LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

MickFleetwood

delthedriver wrote: »

Perhaps? Have you spoken with your GP?

No. I probably will in the future however.

delthedriver

Hi Folks,

Hope you are all doing well ?

Are you making the most of the fine weather?

I know the combination of warm weather and certain medications can make people a little groggy.

May I suggest drinking lots of water, fruit juice, ice tea, green tea to help you stay hydrated. Wines , beer and coffee can make you dehydrated.

Make the most of the weather, try and get some exercise, walking, jogging swimming and cycling can help increase the happy chemicals in the brain.

Whatever you do get outside, a little light gardening , or bring a sketch pad out with you and reproduce drawings of bees, flowers , trees in your garden or local park.

I know it can be tough to stay motivated, but personally speaking , the warm sunshine on my face and body , has become a very welcome tonic, over the last few weeks.

I am heading to the beach later with friends.

Enjoy your day, spoil yourselves:)

Life is for living, Live in the now!

Drumpot

I just wanted to write a piece on the dangers of drink and the effects it can have on ones mental state because people don't appear to be making the connection with their drinking habits and their emotional/mental state.

In Ireland, I think its common for people to accept that they are "binge drinkers" and think its just an innocent term for "I can drink a lot in one night, but I am not an alcoholic because I can go weeks/months without drink".

Binge drinking: Heavy regular binge drinking is associated with adverse effects on neurologic, cardiac, gastrointestinal, hematologic, immune, musculoskeletal organ systems as well as increasing the risk of alcohol induced psychiatric disorders

Psychiatric disorders:

- Basic activities of daily living. Including looking after the self (health care, grooming, dressing, shopping, cooking etc.) or looking after accommodation (chores, DIY tasks etc.)
-Interpersonal relationships. Including communication skills, ability to form relationships and sustain them, ability to leave the home or mix in crowds or particular settings
-Occupational functioning. Ability to acquire a job and hold it, cognitive and social skills required for the job, dealing with workplace culture, or studying as a student.


Binge drinkers are not necessarily alcoholics. Likewise being able to go weeks/months without drinking does not necessarily mean you are not an alcoholic. If you truly do not think your drinking is a problem then the best way to confirm your beliefs is by OPENLY and HONESTLY discussing your drinking habits with a professional. Consider trying out AA meetings to see if you can relate to the things being said. If you really believe you are not concerned about your drinking habits then you should have nothing to fear about confirming what you think you know about yourself! !

I can say this because last December I was at the stage where my head was gone and I was ready to kill myself because I couldn't find any peace. I was willing to try everything and anything and was open to being diagnosed as a chicken, if it meant I found out what was wrong with me. I told my G.P. and therapist everything, even the things I always wanted to ignore or not disclose. The things that I always convinced myself weren't important were some of the most important things in my rehabilitation.

I tried out AWARE meetings, I tried out AA meetings, I tried out Al-anon meetings, I tried out CBT , I tried out one to one therapy, I tried out medication. In every scenario I committed to the programme and admitted that I needed help managing my life. I also admitted that I was unable to see things about myself that others could objectively point out, but that it was important that I was honest with them, not just telling them the things I wanted them to know or just the things I thought they needed to know.

In the absence of knowing what it is that is wrong with you or where you can make progress, you should consider trying everything else out (so you can at least rule things out you never considered).

I have learned about things that are relevant to me and things that might not be relevant to me but are relevant to friends/family when they discuss their own depression.

Let me just write a few things for people who think that drinking is not a problem in their life:

• If you drink to feel better, it might be a huge part of your problem
• If you drink mostly when you are depressed, it might be a huge part of your problem
• If you seldom have one or two drinks whenever you drink (doesnt matter how regularly you drink), it might be a huge part of your problem
• if you Binge drink, it might be a huge part of your problem
• If you have blackouts sometimes you when you drink, it most definitely might be a huge part of your problem
• If you feel shameful (or worried that you did something the day after a night out) sometimes you are out drinking, it might be a huge part of your problem
• If you are scared at the thought of giving up drink for any reason, then it might be a huge part of the problem
• If you drink to stop your mind racing (thoughts), this may be a huge part of your problem
• If you get into trouble that you don't normally get into when sober (fight with friends/strangers, or random trouble), this may be a huge part of your problem
• If you are scared/angry/reluctant to give up drinking, even if it might help you get well, this might be a huge part of your problem

