in as an alternative", I was pointing out the stupidity in saying that anyone who was slapped as a kid grows up to be violent or afraid of their own shadow. Getting the few slaps hasn't affected me. Other things did, and they weren't even remotely related to being disciplined over anything.

I think your reaction above highlights the stupidity of this argument as it's entirely circular.



I have never slapped or resorted to violence in my life (apart from defending myself in a few situations that is), so no that is not all, or anything like my mother did.

Firstly, you made the reference to the Psychological abuse in your post and I merely picked up on it. Secondly, maybe you should take some of your own advice and pay attention to what I've been saying, my main argument is and always has been that children shouldn't be slapped as there are better ways of dealing with situations and when you slap them you are effectively saying that it's ok to slap hence perpertuating the mindset that it's ok to slap.
You're saying that you were slapped and it didn't affect you at all in adulthood and yet you now think it's ok to slap when it clearly isn't. Nice solid argument.

Da Shins Kelly

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Thouht he might be, but gave him the benefit of the doubt.

As for the agression, yes I do. Kids react differently to different situations and I can remember, when I was slapped, there was no communication and on some occasions I even hit back.

Well, that's sad for you, but I'm not gonna have people on here saying that my parents ever abused me or were bad parents. They slapped me a few times, I got over it, and I've had no problems that have stemmed from it since. It works with some children, and with others it doesn't. I learned something from it, you got aggressive. Your claims don't hold any more weight than mine.

prinz

stovelid wrote: »

One thing that does me strike me is the amount of challenges to pro-to-ambivalent smackers to "prove" their claims that light smacking doesn't inflict trauma on children long-term or negatively affect their long-term relationship with their parents outside of the assurance of their own personal testimony..

There have been some good studies in this area but they usually took place a few decades ago. I linked a few on boards once before and they got swept aside or discounted by the people who claim any sort of spanking is a sign of parental failure at best or sadist torture at worse because of when they were undertaken for some reason.

The basic gist of one of the most famous studies found that the rare use of spanking had no noticeable long term affect as the child subjects of the study grew up. Over-use of physical punishment on the other hand is a recipe for disaster, as is being overly permissive and lenient as a parent, which sort of contradicts the position of saying anyone who ever got spanked turns out violent, terrified or hell bent on spanking someone else.

JupiterKid

There are methods of "disciplining" a child other than hitting or beating that can be just as destructive.

I well remember in cub scouts back in the 1980s having a very abusive pack leader who would yell at you until he was blue in the face - and use insults and taunts too - just like an army drill sergeant. :mad:

When I look back at those days - I think my experiences in cub scouts instilled a lot an fear and anxiety into me as an adult. I mean - a Forty-something year old man yelling abuse at 8 and 9 year old boys is just not on. It was barely acceptable back in the 80s, and it certainly wouldn't be acceptable in any way now.

I've no doubt that the man (who passed away a few years ago incidentally) had anger issues but it was wrong to take that anger and frustration out on small boys. He never laid a finger on us, but the verbal abuse was terrifying and humiliating.

I well remember dreading going to cub scouts every Friday evening.:(

prinz

Galtee wrote: »

Firstly, you made the reference to the Psychological abuse in your post and I merely picked up on it..

Sarcasm detector out of whack today?

Galtee wrote: »

You're saying that you were slapped and it didn't affect you at all in adulthood and yet you now think it's ok to slap when it clearly isn't. Nice solid argument.

No, that's not what I am saying. I am saying (a) I am not violent, terrified, vicious, a sadist, abusive or any of the rest of the things some people have claimed any one who gets slapped turns into, and (b) I am saying sometimes a parent snaps (like seeing your four year old run out onto a busy road) and slaps a backside. Am I going to call them a bad parent or a child abuser? Absolutely not, to me that would be ridiculous.

You can go back to imagining someone having the lard beaten out of them with a belt or a cane for dropping a piece of paper if you wish.

Add:
Strangely enough to echo Jupiter's last post, while I can remember my mother raising her hand to me a few times (my father never did) I have no recollection of either of my parents raising their voices to discipline. My conclusion: any parent who shouts at their child is an abuser and a failure.

