LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Ruudi_Mentari

delthedriver wrote: »

I think the problem for people who don't suffer from Depression is they just cannot understand it. On the outside I appear normal whatever that means, well groomed , tanned , fit,outgoing , friendly , full of life, a good communicator......

However on the inside I have suffered from Depression for circa 6 years. Even my nearest and dearest cannot understand how I have been in the intervening years. Yes, I have been at my absolute lowest when on several occasions, suicide appeared to be the only way to take away the mental exhaustion and frustration.But suicide is not the answer.

The solution was having a very good GP, Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Counsellor, whom I have worked with conscientiously over the last 6 years

Depression not only impacts on mental health , but can have an impact on physical health too, I needed the assistance of a Cardiologist and a Gastroenterologist who were wonderful in ensuring my physical health did not deteriorate , but improve.

I have found this thread on Boards truly wonderful, for quite a while I merely read the posts of other OPs, until I finally had enough courage this year to post.
Posting here has helped me realise that I am not the only one suffering from Depression and that I am chatting with other like minded people, many of whom have indeed helped and inspired me.

It actually has become irrelevant for me that other people close to me do not understand Depression, indeed for the last 6 years many people close to me are not even aware of my condition. I don't envisage ever discussing it with them either because they would not understand.

Personally, I find the people who have the greatest understanding are the people on this thread , my fellow warriors in the battle against Depression.

If anyone feels they would like to contact me at any time, you are very welcome to PM me.

I stress I am not from a medical background, but merely a fellow soldier.

Best wishes always

Del

Oh; right. Well I am a very isolative character and choose to just ride out what I believe is a condition of the soul; if its even depression at all but it weighs greatly when it does crop up again which is all the rarer with time but then I have difficult relations from within a broken home full of embittered infighting down the decades and that is probably the root because what stems from home, carries over and I can't hold down a decent friendship let lone relationship as what happens is other people unwittingly become what i unwittingly perceive, in my quest for true empathy which I crave badly yet can't actually go about

but you put a genuinely brave face on it, regardless as i like to think i did and is encouraging to see you guys can actually hook up over it -

John.

Reiketsu

I have having a rubbish time lately. I have been suffering from depression on and off for 10 years now. Recently, in May, I fell out with a very good friend of mine. She said I had been talking about her behind her back, which I 100% hadn't been. Due to this we can obviously not all go out together in a group anymore but my friends and my ex friend have had 4 nights out together since stuff happened and I haven't been out once. I haven't been on a night out in almost 3 months and have saw 3 friends for a few hours spread out over that period. When it first happened I said it upset me and I felt left out and like people were taking sides and suggested that in future maybe we should both be asked out and leave it up to ourselves if we wished to go. Felt that was the fairest way. Obviously that didn't happen. I feel so lonely and its gotten to the point that when my daughter stays with her father (single parent here) I sit and cry because I have no company. It sounds so silly but I can't help it. The whole thing is so childish and I thought my friends valued me as much as I do them but clearly not. I also haven't been in a relationship for a few years and everyone around me is settling down. I'm generally okay being single but right now I hate it. Guess I just want company.

A few weeks after all this happened my stepfather died of cancer. I left my daughter in care of my brother and her grandad on her dads side for a week to go to Scotland and be with my mother as thats where they live and my brother flew over for the funeral. I didn't want her out of school for a week. When I got home I had a letter from a social worker saying I had been reported by my ex and his father for "abandoning" my daughter and going on holidays...along with a whole list of lies, saying I wasn't feeding her, she didn't have clothes etc. Thankfully it all blew over quickly simply because it was lies but it was horrific having a stranger invade my private life and make me question how well Im doing. When I have a bad day its one of the things I wonder, if Im a good mother and to have myself reported really dented my confidence.

At the moment I find it hard to care about myself at all. I don't care how I look, I have put on weight and hate how I look. I have IBS too and frequent headaches and I am so tired of feeling like complete crap both physically and mentally. I don't feel my doctor even takes me seriously when I do go to see him. I've started feeling anxious again and taking panic attacks and I have insomnia again. I'm just so fed up at the minute. I can't even find pleasure in music - have a couple of gigs in the next few weeks and Im not even excited. However on the plus side I am going back to college in September and I hope that gives me a boost.

Sorry for the vent, just needed to get stuff off my chest.

Call Me Jimmy

Sorry to read you're having a tough time. Not much I can say.

