LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Hersheys

ani_mal wrote: »

have you got someone there with you?

No

And I can't have a long shower/bath, we've no water!

playedalive

Hersheys wrote: »

No

And I can't have a long shower/bath, we've no water!

What about some calming music, like on Youtube. Maybe even a movie. If it's away from the computer, all the better. Personally, I find too much at the computer/Facebook puts me in a bad mood/ makes me live even more in my own little world. Sometimes I even just take a nap to get the computer out of my system.

KKkitty

Corkfeen wrote: »

To feel better about their past tbh. It did occur to me at the end of my secondary school life but the guy explained the rationale behind it and we're on speaking terms etc. But bringing it up after years is ignorant as hell and they're doing it entirely for their own benefit.

I forgave her but even though we were kids when it happened does not make it right. Think you're right though.

hollster2

KKkitty wrote: »

A few days ago a former classmate sent a private message on facebook to apologise for bullying me in primary school. I wasn't popular in school in primary or secondary. Why bring it up all those years later?

Hi kitty I know how you feel? Ive never got an apology but im still civil with them even though were adults it still hurts and you always wonder why you?

For me id probably just accept the apoloy and say its still not going to take away what you did to me leave it at that, we all forget we were kids but its still no way to act!

Bullying stays with you forever I know when I went to councilling I got as far back as then I didnt think this was too contributing to my depression.

Let whoever it was say what they have to say and make the point it wont fix the years of emotional torture.

Then thats it done with your head held high hun you take care xx

RainyDay

Bressie talks about his own mental health;

http://www.bressiemusic.com/?p=1078

KKkitty

Hollster thanks so much for your post. After reading that thing from Bressie I can relate to a lot of it. I have had the anxiety attacks and being overwhelmed.

Call Me Jimmy

This is the longest slump in a long while. Lost all connection with life it feels. Continuing.

Bench Press

Been sober since the 20th March, its amazing how calm I feel these few days, although I have still have hugely stressful situations in my life, I find I can deal with it better with a clear head, I'm not half as depressed as I was 2 weeks ago, I also have the prospect of a good job coming up in the UK, which I find kind of exciting but also very daunting as my confidence is shattered, haven't had an anxiety attack in 2 weeks either

araic88

Lol I was quite pleased yesterday, I went to collect my monthly prescription of medication. For the last few months, I've been on an apparently 'unusual' combination of several meds at low doses each which means I don't really get side effects, unlike before. Unfortunately one is quite expensive so I always have to pay the €144 monthly limit.
However, yesterday he said there was no charge as it was still March and I had already paid the limit at the start of the month. I only went in a couple of days early as I'm going away & to have it out of the way.
But now I'm wondering why I wouldn't do that all the time - get two months' worth every second month. The chemist didn't seem to mind, he said it as "good news - there's no charge on that" but I wonder after a little while would he tell me stop which'd be a bit embarassing :P Maybe it's common for people to do this?! I know it's not very ethical but that's another thread perhaps :P

April O Neill

Hersheys wrote: »

I'm stuck in my own head today.

This is me for the last six weeks. In a shítty situation in work, trying to find a new job whilst having troubles in my living situation too. Hopefully something will change soon. I couldn't feel more down on myself.

Call Me Jimmy

After a very bad time I think I am regaining my balance. I stepped outside of my own isolation and put myself out there at the chance of something and although I don't regret taking the chance, it upset my equilibrium. I am back now to it just being me but it seems I can cope with that a bit better than if it was any different. Maybe in the future there will be something, for now, mental discipline, mindfulness and a recent interest in yoga are keeping me ticking.

KiwiBanana

First off, I’ve been reading this thread over the past few months and I salute you all in your efforts to support yourselves and each other. Really, it’s been an insight and very heartening.

