LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

pinkstars

I went to the GP
Had another panic attack this morning at work - as I am having now again
I have too much going on
Can't cope with being a single parent
Don't have a half an hour to myself

Lyrica upped to 600 mg! That's a lot. Also take amitriptyline 175mg, Zispin 45mg and Valium 5 mg + .05 mg.

Why do I need to take all these tablets and when will I be normal ever again

Sorry I am posting here to keep my mind off my panic

Was going to give weight watchers a skip as I have so much going on and not even following the plan but then I am thinking why not just go.........

pinkstars

This panic attack started at 4 I was running out of work at 4.20 but so glad I stayed here now....had to run out at 12 today too, I am really gone bonkers!!!

playedalive

Deleted User wrote: »

The whole "loving myself", or even liking myself thing, I find impossible. I have friends who like me but more in a casual acquaintance sort of way, not in any deep meaningful friendship sense.

I know what you mean. I went through a point where I had to cut away from really homophobic 'close friends' when I decided to come out myself. After staying away from them, I became quite lonely. But, by getting out more and trying to meet new people, I made friends. It does take a while.

Deleted User wrote: »

And I've two ex-boyfriends who told me they loved me and then suddenly changed their minds one day! Added to the fact that I have no talent, am not particularly good looking, have always been a bit overweight (lost weight recently but it's creeping up again) and screwing up things academically....I'm really not sure what about myself I have to be positive about.

Dude, I'm sure you probably have talents. Like me, you probably refuse to acknowledge them. When you hate yourself so much, it's so difficult.

I think the end of masters is a good time to get away from the time killer that is Academia and try new things in life. There is a world waiting for you and your undiscovered talents to explore. By doing things I always wanted to do, I learned a lot about myself.

hollster2

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Sorry to hear this, it sounds traumatic for all involved! I take it then you don't have private health insurance/cover?

no we dont he went to one place and they said it would cost 6k ive got in contact with a place called tiglin im awaiting a call he was released from hospital again its disgraceful ive to come to my parents incase he turns against us im heartbroken i want to support him but my children are more important am i being selfish?? ive tried helping him last few months and he keeps drinkin and abusing drugs

Call Me Jimmy

Deleted User wrote: »

I had an absolute disaster of an exam yesterday (Wednesday). I hadn't been able to sleep at all going into it; Monday night I had a very uncomfortable sleep where I felt like I was constantly awake because I kept having vivid dreams. Tuesday I wasn't able to revise because I was so tired but when I went home to try and get some rest I couldn't sleep at all. Spent hours lying in bed, trying so hard to sleep but just couldn't. Had no choice but to stay awake until the exam was over. It went absolutely terribly and now it looks I've gone from averaging a distinction in my MSc to having to work my ass off for a merit. Realistically I wasn't in a fit state to sit the exam but I couldn't bear the thought of talking to my tutor and having to admit I was having sleep problems which tie in with a diagnosis of depression and I've had for three and a half years now. Ultimately I'm gonna have to have that conversation with him anyway when I get my results and he asks why I failed so badly; I didn't want to tell him because I need him as a reference and thus didn't want him to know. No-one wants to hire a mentally ill person.

I know people will say "it's only one exam" but it only takes a single domino to fall to unleash a cascade where everything unravels. After this MSc I need to get a job because I borrowed money to study. I have absolutely no idea what job I want to do, and even if there was something I probably wouldn't get it because I don't have a good enough degree or don't have any experience or don't have any other boosts on my CV because I'm just not good at anything. And, like I said before, no-one wants to hire a depressed person so I have to hide that side of me and walk into an interview (if I ever even get one) pretending everything's ok. There's nothing in life I'm passionate about, I hated my degree and only did the MSc because there was nothing else to do. If I'm lucky enough to get any job at all I still can't imagine myself enjoying it; I know people are supposed to "pay their dues" but I don't see why my only choices for the foreseeable future are being stuck in a dead end job I hate or being stuck on the dole when ultimately I don't see the future offering me anything. I don't have anything in life I'm passionate about. I don't have any talent or major interests that occupy me. I don't see myself getting married (even if same sex marriages eventually do become legal) because my track record with relationships has seen guys say they love me, then running away because my mental health is "too much for them to handle" - why would anyone love me if I can't stand myself? I don't ever want kids. I can't go off on a "travel the world" adventure because I wouldn't have the money for it and my anxiety would hinder me far too much. I don't believe in God so don't even have the comfort of faith to rely on. So what's left?

