LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

roseybear

Feeling really anxious all weekend, especially today, am off work for a week (bexause I just came off nights) and just cant settle at all. Cant bring myself to even go for a walk. Just can't calm at all and no one is around to drag me outa the funk

Call Me Jimmy

I am being thankful (to myself ) for producing this period of relative calm the last week or so. I've been doing the right things mentally and generally health-wise (not exercising per se).

The fear of getting a job and experiencing what roseybear is experiencing is also pushing me back in artistic direction of doing sculpting. Going to have some peaceful days in the shed sculpting jesus on his knees with his hands out wide looking up to the sky. Think it will be good. If it is as good as I can remember my skills in that area maybe I will consider monetising it.

All this is made possible by the fact that I don't have a job yet, but if I do get one I decided today that I want it to be work. I mean, if I am going to work for someone I want it to feel like work, physical activity. I do not want someone to pay me to piss my moments idly away in front of a screen.

Social things have not been good of late but my illness and social problems have led me to this place where I can derive a lot of satisfaction in my own space. I think if I keep momentum up long enough I will be in a better position to constructively tackle people :P

hollster2

Feel horrible today I think what happened last few weeks is really hitting home im 29 with 3 kids back living at home with my mum and dad starting to get anxious and depressed I dont want to be in that place again that horrible feeling coming over me all over again : (

I feel helpless trying to stay strong for my kids its like I cant concentrate like im in a daze!!

hollster2

Worst sleep all week now I have the shakes cant go back to being this way!!

Call Me Jimmy

hollster2 wrote: »

Worst sleep all week now I have the shakes cant go back to being this way!!

I know it sounds obvious but would it be an idea to speak with your GP? Are you linked in with any support services after such a traumatic event?

Lots of love from here You're doing your absolute best, keep reminding yourself that.

Bench Press

hollster2 wrote: »

Worst sleep all week now I have the shakes cant go back to being this way!!

you should go to your GP, he'll give you something to sleep at least.

hollster2

Thanks all for your kind comments yes ive been to my gp but im not going near any tablets this is how my partner went off the rails addicted to zanax sleeping pills so I declined I think ill need my councelling again got me througn things before!

starling

hollster2 wrote: »

Thanks all for your kind comments yes ive been to my gp but im not going near any tablets this is how my partner went off the rails addicted to zanax sleeping pills so I declined I think ill need my councelling again got me througn things before!

Understandable. But keep in mind your partners addiction issues aren't necessarily yours, lots of people use meds like Xanax in the short term, the way they were meant to be used, without developing problems.
Still, you don't have to take them if you don't want to, and it sounds like any good they might do might be counteracted by your own understandable fear of them making things worse. So think of them as a sort of backup option, a last resort.
In the meantime it sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Just because you're not living with a partner doesn't mean you're raising your kids alone, you've got your folks, let them help you out in whatever ways they can. Very few people raise families in complete isolation, it's okay to let other people help out and doesn't mean you're not a good mum.

efb

Hi guys hope you are all feeling good. In a good place after a bad time a few weeks ago. Good day in work today and Friday- good boost when I found solutions to my bosses problem with reports Fri and Today. A small win but nice to have a positive impact in work and feel worthwhile

Lightbulb Sun

hollster2 wrote: »

Thanks all for your kind comments yes ive been to my gp but im not going near any tablets this is how my partner went off the rails addicted to zanax sleeping pills so I declined I think ill need my councelling again got me througn things before!

Bear in mind Xanax is not a sleeping pill. It's an anxiety medication.

hollster2

Thank you starling and lightbulb sun xx really appretiate ur advice feel better after reading this had a few hours sleep now woke up feel alot better my parents have been great my partner has to hes bere off everything over two weeks but its hard still wondering he got so bad he was buying it off the street I feel so sorry for him hes the best dad but the violence he put against my parents house was unforgivable hope I can get out of this horrible feeling place im in and be happy again

DeVore

There are natural things you can do to promote good sleep. Firstly, dont drink. Alcohol disturbs honest sleep.
Secondly, exercise, the body cant sleep if its not tired, you're mind will race too.
No videos, laptops or games before bed. Definitely no laptops or iPads in bed.... the light confuses the circadian rhythm.