I can relate to your loneliness but maybe it will lead ultimately to some growth / maturing of the soul? It has had that effect on me at least.

downonthefarm

sorry to hear things are not going well,i have been at the rock bottom myself,i know you feel worthless but you have as much right to be alive as anyone else.keep fighting the good fight.....remember get up ya bum mickey loves ya!!

Said goodbye tonight to a coursemate of mine who's moving back home. It put into perspective how close I am to finishing my Masters and how I'll soon be back at home. I don't realistically have any other option but to move back home, for financial reasons. And I am absolutely dreading it more and more every single day.

I know I'm being ungrateful, 'cause my parents are so good to me and my Mam is delighted about having me home again but other than my immediate family my homeplace has absolutely NOTHING for me. The thought of being back in a rural isolated environment s already making me feel lonely and hopeless about the future. I'm gonna try applying for jobs in the UK in the hope that I can move back. I'll have to apply for stuff in Ireland too but unless I somehow managed to find something in Dublin I can't ever imagine it making me happy. I'm the type of person who needs a big city environment to flourish; I have no friends from my childhood, very few from my teenage years and not many from my undergrad years. This year was the first year in a long time I put myself out there to make friends, and the thought of not getting to see them regularly is upsetting but what's even worse is the thought of being stuck back in an environment where making friends like that is almost impossible.

I really can't cope with the thought of a rural or small town environment - it will absolutely crush my spirit. But what if I can't escape it when I move back home? It's not like I have a world class CV or the confidence to chase down job opportunities and sail through interviews. No-one wants to employ a depressive anxious wreck. I've never been one for planning my life out, I prefer to be a bit spontaneous than rigidly stick to a plan. But not knowing that I'll at least manage to escape what appears to lie immediately ahead of me is absolutely terrifying. What if I don't escape?

Dilly.

I went through a bad spell of depression when I was about 16, months of that time are like a blur to me. I can't put myself back in my own shoes then so I understand how someone who has never suffered from depression can find it really difficult to relate to. I just remember lying in bed, feeling as though I physically could not get up out of bed to go to school or even to get up and get dressed...the smallest decisions like deciding what to wear were just over whelming.

I've suffered a lot from anxiety since then. Its a massive fear of mine that I would ever end up severely depressed like that again and I think this fear almost becomes obsessive and causes me to be anxious and feel like I'm not coping or won't be able to cope with different situations and its just a viscous circle if that makes sense?

I had been doing pretty well for the last few years, especially after I finished college, moved out of home and got myself a full time job. My job was quite pressured...stressful at time...long hours but overall my mental health was great. I had drive, determination, ambition. I suppose it gave me something to focus on, I enjoyed and cherished my time off to relax. I had a busy social life and my mental health never really came into my thoughts I was coping great.

Then I unexpectantly lost my job. I have been trying so hard to get a job but its so hard! I know its only been a short while and everyone has been telling me to just chill out and enjoy the good weather we had been having I can feel my anxiety levels rising and I'm worried. As I'm typing this I can feel my heart racing, then I start to worry about the damage my mental health is doing to my physical health. I feel bad for not having a job, not contributing to society. I'm embarrassed about being on the dole. I know I'm being hard on myself. I know if it was a friend I'd be telling them not to worry but I can't help it.

Unfortunately this last week I have been bordering on/having mild panic attacks and I'm worrying that they're going to get worse My partner is off work and we went away for a few days. I just couldn't enjoy it properly at all. It sounds so stupid but driving past lakes and forests I just felt like I was going to have a panic attack and I don't know why Anytime he suggested going for a drive anywere to see the sights I was freaking out that we would have to pass a lake or forest on the way.

I'm sorry this was such a ramble and probably really hard t follow. I suppose i just wanted to try get it out of my head before I try and sleep,

You really don't realise how much you take your mental health for granted when everything is going well

Eli Nich

Yea a very good topic to stay attracted towards it.

Ruudi_Mentari

Eli Nich wrote: »

Yea a very good topic to stay attracted towards it.

