LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

I am pie

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I find it hard to even go to the shop. And some days I would flat out refuse to even do that. From what I was to what I am is the most heartbreaking thought I can think of about myself. It's terrible because I got a taste of the absolute best of life with no need for any worry, in fact the opposite, the world was my oyster.

However now, I feel even if I get to a point of functioning or even enjoying life, I will always be at 50% capacity, with this stuff weighing heavily on me no matter what I do, where I go. It's a part of me now, and the big decision for me is whether it's worth even going out and living life at all. At the moment I don't feel it is, so I sit.

You aren't in a position to make that assessment right now, give yourself a chance. Your depression is making those assessments, it is an illness which debilitates your ability to make good assessments and good choices.

Call Me Jimmy

That is a fair shout, and I would say if it was just a low feeling due to depression it would be spot on, but it's more a cold and sober question of what I want as a minimum standard for life. I don't even really feel depressed any more, just beaten, broken but still 'going'. I don't consciously feel much pain.

xjman

glass_onion wrote: »

You don't always have to go the pub.The Gym and other interesting social gatherings are another good place to meet people and build on confidence.[/QUOTE

I agree but I find its easier to strike up a conversation in the pub with strangers and a drink helps relax my mind.In the gym I imagine that I am being judged as I do in most places.. I dont stand out and am as regular as the next person but in my head I am being judged and am looked at as being different, would love to be able to relax and chat without drink being involved... Left a 16 year marriage, nearly 3 years ago, I was sick of being put down and treated like a child the whole time, knocks the confidence a bit....

Reiketsu

So I was with my doctor this morning. He has upped my dose of Sertraline to 150mg and has also given me a weeks worth of Zopiclone 3.75mg to try and encourage a decent sleeping pattern again.

Overall I would say I'm middling. Up and down. The good days are great though. Long fight but it will be worth it

Timmyctc

Well I'm done my first fortnight on Affex and while no results are to be expected till a month at least i have noticed on the occasion I've not heeded the docs advice on taking them on a full stomach, theyve burned a hole in my tummy :pac: hope eurrayone is having a great day though. Sure if we had nothing to fight against we'd only get bored

efb

Family are a lot like meds, better in small doses, and can be difficult to digest

McChubbin

Having a really bad night tonight with high levels of anxiety. Been losing sleep the last few nights over this impending trip to see my asshat of a father. I know no-one is physically holding a gun to my head and actually forcing me to go see him but even so, I feel trapped in the sense that I can't say no to him. I've always been afraid to do wrong by him as he's had a bit of a temper on him in the past and I'm somewhat uneasy about potentially unleashing it.
Part of me thinks I should just suck it up, do my 3 day visit to appeal to his better nature and let it go for the rest of the year but I really can't face 3 days of him stewing in his own misery, whinging about how he only got a tenner cab fare that night or how he never has any money despite owning two houses and renting one of them.
The man is an utter misery guts and I despise the bones of him yet I'm afraid to turn him down even though he's been off the alcohol for years and his temper is no-where near as bad as it was.
Am I being silly?
I feel completly lost. I'd talk to my folks about this but they're in bed right now and I don't wish to bother them.
Maybe in the morning I'll pipe up but for now I'm in a state of high anxiety and I needed to talk.

Call Me Jimmy

Is the ONLY reason you're seeing him out of fear? It sounds like it is and I can relate because my dad is very similar. I understand how someone can have control over you so it sounds simple to say 'No, I don't want to see him anymore' but for me its a mixture of guilt that I should like him more and fear that he is manipulative.

But I just think it sounds like him being in your life is a negative and nobody should feel the way you feel. Lingering in the back of your mind is probably some loyalty but the way I think about it is no child would choose to feel so negative towards a parent so that should tell you something.

lufties

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Yes, I do shave it pretty close any way it just feels like a loss of identity and becoming 'just another bald guy' in that I'll be less distinguishable from any other guy with no hair, if you know what I mean?

Also feel like I don't have the right to be youthful in the way I act, like I look too old for my personality which will be jarring.

I have to be honest though all together I don't think I will go the distance with this. Too much of my life has been taken away, I mean the life within me, vitality.

hi Jimmy, I started getting thin on top at around 24, immediately I thought, never getting laid again:eek:, I hated the thought of going around with a thin patch on top and trying to camoulflage it. I said fcuk it, so I shaved it off, blade 3 first. I grew some facial hair too. It actually had a more positive result on my lovelife, perhaps women looked at me as a more mature person. I started using the gym and eating better.