Half an hours meditation is good. A hot bath and a nice long soak does wonders (relaxes the muscles, and allows the brain to release all kinds of sleepy chemicals). Warm milk has been shown to promote the same "sleepy chemicals".... so there is some truth in the old-wives tales of "warm milk and cookies"... just drop the cookies as they have sugar

The other thing is "catch the wave"...ie: when you feel sleepy at any time near "sleep-o-clock", go to sleep... if you push past it and stay awake until "bedtime" you're brain releases "stay awake" chemicals and you find yourself staring at the ceiling thinking "I was knackered and ready for bed 2 hours ago... wtf?!"

Do all of these things and I will lay you good odds you will be out like a light. Take it from a long time insomniac!

If you want to take something and you dont like the idea of pharmacuticals... try Valerian root: http://www.gnet.org/ease-your-worries-and-drift-off-with-valerian-root/

starling

^^^All the above is excellent advice, especially avoiding anything with a screen like the phone or iPod or laptop.
I love a good soak but i know when it's not your own house it's not always practical to have one every night - if you can't have a bath, even a shower can help.
You won't get the same amount of muscle relaxation, but having a warm shower and then getting out of it can trick your body into being sleepy because the temperature drop mimics the natural way you feel a little colder when you're tired, as your body prepares to put its energy towards the cell repair of sleep. Plus I know I find it much easier to sleep when I'm clean and comfortable:)

Edit: it works even better if you use a soap or shower gel that has lavender or sandalwood in it!

playedalive

That's brilliant advice there . Since I've finished college, I've been using the internet a bit more than usual. Wasting far too much time on facebook, checking e-mails, boards and youtube. On the one hand, I find it helpful to log on to stop my mind racing about finding a job and such worries. However, on the other hand, spending time on facebook particularly makes me very moody. Everybody seems to be having a better time this summer than me. I know this isn't good for me, but I can't help but feel the urge to keep checking facebook and all these addictive websites to keep my mind at bay for a little while, but only to come out moody in the end. It seems to be the first thing I think about when I've had my breakfast and helped my brother get to school.

I'm trying my best to keep myself busy with housework, swimming, meeting people but, whenever I have a dull moment and am thinking about things, I always want to go online and find out what is going on, only to end up incredibly moody after. . I tried to quit facebook for a while but it's difficult as everybody my age uses it to communicate a lot easier on their smartphones.

Call Me Jimmy

I feel like an absolute clown again. A joke of a person. Not looking forward to my years ahead. To think I have to sit it out and wait just to die is painful, why is there not voluntary euthanasia? Whatever future I have will be a limped one, full of delusions just to make myself try and feel like I still have worth. Living with myself as I decline will be a pain and a chore. The feeling of things never being the same again and that quite a large part of me is dead already is quite uncomfortable. Frustration is the main thing - I can't do anything about it and it leaves me in my room just sitting helplessly, with all goodness sucked from me.

Very sad indeed.

pinkstars

Good God what a week.

From clinging onto walls in the city to nearly falling on the ground looking for help to ringing and begging services for help.......

Drove to work on Monday another panic attack could not go in.

Same on yesterday afternoon.......going a bit backwards. People are telling me I need to get private help....but at what cost?

How is everyone?

Drumpot

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I feel like an absolute clown again. A joke of a person. Not looking forward to my years ahead. To think I have to sit it out and wait just to die is painful, why is there not voluntary euthanasia? Whatever future I have will be a limped one, full of delusions just to make myself try and feel like I still have worth. Living with myself as I decline will be a pain and a chore. The feeling of things never being the same again and that quite a large part of me is dead already is quite uncomfortable. Frustration is the main thing - I can't do anything about it and it leaves me in my room just sitting helplessly, with all goodness sucked from me.

Very sad indeed.

Sorry to hear that Jimmy. I can relate to what you say and cant tell you how you might help yourself feel better, but I can tell you some things I have tried to do that have helped me break the cycle.

One of the hardest things I have struggled with is living in the now. I have spent so much time being depressed at the thoughts of things from the past and even more depressed at how bad/scary I imagine the future might be. I am trying to go back to basics.