Well this is it, the idea of this very thread even just reinforces it and I am not so sure it is seven suitable for this forum, with all its tongue in cheekness and if we do lay something down here we may become stuck in that mindset when it imo should be pushed to being the last thing at the back of our minds as the only true method to deal with it

And I don't even feel that way, so much anymore just if something pointless flares up here in the house which is all the lesser yet all the more pointless in a more controlled environment it can send me back there temporarily and thus here; eternally.

starling

Ruudi_Mentari wrote: »

Well this is it, the idea of this very thread even just reinforces it and I am not so sure it is seven suitable for this forum, with all its tongue in cheekness and if we do lay something down here we may become stuck in that mindset when it imo should be pushed to being the last thing at the back of our minds as the only true method to deal with it

And I don't even feel that way, so much anymore just if something pointless flares up here in the house which is all the lesser yet all the more pointless in a more controlled environment it can send me back there temporarily and thus here; eternally.

Depression you mean? Pushing it to the back of your mind, or trying to ignore it, is not dealing with it. Very often trying to ignore negative feelings, sadness, anger, fear, etc is what causes depression in the first place, your brain is trying to cope with too much.

starling

Reiketsu wrote: »

I have having a rubbish time lately. I have been suffering from depression on and off for 10 years now. Recently, in May, I fell out with a very good friend of mine. She said I had been talking about her behind her back, which I 100% hadn't been. Due to this we can obviously not all go out together in a group anymore but my friends and my ex friend have had 4 nights out together since stuff happened and I haven't been out once. I haven't been on a night out in almost 3 months and have saw 3 friends for a few hours spread out over that period. When it first happened I said it upset me and I felt left out and like people were taking sides and suggested that in future maybe we should both be asked out and leave it up to ourselves if we wished to go. Felt that was the fairest way. Obviously that didn't happen. I feel so lonely and its gotten to the point that when my daughter stays with her father (single parent here) I sit and cry because I have no company. It sounds so silly but I can't help it. The whole thing is so childish and I thought my friends valued me as much as I do them but clearly not. I also haven't been in a relationship for a few years and everyone around me is settling down. I'm generally okay being single but right now I hate it. Guess I just want company.

A few weeks after all this happened my stepfather died of cancer. I left my daughter in care of my brother and her grandad on her dads side for a week to go to Scotland and be with my mother as thats where they live and my brother flew over for the funeral. I didn't want her out of school for a week. When I got home I had a letter from a social worker saying I had been reported by my ex and his father for "abandoning" my daughter and going on holidays...along with a whole list of lies, saying I wasn't feeding her, she didn't have clothes etc. Thankfully it all blew over quickly simply because it was lies but it was horrific having a stranger invade my private life and make me question how well Im doing. When I have a bad day its one of the things I wonder, if Im a good mother and to have myself reported really dented my confidence.

At the moment I find it hard to care about myself at all. I don't care how I look, I have put on weight and hate how I look. I have IBS too and frequent headaches and I am so tired of feeling like complete crap both physically and mentally. I don't feel my doctor even takes me seriously when I do go to see him. I've started feeling anxious again and taking panic attacks and I have insomnia again. I'm just so fed up at the minute. I can't even find pleasure in music - have a couple of gigs in the next few weeks and Im not even excited. However on the plus side I am going back to college in September and I hope that gives me a boost.

Sorry for the vent, just needed to get stuff off my chest.

That's horrible Reiketsu, what an awful thing for your ex to do! It doesn't reflect on you as a mother. It's about him being a d1ck. I'm sure the social worker confirmed to you that you are doing a good job? It is horrible to have anyone question that you're a good mum but you did nothing wrong there. You left your daughter in the care of other family members so she wouldn't miss out on school. That's what any responsible parent would do!

I'm sure that going back to college will help you feel better and there'll be plenty of other people there for you to have a bit of craic with. But in the meantime is it possible for you to ask for another doctor? Your doctor really should be taking you seriously especially with panic attacks. Your symptoms are not made up or imaginary, you have a medical condition and deserve to be treated just like someone with a broken bone or diabetes.

Call Me Jimmy

Ruudi_Mentari wrote: »

Well this is it, the idea of this very thread even just reinforces it and I am not so sure it is seven suitable for this forum, with all its tongue in cheekness and if we do lay something down here we may become stuck in that mindset when it imo should be pushed to being the last thing at the back of our minds as the only true method to deal with it

And I don't even feel that way, so much anymore just if something pointless flares up here in the house which is all the lesser yet all the more pointless in a more controlled environment it can send me back there temporarily and thus here; eternally.

In a way I agree with you somewhat, when we are stronger and able for action it needs to be 'pushed back' a bit. However I found when I'm really bad and have nobody to talk to it has been a good form of expression.