Short background: I’ve experienced depression (mild to severe, and at one phase diagnosed bi-polar) for about 20 years but I keep it under wraps for all sorts of reasons. It’s been hitting me recently that I’d like to “come out” and help reduce the stigma, so let me say it here: I’ve suffered from depression! (I use the past tense because thankfully, it’s not *quite* the blight on my life that it once was.)

I just want to say that personally, I always found it overwhelming and plain confusing to consider all the things I could be/should be doing in the “get well” checklist – I mean, there’s hundreds of different paths to take, how the frick am I supposed to know what’s going to help? (Being impatient to feel better *now* didn’t help matters!).

Eventually, I came to think of my relationship with depression as being a bit like the titanic and the iceberg –I felt that anyone looking at me would think I was barrelling on with life but internally I felt I was going headlong into an inevitable (and wildly destructive) crash. I thought I was destined to repeat the crashing and sinking for the rest of my life. However, I’ve learned this:

1. If they’d seen the iceberg sooner the titanic wouldn’t have hit it. Roughly translated, I need to watch out for my own triggers and danger zones so I don’t hit into the middle of them
2. If they’d filled the lifeboats to full capacity there wouldn’t have been so many fatalities. Roughly translated, seek and follow professional guidance – in my case, it’s with a counsellor I go to plus I am vigilant about taking care of my physical health
3. You can’t turn a big ship around at speed – those things are heavy and need a lot of space to turn. Roughly translated – coming through depression is slow work but every degree makes a difference, so I have to keep doing all that I can, when I can to steer my life around into the direction I really want. Over 20 years this has meant reading loads of books, trying different therapies, etc. – anything I can to get myself turned around and back on track. Once I get that going, I can barrel on again

For all of you who are eyeballing an iceberg right now, please know that you don’t have to be the titanic and this doesn’t have to be a monumental crash. Shout, steer, seek professional help – you can do something to minimise the blow. And can I just say that over 20 years I’ve learned to reduce the blow a bit better every time, so now my life resembles the “normal” I always aspired to!
I hope this helps a little. My best wishes to you all.

Esel

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

After a very bad time I think I am regaining my balance. I stepped outside of my own isolation and put myself out there at the chance of something and although I don't regret taking the chance, it upset my equilibrium. I am back now to it just being me but it seems I can cope with that a bit better than if it was any different. Maybe in the future there will be something, for now, mental discipline, mindfulness and a recent interest in yoga are keeping me ticking.

Fair play for taking that very big step, man. I appreciate that it was a very hard thing for you to do, but don't let the 'adrenaline come-down' that you must have felt immediately afterwards put you off getting out there again.

Esel

KiwiBanana wrote: »

First off, I’ve been reading this thread over the past few months and I salute you all in your efforts to support yourselves and each other. Really, it’s been an insight and very heartening.

Short background: I’ve experienced depression (mild to severe, and at one phase diagnosed bi-polar) for about 20 years but I keep it under wraps for all sorts of reasons. It’s been hitting me recently that I’d like to “come out” and help reduce the stigma, so let me say it here: I’ve suffered from depression! (I use the past tense because thankfully, it’s not *quite* the blight on my life that it once was.)

I just want to say that personally, I always found it overwhelming and plain confusing to consider all the things I could be/should be doing in the “get well” checklist – I mean, there’s hundreds of different paths to take, how the frick am I supposed to know what’s going to help? (Being impatient to feel better *now* didn’t help matters!).

Eventually, I came to think of my relationship with depression as being a bit like the titanic and the iceberg –I felt that anyone looking at me would think I was barrelling on with life but internally I felt I was going headlong into an inevitable (and wildly destructive) crash. I thought I was destined to repeat the crashing and sinking for the rest of my life. However, I’ve learned this:

1. If they’d seen the iceberg sooner the titanic wouldn’t have hit it. Roughly translated, I need to watch out for my own triggers and danger zones so I don’t hit into the middle of them
2. If they’d filled the lifeboats to full capacity there wouldn’t have been so many fatalities. Roughly translated, seek and follow professional guidance – in my case, it’s with a counsellor I go to plus I am vigilant about taking care of my physical health
3. You can’t turn a big ship around at speed – those things are heavy and need a lot of space to turn. Roughly translated – coming through depression is slow work but every degree makes a difference, so I have to keep doing all that I can, when I can to steer my life around into the direction I really want. Over 20 years this has meant reading loads of books, trying different therapies, etc. – anything I can to get myself turned around and back on track. Once I get that going, I can barrel on again

For all of you who are eyeballing an iceberg right now, please know that you don’t have to be the titanic and this doesn’t have to be a monumental crash. Shout, steer, seek professional help – you can do something to minimise the blow. And can I just say that over 20 years I’ve learned to reduce the blow a bit better every time, so now my life resembles the “normal” I always aspired to!
I hope this helps a little. My best wishes to you all.

Very well said. Your 'Titanic / iceberg / early warning / slow turning' metaphor is really on the ball. I hope it strikes a chord with people reading this thread.

KiwiBanana

Had a super blue day yesterday despite the sunshine and am determined to do it a bit differently today. Funny how those days still hit me sometimes and I'm there thinking "wtf?" I'm kind of surprised that I'm not invincible after all the work I've done on myself!
Have been very active and social outside of work lately so I think it's been draining my batteries a bit. It's lovely to see people but I've probably been overdoing it a bit so keeping to myself this weekend. Come back to centre. Going to wrap up and get out for a walk in a few minutes and see how I get on after that.
Hope everyone's doing well this weekend

KiwiBanana

Back from the walk & it did the world of good
Was mulling on this idea even before I went walking but I think it's really important that we congratulate ourselves for whatever positive steps we do take in life, regardless of the outcome. I was out there walking and you know a part of me was thinking "You think this is good? We should be doing this 3 times a week at least! and we should have lost that extra weight by now. and we're not going to lose it by taking a nice little Sunday stroll here - we have to power walk and get sweating!"
Yadda yadda yadda

But that's the kind of criticism that keeps me on the couch, too afraid to step out into the world and engage with life for fear I'm doing it wrong. For fear I'm not doing it as good as everyone else. And God knows that once I get on that bandwagon it's just asking for tears. So as I was walking I made a point of saying to myself "This is me taking care of my health - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. This is good for me. Being out in nature relaxes my soul. And even if this walk isn't the power walk of the year, it's still great. And it's more walking than I did yesterday. And I'm doing well today. And I'm keeping my half of the bargain by doing my best to take care of myself and today, right now, this is my best."

And you know, there's something very powerful about that. It's like saying "BACK AWAY!" to all of the negative self-criticism and recognising that I do dozens of small things every day or week that are good for me, so how about giving myself a bit of credit for them? Might seem like normal every day stuff to everyone else but what the heck, I'm rowing a different boat here.
Anyway, I just want to share this with you and whether you're the one suffering or you're the one taking care of someone who is, focus on the postive effort. Focus on the courage it takes to try something, regardless of how it turns out. Give a bit of credit for all that you do to try and improve your hour, your day, your life.

Benny_Cake

KiwiBanana wrote: »

And you know, there's something very powerful about that. It's like saying "BACK AWAY!" to all of the negative self-criticism and recognising that I do dozens of small things every day or week that are good for me, so how about giving myself a bit of credit for them? Might seem like normal every day stuff to everyone else but what the heck, I'm rowing a different boat here.
Anyway, I just want to share this with you and whether you're the one suffering or you're the one taking care of someone who is, focus on the postive effort. Focus on the courage it takes to try something, regardless of how it turns out. Give a bit of credit for all that you do to try and improve your hour, your day, your life.

Excellent post. We are our own harshest critics, my counsellor used to get me to list what I thought were the positive aspects of who I was as a person and to describe how the important people in my life saw me. Quite difficult to do when you're feeling down, and being hard on yourself for not having your life together in the way that you think everyone else has. If she had asked me to list my failings I'd have found it a lot easier!