Now what I try to do is remind myself these are just thoughts. what I did yesterday or one year ago is not something I can change, nobody can change anything they have done already. But I drive myself demented thinking about things that didnt go the way I had hoped, embarrassing moments and how things could of been so much better. But at the end I am exactly where I have started, but I have just wasted hours of my life worrying or being upset over something I can do absolutely nothing about.

I find that even a small thing can throw me off course , a seemingly ok day can turn into a knightmare. Once Im finished going through agonising over things from the past that have upset me, I begin to imagine and torture myself thinking about how things will only be worse.

Then I try to stop and think . . This is just a thought. . While "Armageddon" is going on in my head, the world still spins. . The weather is changing . . People are getting on with their lives . . I am still breathing. . But in my head I am a slave to thoughts I am struggling to control or understand. I try not to spend as much time trying to control these thoughts as I do trying to get myself back into the now.

I try not to spend my time doing things simply to distract myself (playing a PS3 game or going onto certain discussion forums purposely for arguments/debates. These dont make me feel better, they only distract me and waste my time. I try to go online and help people (like this thread). I try to find some sort of appreciation of a simple thing that we can take for granted. . Bird chirping in the tree feeding its babies. . My children playing in the back garden together. Sitting down at the beach and enjoying my own company . . Listening to music that relaxes me . . Have a bath . .

I have been spending alot of my time focusing on the little changes that I can make to my life that give me snippets of peace or happiness. I then try to use these things to help lift me out of a slump.

But one of the key thing things for me has been to accept that I have to commit to improving my well being. I always had an excuse as to why i feel down . . Trouble in school, trouble in college, trouble at home, trouble at job, trouble with partner, trouble with life . . . The list is endless. . But then I got to the stage where I realised if I am always going to use people/places/things around me as an excuse for why I feel the way I feel, then I will never be in control of my own life.

As I have stated in several posts, I try to (not always successfully mind you) find simple things that I can do to help me snap back into today . . Into right now . . Because I cant control what has already happened to me and I cant force the future to happen differently to the way I am thinking just by thinking about it. But what I can do, is to try and help myself do something right now, right this minute that may help me feel a little bit better. It might only be until the next bout of depression/anxiety hits me, but for now thats a start . .

Its funny because at the start I thought "well I dont get joy in anything in life, so how do I find things that can snap me out of how I feel". . This was me not comitting to my rehabilitation. It was a flawed line of thinking because I didnt now how to appreciate simple things. In many ways, my mind was racing so much, I didnt realise that I was missing so much by not trying to learn to slow down and breath in life. I was also a little fearful because if I slowed down I thought I would think about things I have been avoiding my whole life. Things that on reflection arent really that bad but I learnt the best way to deal with pain is to put the head down and plow right through it....

Sorry for rambling . . I appreciate my posts may sound like informed opinions, but they are really only the blabberings of my experience in trying to deal with my depression and my anxiety. Perhaps going to the beach for a walk wont work for you. . Perhaps you find it irritating that there is a bird singing in your garden . . But maybe , just maybe, there are healthy, simple things you can do, right now, at this moment, that could just give you a little bit of peace. . A break . . For just a few minutes . . If you can somehow appreciate these moments and feel that you want it more, it might just be enough for today. Tomorrow is a different day , you can deal with that when it happens. .

Good Luck Jimmy, please consider taking each day at a time. Please understand this involves not worrying or agonising over yesterday or tomorrow.

Drumpot

pinkstars wrote: »

Good God what a week.

From clinging onto walls in the city to nearly falling on the ground looking for help to ringing and begging services for help.......

Drove to work on Monday another panic attack could not go in.

Same on yesterday afternoon.......going a bit backwards. People are telling me I need to get private help....but at what cost?

How is everyone?

I havent suffered a panic attack or sleep paralysis in a few months. Im off medication and getting councelling that I struggle to afford . .

The question I would have is what is the value of your health to you? Would you save up for a holiday or a new car? Put money aside for a night out ? I dont mean this to sound antagonising, I mean it more to get you thinking.

You might pay thousands on therapy that may not work. But if it does work and you find that dont suffer panic attacks as much (or at all) or that you can simply enjoy life for the great thing it can be, wouldnt it be worth it?

