LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Call Me Jimmy

lukesmom wrote: »

I don't feel it's deteriorating I just need to fix it before it does. And I need Tuesday to come like now. Every minute is like an hour.

It sounds like you have gone into a real spiral, I imagine you are extremely physically tense as a side-effect of the mental anguish. Would you be able to have a soak in the bath later?

Is there anything in particular on your mind that we can help you with?

lukesmom

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

It sounds like you have gone into a real spiral, I imagine you are extremely physically tense as a side-effect of the mental anguish. Would you be able to have a soak in the bath later?

Is there anything in particular on your mind that we can help you with?

Just afraid the psych will change my meds instead of increasing, afraid of being alone, fear fear fear

TeddyTedson

Sorry for oddness of this but I can't sleep without suicidal ideation.
This has been going on most nights for over a year at least now and I can't explain it. Why the hell does that relax me so much?

Call Me Jimmy

Because you realise death is not the terrible thing that our society makes it out to be. The thoughts of accepting death and it being near can bring great peace because our minds are usually tortuous to experience when we never tune out from all the noise?

Call Me Jimmy

lukesmom wrote: »

Just afraid the psych will change my meds instead of increasing, afraid of being alone, fear fear fear

Just remember, most of the time the things we worry about never work out as bad as we thought. The first meeting with your new psych went okay didn't it? I passed all my exams in college despite worrying and being genuinely certain in some cases I would fail.

For me there is nothing anyone can do to me anymore that would scare me. If I lost my income and couldn't pay rent I'd wander the streets and I'm sure it would end up relatively okay.

Just remember nothing is ACTUALLY happening to you right now. Sometimes I think of it in terms of physical threats, is a predator chasing me right now? No. Am I starving, crawling through fields without food? No. Am I dying of thirst? No. What I mean by this is not that I am happy or anything because of this, just that I stop and recognise there are no THREATS to my being at this moment that warrant the kind of anxiety I can sometimes experience just sitting in a chair.

Nothing is ever as bad as our worry about it I've found.

lukesmom

Thanks call me Jimmy. I will just go with the flow until I meet with psych doctor Tuesday. Have psychology session tomorrow afternoon so I'm kind of looking forward to that.

Graces7

lukesmom wrote: »

Thanks call me Jimmy. I will just go with the flow until I meet with psych doctor Tuesday. Have psychology session tomorrow afternoon so I'm kind of looking forward to that.

not sure if you know this but benzos eg xanax can cause what you are going through,. you sound just as i did on benzos.
i used to sit rigid,praying thenext few minutes would pass, tense, terrified

used, don t laugh, to watch ready steady cook, that when it ended i could take mydrugs and go to bed,

my freedom came through getting off it, valium and ativan, and getting body and mind back.
that intense terror stopped;side effect
also as my whole system was too accustomrd to the drugs i was in effect permanently in withdrawal. the craving increased

found help through looking up involuntary tranquilliser addiction online

increasing meds is a slippery slope and i hope they find a way to help you without doing that

meanwhile, strong, strong prayers from here and i am a mighty pray-er!

Call Me Jimmy

Very important post. I was just thinking pretty much the same thing, that it kind of sounds like lukesmom, it might be straight-up addiction you are dealing with. I'm surprised it isn't talked about more that these drugs are extremely powerful.

That was my path, was on all sorts of these drugs for such a long time I realised I wasn't in touch with my own body and mind anymore so I stopped them. I didn't care what happened, only that I had my own sense of self back.

Graces7

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Just remember, most of the time the things we worry about never work out as bad as we thought. The first meeting with your new psych went okay didn't it? I passed all my exams in college despite worrying and being genuinely certain in some cases I would fail.

For me there is nothing anyone can do to me anymore that would scare me. If I lost my income and couldn't pay rent I'd wander the streets and I'm sure it would end up relatively okay.