Its a bit of a pain when you start losing your hair, but honestly shaving is better than having a barcode or a tax disc on top of your head :pac:

McChubbin

Thanks, Call_Me-Jimmy. I think the guilty and loyalty thing are big factors. I've been working with a therapist to try and resolve the issues I have with my father and although I'm better than I was, I still feel that unless I actually told him how much he affects me like this I'll never get closure. I have some major abandonment issues because of him and I know he's a negetive in my life.
Point in fact, we didn't speak to each other for 2 years once because I had the audacity to stand up for myself and call him every name under the sun. I wish I still had that teenage confidence. It would certainly help as I constantly feel I am walking on eggshells.
Thanks for replying. I'm feeling a little bit better having let it out. I've decided not to go visit as the last thing I need is to spiral off into a deep depressive cycle because of him.
I just don't know how I'm going to break the news to him that I won't be visiting.
Any good excuses?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

May be a stupid question but how do you know if you have depression as opposed to being sad?

After a really tough year, the worst ever, I'm at the stage where I feel nothing, almost numb kind of. I lost my dad almost two weeks ago and while I feel sad, and know he isn't coming back ever, I don't think it's really registered with me, as weird as it sounds. I haven't cried a lot, got through Christmas ok and my friends are remarking on how calm I am. But I feel damn all.

I've come to realise none of my friends care about me and that I am better off without them, I feel like a stray dog that nobody wants around, but I'm ok with that. I'm happier by myself. I hate feeling like a pity friend.

I don't trust anyone anymore, I don't trust my gp even, not after how he last treated my dad. I'm afraid if I go to the GP he might say I'm depressed but surely one would know for sure if they were?

I don't know if I'm just traumatised from the year just gone, worn down, or actually depressed. I don't even know where to start in sorting myself out

Call Me Jimmy

You don't have to 'have' depression to talk to someone. A diagnosis or lack thereof does not change anything fundamentally. In my opinion you should talk to someone because your views are in danger of becoming solidified and you naturally have a lot of anger. I think a professional could help you with your grieving process.

And everybody reacts differently to death! You've had a rough one so I really would encourage you to speak to someone

Call Me Jimmy

For me now it's just endless endless pain. I'm up all night just staring. I feel just about broken but there must be 1% hope lingering in me somewhere, blind faith, almost religious. ****ing bull**** the whole thing. I'm gone too far to improve so just waiting and waiting and waiting the rest of life waiting.

I think the thing that keeps me lingering so much is the frustration of having it and losing it. That pisses me off no end. I already see myself at times becoming bitter. It's horrible.

Rant.

delthedriver

LexieOnRale wrote: »

May be a stupid question but how do you know if you have depression as opposed to being sad?

After a really tough year, the worst ever, I'm at the stage where I feel nothing, almost numb kind of. I lost my dad almost two weeks ago and while I feel sad, and know he isn't coming back ever, I don't think it's really registered with me, as weird as it sounds. I haven't cried a lot, got through Christmas ok and my friends are remarking on how calm I am. But I feel damn all.

I've come to realise none of my friends care about me and that I am better off without them, I feel like a stray dog that nobody wants around, but I'm ok with that. I'm happier by myself. I hate feeling like a pity friend.

I don't trust anyone anymore, I don't trust my gp even, not after how he last treated my dad. I'm afraid if I go to the GP he might say I'm depressed but surely one would know for sure if they were?

I don't know if I'm just traumatised from the year just gone, worn down, or actually depressed. I don't even know where to start in sorting myself out

So sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. The loss of a parent is a very traumatising experience. One's emotions take an absolute battering. It is particularly hard to lose a loved one at this time of the year.
You need to be very gentle and kind to yourself.
May I suggest bereavement counselling as a good starting point?
Look after yourself, because you are worth it!

glass_onion

LexieOnRale wrote: »

May be a stupid question but how do you know if you have depression as opposed to being sad?

After a really tough year, the worst ever, I'm at the stage where I feel nothing, almost numb kind of. I lost my dad almost two weeks ago and while I feel sad, and know he isn't coming back ever, I don't think it's really registered with me, as weird as it sounds. I haven't cried a lot, got through Christmas ok and my friends are remarking on how calm I am. But I feel damn all.

I've come to realise none of my friends care about me and that I am better off without them, I feel like a stray dog that nobody wants around, but I'm ok with that. I'm happier by myself. I hate feeling like a pity friend.

I don't trust anyone anymore, I don't trust my gp even, not after how he last treated my dad. I'm afraid if I go to the GP he might say I'm depressed but surely one would know for sure if they were?

I don't know if I'm just traumatised from the year just gone, worn down, or actually depressed. I don't even know where to start in sorting myself out

Anyone can get depressed.same as sadness.we all cope differently.So what might feel "small" to us can be "big" to others.I am sorry to hear about loss of your dad.