Glad to hear you enjoyed your walk. I was feeling a little down over the last few weeks but I made it for a good walk in the Dublin mountains yesterday for the first time in ages. I woke up this morning with aches and pains in my legs, but my head was feeling good! I can't recommend getting some form of exercise enough to people.

delthedriver

Benny_Cake wrote: »

Excellent post. We are our own harshest critics, my counsellor used to get me to list what I thought were the positive aspects of who I was as a person and to describe how the important people in my life saw me. Quite difficult to do when you're feeling down, and being hard on yourself for not having your life together in the way that you think everyone else has. If she had asked me to list my failings I'd have found it a lot easier!

Glad to hear you enjoyed your walk. I was feeling a little down over the last few weeks but I made it for a good walk in the Dublin mountains yesterday for the first time in ages. I woke up this morning with aches and pains in my legs, but my head was feeling good! I can't recommend getting some form of exercise enough to people.

Agree exercise is extremely important. With the longer evenings there really is no excuse!!! Seriously I aim to walk a minimum of 1hour per day, a noticeable difference in my mood if I miss a walk, not to mention the feeling of guilt which does not help if mood is low.
I continue to borrow a friend's dog to force myself to walk, dog helps me go for a minimum of 2 x 1 hour walks , whatever the weather! The exercise is as important for my psychological health as much as my physiological health, not to mention the waistline.
Have given thought to getting my own dog, however I really cannot give a dog the attention it deserves, to any dog owners I believe your dog could be a great friend in helping you get out of your house.
Mood has been low for last few weeks, but continuing the good fight.
Stay well friends:)

shoos

I was hoping this thread might help me figure out what to do, if anyone could shine a light?

My boyfriend suffers from depression. When I met him I had no experience with it so I was one of those annoying "you'll be fine, take tomorrow off work and we'll do something nice together" thinking that would solve everything... But I've been learning that I was just completely stupid about it, I really hadn't a clue what depression was, it's effects or anything. More recently I've been trying to be there for my boyfriend in a much more enlightened and, hopefully helpful, way. This thread has gone a long way in helping me understand the illness so kudos to the OP for making it and all the posters sharing their stories and experiences.

Usually my boyfriend is very open with me about the illness and we'd talk about it quite a lot but that's died down in recent months. Whereas before he'd have a good number of months feeling crap, his moods seem to be changing much quicker these days. Now it's like one week good, three days bad, one day good, four days bad and so on. I can't keep up, I honestly never know what place he's in mentally. I'm afraid to bring it up incase he's in a good mood and I bring him down, but equally he's just so all over the place I'm feeling it can't be any good for him. I'm wondering what I should do? Or if there's anything I even can do as the girlfriend bar be there when he wants to talk? I've encouraged him, actually nagged would be a better word, for months on end to see a counsellor but he always has a reason not too (in work all the time, no money, etc.). Even when he does have free time, or a bit of money, he won't call and I'm not sure why - I think it comes down to pure lack of motivation. He gets procrastination/motivation problems really bad. And we both know seeing a counsellor is a good idea, he went to see one last year and loved it, it helped him massively, so.... I really don't understand why it's so hard getting him to make the move now. Sometimes I think I should back off and stop pressuring him to talk to someone, which I do, but then another couple months go by where I can see he's just not happy with himself and life and I can't sit back and watch him live on that miserable cycle.

Sorry for the long post. It's hard to stop once you start! None of my friends really have experience with this type of problem, and it's not something I can talk to my parents about it either. It's really been getting me down over the last year and a half/ even more at this stage. Just no idea what my place is or what I can do!

Paddy Cow

shoos wrote: »

My boyfriend suffers from depression. When I met him I had no experience with it so I was one of those annoying "you'll be fine, take tomorrow off work and we'll do something nice together" thinking that would solve everything... But I've been learning that I was just completely stupid about it, I really hadn't a clue what depression was, it's effects or anything.