I know somebody close to me who is unemployed, living at home with parents and the know they need help. They suffer from severe depression among other things and yet they claim they cannot afford therapy. They get €188 a week from the state, so they can afford €100 a week at least towards trying to improve their mental health. But they havent seen that its not a cost to try to get well, its an investment in your life.

If you can find a certain peace/serenity in life, then the depths of your pockets, having money to spend on nights out or holidays (that you might not be able to fully enjoy in your current mental state) will not be as important as investment in helping yourself feel better about yourself.

DeVore

playedalive wrote: »

That's brilliant advice there . Since I've finished college, I've been using the internet a bit more than usual. Wasting far too much time on facebook, checking e-mails, boards and youtube. On the one hand, I find it helpful to log on to stop my mind racing about finding a job and such worries. However, on the other hand, spending time on facebook particularly makes me very moody. Everybody seems to be having a better time this summer than me. I know this isn't good for me, but I can't help but feel the urge to keep checking facebook and all these addictive websites to keep my mind at bay for a little while, but only to come out moody in the end. It seems to be the first thing I think about when I've had my breakfast and helped my brother get to school.

I'm trying my best to keep myself busy with housework, swimming, meeting people but, whenever I have a dull moment and am thinking about things, I always want to go online and find out what is going on, only to end up incredibly moody after. . I tried to quit facebook for a while but it's difficult as everybody my age uses it to communicate a lot easier on their smartphones.

Everyone puts stuff on FB that shows their life in a positive spin. Its as much to fool themselves that this stuff will make them happy as it is to fool you into thinking they are having a great time. Its like the news, it mostly shows the bad stuff. You cant extrapolate out to the "real world" from it or everywhere would have to look like Beirut.

Call Me Jimmy

Drumpot wrote: »

Sorry to hear that Jimmy. I can relate to what you say and cant tell you how you might help yourself feel better, but I can tell you some things I have tried to do that have helped me break the cycle.

One of the hardest things I have struggled with is living in the now. I have spent so much time being depressed at the thoughts of things from the past and even more depressed at how bad/scary I imagine the future might be. I am trying to go back to basics.

Now what I try to do is remind myself these are just thoughts. what I did yesterday or one year ago is not something I can change, nobody can change anything they have done already. But I drive myself demented thinking about things that didnt go the way I had hoped, embarrassing moments and how things could of been so much better. But at the end I am exactly where I have started, but I have just wasted hours of my life worrying or being upset over something I can do absolutely nothing about.

I find that even a small thing can throw me off course , a seemingly ok day can turn into a knightmare. Once Im finished going through agonising over things from the past that have upset me, I begin to imagine and torture myself thinking about how things will only be worse.

Then I try to stop and think . . This is just a thought. . While "Armageddon" is going on in my head, the world still spins. . The weather is changing . . People are getting on with their lives . . I am still breathing. . But in my head I am a slave to thoughts I am struggling to control or understand. I try not to spend as much time trying to control these thoughts as I do trying to get myself back into the now.

I try not to spend my time doing things simply to distract myself (playing a PS3 game or going onto certain discussion forums purposely for arguments/debates. These dont make me feel better, they only distract me and waste my time. I try to go online and help people (like this thread). I try to find some sort of appreciation of a simple thing that we can take for granted. . Bird chirping in the tree feeding its babies. . My children playing in the back garden together. Sitting down at the beach and enjoying my own company . . Listening to music that relaxes me . . Have a bath . .

I have been spending alot of my time focusing on the little changes that I can make to my life that give me snippets of peace or happiness. I then try to use these things to help lift me out of a slump.

But one of the key thing things for me has been to accept that I have to commit to improving my well being. I always had an excuse as to why i feel down . . Trouble in school, trouble in college, trouble at home, trouble at job, trouble with partner, trouble with life . . . The list is endless. . But then I got to the stage where I realised if I am always going to use people/places/things around me as an excuse for why I feel the way I feel, then I will never be in control of my own life.

As I have stated in several posts, I try to (not always successfully mind you) find simple things that I can do to help me snap back into today . . Into right now . . Because I cant control what has already happened to me and I cant force the future to happen differently to the way I am thinking just by thinking about it. But what I can do, is to try and help myself do something right now, right this minute that may help me feel a little bit better. It might only be until the next bout of depression/anxiety hits me, but for now thats a start . .