In many cases, when it comes to drink, people hide behind "sure I will have no social life" or "what else can you do in this country" but that's not actually important in anyway. If you are struggling in life and really do want to ANYTHING possible to help find some peace/serenity in life, then it WONT matter to you if giving up drink (or HONESTLY assessing its impact on your life with a third party) could help you feel better. No reason will be enough to stop you investigating the impact alcohol is having on you emotionally/mentally.

I could go on but you get my point. The big problem with alcohol in this country is that most people simply don't want to acknowledge or see the impact it is having on their lives. They think if they get their head sorted the drinking will sort itself out when in many cases the truth is the other way around.

Wattle

Well alcohol caused a lot of problems in my life. Total personality change, no control once I got one in me. The reason I don't drink today is that I know it can spark off a major depression. All the gains that I've made in my life would be undone in no time if I started again.

DeVore

MickFleetwood wrote: »

I'm beginning to wonder if my depression stems from my constant sense of boredom.

I have read quite a bit about that and it definitely works the other way around... taking up something new greatly benefits combating depression. A new hobby or anything "new" in your life can help. There are loads of "community" things out there to try too, it doesnt have to be expensive... getting out of the inside of your head is definitely a big big step forwards.

DeVore

Doctor_Socks wrote: »

I lost my father to a heart attack yesterday, he was completely healthy and had just given me a lift home after he finished work and had been at the gym, my brother found him on the floor of the house and I gave him cpr until doctors arrived but he couldn't be saved. The emts and doctor were fantastic and deserve recognition for their efforts

My father was the first person I confided in with my depression and he was always supportive of me through every thing I did in life, I still can't believe he's gone as he was only 55 and was never sick as I was growing up, he always seed invincible to all of us at home. One of my few wishes in life was for him to see me graduate as I knew how proud he was that I was due to finish my phd next year. I don't really know how I'm supposed to react, my friends and family have been great and have helped us with everything so far and have comforted me with stories of how my father was at my age and when he was growing up in his parents house before starting a family and turning our house into a home

I love my father with every ounce of my being and I'll never forget him. This thread has helped me so much in the past and I know it will always be here in the future to help me through everything else I encounter in life, thank you to everyone here

There are no words for times like this. Everyone keeps telling you "its ok" but you know what, its not ok. It will be though. It will be. Give yourself permission to grieve, its right and proper. It brings closure. Be strong enough to lean on others.... at times like this I have been quite foolish and barricaded myself in emotionally, believing that to be strength.
My condolences and best wishes to you and your family. We're here for you if you want to write too...

starling

delthedriver wrote: »

It may sound a bit corny, however when my mood is low and I need a good laugh, watching episodes of Del Boy, only fools and horses ,help lift my mood.

Always worth a try:)

Ah only fools & horses was great! I recently did the same with old episodes of Cheers on Youtube. I had forgotten just how funny it was. Really lifted my mood:)

starling

delthedriver wrote: »

Doctor Socks,

Please accept my sincerest condolences on the sudden passing of your Dad

This is a very difficult time for both you and your family.

Your father was obviously a very good man and I am certain was very proud of you and your achievements.

Unfortunately he won't be there next year to witness your PHD graduation, but I believe he will be there in your memory on the day. Perhaps you may even dedicate your PHD to your Dad's memory.

It is a very sad time when one loses a parent suddenly to a heart attack. I know because I lost my father in 2005 due to a heart attack. There is a massive sense of disbelief, loss, numbness, all of which you must deal with over the coming days initially and then beyond.

At this point all you can do is to be there for the rest of your family, and support each other as your Dad would expect you.

Over the coming days you will learn further examples of how kind your Dad was to others as well, be they colleagues, friends, school friends. Yes he was a very special person who touched the hearts of many people.

