LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

DeVore

I convinced myself I had leukemia one night by googling about a persistent all over itch.

Went to the doc and asked about being tested for cancer and he looked at me like "Google?". He diagnosed it correctly as a histamine spike.





I'm on a google-ban since then too.

chinacup

Hiding out in my room feeling all hurt and disgusting. Every time housemates laugh downstairs it feels like a personal insult like their evil cackles are taunting me for being too weak to go down and talk to them. This is no state of mind to be in but I've tried and used up so many suggestions at this point feels like nothing works I was just born flawed and should get used to the fact its the way ill always be.

lukesmom

arf91 wrote: »

Hiding out in my room feeling all hurt and disgusting. Every time housemates laugh downstairs it feels like a personal insult like their evil cackles are taunting me for being too weak to go down and talk to them. This is no state of mind to be in but I've tried and used up so many suggestions at this point feels like nothing works I was just born flawed and should get used to the fact its the way ill always be.

It doesn't have to be this way. I know you are hurting but could you speak to someone ? Call a friend or a family member you trust? Have you spoken to your gp? If no it maybe you might think about making an appointment. As I said there is help, psychology and medication combined have turned my life around. Please call somebody arf91 pick up the phone and make that call x

I woke up this morning around 8am feeling absolutely terrible. Stayed in bed until after 1 because I just couldn't face getting up. I decided to try and nip it in the bud by calling my aunt (who knows about my mental health issues) and she asked me to come over to her right away. So I did, was almost in tears by the time I arrived.

Still not feeling overly great but better than I was this morning. I was invited to a christening tomorrow but I really don't think I could face it. It's odd, because I was just telling someone yesterday how I have been feeling fairly ok as of late.

Gongoozler

I've signed up to the aware group thingy, actually looking forward to going to it. Hoping it will help.

Mister_Happy

I know Karsini, its odd & frustrating when you have been feeling ok for a few weeks or months and then all of a sudden you have a crappy day or few hours. However, the positive thing for you is that you are actually feeling a little better now & its also great that you went & did something to nip it in the bud (visit your aunt).

Sure see how you feel in the morning & if you feel up for the Christening, go for it, might be a laugh (Probably not the Christening event itself unless the priest does standup as well, but seeing and chatting with others there). & if your not up for the Christening sure maybe do something else to occupy yourself that you find fun.

PS - if the priest does standup, please let me know!!!
Take it easy Karsini

Gleeso_Finglas

Gongoozler you will love it. This will be my 4th week and trust me its excellent.

Karsini I second what mister happy said you are having good days which is positive maybe try cbt to learn how to hang on to those happy thoughts and feelings so that you can try have more good days then bad.

Arf91... I hear you sure I couldnt get out of bed and I could hear my partner and my stepson laughing and joking and each time a bit of me died inside as I felt broken that I could not join in. I would pretend to be asleep when my wife to be walked down the hall towards our bedroom. I was in your position a few weeks ago and believe me it does get better but you must go to see your GP and or a psychiatrist to try and get a hold of this asap. You can do it....what your feeling is not the true you it is a symptom...and symtoms pass!!!! But please speak to someone and try get a hold of this. Keep posting here we are are here for support.

DeVore

arf91 wrote: »

Hiding out in my room feeling all hurt and disgusting. Every time housemates laugh downstairs it feels like a personal insult like their evil cackles are taunting me for being too weak to go down and talk to them. This is no state of mind to be in but I've tried and used up so many suggestions at this point feels like nothing works I was just born flawed and should get used to the fact its the way ill always be.

Yep, I've been fighting that all week. Kinda like I'm actively looking for things to be "hurt" about. Someone couldnt chat yesterday on the phone and said "I'll ring you back later". No sign of them and now I'm trying not to be peeved about it, especially thinking snarky things to say when the truth is that probably just forgot and its no big deal. Then I start to get down on myself for being like this. Cos yeah, thats a great response Tom.