Its funny because at the start I thought "well I dont get joy in anything in life, so how do I find things that can snap me out of how I feel". . This was me not comitting to my rehabilitation. It was a flawed line of thinking because I didnt now how to appreciate simple things. In many ways, my mind was racing so much, I didnt realise that I was missing so much by not trying to learn to slow down and breath in life. I was also a little fearful because if I slowed down I thought I would think about things I have been avoiding my whole life. Things that on reflection arent really that bad but I learnt the best way to deal with pain is to put the head down and plow right through it....

Sorry for rambling . . I appreciate my posts may sound like informed opinions, but they are really only the blabberings of my experience in trying to deal with my depression and my anxiety. Perhaps going to the beach for a walk wont work for you. . Perhaps you find it irritating that there is a bird singing in your garden . . But maybe , just maybe, there are healthy, simple things you can do, right now, at this moment, that could just give you a little bit of peace. . A break . . For just a few minutes . . If you can somehow appreciate these moments and feel that you want it more, it might just be enough for today. Tomorrow is a different day , you can deal with that when it happens. .

Good Luck Jimmy, please consider taking each day at a time. Please understand this involves not worrying or agonising over yesterday or tomorrow.

I very much appreciate your experience, help and words. My problem is always in the present, I try to be mindful. All last week I was basically in a meditative state for example. But I let myself think about one issue and it's like my brain 'switches' to a completely different mindset, where all that becomes laughable and I'm left with just latent anger, frustration, despair and dread. Right now my brain is switched off to the world. From my own experience it passes after time but only through deluding myself. I don't feel I have much strength to continue to do that.

Drumpot

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I very much appreciate your experience, help and words. My problem is always in the present, I try to be mindful. All last week I was basically in a meditative state for example. But I let myself think about one issue and it's like my brain 'switches' to a completely different mindset, where all that becomes laughable and I'm left with just latent anger, frustration, despair and dread. Right now my brain is switched off to the world. From my own experience it passes after time but only through deluding myself. I don't feel I have much strength to continue to do that.

Im sorry to hear that Jimmy. . I hope this story at least makes sense , these are the same storys but trying to give you an insight as to how it actually played out for me yesterday and how the exact same day might of played out one year ago. . Please bare with me on this . .

Story 1. Yesterday I was up well early before a meeting I had with a client (Im self employed) . As i have an awful habit of doing, I ended up taking my time to the point where I was rushing out the door to try and be on time for the meeting (doing last minute prep etc). I got to the meeting 3 mins late. I sat down with the client, had a great conversation with them, got on really well and will be doing some great business with them. I really enjoyed the meeting and didnt beat myself up for being a bit late. Went to my parents for awhile afterwards, got an ice cream with my dad, went home and cleaned up the garden while my children played in the back garden.

Story 2. This time last year (before I started working on myself), this story would be the same up until I realise that I am going to be late for the meeting. By the time I would of arrived at their house the sale/business would already be gone (in my head). I would be raging with myself to the point of anger/anxiety and despair. I would be imagining the client thinking I am the worst person in the world, that they mightnt even let me into their house and that I would be wasting my time trying to do business with them. I would imagine "If they are as upset at me being late as I am angry at myself, then I might aswell save us all the time and keep the meeting as short as possible and make a quick getaway". I might get to the point where I would think that it further backs up how useless I am at my job and is yet another example at why I need to change my profession. During this meeting I would be constantly looking for an exit strategy (no matter how good/bad the meeting was going) because I would be anxious and uncomfortable. After the meeting I would more then likely beat myself up for the rest of my day (even if I got the business/sale), try to get home to my office as quickly as possible so I could spend the day reminding myself how useless I really am, preferably in the company of only myself ( I can really drive myself mad best when I am on my own). . I would feel even more regret as I wouldnt have the patience/energy to play with my children out the back garden or clean up the garden that depseratley needs a cut!