Remember your friends here on Boards will be thinking about you and your family over the coming days, and will be here for you also in the future.

Meanwhile please take great care of yourself , just as your Dad would wish for you.

Very Sincerely,

Del

DoctorSocks, Del, Jupiterkid. I can't quote you all in this post (poor ol iPod touch is not good at that stuff) but all your posts touched me. I empathise with all of you because I've been there.
Doctor Socks, the exact same thing happened to my dad two years ago. He though he had indigestion but it was a major heart attack. He collapsed at home and my mother performed CPR but he was dead before the ambulance got there.
I remember my grandfather in the hospital dying for six months. It was excruciating fo him (he was nil by mouth, every time we saw him he would beg for a drink of water and all we could give him was those swab thingies) and it was so awful for everyone else watching him suffer and eventually realising he wasn't going to make it. The final decision when the doctors said "He has an infection and basically he's not going to recover. We will give him all the pain relief we've got and make sure he's comfortable. But you need to decide, do we gie him antibiotics and treat this pneumonia or do we just let him go because he's not going to live much longer and frankly w are just prolonging his suffering at this stage." was heartbreaking.

When it was happening I remember thinking "I won't be able to cope with watching my daddy go through this when it's his turn." So now, with time, I am able to be thankful that he went quickly with little suffering. Obviously that wasn't very comforting at the time even though I kept on telling myself it was better this way.

When a loved one dies suddenly and unexpectedly the shock is immense. My dad was my best friend all my life, he was kind and gentle and funny, and never stopped telling me how prou he was of me and how much he worried about me. He was on holidays for a week right before he died and the last time I saw him he was dropping me off at my flat. The last thing I said to him was "Youre no to be worrying about me. Just enjoy your holiday." and he said "I'll never stop worrying about you." he came home on a Saturday and I was too tired to go and see him because I was doing a pain management programme at the hospital at the time. I will never stop regretting that I didn't get to see him that one last time, even though I know it still wouldn't have been enough. I would literally give my right arm just to see him again for five minutes.

Doctor Socks, I'm sure you know by now that there is nothing anyone can say to take this pain away. But I still remember some of the things other people did and said that mean a lot to me, looking back. Not just friends and family but even strangers. A few months ago I broke down in the middle of superquinn. It just hit me out of the blue because the music they were playing reminded me of him. Eventually this lady came up and literally let me cry on her shoulder for half an hour. She let me talk about my dad and my life and how much I missed him and she said such kind words I will never be able to thank her properly even if I do see her again.

So remember the things people say to you now, they are not enough to tak your pain away right now but in time remembering them will give you some comfort.

There are so many painful things about a sudden passing. Shock, and pure disbelief - having to realise suddenly again and again that this person you live is gone. I was still shouting up the stairs "Im making coffee do you want some?" and seeing things and thinking "I can't wait to tell my dad about this he'll get such a kick out of it" and even seeing him in crowds for weeks and every time I remembered he was gone it was like being hit in the stomach.

And anger. My mother would het irrationally angry every time she saw a man who was older than my dad and think "Why are you still walking around when my husband is gone" she knew how irrational that was but she was just so angry that this had happened to someone so kind. Some people in the family never set foot in church after the funeral because they were angry about some random detail about it. They know it's not really the minister they're angry with. They just need some target for their anger at the unfair circumstances.

