LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Morag

So you get the gumption up to go to the dr and talk it all out and discuss what to do and what you have been doing to try and manage. And you get told well see how it goes and if things don't improve in two weeks come back.

Things don't improve, in fact they dis improve quiet considerably and then you ring the dr, on the Tuesday and get told by a snotty replacement receptionist that the earliest appointment is Thursday next week as most of the staff of the practice got some sort of bug and if I don't like it I an try the D Doc service, who won't have access to my files.

Now just to try and keep from doing something stupid between now and Thursday next week, like eating my weight in chocolate, buying cigarettes and switching out all the coffee I am drinking for whiskey and still trying to run a house hold and two teenagers.

Call Me Jimmy

Morag wrote: »

So you get the gumption up to go to the dr and talk it all out and discuss what to do and what you have been doing to try and manage. And you get told well see how it goes and if things don't improve in two weeks come back.

Things don't improve, in fact they dis improve quiet considerably and then you ring the dr, on the Tuesday and get told by a snotty replacement receptionist that the earliest appointment is Thursday next week as most of the staff of the practice got some sort of bug and if I don't like it I an try the D Doc service, who won't have access to my files.

Now just to try and keep from doing something stupid between now and Thursday next week, like eating my weight in chocolate, buying cigarettes and switching out all the coffee I am drinking for whiskey and still trying to run a house hold and two teenagers.

I understand you are not feeling well but I'm sure they weren't lying about there not being an appointment until thursday next week, unfortunately you will have to wait. Doctors (GPs and psychiatrists) can be somewhat dismissive but I think people have odd expectations when going to a GP or Psychiatrist.

There really are only two things they can do IMO, medication and/or therapy. I'm sure a lot of GPs now have become aware of the reputation out there re: 'prescribing anti-depressants like sweets' and so maybe you're doctor wants to have a bit more perspective?

I hope you can find something that will help you while you wait for your appointment that gives you a bit of mental breathing space, but one thing I've learned is it takes work to achieve that breathing space. If I did exactly what I'd been doing before I would never have the short periods of relief I sometimes get now. The reward : work ratio is very low at the beginning but after a couple of days, you can buy yourself some relief. You have to be creative in your thinking though? Yoga is helping me a lot but I would have never even thought about it a month ago, I was just thinking, 'what can I do that I know will pay off if I'm disciplined about it?' and I thought of that.

With two teenage sons, it might be hard for you to find time, but get them to do a bit more (I mean around the house or whatever) and you relax a bit, consider it as if you were dying of the flu or something... good luck

Call Me Jimmy

Drumpot wrote: »

I have gone to meetings where there are people in their 60s - 70s who are only realising what we have figured out so much younger in our lives and it reminds me how lucky I am to of tried to resolve my depression problems before the twilight of my life.

Great post, but this ^^^^. I've always thought if there's one overwhelmingly positive thing about have this amount of pain most of the time is that you get an opportunity to really understand yourself and gain so much insight and wisdom. I very rarely say anything good about myself but I know that because of all this I am very wise for my age and I can be thankful for that. It means I can do things (most of the time) with the level head of a middle-aged man, the **** it attitude and just doing what's good for me, but I'm also still relatively young and can enjoy it in my relative youth.

Sustained pain = wisdom + insight.

Gongoozler

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've done all I can do. I try and try and get no help, get no credit, get nowhere. Get no love from anybody. No support. No one checks in with me. An issue comes up, and straight away I'm to blame. Maybe I am to blame, but does it ever to anyone that maybe it's a hard thing to live with - that you're that screwed up. I have nothing. I'm not as smart as I'd like to believe. I've no reason to have any confidence that I do manage to have.

I'm so tired of life. If this is life, I don't want it anymore. It just ****ing sucks. Every ****ing part of it sucks. Non stop. Every day is a nightmare. I do my best all the time. with everyone. I take responsibility, but no one else ever does. Ever. I apologise, but never get an apology. I watch what I do and say, but anyone can say anything to me.
I just want someone to love me.

Lyrab23

Gongoozler wrote: »

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've done all I can do. I try and try and get no help, get no credit, get nowhere. Get no love from anybody. No support. No one checks in with me. An issue comes up, and straight away I'm to blame. Maybe I am to blame, but does it ever to anyone that maybe it's a hard thing to live with - that you're that screwed up. I have nothing. I'm not as smart as I'd like to believe. I've no reason to have any confidence that I do manage to have.