I know theres alot in there, but these are two completely different days for the same person. Money has not changed the story. Other people have not changed the story. The only thing in the story that has changed is my reaction to a negative thing in my life. Being three minutes late for a meeting could make or break my day. Whats even more important is that it doesnt matter what the client thinks/thought, it only matter to me what I was imagining they were thinking and how I reacted to my own thoughts.

I have not been told "this is how you can feel better" and all of a sudden I feel able to take on the world or to get through a day. I have setbacks, I still have "story 2" days, but they are happening less and less. I sometimes read my own posts and think "I want what I had when I wrote it"! But when I start losing myself in the past/future I try subtle things to bring me back. Sometimes they work, sometimes they dont, but I know that in all cases that the time of my depressed state will pass.

delthedriver

Hi Folks,

Just checking in . Hope you are all doing well

Regards,

Del

Boogietime

Drumpot wrote: »

Im sorry to hear that Jimmy. . I hope this story at least makes sense , these are the same storys but trying to give you an insight as to how it actually played out for me yesterday and how the exact same day might of played out one year ago. . Please bare with me on this . .

Great advice! I'm sure we can all put that to good use... del summarized it up in these words "be kind to yourself", it seems to be the same ideology only explained in depth. Real good stuff, thank you, I needed a reminder on that

Huayra

Any time I take a step in the right direction, I seem to take many steps backwards. I joined an athletics club so that I could run in a controlled environment. I did a 10k on saturday, and wasn't running through injury pain, just lots of fatigue. I finished it happily, but on sunday I woke up with pains in every leg muscle. They are still really sore. The whole day, I am just wishing I was never born in the first place.

I feel really empty inside. I am rarely happy, don't have any interest in most things that young people focus on; intimate relationships, starting career. I know I don't need a relationship, and will probably avoid that for a very very long time. But I really need to do something about finding a job. All I can think about is my recurring leg injuries and what its doing to me. I feel so awkward and don't have much to say when people ask me if I have gf or job yet. I watch too much tv/youtube when I should be looking for work. Just can't focus though. Its like my life depends on being able to run

L.Jenkins

Learned why drinking isn't such a good idea with Bipolar medication. Been on a downer yesterday and feeling anxious most of today. Ain't doing that again and need to fill a prescription as that can't be helping either.

Marzipan85

Huayra wrote: »

Any time I take a step in the right direction, I seem to take many steps backwards. I joined an athletics club so that I could run in a controlled environment. I did a 10k on saturday, and wasn't running through injury pain, just lots of fatigue. I finished it happily, but on sunday I woke up with pains in every leg muscle. They are still really sore. The whole day, I am just wishing I was never born in the first place.

i recently started a running course. am very prone to injury also. but have been fine doing this beginners running course cos they build up slowly, over 8 weeks, to jogging 30mins non-stop. maybe something you could think about? don't know if you've looked into it before. (I'm sure couch to 5k apps work in this way) also with the course, they show you the stretches to do before and after, how to build up your core, the right gear to wear etc. there's actually quite a lot of things to do in order to avoid injury. i had a recurrent problem with my lower back getting irritated, and the instructor was able to point out that this is due to tight flexor muscles and advised on stretches to do which are working (so far). i'm actually optimistic for once that'll i'll be able to get fit. when you get injuries all the time (usually due to over-training before your body's ready) it's very depressing. i get into habit of thinking that i'll be stuck with body aches/pains forever.

Sometimes you have to make small goals and work towards things slowly. if you make a goal of completely 10km run straight off the bat, and your body isn't ready for it, then you are kind of setting yourself up for failure. better not to have your expectations so high to start off with, otherwise you just end up thinking you're not good enough or whatever, when this is not true. it's just that you are possibly jumping in the deep end, when it's much easier on yourself to wade your way in bit by bit.

Wattle

Huayra wrote: »

Any time I take a step in the right direction, I seem to take many steps backwards. I joined an athletics club so that I could run in a controlled environment. I did a 10k on saturday, and wasn't running through injury pain, just lots of fatigue. I finished it happily, but on sunday I woke up with pains in every leg muscle. They are still really sore. The whole day, I am just wishing I was never born in the first place.

