LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

K-9

Fascinating and lengthy piece from Alan O'Mara, Cavan inter county footballer, played in an All Ireland U-21 final last year in a county that is just GAA mad and success starved, think Mayo without the AI final repeated disappointments. I remember being at the the final and replay in 87 when Donegal beat Kerry, you just expected these guys to win an AI senior anytime soon. Thank God we'd an 82 and 87 U-21 team to win an AI.

http://www.independent.ie/sport/gaelic-football/i-am-staring-into-space-and-thinking-about-how-i-have-played-a-match-with-tears-in-the-back-of-my-eyes-29297304.html?utm_source=feedly

roseybear

So am a week r so weaned dwn off the lexapro and suffering. Due to a flippant remark of my sis on thursday I cracked. Broke dwn and was hysterical for a good 20mins. Was parked in my car at the time and couldn go anywhere because I was afeaid what I might do.. txtd my parents, mam was away visitng family and dad was in work. Calmed dwn enough t drive hme and just tried t keep busy. Then I was to have 3 days of 13hr shifts in work ahead of me... I was driving hme after the 1st wondering is this what I want to do, do I really want the responsibility of being a nurse any more... luckily the next day the supervisor came to me and gave me some positive feedback and said I was very capable and competent for a new grad which stopped me considering handing in my notice...work is my therapy so I have to do it..

still feeling down though, and still feel very confused about everything. Bit lost in general, and feel im coping by eating everything which is making things worse cause I already feel down about my weight.. especially when u have a bf whom boxes and is trying t drop a weight catagory. Just a bit of an emotional and fragile mess atm

Boogietime

roseybear wrote: »

So am a week r so weaned dwn off the lexapro and suffering. Due to a flippant remark of my sis on thursday I cracked. Broke dwn and was hysterical for a good 20mins. Was parked in my car at the time and couldn go anywhere because I was afeaid what I might do.. txtd my parents, mam was away visitng family and dad was in work. Calmed dwn enough t drive hme and just tried t keep busy. Then I was to have 3 days of 13hr shifts in work ahead of me... I was driving hme after the 1st wondering is this what I want to do, do I really want the responsibility of being a nurse any more... luckily the next day the supervisor came to me and gave me some positive feedback and said I was very capable and competent for a new grad which stopped me considering handing in my notice...work is my therapy so I have to do it..

still feeling down though, and still feel very confused about everything. Bit lost in general, and feel im coping by eating everything which is making things worse cause I already feel down about my weight.. especially when u have a bf whom boxes and is trying t drop a weight catagory. Just a bit of an emotional and fragile mess atm

Did you quit the medication by yourself or at the indication of your doc? If you've just done it by yourself you might want to get back on it. Otherwise if you want off the pill, talk to your doctor and he'll progressively get you out of it. Keep up the good work there and take time to breathe and as someone very well put it before: be kind to yourself.

SourceDecay

In my late teens, I started suffering from panic attacks. Anywhere I felt at all claustrophobic - school, grinds, cinema, concerts, anywhere I felt I couldn't escape from without "making a scene" - I would feel sick to my stomach. My chest would tighten up, my breathing would become shallow and rapid, I'd get this curious "pins and needles" feeling in my chest and face, I'd have cold sweats, I'd get lightheaded and most of all I'd be nauseous. I don't know why it started, but I can remember when it first happened. I was getting grinds at the time, and I remember thinking in the middle of one session… wouldn't it be awkward if I started to feel sick right now? Bizarre question to ask yourself, I know. And the next thing I knew, I was excusing myself because I felt so ill.

It was as if nothing happened until the next session a week or 2, I went about life as normal. Then it happened again, but this time I managed to sweat it out til the end. The next day at school, back to normal again until the last class of the day until I remembered the night before and thought… wouldn't it be really awkward if it happened here? Sonofabitch! Things got worse from there, but over the next few weeks I learned to control it with the help of counseling. Towards the end of those sessions, my counsellor said to me that he thought I was exhibiting signs of depression not just anxiety. I brushed him off, glad to have "fixed" myself and gotten rid of the anxiety.

That was almost 10 years ago. The anxiety has peaked and receded over the years, and I've managed to hide it pretty well. I can count on one hand the amount of people I've told about it, and none of them had any idea. Only I know how much it has held me back, even (especially?) when sometimes I didn't feel like it was. I've come to realize over the past year or 2, that my counselor was right about the depression. Probably only because it has worsened.