I'm so tired of life. If this is life, I don't want it anymore. It just ****ing sucks. Every ****ing part of it sucks. Non stop. Every day is a nightmare. I do my best all the time. with everyone. I take responsibility, but no one else ever does. Ever. I apologise, but never get an apology. I watch what I do and say, but anyone can say anything to me.
I just want someone to love me.

I do.

I love someone who says the same things on the bad days. And he seemed really surprised that someone actually liked him when we started our relationship. I'm still here nearly 8 years later.

I think that everyone really does have someone (or maybe more than one person!) out there that is right for them. I suppose that thought doesn't matter if you cant see them through your dark thoughts, or are too nervous/self critical to strike up a conversation that starts the relationship sparks.

I care about what you feel, it scares me. I know that the person I love feels it too - and looking at the response this thread has got - a lot of people here are feeling the same.

I met the other half of me on an Fetac course of all places (i.e the most depressing place I can think of!). We only got talking through the group debate parts of the course.

Otherwise I don't know if we would have got talking at all or realized how much we liked each other. We are very alike except that I deal with my issues by putting them in a box. Like Pandora's box - and I don't think I will ever open it.

I also have been blessed with a natural optimism (I flatter myself that it is not just complete naivety or stupidity - as someone who is as really smart as my partner couldn't end up with a person like that...).

I think that is how we work so well together. We have found that when we just talk it seems to really help. But sometimes he is unreachable. I don't really know how to deal with or approach those episodes.

This thread is amazing for me. I know everyone is different but reading how all of you have found depression and how you wish people would handle it is really helpful.

I don't need fairy tales and happy ever afters. And bad days are ok to have and I expect that we will have this ''black dog" follow us for the rest of our lives. I just want to be there and I want to understand more.

Clandestine

Gongoozler wrote: »

I just want someone to love me.

I know that feel

Well, in a different sort of way. I have a general emotional detachment from others and don't really feel anything when praised most of the time. I don't feel anything towards family members who love me very much and I doubt I could ever really care for another person. I don't know how I could feel such a strong emotion such as love when I rarely feel much at all.

Esel

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Great post, but this ^^^^. I've always thought if there's one overwhelmingly positive thing about have this amount of pain most of the time is that you get an opportunity to really understand yourself and gain so much insight and wisdom. I very rarely say anything good about myself but I know that because of all this I am very wise for my age and I can be thankful for that. It means I can do things (most of the time) with the level head of a middle-aged man, the **** it attitude and just doing what's good for me, but I'm also still relatively young and can enjoy it in my relative youth.

Sustained pain = wisdom + insight.

Hey Jimmy, your insight is genuinely wonderful.

Maybe your formula might be better stated as Wisdom = sustained pain + insight?

Or in a sentence: Insight usually only comes after a hell of a lot of confused thought, and when it comes, it takes a while (often a long while) to sink in.

However it comes, insight is the thing.

Esel

Lyrab23 wrote: »

I do.

I love someone who says the same things on the bad days. And he seemed really surprised that someone actually liked him when we started our relationship. I'm still here nearly 8 years later.

I think that everyone really does have someone (or maybe more than one person!) out there that is right for them. I suppose that thought doesn't matter if you cant see them through your dark thoughts, or are too nervous/self critical to strike up a conversation that starts the relationship sparks.

I care about what you feel, it scares me. I know that the person I love feels it too - and looking at the response this thread has got - a lot of people here are feeling the same.

I met the other half of me on an Fetac course of all places (i.e the most depressing place I can think of!). We only got talking through the group debate parts of the course.

Otherwise I don't know if we would have got talking at all or realized how much we liked each other. We are very alike except that I deal with my issues by putting them in a box. Like Pandora's box - and I don't think I will ever open it.

I also have been blessed with a natural optimism (I flatter myself that it is not just complete naivety or stupidity - as someone who is as really smart as my partner couldn't end up with a person like that...).

I think that is how we work so well together. We have found that when we just talk it seems to really help. But sometimes he is unreachable. I don't really know how to deal with or approach those episodes.

This thread is amazing for me. I know everyone is different but reading how all of you have found depression and how you wish people would handle it is really helpful.

I don't need fairy tales and happy ever afters. And bad days are ok to have and I expect that we will have this ''black dog" follow us for the rest of our lives. I just want to be there and I want to understand more.

Hey, thank you for such a heartfelt post.

..sometimes he is unreachable. I don't really know how to deal with or approach those episodes.