I feel really empty inside. I am rarely happy, don't have any interest in most things that young people focus on; intimate relationships, starting career. I know I don't need a relationship, and will probably avoid that for a very very long time. But I really need to do something about finding a job. All I can think about is my recurring leg injuries and what its doing to me. I feel so awkward and don't have much to say when people ask me if I have gf or job yet. I watch too much tv/youtube when I should be looking for work. Just can't focus though. Its like my life depends on being able to run

I've said this to you before Huayra but why don't you give the running a break for a while, get some physio and maybe do some swimming? Give your muscles a bit of a break. It sounds to me like if you keep on the way you are that you're going to do some permanent damage. I'm sure that your exercise routine at least helps to lift your mood for a while but if you continue on running the way you are you may not even have that option.

starling

Huayra wrote: »

Any time I take a step in the right direction, I seem to take many steps backwards. I joined an athletics club so that I could run in a controlled environment. I did a 10k on saturday, and wasn't running through injury pain, just lots of fatigue. I finished it happily, but on sunday I woke up with pains in every leg muscle. They are still really sore. The whole day, I am just wishing I was never born in the first place.

I feel really empty inside. I am rarely happy, don't have any interest in most things that young people focus on; intimate relationships, starting career. I know I don't need a relationship, and will probably avoid that for a very very long time. But I really need to do something about finding a job. All I can think about is my recurring leg injuries and what its doing to me. I feel so awkward and don't have much to say when people ask me if I have gf or job yet. I watch too much tv/youtube when I should be looking for work. Just can't focus though. Its like my life depends on being able to run

What is it specifically that draws you to running? Is it the endorphins from the exercise, or the way that doing something so physical can get you focused on your body rather than what's going on in your head? Or is it the challenge of a long run and the feeling of accomplishment that you get when you meet that goal?
I'm asking because you seem to be saying that there isn't really anything else in your life right now that gives you joy. Is it possible that you can identify the thing that helps most about running, and then find other activities that might give you that same benefit?
Exercise is so helpful in many ways but it sounds as if you are focusing rigidly on "must run" and experiencing drawbacks like overtraining injuries and the problems associated with not stretching or working on core strength etc as another poster suggested these things would really help if you're dead set on running.

As for the job thing, trying to find work can be daunting even for people who aren't depressed. It sounds like you are turning to avoidance (with tv, other distractions) in response to this. Try to put less pressure on yourself. Instead of thinking "Tomorrow I need to find a job" break it down into smaller steps. "Tomorrow I'll write/update my cv" or "Tomorrow I'll check this website and see if there are any jobs" if you know what I mean.
This may sound silly but if you find interviews daunting (I am fcuking terrified of job interviews:)) apply for a sh1tload of jobs you don't really want and just go to any interviews you get offered. Knowing you're not that bothered about actually getting the job takes the pressure off, makes it easier to go to interviews and just acclimate yourself to them, so it's less of a strange situation.

Huayra

Hi wattle, marzipan85, starling.

I was off running for 2 weeks. And physio said I would be ok if I ease back into it at this stage. I honestly did ease back into the training sessions, found them ok. Was encouraged to do the 10k but the adrenaline got the better of me and I ran it as hard as I could. I don't think it was the distance that was the problem, more so the pace. I don't want to have permanent damage, I have made a huge effort to change things around, but the race situation got the better of me. I try not to allow myself to jump into the deep end anymore.

I also have a bad back. Its genetic. My posture is really bad and everyone says I should hold my head up higher. I wonder if I could get an instructor in the gym to help me with my back. I need to get some strength into it. Do you find your back is being helped with the exercises your instructor gives u marzipan? I did a day course 2 months ago on chi-running. But I think I must be doing it all wrong. My form has obviously not improved, and possibly worsened. I think I need an instructor who can help me regularly. I have difficulty learning things so a one day course wasn't the right thing to do.

All of those things attract me to running starling. I have never had a hobby or interest that has lasted like this. Running, along with tv/youtube etc. are things I do to avoid being anxious. My counselling talked about me doing things to avoid anxiety. I will do things one step at a time. I am talking to people and getting advice for finding work. Today I emailed the head of my college course, seeking help.

Thanks for listening and caring

TeddyTedson

I've been awake for hours dreading having to see anyone today. I really don't want to interact with anyone right now. I've barely slept thinking about it all night. What an horrible situation to be put in!