Even within the family there were small things that felt huge because of the underlying anger at fate, or life, or whatever. This person is annoyed because ge wasn't buried in Carlingford, that person is annoyed because such and such was said or not said in the eulogy, just stupid things that don't really matter but felt like a big deal because everyone was so raw. There was a lot of tongue-biting and stepping out for air and whatnot. Recognise that everyone is shocked and hurting right now and try not to get too upset about small things. If you feel angry you can always vent about it here, we will understand. It will be tempting to lose the rag over something relatively minor because you are all grieving and even tiny things can really hurt your feelings or feel like they are a big deal. Getting angry because someone said something or did something small, even if they didn't mean to hurt you, is naturally easier than having no specific target for your anger, just life an its sh1tty parts, fate, or god, whatever. Acknowlede your anger as a part of your grief, it's natural and serves a purpose psychologically, but try not to let it overcome you and lash out at someone who is really not the reason for your feelings. I wante to punch the taxi driver who brought me to the A & E department that night because he wasn't going fast enough and couldn't he see this was literally life and death and my father might be breathing his last RIGHT NOW so stop telling me "Oh he must be fine if he was able to give then your phone number."
I know it wasn't his fault, he was trying to make me feel better. He didn't know that my father didn't have a mobile and didn't know my number. That they must have got it from my mother, and that my mother would have rung me herself instead of letting the supervising nurse do it, that the fact that she a) had to get someone else to do it and b) thought I needed to be called at all meant that this was incredibly bad, because my mother is the one person I know who has literally saved peoples lives by being calm and knowing what to do and never losing her head in an emergency. And the person who knows the difference between a real emergency and something that might require a hospital but doesn't require me and my brother to go there immediately.

And guilt. My guilt is huge. I am ashamed even trying to type this, but the day before my dad left for his holiday I saw him double over with cheat pain. And he said it was nothing and I thought "When he comes home I will make him see a doctor." I didn't want him to miss out on the holiday he looked forward to all year. And he was driving me to the hospital at the time. I could have dragged him into Casualty and said "He is having chest pains and needs to be checked out." but I let it go. I didn't believe him when he said it was nothing but I let him pretend.
And if I had been there the night he died I would have called an ambulance. My mother asked him if he had any pain in his arm and he said "no." I know that not everyone who has a heart attack gets pain in their arm (especially women btw) and I feel like I would have recognised what was happening. And maybe if I had tol my mother "He is having chest pains. Keep an eye on him." she would have seen it was a heart attack and not indigestion. Maybe. Who the hell knows?
There will probably be a million things you wish you had done differently. Please do not let them overwhelm you. You would have prevented this from happening if you could. It is not your fault. Keep reminding yourself of that no matter how long it takes for you to believe it.

Sorry for the novel. What I'm trying to do is show you that although we are not professional grief counsellors here we do understand what you're going through. Do not be afraid to tell us things because you think we won't understand. We have been where you are and we know how awful it is. We are here for you. There were things about my greiving that I couldn't even acknowledge until someone else talked about them. They would tell me something about how they fel or reacted when they were in my shoes and I would feel better, be reassured somehow that I wasn't losing my mind. For a long time, like months, I couldn't cry. Except for the actual night at the hospital and the funeral when my brother had to practically carry me down the aisle because I physically could not do it. I felt so confused and guilty because my dad was so important to me and I loved him so much so what kind of a heartless b1tch was I that I was walking around going to work and eating meals and not collapsing in a heap and bawling every day? It was only when someone else told me the same thing had happened to them that I realised it was normal. It didn't mean I didn't love my dad. It meant the opposite. My brain literally could not handle the pain so it used this numbness as a way of coping. It is a natural part of shock and grief and not a reflection of personality or a sign there is something wrong or bad about you.

Please be kind to yourself at this horrible time. People say it all the time and believe me I know it's not much help right now but you will feel better in time. It might take a long time and don't beat yourself up about not "recovering" when you think you should. Equally don't beat yourself up if you start feeling better before you think you should and don't think of it as meaning you don't care enough. It will take as long as it takes and you just have to ride it out. We will be here to listen whether it's tomorrow or a year down the road. I wish I could give you a hug even though it probably wouldn't help you much. Shutting up now sorry for rambling.

wil

An FYI I think suitable for here, but move to TV or PI/Health if appropriate

BBC3 TV Tuesday 23 July at 21:00 is "Rachel Bruno: My dad Frank, bipolar disorder and me"
Frank Bruno, world heavyweight champion, legend and beloved hero for many of us still fights a very public battle with manic depression and bipolar disorder. Retiring from boxing in 96 due to eye injury after losing to Mike Tyson he was sectioned by his children in 2003 aged 41 while the news cameras watched.
I saw him in interview with Piers Morgan on ITV, and although he was obviously far from well, there is a lot of the sparkle and wit "know what I mean Harry" and you could sense the love in the audience.