I had a friend like that. I went through a really bad patch in January where I could barely leave the house and his solution was to call out to the house and tell me to pull myself together. My mother had kidney cancer before Christmas and while it had nothing to do with my depression (I've struggle with depression long before my mother got sick) he made some comments about me milking her cancer.

I am no longer friends with this person and it is attitudes like his which made me doubt myself even more and think that I was just acting up. I can see that he genuinely thought that his tough love approach would snap me out of it but that approach is about as helpful as telling someone in a wheelchair that they have legs and should cop on and get up and walk.

Unless your boyfriend goes to his GP, there is nothing you can do. I would advise you to keep an eye on your own mental health, as caring for someone with an illness (whether it be mental or physical) can wear down your own emotional reserves. Don't feel guilty if you get frustrated or even angry at your boyfriend's apparent lack of wanting to get better. While it might seem that he is apathetic, it's the illness that is causing it and it's not his fault. All you can do is support him until he is ready to take the step of talking to someone.

Gi joe!

Feeling pretty low to be honest. Its strange, I've made so much progress in the last few months compared to where I was, no confidence, self-hatred, feeling constantly useless. Instead of avoiding stressful things like social events and job interviews I'm starting to tackle them head on. Due to too much alcohol rendering me near suicidal, I've managed to cut down my drinking drastically which I'm somewhat proud of. Although my social life has suffered as a result!

There's definitely an element of anger which has crept into my life, which I've been trying to use positively when exercising or tackling something unpleasant.

Yet the fact I'm in a better place now only intensifies the fact that I've wasted so much of the past few years in college especially. If I had felt this way like I felt a few years ago, maybe I would be a better situation and not so lonely all the time! I would have had the confidence to take more chances. When I also keep hearing when college are the best years of your life(have been some of the worst for me), it only makes it worse.

I guess since I'm only 22(yet I already feel old) I may have more chances to turn things around and create a good life for myself. It just feels like I'll always be this way and things could spiral out of control any day now.

On the other hand, reading how many of you are doing better has made me happy and gives me hope. As cheesy as it sounds, everyone of us on this planet are in this mess together and all we can really do is try to make the best of it!

stuchyg

I went through a bad patch in January just after xmas where I was off work for 3 weeks, seem to have come through it quite well now. My big plus is my focus on the gym I think. I dont seem to get that high from exercise that some people speak of but the diets of bulking and cutting along with the workouts really help me focus. Could help some people maybe that need an extra push from walking or running perhaps.

KiwiBanana

I'm back listening to Louise Hay's affirmations again and I have to say I really notice myself in a better mood on the days that I do. I read her "You can heal your life book" about 10 years ago when I was going through a really shaky time and I hung onto every word cause it felt like the only thing that kept me from falling off the edge. Had I been feeling 'better' I probably would have dismissed it as Californian touchy-feely but I was so desperate at the time for something that kept my mind reigned in that I had to suspend my judging. And in fairness, the book helped me keep on an even keel that summer.
I've re-read it over and over since then - sometimes just open at random and other times I go right back to the beginning and read from cover to cover. Anyway, I got the CD a few years ago and put it on my MP3 player and now I can listen to it when I'm out and about or in bed or whatever. I'm only on day 2-3 this week but I feel a bit of a bounce again and honestly I think that this is the reason.
Just thought I'd share it anyway. Not sure if the CD is still available but the book is, and she has other CDs anyway and they follow the same idea so it shouldn't be too hard to find something.

Call Me Jimmy

Keeping up with yoga at home, trying to solicit a bike so I spend my sunday mornings cycling up to Ardgillan Castle for a yoga class. The difference in my body already is quite something. I am staying disciplined and am being rewarded with less mental difficulty. I still have the freakouts but I am recovering from them each time. Shout out to the del the driver who has inspired me a bit with his posts on this thread particularly!

delthedriver

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Keeping up with yoga at home, trying to solicit a bike so I spend my sunday mornings cycling up to Ardgillan Castle for a yoga class. The difference in my body already is quite something. I am staying disciplined and am being rewarded with less mental difficulty. I still have the freakouts but I am recovering from them each time. Shout out to the del the driver who has inspired me a bit with his posts on this thread particularly!