All I can say is I just limped through my last semester of my undergraduate, finished yesterday. For my final presentation I had so little sleep I could hardly string a sentence together without blanking, my project I was presenting was in a distrastrous state and my exams went horribly. Exactly the same as you, depression, insomnia and just an-round terrible state of mind meant I wasn't really fit for purpose. I also was hoping to do well, all my grades in every semester previous to the last meant I was in line for a first but I mucked up the last semester so I'm still not sure I will pass overall.

But, as playedalive said, one can only do their best and I have accepted that. That doesn't mean your best necessarily as a reflection of intelligence or quality of work, but best in terms of sticking through something and completing it despite (for me any way) constant thoughts of suicide, existentialism and self-hatred. Now you never know exactly what other students have to deal with, and I would never like to say that my problems are worse than anyone else's, but if their minds were as consumed as mine, their feelings as dry, and they still did better than me, I only have the deepest respect for them. If they didn't have the same mental problems, they still have their own problems and I am happy that they have done better.

I think someone who doesn't face the idea that they could fail or doesn't experience things that are outside of their control will be too worried about not failing for their entire life. I am glad I have been given even more insight by not doing well. I know, all things being equal I could have done extremely well but all things were not equal.

I also know that I did my absolute best, and I stuck to the commitment while being in some very crazy places mentally and it will stand to me. It will stand to me because it is my achievement and does not require acknowledgment from anyone else.

Things will work out for you, not the way you expected but all the better for it - would be quite boring if everything we did went to plan!

Be proud of yourself about the achievement, if you know that you could have got a better grade under different circumstances then know that, and let that be enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself, and you have done that.

Call Me Jimmy

hollster2 wrote: »

no we dont he went to one place and they said it would cost 6k ive got in contact with a place called tiglin im awaiting a call he was released from hospital again its disgraceful ive to come to my parents incase he turns against us im heartbroken i want to support him but my children are more important am i being selfish?? ive tried helping him last few months and he keeps drinkin and abusing drugs

Don't even begin to question yourself (re:selfishness etc). You are in the midst of circumstances for which there is absolutely no precedence in terms of experience. When someone is out of their mind they are out of their mind, and to err on the side of caution is never a bad idea. I have been through similar familial circumstances myself and its not pretty. But mainly I just wanted to say, trust your judgement completely at this time. Do not question yourself at this time. You are doing everything you can, and I really wish you and your family the best of luck. Use this forum as you have been, we will support you as much as possible from behind our keyboards!

Call Me Jimmy

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Be proud of yourself about the achievement, if you know that you could have got a better grade under different circumstances then know that, and let that be enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself, and you have done that.

Thanks for the reply Jimmy, I do understand what you're saying but the bit I've highlighted in bold is what worries me. I have to get a job some time, and so I need to prove myself to prospective employers. They won't give a shít about me being able to do better under different circumstances, they'll just see someone who underachieved academically and will infer from that that I'm lazy. If I'm honest about my circumstances it would just make things even worse - who'd wanna hire a depressed person?

Even though I'm dreading the thought of having to work (because there really is no job out there I can ever imagine myself being happy doing) I'm more terrified by the thought that no-one out there will even give me a chance. I always refrained from applying for summer work or part time jobs because I know there'd be a lot of rejections, and I take them really personally. I hear stories about people who send out 50 or 100 applications before landing a job; I don't know how anyone can possibly handle that. Being told 50 or 100 times "you're not good enough, we don't want you".....if that's all my future is gonna be then I can't think of a good enough reason to live it out.