Also, the community spirit and helpful nature of the thread means it is constructive rather than just being post after post of people writing their own story but not interacting at all.

dd972

Thankfully, I've only experienced short term periods of depression in my life and best wishes to the posters on this thread.

One thing though I'd like to bring up is negative thought cycles, I seem to have an instant recall 'hard drive' in my mind / brain that can delve up any moment going back to early childhood that I've felt embarrassed, humiliated, made to look small, stupid or weak, came off second best, or heard a slight at my expense.

Yet, any GOOD experience, good times with friends or family, holidays, meals, trips to other countries, good times spent with good people, encountering people who are well intentioned or a good laugh, all seem to go through a F***ING REVOLVING DOOR AS IF THEY'VE NEVER HAPPENED

I can remember people who've mistreated or done me a bad turn at will

I forget good people once their out of sight and mind as if they were never born. :mad:

anybody relate to this phenomenon ?

starling

dd972 wrote: »

Thankfully, I've only experienced short term periods of depression in my life and best wishes to the posters on this thread.

One thing though I'd like to bring up is negative thought cycles, I seem to have an instant recall 'hard drive' in my mind / brain that can delve up any moment going back to early childhood that I've felt embarrassed, humiliated, made to look small, stupid or weak, came off second best, or heard a slight at my expense.

Yet, any GOOD experience, good times with friends or family, holidays, meals, trips to other countries, good times spent with good people, encountering people who are well intentioned or a good laugh, all seem to go through a F***ING REVOLVING DOOR AS IF THEY'VE NEVER HAPPENED

I can remember people who've mistreated or done me a bad turn at will

I forget good people once their out of sight and mind as if they were never born. :mad:

anybody relate to this phenomenon ?

Totally. It is possible to break that cycle though:) CBT helped me with it. You could also try writing a kind of diary but concentrating on the good things. It becomes a book of happy memories you can call on to replace the bad ones. It also helps you to focus more on the good things as they are happening and dwell less on the negative ones.

delthedriver

delthedriver wrote: »

Hi All,

Earlier in the year a number of OPS mentioned that they would be interested in meeting up informally for coffee and a chat.

The date is Friday 13th September, in the Bar , Red Cow Hotel @ 8.30pm

It would be nice to meet as many OPS as possible .

Best wishes always

Sincerely,

Del:)

Evening All,

Posted a copy of above notice on the thread , Let us all be anxious and depressed together!

I understand OPS dip in and out of both threads, so I have copied it over to ensure we don't leave anyone out.

Regards,

Del:)

DeVore

dd972 wrote: »

Thankfully, I've only experienced short term periods of depression in my life and best wishes to the posters on this thread.

One thing though I'd like to bring up is negative thought cycles, I seem to have an instant recall 'hard drive' in my mind / brain that can delve up any moment going back to early childhood that I've felt embarrassed, humiliated, made to look small, stupid or weak, came off second best, or heard a slight at my expense.

Yet, any GOOD experience, good times with friends or family, holidays, meals, trips to other countries, good times spent with good people, encountering people who are well intentioned or a good laugh, all seem to go through a F***ING REVOLVING DOOR AS IF THEY'VE NEVER HAPPENED

I can remember people who've mistreated or done me a bad turn at will

I forget good people once their out of sight and mind as if they were never born. :mad:

anybody relate to this phenomenon ?

Eh... yeah. I can TOTALLY identify with that hahaha... I do that all the time. Little events from years ago are summoned to crucify me...

Morag

That sort of recall is a bastard as all the emotions come flooding back as well.
I used NLP to try and put in short cut so that if my brain starts that shíte
I use a phrase to pull myself out of it and try shake it off.

Meds have well and truely kicked in and are working.
None of things I was stressing about 5 months ago came to pass.
I am ready for changes now, want them to happen, am making them happen on my terms.

Withdrawl how ever is a fck. 3 months of taking the meds aprox the same time and I forgot once
and with in 10 hours had such a banging headache and was just unable to brain at all.
I am not looking forward to weaning off these when the time comes.

When it comes to meds I've definitely noticed an increased dependence on them since switching to a higher dose. If I go even one or two days without taking them I feel incredibly down and depressed. Which obviously means I can't really do anything other than keep taking them, but it's scary knowing that this is what I have to do just to function. When the time comes to eventually wean off them...that won't be fun.