Grief is the same,everyone copes differently.we could be fine one day and weak in another and there is nothing wrong with that.so cry if you want that is ok.As for your friends.im sure they care,just sometimes i think we forget or can't see a reason for them to like us.Could always try find new ones.i don't mean that in an harsh or insensitive way.People do change and move on at times,in our life they are sometimes just passing by.

glass_onion

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I think the thing that keeps me lingering so much is the frustration of having it and losing it. That pisses me off no end. I already see myself at times becoming bitter. It's horrible.

Rant.

Change is inevitable jimmy.harsh as it maybe we have to accept it.

McChubbin

Tried to tell my mother how anxious I'd been feeling last night. I was awake at 5am mulling things over, quietly crying and having a really lousy time. She told me to get a grip, stop drinking so much beer and to stop letting thoughts of my father control me.
She completely dismissed my anxieties, saying "Oh, I really don't know why you get into such a state over him! Get over it!"
FFS! :mad:

roseybear

McChubbin wrote: »

Tried to tell my mother how anxious I'd been feeling last night. I was awake at 5am mulling things over, quietly crying and having a really lousy time. She told me to get a grip, stop drinking so much beer and to stop letting thoughts of my father control me.
She completely dismissed my anxieties, saying "Oh, I really don't know why you get into such a state over him! Get over it!"
FFS! :mad:

Mine is exactly the same! However about 50% of the time she comes back to me and says sorry or maybe ask me a day or 2 l8r how im doing. Maybe she feels the same but deals with it differently?

roseybear

McChubbin wrote: »

Tried to tell my mother how anxious I'd been feeling last night. I was awake at 5am mulling things over, quietly crying and having a really lousy time. She told me to get a grip, stop drinking so much beer and to stop letting thoughts of my father control me.
She completely dismissed my anxieties, saying "Oh, I really don't know why you get into such a state over him! Get over it!"
FFS! :mad:

Mine is exactly the same! However about 50% of the time she comes back to me and says sorry or maybe ask me a day or 2 l8r how im doing. Maybe she feels the same but deals with it differently?

Worriedmind

Hi,

I've seen enough of this. I've had enough. It's happening too much.

If you're feeling down, feeling rough, feeling like the whole fu/king world is against you, PM me for a chat if you'd like.

If you feel like killing yourself (and no, I'm not mincing any words!), then PM me. We can have a chat, meet for a pint, whatever. You only get one go at this sh1t, don't do anything irreversible. There's no problem that cannot be solved, there's plenty of good people around to help you even with the biggest problems!

And have a happy new year.

delthedriver

Happy 2014!

Best wishes for a healthy and happy New Year.

May the year bring you everything you wish for.

porsche959

LexieOnRale wrote: »

May be a stupid question but how do you know if you have depression as opposed to being sad?

After a really tough year, the worst ever, I'm at the stage where I feel nothing, almost numb kind of. I lost my dad almost two weeks ago and while I feel sad, and know he isn't coming back ever, I don't think it's really registered with me, as weird as it sounds. I haven't cried a lot, got through Christmas ok and my friends are remarking on how calm I am. But I feel damn all.

I've come to realise none of my friends care about me and that I am better off without them, I feel like a stray dog that nobody wants around, but I'm ok with that. I'm happier by myself. I hate feeling like a pity friend.

I don't trust anyone anymore, I don't trust my gp even, not after how he last treated my dad. I'm afraid if I go to the GP he might say I'm depressed but surely one would know for sure if they were?

I don't know if I'm just traumatised from the year just gone, worn down, or actually depressed. I don't even know where to start in sorting myself out

Sometimes when we are depressed we feel the whole world is against us. This isn't necessarily the case - it usually isn't. The truth is the world, for the most part, doesn't care! Which in itself can be a depressing thought or a liberating thought, depending how you look at it. Just my 2c. Also, sorry to hear you dad passed away.

efb

Have a good 2014 folks

stop animal cruelty

jesus christ does anyone feel this is the most depressing day of the year?? why?? sorry l just need to let some things out, cant exactley do it on fb or go to anyone, l dont know who my friends are anymore, lv come to realise things are just not the same anymore, l dont have anyone l can pick up the phone and have a chat, l dont feel they listen....but when they feel like it, they know who to call, they know whos the one that will listen and help, fuking sick of it. lm dreading this year, maybe its just the day that it is lm like this, but jesus l cant help but be terrifed of being alone for the rest of my life. lv social anxiety, l go tru these phases everythings grand then boom .....reality hits. love life is non exist and doesnt help when one of your friends has 4 lads at once chasing after her and the others with bf's...why cant l get a lad? l put myself out there, more confident ...when something close happens....nothing happens after. Think l need to go back counselling again but in my last session she told me she cant do anything for me anymore, that she didnt know what to say....like lm just too fuking messed up. ugh, sorry for ranting just had to get it off somewhere. I just want real friends and family.

thanks for reading, feels better leaving it out

2014 please be good to us.