Sorry for being awkward, don't wanna seem ungrateful. I do appreciate you taking the time to reply to me.

Call Me Jimmy

No I completely understand, I have the same fears about getting a job (well mainly that I won't be able to manage). Nice words are nice but reality always isn't, but just maximise what you take from this step, from not doing as well as you could have.

On the point of rejection, I think the reason people can send out 50-100 cv's and not take it badly or personally is simply that they don't let it. Brad Pitt worked dressed up as a chicken in the heat of california when he was still trying to make it as an actor. For all those hours inside a chicken suit, with only his own thoughts to keep him company he could have easily said 'jesus christ, i am dressed as a chicken sweating my balls off and going to auditions and i still haven't made it, **** this'. And he wouldn't have gotten where he wanted to go. I suppose all I'm saying is despite how badly we feel we do need to build upour mental strength.

Now if you read back on some of my posts here, and probably some in the future you will see a desperate person who went through long periods of not being able to keep mental discipline so I know depending on the time and how you're feeling it's extra difficult to be mentally strong.

You're well within your right to think, 'nice words, not feeling it' so don't give a second thought to it!

delthedriver

hollster2 wrote: »

my story i need help/advice i wasnt sure to post or not my partner has falling into depression mainly because of money pronlems but hes been abusing prescription drugs too his doctor knows and hes started to have suicidal thoughts so today i came back from school drop off and he was pouring blood hed smashed himself in the face with a cup and slit his head open his doctor came up fixed him and sent him to newcastle hospital but he was told he wasnt psychotic enough so they sent him home so im just after getting an ambulance as he tried to kill himself again noone will help us i dont know what to do i need him in rehabilitation and the door being shut in our face each time weve three kids that i need to protect im afraid now the hospital are going to him go again then hes back doing the same thing i was so frightened.

What is your GP doing to help here? Surely if your partner needs assistance his GP should be supporting him in getting the desired rehab he so desperately needs?

christ on a bike!

I think if we all exercised more that there wouldn't be any depression. Or very little anyway

efb

christ on a bike! wrote: »

I think if we all exercised more that there wouldn't be any depression. Or very little anyway

I'm not sure that's correct for everyone, but if it helps you that's a good thing

Insect Overlord

christ on a bike! wrote: »

I think if we all exercised more that there wouldn't be any depression. Or very little anyway

Christ on a bike... :rolleyes:

christ on a bike!

Just always makes me feel better is all

downonthefarm

anyone on effexor?had a major episode in 08,and have been on this since.have had a couple of down times but not for long maybe week at the most,nothing like before

Esel

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Christ on a bike cross (-trainer)... :rolleyes:

FYP

Zillah

christ on a bike! wrote: »

I think if we all exercised more that there wouldn't be any depression. Or very little anyway

If only you had said this earlier, we could have saved all those hundreds of billions of euro spent developing, manufacturing and purchasing anti-depression medication, not to mention all of the therapy and research.

Anything is possible when you don't know what you're talking about!

christ on a bike!

Zillah wrote: »

If only you had said this earlier, we could have saved all those hundreds of billions of euro spent developing, manufacturing and purchasing anti-depression medication, not to mention all of the therapy and research.

Anything is possible when you don't know what you're talking about!

Well maybe yeah, best to keep things simple, wasn't so much of an issue yesteryear, we are exsposed to too much now, and maybe a little over-indulgence, and while it is an issue for the most part we need to separate ourselves from self-loathing and go outside a bit more and forget about it and not feed the industry.

Turtwig

christ on a bike! wrote: »

Well maybe yeah, best to keep things simple, wasn't so much of an issue yesteryear, we are exsposed to too much now, and maybe a little over-indulgence, and while it is an issue for the most part we need to separate ourselves from self-loathing and go outside a bit more and forget about it and not feed the industry.