Tonight I was supposed to go out for a friend's birthday. It was just going out for dinner and I'd been looking forward to it for a while. But as soon as I woke up today I knew I wouldn't be able to go; the thought of being surrounded by people was too much to bear. I texted my apologies, saying I wasn't feeling well...which I guess is pretty much true, just not in the way most people interpret it. It's much easier to say "Sorry, can't come out tonight, have a headache/stomach pain/sore throat/etc." than "Sorry, can't come out tonight, have depression and anxiety".

Also I'm trying to lose weight at the moment and had been doing ok up until a few days ago; my brain was telling me that as well as not being around people I also shouldn't be eating tonight. *sigh* The thought of developing an eating disorder, on top of everything else, is really the last thing I need....

starling

[Deleted User] wrote: »

When it comes to meds I've definitely noticed an increased dependence on them since switching to a higher dose. If I go even one or two days without taking them I feel incredibly down and depressed. Which obviously means I can't really do anything other than keep taking them, but it's scary knowing that this is what I have to do just to function. When the time comes to eventually wean off them...that won't be fun.

Tonight I was supposed to go out for a friend's birthday. It was just going out for dinner and I'd been looking forward to it for a while. But as soon as I woke up today I knew I wouldn't be able to go; the thought of being surrounded by people was too much to bear. I texted my apologies, saying I wasn't feeling well...which I guess is pretty much true, just not in the way most people interpret it. It's much easier to say "Sorry, can't come out tonight, have a headache/stomach pain/sore throat/etc." than "Sorry, can't come out tonight, have depression and anxiety".

Also I'm trying to lose weight at the moment and had been doing ok up until a few days ago; my brain was telling me that as well as not being around people I also shouldn't be eating tonight. *sigh* The thought of developing an eating disorder, on top of everything else, is really the last thing I need....

I rely on both antidepressants and a couple of fairly heavy pain meds just to be able to stand upright. It's just how it is, no point letting it scare you. Diabetics rely on insulin, we need antidepressants. But it doesn't have to be forever, so don't waste too much thought on it:)

Withdrawal is a b@stard. I've run out of antidepressants a couple of times due to flare-ups and just plain forgetting to go and get more. The staff at my pharmacy don't even raise an eyebrow anymore if I limp in and sit motionless in the shop, tears streaming down my face.

But that doesn't mean that weaning yourself off the pills is going to be the same. When you're ready to come off them, doing it gradually under your doctors supervision will be vastly different from stopping cold turkey. Don't let fear of that become another of those worries and doubts that we carry around with us and punish ourselves with unnecessarily:)

Esel

Deleted User wrote: »

Said goodbye tonight to a coursemate of mine who's moving back home. It put into perspective how close I am to finishing my Masters and how I'll soon be back at home. I don't realistically have any other option but to move back home, for financial reasons. And I am absolutely dreading it more and more every single day.

I know I'm being ungrateful, 'cause my parents are so good to me and my Mam is delighted about having me home again but other than my immediate family my homeplace has absolutely NOTHING for me. The thought of being back in a rural isolated environment s already making me feel lonely and hopeless about the future. I'm gonna try applying for jobs in the UK in the hope that I can move back. I'll have to apply for stuff in Ireland too but unless I somehow managed to find something in Dublin I can't ever imagine it making me happy. I'm the type of person who needs a big city environment to flourish; I have no friends from my childhood, very few from my teenage years and not many from my undergrad years. This year was the first year in a long time I put myself out there to make friends, and the thought of not getting to see them regularly is upsetting but what's even worse is the thought of being stuck back in an environment where making friends like that is almost impossible.

I really can't cope with the thought of a rural or small town environment - it will absolutely crush my spirit. But what if I can't escape it when I move back home? It's not like I have a world class CV or the confidence to chase down job opportunities and sail through interviews. No-one wants to employ a depressive anxious wreck. I've never been one for planning my life out, I prefer to be a bit spontaneous than rigidly stick to a plan. But not knowing that I'll at least manage to escape what appears to lie immediately ahead of me is absolutely terrifying. What if I don't escape?

Do you really have no choice but to move home though?

There are lots of people living happy lives away from home who are on job-seeker's allowance and possibly rent supplement. House-sharing obviously works out to be cheapest accommodation-wise.

Check all this out thoroughly before you decide!

delthedriver

A little light reading!