It is being screened as part of the"Its a mad world season" on BBC3 a season of programs on mental health, illness and depression.. Dont think mentioned here yet, many excellent documentaries on BBC3 go unnoticed until they graduate to BBC1 or 2. They are usually repeated if you cant unblock iplayer.

Whether you are on the outside looking in, or the inside screaming out, there might be something of worth.
Upsetting viewing for some, a glimpse and understanding for others, if it's not for you, then it's not for you.
Last night Clarke Carlisle investigates depression/suicide in British football discussing his own problems at Leeds/QPR, now PFA chairman and meets with Gary Speeds sister.
One comment he made stood out, as a footballer used to injury, he felt he should treat his depression as a mental injury.
Sitting here with a bad back, I realise that kind of makes sense.

delthedriver

Hi Folks,

Hope you are all keeping well.

The fine weather is a great bonus.

Most importantly I hope you are being kind to yourselves:)

Regards,

Del

Call Me Jimmy

I am having great difficulty at the moment. To the point that relationships have been affected.

My problem at the moment is that, in isolation - complete isolation - I can find a semblance of peace, through awareness, non-doing etc. I can sometimes feel like I am getting stronger.

But no matter what, when I have to interact with people, or I want to do things outside of my room all the awareness and peace evaporates and my bad thoughts immediately surface. In order to heal I have to back to room for a few a days and stare at the walls. Then I come out again and within a day or two my worries about my hair take over and I can't do anything but go back to my room.

I guess it means I am not truly progressing as I think I am.

delthedriver

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I am having great difficulty at the moment. To the point that relationships have been affected.

My problem at the moment is that, in isolation - complete isolation - I can find a semblance of peace, through awareness, non-doing etc. I can sometimes feel like I am getting stronger.

But no matter what, when I have to interact with people, or I want to do things outside of my room all the awareness and peace evaporates and my bad thoughts immediately surface. In order to heal I have to back to room for a few a days and stare at the walls. Then I come out again and within a day or two my worries about my hair take over and I can't do anything but go back to my room.

I guess it means I am not truly progressing as I think I am.

Sometimes one has to step out of one's comfort zone. File away the bad thoughts.
Get on with what you want to achieve and deal with the bad thoughts later.
I speak only from personal experience, which has sometimes worked for me.
Worth giving it a try?

Call Me Jimmy

delthedriver wrote: »

Sometimes one has to step out of one's comfort zone. File away the bad thoughts.
Get on with what you want to achieve and deal with the bad thoughts later.
I speak only from personal experience, which has sometimes worked for me.
Worth giving it a try?

How do I even know what I want to achieve anymore when I have become so passive to the point of my mind being just a receptor? It barely seems to churn anything out other than one or two thoughts.

I have stepped outside my comfort zone I think. Maybe I haven't really.

stop animal cruelty

Im so lonely...went on fb to see my "friends" with to the beach yestrerday, and are gone out for the night. funny seems whenever l ask to meet up or go out its either no money, work or dont wana be hungover. l wanna say lm done with this ****, why cant l have proper friends who give as much of a damn about me as l do about them

delthedriver

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Im so lonely...went on fb to see my "friends" with to the beach yestrerday, and are gone out for the night. funny seems whenever l ask to meet up or go out its either no money, work or dont wana be hungover. l wanna say lm done with this ****, why cant l have proper friends who give as much of a damn about me as l do about them

Have you discussed your feelings with your friends?

TeddyTedson

Can someone tell me of there experience with anxiety disorder?

delthedriver

Hi Folks,

Well it is a little cooler today. Perhaps an opportunity to get out for some exercise. Get the positive chemicals pumping in the brain again.

I am a sun worshipper and have really enjoyed the sunshine over the last couple of weeks, apart from playing golf and swimming however, my motivation level has fallen a little. Today is an opportunity to catch up on some chores and get in a walk or two.

Spoil yourselves.

Del:)

Drumpot

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Can someone tell me of there experience with anxiety disorder?

I have written a fair bit about mine in this thread (at least I think I have!).