Both your posts have shown a complete lack of understanding of depression and mental health in general. If it is one thing I could suggest, maybe read again the first 100 or so posts in this thread.

How do you explain all the sports players who end up suffering from depression? For these guys exercise is their jobs. Many parishes in this country have been afflicted with local footballers and hurlers taking their own lives.

Depression was always an issue - it hasn't just appeared out of thin air. Suicide too. Maternal suicide rates were epidemic in this country about 100 years ago. Of course, Ireland being what it was heavily shunned anyone crazy enough to admit they were having mental health issues.

Exercise shouldn't go amiss. But it's by no means a silver bullet and you also have to take into account that some folk aren't actually even in a position to exercise. They're entitled to treatment plans just as much as the prolific exerciser.

roseybear

Boogietime wrote: »

Did you quit the medication by yourself or at the indication of your doc? If you've just done it by yourself you might want to get back on it. Otherwise if you want off the pill, talk to your doctor and he'll progressively get you out of it. Keep up the good work there and take time to breathe and as someone very well put it before: be kind to yourself.

No was with me and the doc. I wss reduced frm 15 dwn to 5 which is quite a bit of a drop. Feeling a bit btr, I seem to feel evry emotion in an extreme way; im very very happy r very very low r very very anxious. Im sure itl all settle and I have my dad keeping close contact with me yo help

roseybear

Jernal wrote: »

Both your posts have shown a complete lack of understanding of depression and mental health in general. If it is one thing I could suggest, maybe read again the first 100 or so posts in this thread.

How do you explain all the sports players who end up suffering from depression? For these guys exercise is their jobs. Many parishes in this country have been afflicted with local footballers and hurlers taking their own lives.

Depression was always an issue - it hasn't just appeared out of thin air. Suicide too. Maternal suicide rates were epidemic in this country about 100 years ago. Of course, Ireland being what it was heavily shunned anyone crazy enough to admit they were having mental health issues.

Exercise shouldn't go amiss. But it's by no means a silver bullet and you also have to take into account that some folk aren't actually even in a position to exercise. They're entitled to treatment plans just as much as the prolific exerciser.

Exercise was actually part of the cause in my case, too much pressure to perform, along with other factors

roseybear

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I had an absolute disaster of an exam didn't want to tell him......


dude im telling you know, tell him!! I told my tutors, lecturers even my boss and have used them for references since IT DOES NOT STAND AGAINST YOU! I have had many interviews and it has nvr come up, in most companies, businesses etc there is always occupational health who deal with this exact thing. That is the only time I have ever had to discuss my depression in work and it wss just so they were aware, could hear how you are and create a relationship so if there is a problem u can chat to them and prevent u missing out on work. But do not be afraid that you will not get a good job. Ur tutor/lecturer/whoever knows u, will know u have performed brilliantly up until this one exam and will not base their reference on it. It woukd be smarter to tell them, so they know u are acknowledging thetr is a prob and u are doing something about it rather than being irresponsible (for want of a diff word) and allowing it to become a big issue

delthedriver

christ on a bike! wrote: »

Well maybe yeah, best to keep things simple, wasn't so much of an issue yesteryear, we are exsposed to too much now, and maybe a little over-indulgence, and while it is an issue for the most part we need to separate ourselves from self-loathing and go outside a bit more and forget about it and not feed the industry.