Just remember nothing is ACTUALLY happening to you right now. Sometimes I think of it in terms of physical threats, is a predator chasing me right now? No. Am I starving, crawling through fields without food? No. Am I dying of thirst? No. What I mean by this is not that I am happy or anything because of this, just that I stop and recognise there are no THREATS to my being at this moment that warrant the kind of anxiety I can sometimes experience just sitting in a chair.

Nothing is ever as bad as our worry about it I've found.

.

useful acronym.. f. e. a. r. false evidence appearing real..

think about it...
..
nb this kind ofanxiety is totally irrational ..fresh air helps or simple repetitive activity. my knitting saved me so many times and now i sell it to feed others
used to call my knitting a well channelled nervous twitch, productive worry beads
well, when my wrist heals!

Call Me Jimmy

Technically that knitting was meditation, focusing your attention on a single object! Human mind is complex but when it has focus on something it settles down.

Graces7

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Very important post. I was just thinking pretty much the same thing, that it kind of sounds like lukesmom, it might be straight-up addiction you are dealing with. I'm surprised it isn't talked about more that these drugs are extremely powerful.

That was my path, was on all sorts of these drugs for such a long time I realised I wasn't in touch with my own body and mind anymore so I stopped them. I didn't care what happened, only that I had my own sense of self back.

thanks and it may well be this

reading some of the articles i put up yesterday...

horrifying

you arewise indeed.
well done you

but there has to be care with withdrawal. i rushed the last reductions and gained excruciating facial neuralgia which after 15 years has only nowstarted to fade

i knew i would get no help from the drs... long story... but a lot of help online...not sure if benzo island still is around.

had some books but passed them on when i was through it all

shocked me rigid to be offered xanax

but maybe easier for me as i have no kids etc and have carved out a way of life that allows me to do as i need. with me the m.e is often bad,.


sometimes people need more social support.

Graces7

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Technically that knitting was meditation, focusing your attention on a single object! Human mind is complex but when it has focus on something it settles down.

no; meditation is altogether different, relying on total stillness of body and mind.

in religious terms we call eg the knitting recollection, which it is and is why it helps. focusses the handseyes and mind on something real, whereas meditation lets go of all physical reality and focus

anxiety is a frenzy of mind needing that physical focus and outlet

i have knonw terrified folk find sanity in the rosary but that does not work for me

knitting and meditation are opposites!

i am on ravelry andthis comes up often.

odd thing is that i am unable to knit etcnow and in the enforced inactivity true mediation is coming, something i was never much good at. gains from accidents...

Graces7

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Sorry for oddness of this but I can't sleep without suicidal ideation.
This has been going on most nights for over a year at least now and I can't explain it. Why the hell does that relax me so much?

i lived like that for decades... was a side effect of the meds i was on combined with banging my head against drs ignorance and mistreatment
mostly the benzos:rolleyes:

getting off meds and leaving the uk sorted it but also i took control over my life and medical treatment

camenear to breaking in hospital last weekend through wrong treatment ans total exhaustion so i got dressed and left.

drs get things wrong; i am responsible for my life and health

if you are on meds, google side effects

MadYaker

Talking to an actual doctor about side effects is a better idea than googling them.

lukesmom

Erm I'm only going to be taking xanax for four days so I've no need to worry about withdrawal. I was on 5 of Valium a day for a few months last year and came off them no problem.

Graces7

MadYaker wrote: »

Talking to an actual doctor about side effects is a better idea than googling them.

finding adr who would talk about this is impossible.

i google any neds suggested and find support groups.

real people know more than drs

doing as i do has avoided possible fatality as one meds was strongly contraindicated and the dr had not known that

nothing goes into my body until and unless i am sure of it.

lost too many years to medical incompetence to trust any of them, frankly. my life, my body

lukesmom

Graces7 wrote: »

finding adr who would talk about this is impossible.

i google any neds suggested and find support groups.

real people know more than drs

doing as i do has avoided possible fatality as one meds was strongly contraindicated and the dr had not known that

nothing goes into my body until and unless i am sure of it.

lost too many years to medical incompetence to trust any of them, frankly. my life, my body

Yes but people generally post horror stories and info that is misinformed at the best of times.