Galtee

prinz wrote: »

Sarcasm detector out of whack today?



No, that's not what I am saying. I am saying (a) I am not violent, terrified, vicious, a sadist, abusive or any of the rest of the things some people have claimed any one who gets slapped turns into, and (b) I am saying sometimes a parent snaps (like seeing your four year old run out onto a busy road) and slaps a backside. Am I going to call them a bad parent or a child abuser? Absolutely not, to me that would be ridiculous.

You can go back to imaging someone having the lard beaten out of them with a belt or a cane for dropping a piece of paper if you wish.

I would consider slapping violent, vicious and abusive and you condone slapping therefore that would make you all of the said with the exception of sadism that I can't comment on and is your own business either way.

prinz

Galtee wrote: »

I would consider slapping violent, vicious and abusive and you condone slapping therefore that would make you all of the said....

LOL, just as productive as I thought it was going to be. :pac:.

Galtee

prinz wrote: »

LOL, just as productive as I thought it was going to be. :pac:.

and your point is that you disagree with my point? Well done. :rolleyes:

prinz

Galtee wrote: »

and your point is that you disagree with my point? Well done. :rolleyes:

My point is that trying to discuss the issue with someone in your boat is a complete and utter waste of time.

Galtee

prinz wrote: »

My point is that trying to discuss the issue with someone in your boat is a complete and utter waste of time.

But, I'm making the point that I don't condone slapping as it perpetuates slapping. And you're making the point that you got slapped and it didn't do you any harm so you condone slapping. Where's the opportunity for discussion? You've just proved my point is all.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

Well, that's sad for you, but I'm not gonna have people on here saying that my parents ever abused me or were bad parents. They slapped me a few times, I got over it, and I've had no problems that have stemmed from it since. It works with some children, and with others it doesn't. I learned something from it, you got aggressive. Your claims don't hold any more weight than mine.

I accept that, I'm just showing you the other side of the coin: but how to you use force to correct a child without giving them the message that it's an acceptable way of solving disagreement? No one has yet come up with an answer to that.

I'm always been baffled by this, because the whole point is to communicate discipline and correction, and not to just avoid doing harm. I've worked with kids, I've had grilfriends who have kids and lived with them for long periods of times, I've been a parent to all extents and purposes and I always managed to communicate with the kids. I've had to, because I can tell you, my relationships would have neded a lot faster if I ever struck a girlfriend's kid and some of them slapped the kids themselves.

ziggy23

Galtee wrote: »

I would consider slapping violent, vicious and abusive and you condone slapping therefore that would make you all of the said with the exception of sadism that I can't comment on and is your own business either way.

So would you call me an abuser because I gave my toddler a short sharp smack on the bum twice? Both times he was acting absoloutely hysterically, had been put in the naughty corner numerous times and was now physically injuring himself by banging his head on the wall and the floor:eek:
I don't understand what you think I should have done? called the guards???
I knew a smack would make him come to his senses. It's like somebody being hysterical and somebody else giving them a light clatter across the face to get them to come to their senses! In extreme situations sometimes it's the only alternative.

prinz

Galtee wrote: »

But, I'm making the point that I don't condone slapping as it perpetuates slapping. And you're making the point that you got slapped and it didn't do you any harm so you condone slapping. Where's the opportunity for discussion? You've just proved my point is all.

So the only opportunity for discussion is if everyone agrees with you? . You are putting two and two together and coming up with five, which I assume could only be caused by confirmation bias as a result of a chip on your shoulder about the whole thing.

Let me give a summary:

I don't have kids yet, when I do, I could happily raise them without ever slapping at all. It's something that I hope I never do tbh. It's something I hope no parent ever has to do. For normal parents it's not a particularly nice experience for them or the child. Does that mean I condone slapping?

The point I am making is just because I got slapped a few times as a child it doesn't mean I am screwed in the head as some have claimed is the guaranteed result or that my parents were child abusers. I also understand the frustration of a parent who snaps and slaps over something extremely serious and don't think there's anything to be gained by comparing them to some of the parents described by others on the thread (regular beatings, beating with weapons, beating for any reason at all etc) as if they are all the very same.