Interesting theory.
Unlike yesteryear, people have greater access to communication and are perhaps more open to talking about issues like Depression.
In the past people with what is now recognised as depression were simply considered mad or not taken seriously. Medical knowledge has also developed immensely over the last decades.
If only Government and Employers would take Depression seriously.
Government funds need to be diverted in order to deal with this ever increasing illness.
Thankfully Boards.ie and other communication channels take the matter seriously and give people the opportunity to discuss this debilitating illness and exchange their experiences
Certainly I agree that exercise may assist in developing the positive chemicals in the human brain, however perhaps we should focus on the cause of depression, eg. Bereavement, bullying, physical and psychological abuse, work related stress.
Dealing with depression is a very complicated process, involving medical specialists, drugs and counselling.
If it were as simple as riding about on a bicycle ,Depression would no longer exist.:)

Benny_Cake

Deleted User wrote: »

Thanks for the reply, it's really nice of you to take the time.
My tutor isn't aware of my depression because he's a lecturer I was hoping to have as a reference on my CV; don't fancy applying for jobs and for them to get negative or concerned feedback from my references.

Think of it this way: if you were suffering as a result of diabetes, for example, would you feel so reluctant to tell him? Like diabetes, depression is a chronic condition which requires management. TBH, given all you've been through, completing a Masters is a huge achievement and one you should be proud of. I know you probably don't feel that way, but that's how it would appear to any fair-minded third party.

Call Me Jimmy

So myself I've had a couple of days since finishing college to get back into reading/meditation/yoga. Went out last night and I'd normally be more negative about it coz it didn't go great.

Does anyone get those nights where their just not feeling it? Obviously you must. Sometimes I'm like a deer in the headlights when I'm out, my brain just doesn't feel right. I have my close friends (3 of them) then a peripheral group that I always go out with but last night, maybe because of my high-stress levels and lack of human contact for a month or two meant I just feel like I stand out in a bad way, I know logically no-one's looking at me or cares about me but no matter how much I try to reiterate this to myself it doesn't sink in.

Oh well, just gotta keep the discipline but it is hard after a night out where I barely managed to integrate to see the point in reading and yoga and stuff like that when I can't have an intimate conversation with another human being, from the perspective of other people I may as well be a blank canvas. I am quite lonely now, I feel that more and more lately. A very existential alone-ism that everyone has mixed with just plain lack of intimacy or even warmth between me and another person...

Huayra

Hi, I've looked at this thread alot, but today I just feel like I have to get things off my chest. I was told by someone else with depression, that writing down your thoughts helps alot, so that is why I'm finally posting.
I have social anxiety disorder and depression. I always have been like this. But the thing that depresses me the most right now is recurring leg injuries I've been getting for nearly 15 months now. I have a problem with over exercising and running seems to be the only thing in life I think about and enjoy. I can't concentrate on anything else. I know I need to try and forget about running as it is making me procrastinate about going out/looking for job(social anxiety also a reason).
I started to become more sensible and decided I needed to change things to sort out the overuse injuries. I have been able to manage a few miles a week and didn't run through any pain at all. However, I did a short aerobics class yesterday with weights and have been crippled ever since. I regret doing it so badly and have been depressed all day. I am always thinking about self harming but luckily I can't bring myself to actually do it in the end. Exercise is good, but in this case it can also destroy you.
I have lots of anxiety worries but at the moment this is what I want to talk about, as it has taken over me.
Thanks for reading

Wattle

Huayra wrote: »

Hi, I've looked at this thread alot, but today I just feel like I have to get things off my chest. I was told by someone else with depression, that writing down your thoughts helps alot, so that is why I'm finally posting.
I have social anxiety disorder and depression. I always have been like this. But the thing that depresses me the most right now is recurring leg injuries I've been getting for nearly 15 months now. I have a problem with over exercising and running seems to be the only thing in life I think about and enjoy. I can't concentrate on anything else. I know I need to try and forget about running as it is making me procrastinate about going out/looking for job(social anxiety also a reason).
I started to become more sensible and decided I needed to change things to sort out the overuse injuries. I have been able to manage a few miles a week and didn't run through any pain at all. However, I did a short aerobics class yesterday with weights and have been crippled ever since. I regret doing it so badly and have been depressed all day. I am always thinking about self harming but luckily I can't bring myself to actually do it in the end. Exercise is good, but in this case it can also destroy you.
I have lots of anxiety worries but at the moment this is what I want to talk about, as it has taken over me.
Thanks for reading

Not to be flippant but have you thought about swimming instead? It's an all over body exercise and there's much less impact on your muscles and joints. I gave up running cos I was getting endless leg injuries and took up swimming. Roy Keane did it when he was rehabilitating after his cruciate injury.