The following books helped me confirm to myself that I was not the only one suffering from the symptoms which had taken control of my life.

Given the profile of the authors, it confirmed to me no matter who you are or where you are this illness may impact on anyone.

Alastair Campbell - All in the mind.

George Hook - Time added on

Gareth O'Callaghan - A day called hope.

I certainly recommend calling into your local library and checking them out.

Perhaps someone has read them, I would be interested in hearing your thoughts.:)

Drumpot

For anybody who would like to see my progression, just look at my posts in this thread (that date back to May 2012 I think!)....

I am enjoying life (still having ups and downs) like I never thought imaginable. Cognitive behavioural therapy has been just unbelievable in helping me get off heavy medication to being able to enjoy the simple things in life. I can deal with situations that used to drive me mad or send me into a state of panic/fear/anxiety/depression.

http://www.libertiespress.com/Five_Steps_to_Happiness_Enda_Murphy_p/9781907593864.htm

This is the book that my therapist has just released and I would recommend that anybody struggling with life, who hasn't been able to find a solution, should consider reading it. The only affiliation I have with the author is that he is my therapist and I am only speaking from my own personal experience with him.

He has helped me open my eyes to a world I was simply incapable of seeing. He has helped me find a balance to my life I did not think was possible. He has helped me shed my old habits that were preventing me from enjoying life -

• Constantly putting myself down or expecting the worst of myself
• constantly expecting/waiting to fail at something/anything
• constantly expecting the worst in all situations
• actually being uncomfortable when something positive happens in my life
• being unable to enjoy the simple things in life
• having unrealistic expectations of life - "how come everybody else can get through life so happy and I cant" - its not that simple

Among other things, now I have ups and downs instead of just downs and even worse downs. Now I am getting my business together and am confident and excited about the prospect of giving it a real go (instead of lamenting the fact that I will prob fail because I cant get my head together!).

I cant speak for anybody else, but CBT has been little short of life changing and it doesn't involve spending hundreds of thousands on medication. I have chosen to do individual therapy (on top of the group therapy I got free through aware), but its the best money I have ever spent.

I have some friends and family approach me now asking me what my "secret" is because they see the change in me (that I still don't fully see myself - but apparently that's normal). I discussed this with Enda (my therapist) and he confirmed that its simply down to the fact that I want it so bad, I am getting faster results. I don't make any excuses to prevent me from progressing.

I don't have much money at all (I used t o use the excuse with my doctor that I couldn't afford therapy!), but prioritise my therapy above everything (except feeding my children of course). I accepted from the start that my life was unmanageable and that I was unable to find peace on my own so I put my faith in professional people. they were able to see the flaws in me that I was unable to see. I perceived life a certain way and grew up thinking if I couldn't comprehend or make sense something, then it wasn't worth exploring. I also had the view that if I didn't agree with something (particularly constructive criticism on me) I wasn't going to engage with this potential solution.

In the end, trusting in others to see the things in me that I couldn't has helped liberate me from the shackles of my own head. I take the stance that if I get well, other areas of my life will improve and thus far its been beyond my wildest dreams. I read many peoples posts here and I can relate to where the people are at (I was once there) and feel sorry that they haven't been able to get the awakening that has happened in my life. If you are like me and you really want peace of mind and/or happiness in your life and you are prepared to do anything to get it, then I am living proof that its possible.

delthedriver

Hi,

Having a bad day today.

Only got out of bed at 3pm. Whopper of headache, tight band around my head.

Feeling exhausted , very tired and extremely irritable.My eyes feel heavy and are twitching . My body is aching all over and limbs trembling

The thundery rain has finally stopped, the skies are turning blue and the Westerly wind has come up.

Even though I should go for my daily walk, I simply don't have the energy nor enthusiasm to do so.

A couple of phone calls and a task to attend to on my laptop were more than enough to make me consider returning to bed again.

I know it will pass , tomorrow is another day.

Hope you are all doing well today

Best Regards

Del

roseybear

[Deleted User] wrote: »

When it comes to meds I've definitely noticed an increased dependence on them since switching to a higher dose. If I go even one or two days without taking them I feel incredibly down and depressed. Which obviously means I can't really do anything other than keep taking them, but it's scary knowing that this is what I have to do just to function. When the time comes to eventually wean off them...that won't be fun.