I think we have all had times like that, I dunno what to say but to send e-hugs and hope it soon passes, cos it will.

Gleeso_Finglas

DeVore wrote: »

Yep, I've been fighting that all week. Kinda like I'm actively looking for things to be "hurt" about. Someone couldnt chat yesterday on the phone and said "I'll ring you back later". No sign of them and now I'm trying not to be peeved about it, especially thinking snarky things to say when the truth is that probably just forgot and its no big deal. Then I start to get down on myself for being like this. Cos yeah, thats a great response Tom.

I think we have all had times like that, I dunno what to say but to send e-hugs and hope it soon passes, cos it will.

Have to say tom I admire your positive way of knowing it will pass. In regards to the whole friend ringing back thing not worse then ignorance but yea it could be that your friend forgot you never know whats going on in their life. Your not looking for things your mind is as its looking for a reason as to why you are feeling the way you are when in truth there is probably no reason as to why you feel like that its a symptom of your illness. Have you tried the aware lifeskills programme yet??

DeVore

Nope, but I went through a course of CBT and it helped me build tools to deal with stuff like this.

Also, my mantra is Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. If I'm any one of these things I need to H.A.L.T. (yeah its corny ) and sort it out. Any two and its definitely danger-zone. 3-4 and I'm in serious trouble. Right now I'm pretty much at 4.

Going to get some food, listen to some good music and that will fix the first two at least...

lukesmom

Gleeso I tried signing up for the life skills but it says the next online registration is in march

Gleeso_Finglas

lukesmom wrote: »

Gleeso I tried signing up for the life skills but it says the next online registration is in march

Cool keep your eye on it and apply asap as places are limited

lukesmom

Will do. Feel so so today though there is anxiety in the background that I'm acknowledging. I'm not sure if it's withdrawal or psychosomatic.

Dontfadeaway

Those of you who did CBT, did they film your sessions?

looking_around

Dontfadeaway wrote: »

Those of you who did CBT, did they film your sessions?

No.

But I had a counsellor who would record via tape the sessions. I didn't like it, and stopped going after two. (of course, I could've/should've just asked that she not record it .... )

Most won't record, though they will write about the session after you leave.

Gleeso_Finglas

Dontfadeaway wrote: »

Those of you who did CBT, did they film your sessions?

No no at all and they cant film without your consent. I do photography and videography and you cannot film anyone without written consent or you can advise them that you would like your face blurred. Same with voice recordings!!

Did you got private?

Gleeso_Finglas

lukesmom wrote: »

Will do. Feel so so today though there is anxiety in the background that I'm acknowledging. I'm not sure if it's withdrawal or psychosomatic.

Could be a slight withdrawl. As the med take you have stopped taking targets anxiety too as well as having a slight seditive in it

lukesmom

Gleeso_Finglas wrote: »

Could be a slight withdrawl. As the med take you have stopped taking targets anxiety too as well as having a slight seditive in it

Yes and boy am I missing that sedative. Haven't slept good at all past few nights.

Gleeso_Finglas

lukesmom wrote: »

Yes and boy am I missing that sedative. Haven't slept good at all past few nights.

You will until its out of your system. Try tire yourself out with exercise or put the headphones in and listen to sleep hypnosis on you tube.

Fear Sneachta Ban

Hi, had anyone ever tried hypnotherapy? For social anxiety or anything like that? Like most things I think it works for some and not for others but I'd like to hear personal testimony.
I'd be scared that in the process of clearing your mind of worried thoughts in situations, it might clear other parts of your personality. If it's trying to turn you into being a confident person could it go too far? Could you become a horrible, arrogant person?

MagicStars

I have a seriously hard time trying not to let my mind wander, as I end up spending hours thinking about things that happened years ago. I dwell for so long on bad memories I get so upset and angry it is as if they just happened. I feel like I am full of regrets over things like putting up with people picking on me and then staying friends with them for so long as I felt like I couldn't leave. I can spend hours in a fowl mood over something like that or what happened 10 years ago.
does this happen to anyone else? And does anyone know if cbt or hypnotherapy would work for this?