TeddyTedson

I've gone dark in the sun over the last couple of days but now the scars on my arm are so visible. I really hate them. Has anyone ever got such things removed?
I've noticed I get very angry when I feel I've no control over my life.
That could be useful for me to know.
This anxiety is rampant in me at the moment.
I think if I ever had a gone I'd blow my head off in a moment of madness, so I won't be getting one of them any time soon.
What the hell is it in me that has me obsessed with killing myself? I find solace in imaging my death. That can't be good for you, but I enjoy it?
I'm still confident one day I will be back to my old self again. I see bits of it from time to time. And now I'm finished on a medication I've been on for the last few years and I thought it wasn't having any effect on me but I notice my state of mind is a lot clearer shall we say now.

Call Me Jimmy

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I've gone dark in the sun over the last couple of days but now the scars on my arm are so visible. I really hate them. Has anyone ever got such things removed?
I've noticed I get very angry when I feel I've no control over my life.
That could be useful for me to know.
This anxiety is rampant in me at the moment.
I think if I ever had a gone I'd blow my head off in a moment of madness, so I won't be getting one of them any time soon.
What the hell is it in me that has me obsessed with killing myself? I find solace in imaging my death. That can't be good for you, but I enjoy it?
I'm still confident one day I will be back to my old self again. I see bits of it from time to time. And now I'm finished on a medication I've been on for the last few years and I thought it wasn't having any effect on me but I notice my state of mind is a lot clearer shall we say now.

It sounds like you're a long-timer so you know the drill at this stage! That is great about the medication btw, it is a sign that you have put in the work yourself and if you continue to do this, I believe strongly that you'll be rewarded.

Just to relate, I go through periods of weeks where i am completely obsessed about death and suicide. In fairness, not to the point of obsession but I am sure there are times in a lot of people's lives where they give serious thought to it.

Benny_Cake

Benny_Cake wrote: »

Think of it this way: if you were suffering as a result of diabetes, for example, would you feel so reluctant to tell him? Like diabetes, depression is a chronic condition which requires management. TBH, given all you've been through, completing a Masters is a huge achievement and one you should be proud of. I know you probably don't feel that way, but that's how it would appear to any fair-minded third party.

Well yes, if I had some physical ailment like diabetes that hindered me I would have told them. But I guess mental illnesses are so much harder to prove, they might just think I was looking for excuses. And then there's the whole stigma about it; I don't know if diabetes would be a big turn-off for an employer but I suspect mental illness would be.

I saw my doctor today, and she advised me to talk to my tutor if it turns out that I did fail the exam as there might be a possibility to resit it without it being capped or something like that. Then got an email from our tutor to say he wouldn't be there the day we were due to get our results and another lecturer would give us our transcripts, so I'm not really sure what to do now. He (the tutor) said if we wanted to arrange a meeting to email him, but I'm not sure whether to do it before or after getting the results. Ugh, I just don't know what to do really.

Also my parents are coming to visit, which is good 'cause it'll be nice to see them again but it also means I'm gonna be pretending to be ok and that everything is fine 'cause I really don't want to worry them.

candycock

i really wish i was'nt hear anymore,i have no close friends to even talk to,most have emigrated,my parents dont want to no,im nearly 30 an my mind is in hell rite now.im working 60 hours aweek,i asked to cut my hours but i was told if i did'nt like it someone else would do it and i cant afford to leave.my mind wont stop racing,any suggestions how i can get some peace of mind or lift my mood,life is getting harder every day.