Maybe you could talk to your GP about this?

We are very alike except that I deal with my issues by putting them in a box. Like Pandora's box - and I don't think I will ever open it.

You don't have to open the box to inspect the contents when you know what is inside.

Call Me Jimmy

I'll post here because this is where I post when I'm good, so to show the quite immediate other side of it.

This morning, as usual it turns full circle. I feel like a cruel joke with a flat punchline. I know that if I saw myself now, 5 years ago, I would have went insane. I feel physically ill when I look at myself, right now I feel like throwing up. I feel like my nightmare of yesteryear I'm living in it and trying to 'make the best of it'. I wonder what I will do, genuinely I have no idea.

I've got a family thing today as well where I'll be seeing relations I haven't seen in ages and even though I know it won't make them dislike me, I will be able to see in their eyes in at trivial way 'shame about him, poor guy, he had it going for him'.

I assume tonight when I am home on my own the dread will kick in.

playedalive

Gi joe! wrote: »

Feeling pretty low to be honest. Its strange, I've made so much progress in the last few months compared to where I was, no confidence, self-hatred, feeling constantly useless. Instead of avoiding stressful things like social events and job interviews I'm starting to tackle them head on. Due to too much alcohol rendering me near suicidal, I've managed to cut down my drinking drastically which I'm somewhat proud of. Although my social life has suffered as a result!

There's definitely an element of anger which has crept into my life, which I've been trying to use positively when exercising or tackling something unpleasant.

Yet the fact I'm in a better place now only intensifies the fact that I've wasted so much of the past few years in college especially. If I had felt this way like I felt a few years ago, maybe I would be a better situation and not so lonely all the time! I would have had the confidence to take more chances. When I also keep hearing when college are the best years of your life(have been some of the worst for me), it only makes it worse.

I guess since I'm only 22(yet I already feel old) I may have more chances to turn things around and create a good life for myself. It just feels like I'll always be this way and things could spiral out of control any day now.

On the other hand, reading how many of you are doing better has made me happy and gives me hope. As cheesy as it sounds, everyone of us on this planet are in this mess together and all we can really do is try to make the best of it!

Mate, I'm 22 myself and feel the exact same as you. I'm suffering depression and am going through long points of loneliness. I'm trying to put myself out there, like yourself. It's difficult but it's all about keeping the faith (though, it's easier said than done). I'm also trying to come to terms with being gay. Also finishing my degree in the midst of all this.

College days were my better day than my secondary years. I don't believe in this 'best day of your life' crap. I don't think such a concept exists truly. Everybody has good and bad in every aspect of their lives.. I do regret not getting involved and trying to make new friends (I cut myself from some pretty nasty people- hence the loneliness). But, I'm trying to hold on in there and believe that good things can happen to me (I just have to make the effort to believe it).

Though, it's difficult. I've always found it difficult to like myself for who I am. I was bullied a fair bit in the past and find it difficult with social interaction at times. I'm always afraid to join in a conversation for fear that somebody might give me a hard time. It's silly, but old wounds die hard.

ClubDead

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ClubDead

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Three Seasons

Some may disregard this as ridiculous but I urge you to try it if feeling really depressed.

Get a colouring book and markers and colour away. I think it can be very therapeutic.

ClubDead

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pinkstars

Well my panic and severe anxiety have upped in the last few days. I could not even make a 30 min walk earlier, I stopped as wham bam a panic attack starting. Held onto the wall for a bit, lit a fag, and breathed heavily for a bit. I thought I would have to ring my father to collect me.

History:
Severe anxiety for 2 years after having my baby. Could not leave the house. Finally got back to work last Oct and doing ok since, ups and downs alright.

Just dunno when is time to let the doctor know anxiety is creeping back.
Have been drinking some lattes - maybe I need to cut back on caffeine.

Insect Overlord

ClubDead wrote: »

That was a really unnecessary and nasty response.

What's nasty about it?

Art/craft can be therapeutic, just like exercise, music and meditation.

ClubDead

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Mod

ClubDead I see no reason to think that ThreeSeasons was either responding directly to you, or being nasty. Drop it please.

Turtwig

ClubDead wrote: »

"Some may disregard this as ridiculous but I urge you to try it if feeling really depressed.Get a colouring book and markers and colour away. I think it can be very therapeutic."

Ah come on! You know his comment was intended for me and that he was being sarcastic. I don’t doubt art/crafts can be therapeutic but telling me to get a “colouring book and markers” was intended as an insult.