On the face of it, I have nothing to be depressed about. I'm in my mid-twenties, I went to college and have my first class honors degree. I have an interesting and well-paid job. I've gotten to travel the world like I always wanted. I have a load of wonderful friends, although mostly in other places than the current city I'm in (recently moved to a new city in the US).

But I know that's not how depression works. I tell myself… so what if you're doing well at your job? When you know you could be doing so much better if you weren't so depressed? Someone's going to come along and expose you as the fraud you are. You're stagnating, you'll never get another job. Why are you so out of shape and overweight? Why are you staying in, go out and make some friends in your new city you loser. Why are you out, you should be doing something more constructive than pissing your wages away on drink. You used to live for music, why are all the guitars, keyboards etc you've spent thousands on, lying around untouched for ages? Why haven't you even contemplated performing in years? Coward. You're out of practice anyway, no point in even trying. And on and on and on…

You know I read back on this and think, if you were anyone else I'd tell you to talk to someone. But tomorrow I'll probably convince myself that I'm making this out as worse than it is. Fussing about nothing. It's not like you're suicidal. Get on with it.

Anyone who actually made it through that, thanks for listening.

pinkstars

Hi all (again)

Panic attacks again in work.....I have been to the doctor the past two weeks with same, as well as my stomach which is being affected as I am eating to try to ease my anxiety!!

It's not the usual doctor I see so I feel she does not know me very well. Do I ring again this week - the first week I went to her she told me to ring the outpatients hospital to get my appointment sooner. I went back the following week and she asked did I ring, I had but she rang again in the end and the appointment is brought forward just by a month so I am not seeing anyone until June (end of).

When I rang the outpatients once or twice in the last few weeks they increased my Lyrica once, but then said to call on all the skills I have learned to deal with same.


I just don't know where to turn now. I used to be on 2 valium a day, that was cut to one and a half but I asked the doctor if I can take 2 and she was iffy with her answers.

Does anyone have any advice for me please?

blahfckingblah

http://www.gaa.ie/gaa-news-and-videos/daily-news/2/2605130949-a-footballers-story/ I'm sure some of you have seen this already but its well worth a read, a man the same age as me from the same area. A lot of people on my facebook in their early 20s are showing their support by sharing and reposting the articles. Its good to see people reacting positively it may encourage some to talk.

efb

bad times atm

Scruffles

am going through a severe mental crisis at the moment,am about a week away from being rediagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.
had been diagnosed with pyschosis two years ago but never got medicated for it despite the fact was told woud have been sectioned if had not been living in residential care,because a manager of our place at the time was a nutjob with a pyschology degree who thought that made him qualified and said to the pyschiatrist of mine that it wasnt pyschosis-had been watching to many films and had been mentaly reliving them or some other BS,they came to the conclusion together it was an autism issue because am limited in communication and the halucinations were aparently just a way of the mind communicating them,and that being autism he coudnt possibly offer medication-its something have got to develop over the years,because of the severe depression side of it had felt so crap and used to the BS that it didnt sink in.

and now have spent two years living with schizophrenia unmedicated, am in a living hell,the new pyschologist who am helping with her autism training has just found out about this because it wasnt even written down in records due to this last pyschiatrists 'assessment',she quickly acted as soon as she heard everything and has put risk management plans in place,am going to be put on two to one staffing full time whilst out in the community if that gets the ok-which am fine with as am already two to one in different situations but it means will not be a risk anymore, am doing a SCI-PANNS interview with her tomorow [looked it up and it means structured clinical interview- positive and negative syndrome scale.....its a clinical assessment of the positive and negative symptoms of schizophrenia] she is giving the completed book to the pyschiatrist and hopefuly this week or next week at the most will get medication.

the pyschiatrist of mine is militantly anti medication and had spent several years trying to get a bloody supplement [melatonin] prescribed by him, he tried saying it was caffeine and routine this and food that,so he took it all away and the problems were still there no surprise as had been telling him that every place have been in before have done the same thing after refusing meds as well,have had life long severe sleep problems;a part of autism,a quick visit to the gp got a script for circadin [UK melatonin],when the pyscho saw the near instant effect it had on quality of life he put it on a permenent script.

people living in the community woud be glad with their pyscho who might be sometimes strict with medications if they had to work with this fella, anyone woud think he was an acrobat trainer with all the hoops he makes us jump through.:o

Boogietime

pinkstars wrote: »

Hi all (again)

Panic attacks again in work.....I have been to the doctor the past two weeks with same, as well as my stomach which is being affected as I am eating to try to ease my anxiety!!