Galtee

ziggy23 wrote: »

So would you call me an abuser because I gave my toddler a short sharp smack on the bum twice? Both times he was acting absoloutely hysterically, had been put in the naughty corner numerous times and was now physically injuring himself by banging his head on the wall and the floor:eek:
I don't understand what you think I should have done? called the guards???
I knew a smack would make him come to his senses. It's like somebody being hysterical and somebody else giving them a light clatter across the face to get them to come to their senses! In extreme situations sometimes it's the only alternative.

The cavalry arrives. I'm entitled to my opinion the same way as you and everyone else in here is on the subject of slapping children and, my opinion on the subject of slapping children is that it shouldn't be done as it teaches the child that it's ok to slap when they don't know how else to deal with a situation. Slapping is violent and abusive by it's very nature. I'm not here to give you parenting lessons, I'm just here to voice my opinion. I can't legislate for how you interpret my opinion on the subject.

Chuck Stone

prinz wrote: »

My mother saw what happened out the window and came running after me, when she caught up with me I got a smack across the arse for ignoring what I had been told countless times before and then a hug because I had scared the living daylights out of her. She was in as much shock as I was after that. Going by what some of the people have posted on this thread she should be up for child abuse.

I can fully understand a parent giving a child a smack out of pure exasperation. In the situation you've outlined above I think it would be a challenge not to react with a slap - even more so if slapping was normal for them when they grew up.

---

I just want to say to parents who hit their children that I don't think they're mad child abusers or anything.

There's a good website below that looks at the issue of slapping wee'uns

http://nospank.net/main-x.htm

prinz

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

I accept that, I'm just showing you the other side of the coin: but how to you use force to correct a child without giving them the message that it's an acceptable way of solving disagreement? No one has yet come up with an answer to that..

You explain afterwards just what it was that pushed you to the limit, and how you don't like doing it and don't want to ever have to do it again for example. It's not that difficult. I never got the message that was an acceptable way of solving disagreements.

Galtee

prinz wrote: »

So the only opportunity for discussion is if everyone agrees with you? . You are putting two and two together and coming up with five, which I assume could only be caused by confirmation bias as a result of a chip on your shoulder about the whole thing.

Let me give a summary:

I don't have kids yet, when I do, I could happily raise them without ever slapping at all. It's something that I hope I never do tbh. It's something I hope no parent ever has to do. For normal parents it's not a particularly nice experience for them or the child. Does that mean I condone slapping?

The point I am making is just because I got slapped a few times as a child it doesn't mean I am screwed in the head as some have claimed is the guaranteed result or that my parents were child abusers. I also understand the frustration of a parent who snaps and slaps over something extremely serious and don't think there's anything to be gained by comparing them to some of the parents described by others on the thread (regular beatings, beating with weapons, beating for any reason at all etc) as if they are all the very same.

You hope noone has to slap yet you understand when they do? Yes it does mean you condone slapping. :rolleyes:

ziggy23

Galtee wrote: »

The cavalry arrives. I'm entitled to my opinion the same way as you and everyone else in here is on the subject of slapping children and, my opinion on the subject of slapping children is that it shouldn't be done as it teaches the child that it's ok to slap when they don't know how else to deal with a situation. Slapping is violent and abusive by it's very nature. I'm not here to give you parenting lessons, I'm just here to voice my opinion. I can't legislate for how you interpret my opinion on the subject.

That is fair enough everybody is entitled to their opinion. I certainly do not agree with child abuse and some of the stories I've read here are horrifying and are definitely child abuse but every situation and child is different. I hope I don't have to raise my hand to my child again but in those 2 situations it was the only alternative and he is a very happy loving child it did not mentally scar him etc!

Chuck Stone

I think I read somewhere that child sexual abusers have higher reported incidence of severe physical punishment when they were children.

ziggy23

Did anybody see this video doing the rounds?? It's quite upsetting so beware:mad::( That is pure and simple child abuse. My heart actually broke watching it.
http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh3BI4708zS3J35O86