Dear Jimmy,
Thank you for your kind words
Jimmy you have been an inspiration to many of us on this thread too.
I am truly delighted to read of your progress.Keep up the good work
This is my favourite thread on Boards. The genuine sincerity and warmth from all the friends on this thread inspires me on a daily basis.
Today I managed to get out for two long walks on the beach with my adopted dog. Guess I clocked up 6 miles. The spring morning air , made way for warm spring sunshine which made me realise just how good it is to be alive.
Best wishes,
Del:)

TheUsual

Gi joe! wrote: »

Yet the fact I'm in a better place now only intensifies the fact that I've wasted so much of the past few years in college especially. If I had felt this way like I felt a few years ago, maybe I would be a better situation and not so lonely all the time! I would have had the confidence to take more chances. When I also keep hearing when college are the best years of your life(have been some of the worst for me), it only makes it worse.

I guess since I'm only 22(yet I already feel old) I may have more chances to turn things around and create a good life for myself. It just feels like I'll always be this way and things could spiral out of control any day now.

Just reading about your college experience, I disagree that they are the best years of your life, I think that's an ideal or a marketing thing to get kids into certain colleges and have "the time of their lives", whatever that means.
I loved the course I did, was lucky with it, but hated the social drunken side of it and I just studied and went home most times. Boring maybe, but I think a lot of students mistake getting blackout drunk with memories.
I treated and enjoyed college as a job (you are paying a lot in time/effort to be there), hated the social side of it, but I made a friend or two.

Anyway you are only a young lad 22, plenty of years ahead of you to have memories way more important and lasting than college, it a long life we have, you are only starting out.

I also learnt from my councillor that everyone was in the same state as me and nobodies perfect or has their life planned out.
It's normal in life to have ups and downs, just not too extreme of either, it's life and the tough times are what makes you appreciate the easy times.

Gi joe!

TheUsual wrote: »

Just reading about your college experience, I disagree that they are the best years of your life, I think that's an ideal or a marketing thing to get kids into certain colleges and have "the time of their lives", whatever that means.
I loved the course I did, was lucky with it, but hated the social drunken side of it and I just studied and went home most times. Boring maybe, but I think a lot of students mistake getting blackout drunk with memories.
I treated and enjoyed college as a job (you are paying a lot in time/effort to be there), hated the social side of it, but I made a friend or two.

Anyway you are only a young lad 22, plenty of years ahead of you to have memories way more important and lasting than college, it a long life we have, you are only starting out.

I also learnt from my councillor that everyone was in the same state as me and nobodies perfect or has their life planned out.
It's normal in life to have ups and downs, just not too extreme of either, it's life and the tough times are what makes you appreciate the easy times.

Thank you for giving me your perspective on things. I agree, I am still young and have time to make some positive changes. There will always be that part of my mind that won't let what happened in the last four years go. I feel light years behind others in so many areas. All I can do is try to live with it and lot let it effect the rest of my life.

And I've come to realise, things could be so much worse. I do have alot to be thankful for. There's people going through much more than I have on a daily basis yet still having the courage to keep going.

TheUsual

Gi joe! wrote: »

Thank you for giving me your perspective on things. I agree, I am still young and have time to make some positive changes. There will always be that part of my mind that won't let what happened in the last four years go. I feel light years behind others in so many areas. All I can do is try to live with it and lot let it effect the rest of my life.

And I've come to realise, things could be so much worse. I do have a lot to be thankful for. There's people going through much more than I have on a daily basis yet still having the courage to keep going.

No bother.
You have a better outlook on life than I did at your age. Took me longer !

I went back to counselling and therapy again this week.