It's not the usual doctor I see so I feel she does not know me very well. Do I ring again this week - the first week I went to her she told me to ring the outpatients hospital to get my appointment sooner. I went back the following week and she asked did I ring, I had but she rang again in the end and the appointment is brought forward just by a month so I am not seeing anyone until June (end of).

When I rang the outpatients once or twice in the last few weeks they increased my Lyrica once, but then said to call on all the skills I have learned to deal with same.


I just don't know where to turn now. I used to be on 2 valium a day, that was cut to one and a half but I asked the doctor if I can take 2 and she was iffy with her answers.

Does anyone have any advice for me please?

Try to understand rationally and distant why these panic attacks occur. And then remove the source straight out or reconsider its importance. Usually it's us giving more attention to things that really don't require it so much. If you get a panic attack, remember this and you're sorted:
focus on deep and controlled breathing
remember that it's a short phase and whatever your body is doing will pass in a matter of minutes


Keep your head up and fight away, soldier!

nicegirl

I haven't been on boards for a long time, as the last time I was on here I was in a terrible terrible mess. I was in the middle of a terrible terrible breakdown, and was drinking every single night just to cope. I was suffering with severe anxiety and depression, and completely not able to function or live properly.

I put in a thread here ages ago, and I was completely drunk, and my mind was completely messed up. The following day I read the post, and couldn't believe the rubbish I had posted. I got some nasty replies, and I was so upset for the entire day, cried and got sick as I was so ashamed of myself.

I was very suicidal at the time, but with the help of my counsellor I stopped drinking. Depression is absolute hell. I would describe it as it paralyses you, your mind, your life, your social life, and you end up completely on your own, down, and then suicidal like I ended up feeling.

I'm still suffering with depression, but am doing a little better than where I was. This is a great thread to have started, and to openly talk about it. Anyways for anyone who remembers me, that's where I was at the time, and where I am now.

Clandestine

nicegirl wrote: »

I'm still suffering with depression, but am doing a little better than where I was. Anyways for anyone who remembers me, that's where I was at the time, and where I am now.

It sounds like you've tried hard to pull yourself out of a real bad patch and I want to commend you for that. I hope your healing continues well, good luck.

nicegirl

Clandestine wrote: »

It sounds like you've tried hard to pull yourself out of a real bad patch and I want to commend you for that. I hope your healing continues well, good luck.

You have no idea what I have gone through the past few years. My counsellor saved me from becoming a full blown alcoholic, and I will never forget her for that. I rarely drink anymore, and if I do I would only have a glass of wine. I haven't had a hangover in about 5 years!

I am not able to go out as I'm still crippled with depression. I went out for the first time at the weekend in 3 years, was all dressed up and everything. I had a nice time with my friend, had about a glass of wine. I had to go home early as I got really tired!

Just getting ready to go out, going out sucked the life out of me! I slept Saturday night when I got home, all of Sunday, and then Sunday night! I'm back to square one this week, and feel paralysed again. I hate bothering my friends as I have been ill for so long, and am still ill. It felt like last week I was sort of climbing out of the dark hole I am in, but it sucked the life out of me. I hope you don't mind me posting here in After Hours. I'm a little afraid of this forum!

nicegirl

nicegirl wrote: »

You have no idea what I have gone through the past few years. My counsellor saved me from becoming a full blown alcoholic, and I will never forget her for that. I rarely drink anymore, and if I do I would only have a glass of wine. I haven't had a hangover in about 5 years!

I am not able to go out as I'm still crippled with depression. I went out for the first time at the weekend in 3 years, was all dressed up and everything. I had a nice time with my friend, had about a glass of wine. I had to go home early as I got really tired!

Just getting ready to go out, going out sucked the life out of me! I slept Saturday night when I got home, all of Sunday, and then Sunday night! I'm back to square one this week, and feel paralysed again. I hate bothering my friends as I have been ill for so long, and am still ill. It felt like last week I was sort of climbing out of the dark hole I am in, but it sucked the life out of me. I hope you don't mind me posting here in After Hours. I'm a little afraid of this forum!

Well in about 3 years I haven't had a hangover!

efb

Back to docs today. Seeing someone next week. Went for a 4 mile walk this eve- being positive!

I started seeing a new therapist recently who suspects I'm exhibiting symptoms of Aspergers (which I knew already) and sensory processing disorder. My sessions have been very positive so far.

However in the last few days I've been redeployed in work and I'm finding it quite hard to settle into the new role. It really put me down today.