DeVore

Yes, I can related to that. I found CBT helpful but ultimately you have to come to just accept that those thing happened and that all you are doing now is letting them take up space in your head without them even paying rent.
CBT did give me some tools to help with that though.

looking_around

MagicStars wrote: »

I have a seriously hard time trying not to let my mind wander, as I end up spending hours thinking about things that happened years ago. I dwell for so long on bad memories I get so upset and angry it is as if they just happened. I feel like I am full of regrets over things like putting up with people picking on me and then staying friends with them for so long as I felt like I couldn't leave. I can spend hours in a fowl mood over something like that or what happened 10 years ago.
does this happen to anyone else? And does anyone know if cbt or hypnotherapy would work for this?

Rant about them, Write.

I do this. When I can catch myself at the start, I can sometimes destract to something else. CBT has helped me notice and move away from those thoughts.
But I find writing about them very soothing. Often once it's all down on paper.(actually on an online journal but anyway...) once it's all written up, I find it easier to walk away from it. Sometimes I might need to write about a situation multiple times..but each time, it because easier to stop thinking of it.
Also, certain present situations could be triggering past thoughts.
(One for me, is something that has prevented me from joining the army. My other half is the army, so whenever I'd see him getting dressed or setting off for camp, I used to 'flick' back in my mind about how I was "so stupid/weak " etc. And just start thinking about that time in my life. ) Finding out whats triggering it can help you know how to stop them. For example, with the above, I remind myself, that I have friends that I'd never have met, had I been in the army, and I probably wouldn't be with my partner today.

Need to accept the past, and then forgive, them and yourself.

KyussBishop

MagicStars wrote: »

I have a seriously hard time trying not to let my mind wander, as I end up spending hours thinking about things that happened years ago. I dwell for so long on bad memories I get so upset and angry it is as if they just happened. I feel like I am full of regrets over things like putting up with people picking on me and then staying friends with them for so long as I felt like I couldn't leave. I can spend hours in a fowl mood over something like that or what happened 10 years ago.
does this happen to anyone else? And does anyone know if cbt or hypnotherapy would work for this?

Yes, bad memories like this seem to - unfortunately - be the most easily recollectable memories for me, going back a long time; thankfully though, they don't have as great an effect on me now, as they had in the past.

CBT is definitely good for this - gives you the 'tools' you need, to be able to face the memories and look at them - and your reaction to them - in detail, reducing their effect on you over time; looking_around has put that very well.

In my own case (with pretty similar social circumstances), it's pretty easy to see in retrospect, the mistakes I was making, and I don't see the point in beating myself up over something that, back then, I couldn't really help - be that due to not being able to see things as they were, or due to other issues I have little control over.

In the present, when you find yourself unable to get away from such memories, (healthy) distractions can help a lot - headphones and loud music isn't a bad one
Indulging in thinking about such memories for a long time, and riling yourself up (something that I sometimes, but rarely, find myself doing still - before I notice and stop it), is definitely a good thing to watch for and learn to stop yourself from doing.

Drumpot

LorMal wrote: »

What a fantastic post. Thanks for taking o much time to put this down - it is very helpful. Can I ask you where you eventually got your CBT and how it was delivered to you (one to one? group? book?)
#Thanks

Sorry for delay in responding . .

My first experience with CBT was from an AWARE group meeting. The person chairing the meeting recognised that I was at an advanced stage of communicating my feelings (ie that I had plenty of councelling experience). To be honest, I also felt at the meeting that I was well ahead of the group of people who were still only learning to acknowledge their pain!

There was a free group CBT (http://www.aware.ie/help/support/life-skills-programme/ ) with AWARE that I signed up to. The key thing was that I was prepared to try it, I had nobody bugging me to sign up for it, I chose to try and take control of my life. I signed up and committed to the full programme irrespective of how I felt after 1 or 2 of the meetings.