Tonight I was supposed to go out for a friend's birthday. It was just going out for dinner and I'd been looking forward to it for a while. But as soon as I woke up today I knew I wouldn't be able to go; the thought of being surrounded by people was too much to bear. I texted my apologies, saying I wasn't feeling well...which I guess is pretty much true, just not in the way most people interpret it. It's much easier to say "Sorry, can't come out tonight, have a headache/stomach pain/sore throat/etc." than "Sorry, can't come out tonight, have depression and anxiety".

Also I'm trying to lose weight at the moment and had been doing ok up until a few days ago; my brain was telling me that as well as not being around people I also shouldn't be eating tonight. *sigh* The thought of developing an eating disorder, on top of everything else, is really the last thing I need....

Be very careful about the losing weight. When i was depressed (but unaware of it ) i convinced myself that I needed to get bck in shape as a way of coping. This took a hold and i ended up borderline, if not anorexic and even more angry and depressed because I was hungry! Very dodgy area...

also dnt worry bout coming off the meds, I was the same, the dose went up and up but was necessary. After 8mnths on the higher dose I came off them completely in 2 weeks, couple of wobbly days during those weeks but all turned out grand, off them since june. Was absolutely petrified coming off them, was so scared that I would immediately transform bck to the depressed and angry mess I was but didnt happen! U will learn to cope and deal with situations while u are taking them. This will b like ur practice run and the meds r ur safety net. When uv had some practice dealing with things u will b btr prepared for when u come off them

Call Me Jimmy

Ye know yerself del, take the day. I took 5 (not recommended) a couple of weeks ago in bed and had some very productive times after that. It's not the end of the world to spend a day in a bed. Remember not to pressure yourself to feel good, if you can try and center yourself, let light come into your eyes whatever way it wants to without judgement.

I experience the band around the head a lot of the time (even today) but it usually a sign I have let my thoughts take over to the point I don't even realise I'm thinking them or... I'm not drinking enough water.

Do not press down on yourself!

delthedriver

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Ye know yerself del, take the day. I took 5 (not recommended) a couple of weeks ago in bed and had some very productive times after that. It's not the end of the world to spend a day in a bed. Remember not to pressure yourself to feel good, if you can try and center yourself, let light come into your eyes whatever way it wants to without judgement.

I experience the band around the head a lot of the time (even today) but it usually a sign I have let my thoughts take over to the point I don't even realise I'm thinking them or... I'm not drinking enough water.

Do not press down on yourself!

Thanks Jimmy,

I went back to be for a couple more hours. Then I got up and had some food with lots of water to rehydrate.

A shave and shower together with a change of cloths helped me feel a little better.

Back to bed now feeling relaxed but tired:)

roseybear

roseybear wrote: »

Be very careful about the losing weight. When i was depressed (but unaware of it ) i convinced myself that I needed to get bck in shape as a way of coping. This took a hold and i ended up borderline, if not anorexic and even more angry and depressed because I was hungry! Very dodgy area...

also dnt worry bout coming off the meds, I was the same, the dose went up and up but was necessary. After 8mnths on the higher dose I came off them completely in 2 weeks, couple of wobbly days during those weeks but all turned out grand, off them since june. Was absolutely petrified coming off them, was so scared that I would immediately transform bck to the depressed and angry mess I was but didnt happen! U will learn to cope and deal with situations while u are taking them. This will b like ur practice run and the meds r ur safety net. When uv had some practice dealing with things u will b btr prepared for when u come off them

Sorry to hear about your struggles with anorexia. I've struggled with my diet before but I don't think it's ever been so bad that I could call it binge-eating or anything. I can imagine it's a really slippery slope though.

On the subject of meds I think I've been about 4 days without now 'cause I ran out and was every day since I've been either too nervous, too exhausted or too apathetic to go outside and get them. Day and night have reversed for me again, all the chemists are closed by the time I wake up. It's been going on way too long now though so have to make sure I stay awake at least 'til 9 am now so I can finally get them in the morning.

Esel wrote:

Do you really have no choice but to move home though?

There are lots of people living happy lives away from home who are on job-seeker's allowance and possibly rent supplement. House-sharing obviously works out to be cheapest accommodation-wise.

Check all this out thoroughly before you decide!