Call Me Jimmy

Karsini what symptoms did you get that you thought you might have a sensory processing problem? I've suspected problems myself with a lot with painful eyes, seeming over-sensetivitiy to light and extremely sensitive hearing. Also my sense of touch seems a bit off.

Call Me Jimmy

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Karsini what symptoms did you get that you thought you might have a sensory processing problem? I've suspected problems myself with a lot with painful eyes, seeming over-sensetivitiy to light and extremely sensitive hearing. Also my sense of touch seems a bit off.

The ones which come to mind are loud noise - nightclubs are absolute hell for me - and being in crowded places. I've often stepped into a busy shop and thought "it's way too busy in here, I'll come back later". I've also been known to react when a relative stranger touches me. Not so much now, I did in the past, but I still think "leave me the **** alone" when they do.

Clandestine

I think the high sensitivity might be a symptom of aspergers only and not a diagnosis of its own. I've heard of people with it going into meltdowns after hearing alarms and other loud noises

Clandestine

Clandestine wrote: »

I think the high sensitivity might be a symptom of aspergers only and not a diagnosis of its own. I've heard of people with it going into meltdowns after hearing alarms and other loud noises

That's another one. Alarms, especially fire alarms, are unbearable to me.

From reading wiki, SPD isn't officially recognised so you could be right there.

whirlpool

delthedriver wrote: »

Thank you for taking the time to Post. Have you any words of advice, thought or understanding which may be of assistance in getting through each day.?

A kind word or constructive suggestion may be invaluable in dealing with this topic.

Your advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you, sincerely

What?

Turtwig

whirlpool wrote: »

What?

That would be a `no` then del.

hollster2

Karsini wrote: »

That's another one. Alarms, especially fire alarms, are unbearable to me.

From reading wiki, SPD isn't officially recognised so you could be right there.

my nephew has spd they diagnosed him with aspergers first but beacause he didnt have to be told what his day will be like the storys you need to write for kids with aspergers so it was rediagnosed to spd its currently in the process of trying to be aknowledged on its own like yourself he hate loud noises he covers his ears and touch.

hollster2

my story i need help/advice i wasnt sure to post or not my partner has falling into depression mainly because of money pronlems but hes been abusing prescription drugs too his doctor knows and hes started to have suicidal thoughts so today i came back from school drop off and he was pouring blood hed smashed himself in the face with a cup and slit his head open his doctor came up fixed him and sent him to newcastle hospital but he was told he wasnt psychotic enough so they sent him home so im just after getting an ambulance as he tried to kill himself again noone will help us i dont know what to do i need him in rehabilitation and the door being shut in our face each time weve three kids that i need to protect im afraid now the hospital are going to him go again then hes back doing the same thing i was so frightened.

Turtwig

hollster2 wrote: »

my story i need help/advice i wasnt sure to post or not my partner has falling into depression mainly because of money pronlems but hes been abusing prescription drugs too his doctor knows and hes started to have suicidal thoughts so today i came back from school drop off and he was pouring blood hed smashed himself in the face with a cup and slit his head open his doctor came up fixed him and sent him to newcastle hospital but he was told he wasnt psychotic enough so they sent him home so im just after getting an ambulance as he tried to kill himself again noone will help us i dont know what to do i need him in rehabilitation and the door being shut in our face each time weve three kids that i need to protect im afraid now the hospital are going to him go again then hes back doing the same thing i was so frightened.

Hollster that's awful! Wish you the utmost of courage and patience in your ordeal. Hope that everything turns out ok.

If the health services are fobbing you off like that then it might be time to enlist some local TDs. It may require sacrificing your husband´s confidentiality a bit though.:(

Call Me Jimmy

hollster2 wrote: »

my story i need help/advice i wasnt sure to post or not my partner has falling into depression mainly because of money pronlems but hes been abusing prescription drugs too his doctor knows and hes started to have suicidal thoughts so today i came back from school drop off and he was pouring blood hed smashed himself in the face with a cup and slit his head open his doctor came up fixed him and sent him to newcastle hospital but he was told he wasnt psychotic enough so they sent him home so im just after getting an ambulance as he tried to kill himself again noone will help us i dont know what to do i need him in rehabilitation and the door being shut in our face each time weve three kids that i need to protect im afraid now the hospital are going to him go again then hes back doing the same thing i was so frightened.

Sorry to hear this, it sounds traumatic for all involved! I take it then you don't have private health insurance/cover?

ilovebiology

DeVore wrote: »

I suffer from depression.