Its a small thing to some people, but to me one of the biggest things was commitement to the programme. I accepted I didn't know how to get myself well and would not second guess what was on the programme. Some of the stuff was very basic and kinda childish, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. Its about learning to live - lifeskills . Once I got passed the embarrassment (at least that was how I felt) of having to learn to live, I found it all extremely helpful.

After the programme, it encouraged me to change doctors (ie - not the programme, but the different perspective I had on my circumstances). My doctor had tried everything and like me was at a loss at what to do or where to send me. I felt having a change of eyes on my circumstances, with my new found perspective on life, might be a good things.

Sure enough my new doctor (came recommended by my aunty who is a nurse) immediately suggested some one on one CBT. The plan was to slowly take me off all medication I was on at the time (sleeping tablets, zanex, anti depressants) with the goal of assessing exactly where I was at emotionally.

I went to the one to one CBT, while working with my new GP and while most of the story is on this thread (don't want to bore people again with my story!) it has opened up my life to things I could never of imagined. I can deal with things in life that I used to never be able to deal with. I can sleep without sleeping tablets. I can turn off the negative thoughts and enjoy simple things in life.

I have met people (one person who even used my therapist) who didn't find CBT helpful and while it may not be for everybody, I would hazard a guess that some people who do not find it beneficial perhaps don't fully place their faith in the concept.

I hope this helps ..

DeVore

looking_around wrote: »

Rant about them, Write.

I do this. When I can catch myself at the start, I can sometimes destract to something else. CBT has helped me notice and move away from those thoughts.
But I find writing about them very soothing. Often once it's all down on paper.(actually on an online journal but anyway...) once it's all written up, I find it easier to walk away from it. Sometimes I might need to write about a situation multiple times..but each time, it because easier to stop thinking of it.
Also, certain present situations could be triggering past thoughts.
(One for me, is something that has prevented me from joining the army. My other half is the army, so whenever I'd see him getting dressed or setting off for camp, I used to 'flick' back in my mind about how I was "so stupid/weak " etc. And just start thinking about that time in my life. ) Finding out whats triggering it can help you know how to stop them. For example, with the above, I remind myself, that I have friends that I'd never have met, had I been in the army, and I probably wouldn't be with my partner today.

Need to accept the past, and then forgive, them and yourself.

Writing can definitely excise some of the demons. Open Notepad and write until you have put it all down there, all your hurt, anger, fear etc. ... but once you do, you have to close that chapter. Its done, its had its time in the sun of your consciousness. If it continues to plague you and pop into your mind, you can say "hey, you're being greedy now memory, you had plenty of my attention, vamoos, getouttahere...". Works great for me now. Its a way of processing it and digesting the memory. Then it has to go where it belongs, in the past.

lukesmom

Gleeso_Finglas wrote: »

You will until its out of your system. Try tire yourself out with exercise or put the headphones in and listen to sleep hypnosis on you tube.

Slept a lot better last night and no anxiety today

MagicStars

Thanks everyone, it is a massive comfort to feel understood by you all. I am going to look in to cbt and hopefully will be able to do it.

looking_around

MagicStars wrote: »

Thanks everyone, it is a massive comfort to feel understood by you all. I am going to look in to cbt and hopefully will be able to do it.

If in person seems to overwhelming right now. Aware offers a lifeskills program(essentially cbt).. online.

I'd still suggest doing it in person, but online is an easy place to start.

Gongoozler

I've been thinking lately about the whole leaving things in the past. And it's great and all, as an idea. I'd like to be able to do that. My mam is a source of anger for me. I've a lot of anger over her death, and I know what's behind it all. But the thought of letting the anger go doesn't sit well with me, because I suppose it's been all I have to think about when it comes to her. And I don't want to move on, because I'll end up forgetting about her. I know that seems stupid, but I suppose I mean it's hard to think of the good because it's always something that reminds me of the bad, and if I'm meant to be moving on from that, I dunno how to do that.

Maybe it's something that CBT will help with.