Had a little something like a panic attack tonight; I somehow spent an insane amount of money recently. I hadn't even realised how much I was spending, and most of it is really innocuous stuff like groceries! Stuff like this reminds me why, like I mentioned earlier, going back home soon is the only real option for me. My parents only take a small amount of money for living expenses, bills etc., they refuse anything higher I offer them. For financial purposes it makes so much more sense than attempting to survive off social welfare and rent supplements somewhere else; I guess it's preferable to be depressed due to boredom than be depressed due to debt. Until I get a little better/little bit less worse, I'm not really trusting myself to make any wise decisions when it comes to money.

On the bright side I do have some what of a plan for the future; there's a scheme I'm planning to apply for next month which may let me go back to the UK. Problem is, it's really competitive and I've yet to figure out a plan B for the very likely scenario that this plan doesn't work out....

delthedriver

Hi All,

Hope everyone is enjoying the fine Bank Holiday Weekend:)

Del

starling

Hope you're feeling better Del, I see you had a bad day there.
I've been having a bad couple of days too, or I should say, my ma's been having a bad couple of days and taking it out on me:(
She seems to have gotten over it for now though.
And after saving for 6 months I just figured out that I'm halfway to a new iPod touch, which I desperately need cause I have no computer \o/

delthedriver

starling wrote: »

Hope you're feeling better Del, I see you had a bad day there.
I've been having a bad couple of days too, or I should say, my ma's been having a bad couple of days and taking it out on me:(
She seems to have gotten over it for now though.
And after saving for 6 months I just figured out that I'm halfway to a new iPod touch, which I desperately need cause I have no computer \o/

Thank you Starling,
Yes I am feeling a bit better. It is wonderful to know I have friends like you who care and understand.
We all get frustrated when we are feeling down, as a result the person closest to us normally gets the raw deal.
Well done on your savings plan , it will be all the sweeter when you achieve your target:).
Best wishes
Del

starling

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your struggles with anorexia. I've struggled with my diet before but I don't think it's ever been so bad that I could call it binge-eating or anything. I can imagine it's a really slippery slope though.

My mood has a huge effect on my appetite and eating habits. Try not to worry (I know, easier said than done) it doesn't automatically mean you're destined to end up in eating disorder territory, I think it's just that when you're anxious it's harder to eat, when you're down you tend to crave sugar or carbs or comfort foods, those kinds of things.

It's good to pay attention to your diet and weight as part of general health and also body image, because when we're depressed we look for any excuse to beat ourselves up, and "I'm out of shape" or "I'm physically unattractive" is a big one. But try not to be putting a load of pressure on yourself about it. You're already dealing with so much. Don't pile more pressure on yourself as a way of punishing yourself. You don't have to be a certain weight.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

On the subject of meds I think I've been about 4 days without now 'cause I ran out and was every day since I've been either too nervous, too exhausted or too apathetic to go outside and get them. Day and night have reversed for me again, all the chemists are closed by the time I wake up. It's been going on way too long now though so have to make sure I stay awake at least 'til 9 am now so I can finally get them in the morning.

Oh man, I can totally relate to all of this. Withdrawal is not fun at all. The people in my chemist are used to me so they don't bat an eye when I go in with tears streaming down my face because I'm in withdrawal and someone looked at me funny:(

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Had a little something like a panic attack tonight; I somehow spent an insane amount of money recently. I hadn't even realised how much I was spending, and most of it is really innocuous stuff like groceries! Stuff like this reminds me why, like I mentioned earlier, going back home soon is the only real option for me. My parents only take a small amount of money for living expenses, bills etc., they refuse anything higher I offer them. For financial purposes it makes so much more sense than attempting to survive off social welfare and rent supplements somewhere else; I guess it's preferable to be depressed due to boredom than be depressed due to debt. Until I get a little better/little bit less worse, I'm not really trusting myself to make any wise decisions when it comes to money.

It's a symptom of depression that not many people know about, irrational or unwise spending. I think it's related to disorganisation and a lack of willpower, or at least in my case it is. I've done it a couple of times and unfortunately on my current budget, the supermarket is actually a dangerous place. I went over budget last week because I bought a bag of decent coffee and some fresh fruit and veg! So you're right, staying with you parents could be a good thing in the financial sense.
And I'm fairly confident that someone as smart as you can find ways to beat boredom:)

[Deleted User] wrote: »

On the bright side I do have some what of a plan for the future; there's a scheme I'm planning to apply for next month which may let me go back to the UK. Problem is, it's really competitive and I've yet to figure out a plan B for the very likely scenario that this plan doesn't work out....

That sounds great, best of luck with it!:D