I was spurred to write this by a few things, but what put me over the top was the recent handling of Kate Fitzgerald's suicide by the Irish Times and The Communications Clinic along with SineadW's terrific photographical artwork for WhatStigma.

I'm lucky. I don't get it as badly as other people I know. I want to explain about it though because either you suffer from it too and I want to share, or you don't and I want to explain a few things.

Now, it's not traditionally the the lightest of topics but hey, I'm game let's see if I can't raise a few giggles along the way? I'm going to break this up into three sections. Firstly for people who dont have a full understanding of depression and its effects. Secondly for those who may get it. Thirdly my own personal experiences and things I wish people knew.



SO IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND DEPRESSION, HERES SOMETHINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

Depression is not sadness.
One of the biggest misunderstandings about depression is that its like being really sad. It's not. It's like being *nothing*. Not sad, not happy, nothing. No joy, no sorrow. Flat line. Sure it can be triggered, exacerbated or deepened by bad, sad news... But the feeling is not one of sadness, it's more a flat feeling of inertia.
To give you an idea, there was a day, not years ago, I got up and made myself a coffee and discovered I had no milk and thought: Why do I even bother, the world is ****ed and I can't fix it and went back to bed for the rest of the day. Two days later I couldn't figure out why someone had left a cup of black coffee go cold in my kitchen...

Walk it off!!
Frequently I will look back on a period, weeks even months and notice the signs. Believe it or not it's not always easy to spot when you are depressed, it's an amazingly insidious thing. And worse, when someone has it bad, they won't even care they have it. Nothing seems worth bothering about, even getting themselves help seems fncking pointless.
Depression isn't something you can just "snap out of". Vitamin C and a kick in the arse is, curiously, not a solution. :rolleyes:


Mental health issues = keep him away from sharp things.
Believe me, if I'm depressed the very last thing I could be bothered doing is chasing your dumb ass around with a carving knife. Mental health has this ludicrous perception in Ireland that somehow sufferers are a danger to themselves and others. Ok, in very severe cases the person might self harm either through omission of care or deliberately. Ironically if we didn't have this stigma many of those people would get help and that wouldn't become an issue and feed the stigma in the first place. Like so many things about depression, its ironically self-referential.

The number of cases where someone hurts others due to mental health issues (particularly depression) is a tiny tiny fraction. Tiny. We aren't Norman Bates and people need to stop hearing that shower music when someone shares their mental health issues.

People with mental health issues are intellectually sub-optimal

Wrong. Just plain wrong. In fact, I would hazard a guess that it has some correlation with high intelligence myself.
For my own part, last time I had it checked I had an iq above 150. (when I practised the tests I got that up to 180... so I wouldnt put too much stock in those tests ).
I'm 41 and pretty much retired. By any possible yardstick I've been successful and I'm bright. I have 7 honours in the leaving cert, a degree in pure mathematics, I studied 6 languages and have 11 honours in O-Levels which I sat in a single year (my "gap" year). Dumb, I aint. Lots of the people I know who have depression have it because they see TOO clearly rather than that they have poor intellects.


So, Wtf have you got to be depressed about??
I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about. By anyone's standards I have lived a life less ordinary. With thanks to everyone on boards, I will probably never have to do a ****ty menial job again. My family are all thankfully healthy and I'm at the top of my game.
If only depression worked that way. It doesn't, it's not rational, it's insidious, it's illogical. Rather bizarrely I'm much more susceptible to it when things are going really well for me. When everything is in chaos and banjaxed I'm like a pig in ****e! Don't think that because someone's life looks great that they can't suffer from this. Don't think that only losers or people down on their luck can be depressed.

Instead my depression manifests as my own criticism of me. While I'll cut lots of people lots of slack, I get none. Nothing I ever do is good enough and when the black dog is barking hard I can take every achievement I've notched up and trash it. Boards? I rode on Clouds coat tails. Gaelcon? The rest of the team carried me. SSF, I can do more. My degree? Should have been good enough to be a post grad.

I'm available for bar mitzvahs and parties you know. Just sayin'...

How can I help
If you suffer from depression you can help yourself by talking about it. You can also be honest with yourself and try to see what might be a trigger for you. For me, exercise seems to help. If I allow myself to mope about things like the economy or exactly how ****ing retarded our government is, I can feel the downward spiral coming on and I have learned to head that off at the pass. Diet I'm told, is important. My diet is a wreck but I'm working on it. (Yesterday's dinner was made entirely by Rowntrees I noticed... bold DeV!)