He/she didn't even quote your post, so how do you know it was intended for you? To me, it came across as a post that was aimed at people who suffered from the awful malady that is depression.

ClubDead

Wow ok...

herisson

So everything has actually been going well for me lately. I was officially cleared from counselling. I'm so much happier than I ever have been. Things are looking up for me and I love the feeling.

There is hope, no matter how much you may think there isn't. I thought I'd be stuck feeling miserable or just feeling nothing for the rest of my life. But I have worked hard at it the past year and I can honestly say, it was worth it. I'm so much happier and full of life again.

And if it wasn't for this thread helping me out I dont know where I would be now.

old hippy

ClubDead wrote: »

Wow ok... I posted about an alternative treatment and he followed my post with “some may disregard this with ridiculous but I urge you to try.....” He may not have quoted me but it was obviously directed at me.

Just ignore it. I've often been told to try yoga. Now, maybe it does help and has valid benefits. But sometimes, when you're in the depths of despair - such suggestions, whilst well meaning, just come across as a bit crass.

I haven't been well for a few days, so I took some time away from the internet & now I'm on the mend. Probably a mistake to be posting here, mind

Call Me Jimmy

People make suggestions, often coming from a place of 'it helped me, maybe it might help someone else' and always from a place of love and compassion. I don't understand how it can be perceived as anything other than it is. People trying to help people. If something isn't for you then scroll on, but it might give someone an idea, especially coming from a credible source i.e. someone who is likely to have had similar feelings/ frustrations with life.

Lone Stone

pinkstars wrote: »

Well my panic and severe anxiety have upped in the last few days. I could not even make a 30 min walk earlier, I stopped as wham bam a panic attack starting. Held onto the wall for a bit, lit a fag, and breathed heavily for a bit. I thought I would have to ring my father to collect me.

I use to have very sever panic attacks, also i use to smoke which made them worse because of the whole breathing thing you should really try cut down or try getting of the ciggies.

Three Seasons

Three Seasons wrote: »

Some may disregard this as ridiculous but I urge you to try it if feeling really depressed.

Get a colouring book and markers and colour away. I think it can be very therapeutic.

Just got to see the ensuing comments now. Just to make clear I didn't even read any posts here before posting the above, just thought it could be helpful to everyone even it it seems a bit silly.

L.Jenkins

The medication I'm on seems to be doing the trick in handling Bipolar Disorder, but there seems to be very little I can do to shake the feelings of anxiety and paranoia. I was let go from my previous job due to poor performance while I was not receiving treatment, despite the concerns I raised while seeing a Psychiatrist and a request for an extension to my probationary period.

I'm currently waiting on the results of an investigation into whether the termination of my contract was unfair, but I don't wish to proceed as I feel the decision could be upheld. I also have the feeling I could be in trouble, but it's unfounded as I did not do anything to warrant further action.

Is it a case of paranoia that I need to discuss with my Doctor or let it settle and see what happens?

Bench Press

pinkstars wrote: »

Well my panic and severe anxiety have upped in the last few days. I could not even make a 30 min walk earlier, I stopped as wham bam a panic attack starting. Held onto the wall for a bit, lit a fag, and breathed heavily for a bit. I thought I would have to ring my father to collect me.

History:
Severe anxiety for 2 years after having my baby. Could not leave the house. Finally got back to work last Oct and doing ok since, ups and downs alright.

Just dunno when is time to let the doctor know anxiety is creeping back.
Have been drinking some lattes - maybe I need to cut back on caffeine.

cut out the coffee, I find it drives me mad, but I drink 4 or 5 cups of strong stuff every day and then I can't sleep at all

GreenWolfe

I've been lurking around the thread for a while now, but my head's been in a bad place for the past while and after something of a crisis I got myself into the doctors and talked about how I've been feeling.

I've been prescribed medication, and I had my first counselling session today. I didn't expect it to be so tiring though. Haven't told any of my friends yet, but seeing as they've suggested that I get some help I'm not expecting any problems there.

Reading through the posts here helped a lot, thanks to all of ye!

Morag

Dr appointment in the morning, don't know if I will be up to talking much, just so worn out getting through the last week.

Turtwig

Morag wrote: »

Dr appointment in the morning, don't know if I will be up to talking much, just so worn out getting through the last week.

Glad to hear you got your appointment. Maybe if you feel like you can't talk have stuff written down on a page before hand and just show your GP that. Or read it to them.