glass_onion

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

jesus christ does anyone feel this is the most depressing day of the year?? why?? sorry l just need to let some things out, cant exactley do it on fb or go to anyone, l dont know who my friends are anymore, lv come to realise things are just not the same anymore, l dont have anyone l can pick up the phone and have a chat, l dont feel they listen....but when they feel like it, they know who to call, they know whos the one that will listen and help, fuking sick of it. lm dreading this year, maybe its just the day that it is lm like this, but jesus l cant help but be terrifed of being alone for the rest of my life. lv social anxiety, l go tru these phases everythings grand then boom .....reality hits. love life is non exist and doesnt help when one of your friends has 4 lads at once chasing after her and the others with bf's...why cant l get a lad? l put myself out there, more confident ...when something close happens....nothing happens after. Think l need to go back counselling again but in my last session she told me she cant do anything for me anymore, that she didnt know what to say....like lm just too fuking messed up. ugh, sorry for ranting just had to get it off somewhere. I just want real friends and family.

thanks for reading, feels better leaving it out

2014 please be good to us.

i do at times yes.because ask myself what have i done last year?.Then the old habbit of comparing self to others pops up.Best thing i was learned if we compare ourselves to each other we never be happy.

As for your friends,as i said in the past posts here,when times get tough.you know who your real friends are.I think social media in particular plays a part as in you must have a million plus friends "to be normal".Reality most of us might have 3 or 4 good friends.

I know sometimes,it can be easier said than done.But you need to try put yourself first.this is not a lecture,but just some advice,i know if we don't look after ourselves first nobody else will.

As for love life.i believe love when happens when we least expect it.it hit us at times where we never expect it.
i am sorry to hear about experience with counselor.You are far from "fu#ked up".

Rothko

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

jesus christ does anyone feel this is the most depressing day of the year?? why?? sorry l just need to let some things out, cant exactley do it on fb or go to anyone, l dont know who my friends are anymore, lv come to realise things are just not the same anymore, l dont have anyone l can pick up the phone and have a chat, l dont feel they listen....but when they feel like it, they know who to call, they know whos the one that will listen and help, fuking sick of it. lm dreading this year, maybe its just the day that it is lm like this, but jesus l cant help but be terrifed of being alone for the rest of my life. lv social anxiety, l go tru these phases everythings grand then boom .....reality hits. love life is non exist and doesnt help when one of your friends has 4 lads at once chasing after her and the others with bf's...why cant l get a lad? l put myself out there, more confident ...when something close happens....nothing happens after. Think l need to go back counselling again but in my last session she told me she cant do anything for me anymore, that she didnt know what to say....like lm just too fuking messed up. ugh, sorry for ranting just had to get it off somewhere. I just want real friends and family.

thanks for reading, feels better leaving it out

2014 please be good to us.

With regards to the love life, you're describing my own situation perfectly. I've never had a proper relationship and I don't think I ever will. I have intense shyness and just the thought of going up to someone and asking them out just terrifies me. I'm going for counseling but if that doesn't help then I don't think there's any hope at all for me.

greenpilot

As I was removing the 2013 calendar from the wall to replace it with a new one, it occurred to me how tempting it is to look back through its pages to see what we did or indeed didn't achieve through the year. Its a damn depressing thing to do, especially since one may have had a really bad year. In my own fury, I chucked mine in the bin, ran upstairs to the studio and spent the whole bloody day writing this tune.
I hope it strikes a note with you folks. Music can be a great therapist sometimes.

https://soundcloud.com/paul-kirwan-2/dont-look-back

Paul.

Reiketsu

Can't even be bothered to get off the sofa and go to bed. A new low. I can't even cry despite wanting to. I was away for a few days over New Years and I loved it but now I'm home and have time to dwell on how I feel...I just don't see myself ever beating this.

Someone different from you

Reiketsu wrote: »

Can't even be bothered to get off the sofa and go to bed. A new low. I can't even cry despite wanting to. I was away for a few days over New Years and I loved it but now I'm home and have time to dwell on how I feel...I just don't see myself ever beating this.

I'm sure that you have been told positive things before such as "you will get over this". It may be very difficult to realise that, but many people have "beaten it" and you are going to be one of them. Have faith in yourself - you can and will get better.

Focus on the great time you had over New Year's. Cherish those memories. It's perfectly natural to feel low when you've got more time to dwell on things. Particularly this time of night when you presumably can't sleep.

I don't know if what I'm saying is making any sense - I can't sleep either, though it's not down to the depression I suffered in the past. The thing that really helped was NHS counselling. I had to wait a few months but it changed my life.

I felt absolutely awful for most of last year and was off work for months. I've got so much better now. I still get down sometimes, but it is having little or no impact on my life.

I thought I'd never get better. I did.

You will too.

Call Me Jimmy

I like your username