If you dont suffer from it then you can help by understanding it better. You can help by not making a big deal out of something that probably wouldnt be a big deal if we didn't make one out of it. Be supportive, listen and for God's sake dont say something like "yeah, when my cat died I was totally bummed out". I know you mean it well, but its like consoling a cancer suffer with the tale of how you once cut your finger.


TO ANYONE OUT THERE WHO GETS THIS NASTY LITTLE CURSE:

"I'm a basketcase, ****ed up and if I tell people they will try to kill me with fire."
1 in 4 suffer depression. At those odds if you tell two people, you are almost 50/50 to be talking to another sufferer. It's means almost every family has a member who is hit by it. It means everyone knows someone who has a mental health problem, probably several people.
You aren't frankenstein's monster, they aren't going to chase you out of the village with torches.
You aren't a freak. Ok maybe you ARE a freak, I dunno. but if you are, its not because of your mental health issue.

What should you do?
Talk to someone. Anyone. Either in person or on the phone/email if you feel you can't face someone just yet. It wasn't easy for me either. Some people find it easier to talk to a complete stranger, others find it easier to talk to a family member or best mate.
Me? Well people have this strange image of me and who I am because of Boards and other things I do and telling people that I am not perfect was really hard at first. I'm a ridiculous over achiever. I wanted to preserve that public image because I thought people will treat me like a leper. Worse, they'll pity me. I don't need anyone's ****ing pity!
Talking really helped. REALLY helped. Waay more than I thought it would. In fact once I started, I couldnt stop and you know what, it felt goooooooooood.



MY STORY

My breakthrough came when my sister (a pharmacist) once said to me, "Tom, you know it sounds like you might have a touch of depression". She said it like it was nothing, like I might have a bit of a head cold. A touch of depression?? WTF?? To me that was like saying "Hey, you might have a touch of Ebola!". How could she be so nonchalant about this huge massive overwhelming secret I've been hiding?!

For some reason we find it perfectly fine to talk about physical illness. People will more then readily tell you they are dying from flu or that they sprained their ankle but a touch of depression and it's like the third secret of Fatima. Why? Because the belief is that mental health means you aren't rational, reasonable, predictable.

The vast majority of people with mental health issues are not "mad". They haven't lost their moral compass. When I'm depressed I'm the same person I always am, indeed on many many occasions since I was 9 I have successfully fooled people perfectly well that I'm "normal", whatever that is. Well, normal for me. Ok maybe I'm not a great example but lots and lots of people do it, they maintain a facade of normality while being depressed. If someone tells you they suffer from depression, don't start backing away. You've probably met them a dozen times when they *actually* were depressed, now isnt the time to stop believing they are who they are.


Depression isnt a joke. Untreated it can lead people to very dark places. But its not a death sentence either. I've lived with it all my life and it hasnt held me back because I deal with it as best I can. If you suffer from it, please please please, from someone who knows where you are, talk. You wont believe how much better you will feel, its ****ing awesome. Talking about things put it in perspective for me, made me see that I *could* cope, that life could be good. I listed the top ten most important things about me, in my opinion. I was shocked when I reaslised I hadnt listed depression.


Talk to someone.

Anyone.




(just not the Irish Times).

DeV.

Edit: Other resources online:
Our own Long Term Illness forum has a thread on it: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055828992
Pieta House has been mentioned a few times on the site: http://www.pieta.ie/
The Clearsil & Hormones forum has a thread on it specifically for younger people (teens and 20s I guess): http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055801504

Reading Material:
Royal College of Psychiatrist: Readable info on all mental health topics aimed at patients and caregivers.

Psychology Today on Mindfulness: Readable and essential non-medication treatment ideas. All stuff that can improve your life with no side effects. Does not negate the need for meds in many cases but it can improve your quality of life.

NIMH booklets on mental health topics: Good reading. Again aimed at patients.

Over the Xmas 2011, there is a Twitter account named: @121depression which will be manned by some cool peeps. You can talk to them or you can just have a natter.

This video was released by the people behind #depressionhurts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP7DIIcgkzs&context=C31d1892ADOEgsToPDskLkwkiEZMmlX12oYXVB3euR


FAMILY SUPPORT: Aware run relatives groups, twice a month in Cork anyway, for peer support and similar. Console have a helpline for people bereaved by suicide. The Samaritans accept calls (as far as I know) from people whose source of stress and worry is the mental illness of a loved one or friend.

Group support: https://www.turn2me.org/index.php/group-support.html?gclid=COrkxZbC160CFQIm3godbS4mmQ

DepressionHurts Ireland: http://www.depressionhurtsireland.com/ great website and a great read for sufferers and supporters alike!