In short, I suffer from Sleep paralysis (not specifically related to anxiety - more stress). I get panic attacks (not as frequent as they used to be). I regularly feel anxious for no specific reason. Get the sweats randomly. Have a random fear of dieing, random fear of family members dieing. Regularly dream about tsunamis/tornados that only further magnifys this anxiety.

There might be more, but this is what I can think of. I have also written on this thread the things I have tried to do to change my circumstances. The thing that people should remember when trying to get well is that thinking about where you want to be or trying to figure out why you are feeling the way you do is not doing anything to rehabilitate or get well. You are standing still if you aren't actually doing anything different to try and rectify your situation.

I have read many posts here and I can relate to many of them. The thing is that I know how hard it can be to break the habits of a lifetime. These are the things that prevented me from getting the help I needed.

• Not trusting others to help me (friends/family/G.P/ therapy).
• Not willing to invest in getting well (I realised that if I could afford one night out every two weeks I could afford to get therapy!).
• Not willing to actually do anything other then think about how unhappy I was and replay my sad stories in my head (stories of things that had happened and stories of things I presumed would happen in the future).
• Not willing to look beyond what I knew or more importantly what I thought I knew. Its amazing how deluded I was and how oblivious many people I encounter are to the delusions in their lives that prevent them from finding a more balanced life. A lifetime of deluding myself and only seeing what I wanted to see prevented me from finding the more regular peace that is in my life today.
• Not trusting that anything in this world could "fix me" or help me get well. I got so used to feeling sh*ty that I accepted that "this is as good as it gets".

There's probably more, but I think the point is beaten to death. I have been able to build up a support structure that started very simply from me making a decision and PUTTING THAT DECISION INTO PRACTISE. Let me clarify, I thought of something that might help me get well, I organised and signed up to this programme (CBT) and I went to the meetings. I didn't just concede from the start that it wouldn't work, I went to the meetings with an open mind (for once). Nobody was pushing me into this course (or pushing me into anything to be honest). I WANTED TO GET WELL AND WAS WILLING TO TRY DIFFERENT THINGS TO ACHIEVE IT.

Exercise and doing things that relax you are important, but they are not solutions. They do not resolve a persons inability to manage their lives or deal with stressful situations.

I think of therapy like I would if I was given a job at something I had never done any sort of training or work. Most peoples ability to manage their lives, deal with basic things that happen to them, deal with social situations etc, learn these things off family and friends. For me, I felt out of place quite often, I didn't feel comfortable engaging in certain activities and felt lonely (even when surrounded by people who love me). I am learning to believe and actually feel like its ok to be me. Not just that, I am actually learning who I actually am as for so long I thought I was only ever being the person that I thought other people wanted to be which was tearing me apart. I felt like I was watching my life behind bars at the back of my eyes. Seeing events unfold in my life and being the fictitious character that I became (to conform to societal norms) while the real me was just dieing inside.

My anxiety (finally to the point) was , I believe, my body telling me something is fundamentally wrong with my life. This makes sense as anxiety is described as an unpleasant state of inner turmoil. If I am standing on a road and there is a lion 100 metres away looking right at me, I think its safe to say that my anxiety in this situation makes sense and my instinct to run is understandable.

But lets just say I am on the same road and there is nothing around, but I have an anxiety. Why am I anxious? What do I do ? Do I run? Stand still? It depends really. If I am surrounded by people, I probably run because I don't feel comfortable around people when I feel anxious. In my confusion I may relate anxiety with the physical act of being around people and so going forward I may get anxious at the thought of being around people.

Anxiety from something inside of me has made it very difficult for me to resolve my inner conflicts. I became (and still am to a lesser degree) afraid of everything. The past, the present and the future, which left me in fear of trying anything. Whats funny is that if I thought something might help, I wouldn't try it straight away simply because it felt nice thinking that something could make me well, but I dreaded the thought of trying it and it failing!

I am getting used to holding onto phrases and poems that give me a small sense of peace , particularly when I am in the middle of an episode of depression/anxiety. The most recent one is quite appropriate:

If you are depressed you are living in the past, If you are anxious you are living in the future, if you are at peace you are living in the present.