The last few times I was there, I wasn't in a fit state to do anything so made very little progress. However I'm in a much better state these days so hoping to work through what's still there.

My first session was really positive. I wasn't too sure at first because the therapist is male (I've an inherent distrust of men and I even told him that) but I think we were starting to paint a clear picture already which is fantastic.

Drumpot

Gi joe! wrote: »

Thank you for giving me your perspective on things. I agree, I am still young and have time to make some positive changes. There will always be that part of my mind that won't let what happened in the last four years go. I feel light years behind others in so many areas. All I can do is try to live with it and lot let it effect the rest of my life.

And I've come to realise, things could be so much worse. I do have alot to be thankful for. There's people going through much more than I have on a daily basis yet still having the courage to keep going.

You might be surprised that time will heal and if you can actually properly address how you have been feeling that will make your life imeasurably more enjoyable . . I used to think alot "I am so lucky for x, y, z" but it only made me feel even worse - "why do i feel so sh*tty when there are people out there who have better reason to be feeling depressed". This is just a thought and doesnt change anything. Rich people can get depressed, people who have more then me in other things can get depressed. Some people are just more likely to get depressed irrespective of their environment.

I am 34 and wish that I had reached out for help when I was 22. I dont regret it one bit because I had to come down the road I have walked to get where I am today. . I have suffered from chronic depression, insomnia and other illness which I would prefer not to discuss, but I have only recently realised that I can actually help myself feel better. Perhaps your college years where exactly what they needed to be for you to see where you are mentally. Perhaps the college years were the best thing that ever happened to you and now that you realised that you might of enjoyed them more, you will strive to help yourself feel better for the rest of your life. What I have learned, if nothing else, is that nobody can make me feel better as much as I can do. I might need help along the way, but I spend more time with myself (physically, emotionally and mentally) then anybody else and as such, if I can find a certain peace within myself, I will be giving myself the best possible opportunity for a happy life, irrespective of what happens around me.

Instead of focusing on what can make me happy (money, job, family, education), I am focusing on working at understanding myself more. Not comparing myself to others, but finding out what makes me tick, what makes me happy and what makes me sad. Only then can I start making changes to my life(style) that will give me a much better chance of an enjoyable life.

Another thing I am trying to learn is not to worry about the past (awknowledge it) or the future (by all means plan/prepare), but to spend the most of my time in the now. Where I am right now and what I am doing right now. What you did in the past or will do in the future is just a thought. if you keep thinking about these things its at the expense of you actually living your life now. Sounds easier said then done, but it takes alot of practise and alot of time (look up Cognative behavioural therapy - http://www.aware.ie/life-skills/ ).

One big thing I have realised is that I need to say everything, I need to talk and as such I attend regular meetings to get it off my chest. Its such a simple concept and for years I knew that I wanted to talk, but I always avoided the problem. I always thought I could think my way out of my problems and it drove me mad. Now sometimes it helps just to say what I am thinking (not always mind you) and its enough to help get me through that day. .

I do sometimes wonder what my life would of been like in school, college and other things had I known then what I know now. I mightnt of met my wife and had 2 beatiful children. I mightnt of had a relationship with my biological siblings. I mightnt of had happy moments with the pets I have loved, met the people I made friends with and travelled to places I visited. I have been tormented the whole time that these things have happened to me, but I couldnt see it while I was enjoying the moments.

I am trying to approach life as a new beginning. Sure I will sometimes think about the things that might of been, but then I remind myself how lonely and unhappy I was and how lucky I am today to of been able to start afresh. Changing old habits and old thought processes can completely change your life and help you live it.

Congratulations on seeking help. I know its a bit condescending to say "you are only 22", but I think "I am only 34" and genuinley think we have been given a superb opportunity to live a second life that has more ups then downs. I have gone to meetings where there are people in their 60s - 70s who are only realising what we have figured out so much younger in our lives and it reminds me how lucky I am to of tried to resolve my depression problems before the twilight of my life.