Blog about Mental health and dealing with it from a personal point of view. http://beautyfrompainblog.wordpress.com/

Aware run meetings, with trained facilitators.

http://www.aware.ie//help/support/aware_support_services/

http://www.aware.ie/help/support_groups_map/

They also run separate support groups for family and partner of people living with depression.

GROW is a group therapy org for mental health... more about them here: http://www.grow.ie/about.html

I'll edit in any more that people post, if you think of any, please let me know.

I really have to say it. You are a fantastic wonderful person for raising this issue in such a warm and open way, and really stating how absolutely engulfing, consuming, and destroying that depression is.

A very very well done to you Dev, bless you xx

I had an absolute disaster of an exam yesterday (Wednesday). I hadn't been able to sleep at all going into it; Monday night I had a very uncomfortable sleep where I felt like I was constantly awake because I kept having vivid dreams. Tuesday I wasn't able to revise because I was so tired but when I went home to try and get some rest I couldn't sleep at all. Spent hours lying in bed, trying so hard to sleep but just couldn't. Had no choice but to stay awake until the exam was over. It went absolutely terribly and now it looks I've gone from averaging a distinction in my MSc to having to work my ass off for a merit. Realistically I wasn't in a fit state to sit the exam but I couldn't bear the thought of talking to my tutor and having to admit I was having sleep problems which tie in with a diagnosis of depression and I've had for three and a half years now. Ultimately I'm gonna have to have that conversation with him anyway when I get my results and he asks why I failed so badly; I didn't want to tell him because I need him as a reference and thus didn't want him to know. No-one wants to hire a mentally ill person.

I know people will say "it's only one exam" but it only takes a single domino to fall to unleash a cascade where everything unravels. After this MSc I need to get a job because I borrowed money to study. I have absolutely no idea what job I want to do, and even if there was something I probably wouldn't get it because I don't have a good enough degree or don't have any experience or don't have any other boosts on my CV because I'm just not good at anything. And, like I said before, no-one wants to hire a depressed person so I have to hide that side of me and walk into an interview (if I ever even get one) pretending everything's ok. There's nothing in life I'm passionate about, I hated my degree and only did the MSc because there was nothing else to do. If I'm lucky enough to get any job at all I still can't imagine myself enjoying it; I know people are supposed to "pay their dues" but I don't see why my only choices for the foreseeable future are being stuck in a dead end job I hate or being stuck on the dole when ultimately I don't see the future offering me anything. I don't have anything in life I'm passionate about. I don't have any talent or major interests that occupy me. I don't see myself getting married (even if same sex marriages eventually do become legal) because my track record with relationships has seen guys say they love me, then running away because my mental health is "too much for them to handle" - why would anyone love me if I can't stand myself? I don't ever want kids. I can't go off on a "travel the world" adventure because I wouldn't have the money for it and my anxiety would hinder me far too much. I don't believe in God so don't even have the comfort of faith to rely on. So what's left?

I mean, I know my family would be sad if I died but is not wanting to upset others enough of an incentive to keep living? This is a moot point anyway because no matter how much I think about suicide I'd never have the conviction it requires to actually do it; I can't even self harm properly because I'm too squeamish about physical pain! (I know self harm isn't healthy but sometimes, in a twisted way, I wish I did have scars or similar just so I could prove that I'm genuinely struggling with depression and not just someone who makes up excuses due to sheer laziness and complete lack of talent or ability.)

Some days I'm angry, other days I'm sad but most days I'm just apathetic and emotionally numb. I'm struggling to come up with any satisfactory reason why the world is a better place with me in it and why I should still bother to get up in the morning. It's crushing to try and do your best and still fail, and the thought of living in the hopes that something good will come along but it never happening is unbearable. They say life has endless opportunities but what if, even if I grab them, they just slip out of my hand?

For some reason I'm never able to cry; it's been about two years since I can remember the last time I cried. I didn't even cry when my grandmother died. If I could cry maybe it would make me feel better. I've had, and continue to have, years of medication. I've seen GPs, counsellors, psychotherapists, psychiatrists and am on a waiting list for CBT. What if it's all for nothing? How much time and money (including other peoples' time) have I already wasted if none of this will ever go away?

Sorry for the long post, I just needed somewhere to unload. Maybe in some parallel universe yesterday's exam went well and I was feeling confident and optimistic about the future.

playedalive

Deleted User wrote: »

....