Think about it the next time you aren't feeling great. This is why CBT teaches you to get into the now. Wash the floor and try to focus on what you are cleaning. Look out the window and try to take in whatever you are looking at. Go for a walk and try to engage or see everything that's actually there while you are walking (as opposed to going for a walk and being on autopilot thinking of all the things that worry you).

Drumpot

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Im so lonely...went on fb to see my "friends" with to the beach yestrerday, and are gone out for the night. funny seems whenever l ask to meet up or go out its either no money, work or dont wana be hungover. l wanna say lm done with this ****, why cant l have proper friends who give as much of a damn about me as l do about them

I came to the realisation that my loneliness was mainly because people didn't know the real me. What I thought about life, myself and my friends/family, wasn't the way I acted.

I was in a room full of people who loved me and yet I didn't feel loved. I felt more alone with these people then when I was on my own. Why didn't they understand what I needed ? Why didn't they understand how I was feeling ? Why couldn't they see I was crying inside? Why couldn't they see that I was calling for them to help me?

The reason why was because I was not able to show them who I was or how I was feeling out of fear. I cant quite say what my fear was . . Fear of losing them. Fear that they would find the things I say as "weird, crazy, stupid, dramatic, unfounded" etc. Sure I have a wife and two kids, I have it all. What do I have to feel down ? In short, I didn't value myself as an individual.

Perhaps your friends do care about you but they don't know how to approach you. Perhaps your friends do care about you, but they simply don't know how you are feeling. I became so good at hiding my feelings that I isolated myself from friends and family to the point where I started to get angry/dismayed at how little I thought they cared about me. Unbeknownst to myself, I had created two worlds. The one in real life, where I wasn't doing , saying or being the person I wanted to be and the second life was in my head where I knew I desperately wanted help, attention, love, but simply didn't have the tools to make it happen. I couldn't express my true feelings, so it made sense that those who loved me either didn't know how I felt or just didn't know how to approach me with help.

lighthouse

Letter in yesterday's Sunday independent about Ivor Browne.

http://www.independent.ie/opinion/letters/saved-by-prof-browne-29436272.html

Cliona99

This little poem made me smile today:

Dust If You Must

Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better,
To paint a picture or write a letter,
Bake a cake or plant a seed,
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
Music to hear and books to read,
Friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair,
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain.
This day will not come 'round again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not always kind.
And when you go and go you must,
You, yourself, will make more dust.


Hope everybody is doing okay.

hollster2

Cliona99 wrote: »

This little poem made me smile today:

Dust If You Must

Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better,
To paint a picture or write a letter,
Bake a cake or plant a seed,
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
Music to hear and books to read,
Friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair,
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain.
This day will not come 'round again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not always kind.
And when you go and go you must,
You, yourself, will make more dust.


Hope everybody is doing okay.

That was beautiful one I found myself small but always cheers me up.

Keep on smiling,
Try to keep on smiling
For things will improve,
You'll see, and if you need
Someone to talk to,
You can always,
Count on me.

molly09

How much more crap.......... when does it get better............when?

Ruudi_Mentari

molly09 wrote: »

How much more crap.......... when does it get better............when?

I can't answer that. You will learn to deal with it; hopefully

One thing, with depression is that people only hate you for it and suggest to keep on taking the tablets which really compounds it; right so try to let on otherwise and/or just steer clear and try to work it out.

delthedriver

molly09 wrote: »

How much more crap.......... when does it get better............when?

Molly,
Well done on posting here
Please take good care of yourself, liaise with your GP and other medical advisors.
Live one day at a time.
The tough days will disappear, time changes , so too will your present feelings pass.
Meanwhile spoil yourself, get out in the sunshine, go for a walk, meet a good friend for a coffee and a chat.
You can see this through. You are much stronger than you think
Be extremely kind to yourself, because you are worth it.
We are all soldiers in the war against Depression and we are all here for you.:)

delthedriver

Ruudi_Mentari wrote: »

I can't answer that. You will learn to deal with it; hopefully

One thing, with depression is that people only hate you for it and suggest to keep on taking the tablets which really compounds it; right so try to let on otherwise and/or just steer clear and try to work it out.