Dude, hang in there. I have felt the way you feel so many times before. Like yourself, I have depression and, no matter how much effort I've put into exams/assignments, I could have done better if I had slept better... if I was in the right frame of mind. I've just finished my final year exams. Even though I did my best, I've just learned to accept that my best is good enough. Like yourself, I wasn't totally mad about my degree. (When you study arts/humanities, sometimes you get the impression that academia is BS when you're marked harshly despite doing your best :rolleyes).

Is your college tutor aware of your depression? It's probably worth informing them via a Doctor's letter so that this can be taken into consideration. College can be very flexible when it comes to physical/ mental health.

In terms of the future, like yourself, I worry that I won't have a job because I've little experience. But, I've just learned to accept that there is something out there for me. Life works in mysterious way once you put yourself out there. Similarly, I had applied for different things to fight this anxiety about the future. But, I knew there weren't right for me at this moment of time. Doing a degree is stressful enough that a masters straight away is not for me just yet.

In terms of building up your CV, would you consider volunteering even in a charity shop a few times a week. At least, that way, you can develop retail experience. It's daunting (trust me, I know) going around shops and talking to managers. But, if you smile, be friendly and show that you are dedicated (having done a masters/ undergrad degrees shows this). In order to build up experience, I give Leaving Cert grinds (put an ad in local shops/supermarkets) and have gained experience I can put on the CV. If you put yourself out there, you can develop new skills and life can bring you so much happiness.

Loving yourself is a difficult one. I went for years hating myself, thinking nobody cares for me. But, I tried to get involved in new activities and meet new people. Luckily, I met people who I call friends now, coming from a hostile teenage years. I don't fully like myself (I'm still sensitive to people's perceptions of me) but this changed when I put myself out there. Also, counselling and medication helped.

If you ever need to talk, I'm a PM away.

stuchyg

Feeling v tired this week which tends to be a bad omen for me. Concentration is piss poor today and I feel like I'm moving through treacle. Just want to be at home at this stage

Gym session last night was atrocious, left after 30 mins as just wasnt interested

playedalive

playedalive wrote: »

Dude, hang in there. I have felt the way you feel so many times before. Like yourself, I have depression and, no matter how much effort I've put into exams/assignments, I could have done better if I had slept better... if I was in the right frame of mind. I've just finished my final year exams. Even though I did my best, I've just learned to accept that my best is good enough. Like yourself, I wasn't totally mad about my degree. (When you study arts/humanities, sometimes you get the impression that academia is BS when you're marked harshly despite doing your best :rolleyes).

Is your college tutor aware of your depression? It's probably worth informing them via a Doctor's letter so that this can be taken into consideration. College can be very flexible when it comes to physical/ mental health.

In terms of the future, like yourself, I worry that I won't have a job because I've little experience. But, I've just learned to accept that there is something out there for me. Life works in mysterious way once you put yourself out there. Similarly, I had applied for different things to fight this anxiety about the future. But, I knew there weren't right for me at this moment of time. Doing a degree is stressful enough that a masters straight away is not for me just yet.

In terms of building up your CV, would you consider volunteering even in a charity shop a few times a week. At least, that way, you can develop retail experience. It's daunting (trust me, I know) going around shops and talking to managers. But, if you smile, be friendly and show that you are dedicated (having done a masters/ undergrad degrees shows this). In order to build up experience, I give Leaving Cert grinds (put an ad in local shops/supermarkets) and have gained experience I can put on the CV. If you put yourself out there, you can develop new skills and life can bring you so much happiness.

Loving yourself is a difficult one. I went for years hating myself, thinking nobody cares for me. But, I tried to get involved in new activities and meet new people. Luckily, I met people who I call friends now, coming from a hostile teenage years. I don't fully like myself (I'm still sensitive to people's perceptions of me) but this changed when I put myself out there. Also, counselling and medication helped.

If you ever need to talk, I'm a PM away.

Thanks for the reply, it's really nice of you to take the time.
My tutor isn't aware of my depression because he's a lecturer I was hoping to have as a reference on my CV; don't fancy applying for jobs and for them to get negative or concerned feedback from my references.

The whole "loving myself", or even liking myself thing, I find impossible. I have friends who like me but more in a casual acquaintance sort of way, not in any deep meaningful friendship sense. And I've two ex-boyfriends who told me they loved me and then suddenly changed their minds one day! Added to the fact that I have no talent, am not particularly good looking, have always been a bit overweight (lost weight recently but it's creeping up again) and screwing up things academically....I'm really not sure what about myself I have to be positive about.