I think the problem for people who don't suffer from Depression is they just cannot understand it. On the outside I appear normal whatever that means, well groomed , tanned , fit,outgoing , friendly , full of life, a good communicator......

However on the inside I have suffered from Depression for circa 6 years. Even my nearest and dearest cannot understand how I have been in the intervening years. Yes, I have been at my absolute lowest when on several occasions, suicide appeared to be the only way to take away the mental exhaustion and frustration.But suicide is not the answer.

The solution was having a very good GP, Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Counsellor, whom I have worked with conscientiously over the last 6 years

Depression not only impacts on mental health , but can have an impact on physical health too, I needed the assistance of a Cardiologist and a Gastroenterologist who were wonderful in ensuring my physical health did not deteriorate , but improve.

I have found this thread on Boards truly wonderful, for quite a while I merely read the posts of other OPs, until I finally had enough courage this year to post.
Posting here has helped me realise that I am not the only one suffering from Depression and that I am chatting with other like minded people, many of whom have indeed helped and inspired me.

It actually has become irrelevant for me that other people close to me do not understand Depression, indeed for the last 6 years many people close to me are not even aware of my condition. I don't envisage ever discussing it with them either because they would not understand.

Personally, I find the people who have the greatest understanding are the people on this thread , my fellow warriors in the battle against Depression.

If anyone feels they would like to contact me at any time, you are very welcome to PM me.

I stress I am not from a medical background, but merely a fellow soldier.

Best wishes always

Del

Call Me Jimmy

"I am, therefore I do not think" - epitomises my mindset at the moment.

Exercise, meditation, non-attachment and humility have been the key elements of my life the last couple of weeks.

Quitting smoking gave me a confidence-boost in my own mind. Previously I had felt there was nothing I could put my mind to, and proving myself wrong in that regard has had subtle effect on me. It led me to reinvigorating my yoga practice that ended during stressful college finals, and I have taken up running consistently at a quasi-serious level.

The combined benefits are some supreme clarity of thought and mind, last night in bed through my 'third-eye' I felt I caught a glimpse into the infinite universe that comprises my brain.

Looking at a pair of very tall trees that are growing side-by-side in the garden I appreciated not only their aesthetic beauty but the subtle differences between the two as their respective forms reached from the ground similarly (the same type of tree) but at the same time completely differently in terms of branch structure. It struck me as a parallel to the development of the minds of siblings where undoubtedly the environment is almost identical but the branch structure of their minds grow differently.

I have identified a key battle that goes on in my mind about life, something that has been grating on my mind for many years now is the dichotomy between how infinitely precious life and in this universe is, while at the same time it is infinitely valueless.

Thoughts I am having are very clear these days due to changes in lifestyle. I am glad it is the case. I still struggle completely with my specific mental weaknesses but the clarity is refreshing at the moment.

Another concept which has me bobbing along the river more peacefully is that decisions 'I' make are not made by me - their genesis is undoubtedly inside me but I what made me decide to quit smoking came from outside me. Knowing that I can react to the wind and everything will be okay, rather than pressuring myself and mind to come up with solutions has had a calming effect.

As can be seen from the abstract nature of my thoughts, I've been 'monking about' for the last while and it is suiting me.

Hope others are well. What about that meetup del?

delthedriver

Jimmy,

I think you have been reading my mind this evening!

Yes it is time for a meet up.

I was just looking at my calendar, may I suggest Friday 13th September?

Venue, Red Cow Hotel, Naas Road ,Dublin .

(Easy access via M50 and on Luas line)

An informal meet up in the bar ?

It would be nice to meet as many soldiers as possible.

Best Wishes,

Del

Call Me Jimmy

I have no problem with any of that.

delthedriver

Hi All,

Earlier in the year a number of OPS mentioned that they would be interested in meeting up informally for coffee and a chat.

The date is Friday 13th September, in the Bar , Red Cow Hotel @ 8.30pm

It would be nice to meet as many OPS as possible .

Best wishes always

Sincerely,

Del:)