MadYaker

Plus side effects can vary a lot from person to person.

Call Me Jimmy

I think grace is referring to a list of side effects which is perfectly acceptable information to get from the internet imo.

Graces7

lukesmom wrote: »

Yes but people generally post horror stories and info that is misinformed at the best of times.

that is simply not true and is pretty insulting to intelligent and caring folk seeking to help folk avoid what they have endured by sharing that is often painful .

no horror stories from me, just truth and experience and no misinformation either - period. i have known so many fine and brave folk along the way and never what you are referring to

glad you are feeling better

past my sleep time and my time here.

blessings and peace

Graces7

MadYaker wrote: »

Plus side effects can vary a lot from person to person.

exactly so so all the morereason to check and share

you will not findeg suicidal thoughts mentioned by drs re benzos yet they are a real side effect. my drs in fact blamed me for that effect
the reliefwhen i chattedonline with others


would never go to a dr with eg depression or anxiety; have experts in family who do not use psych drugs

but at the end each decides.freedom indeed

off to check on 2 meds the hospital prescribed and if i find something not happy with will not take them.
scuse badtyping...dratted broken wrist
tired now sowill rest

lukesmom

Graces7 wrote: »

that is simply not true and is pretty insulting to intelligent and caring folk seeking to help folk avoid what they have endured by sharing that is often painful .

no horror stories from me, just truth and experience and no misinformation either - period. i have known so many fine and brave folk along the way and never what you are referring to

glad you are feeling better

past my sleep time and my time here.

blessings and peace

Okay sorry, my psychiatrist told me a lot of information (particularly regarding withdrawal) is mis informed on threads relating to psychiatric medications.

Example! If I had have gone by a lot of peoples word on mirtazapine I would have been a nervous wreck. I never suffered a single withdrawal symptom.

Graces with all due respect I have read through some of your previous posts and you seem pretty anti pharma full stop, you replied to a post about lexapro yet you have never taken it.

Calibos

I've a few anecdotes. My Aunts doctor hands benzo's out like smarties (maybe because he himself reacts to them like Lukesmom), yet with my mothers doctor and my doctor its like pulling hens teeth to get any out of him. I double dosed on Solpedeine and Nurofen+ for 14 days straight, 4 doses a day each 4 hours apart shifted 2 hours. This was because of dry socket from a wisdom tooth extraction after my difene prescription ran out. Knew all about the addiction potential and the warnings of not taking either for more than 3 days straight.

Well after the 3 or 4 days of Difene and then another 14 of double dosing on the codeine containing painkillers I knew to anticipate a withdrawl headache the day after I stopped. Sure enough, got the headache, took ordinary nurofen for it....That was it. No headaches or withrawl or cravings after that.

We do all react differently to medication and withdrawl. Unfortunately theres no test they can perform to find out what a given person is more or less like to get addicted to or suffer withdrawl from. Prescribing or dispensing regs have to take into account the lowest common denominator. That being the person that gets addicted easily and withdraws the hardest.

Read absolute horror stories about Cymbalta withdrawl on nearly every depression forum on the internet. Regarded as the worst of all SSRI/SNRI's to come off. People tapering for over a year, removing one bead of the med from a capsule every other day (560 beads in my 60mg) because they were so sensitive to the med.

Me?? Its been a breeze frankly. Don't know if it would have been different if I followed the docs instructions to the letter which was just to stop my 60mg though. Or indeed just followed his 14 day course of 30mg he prescribed after I questioned whether stopping with no tapering at all was a wise course of action. Luckily I found 5x 60mg in a blister pack I thought was empty and prepared some 12 days of 15mg and 8 days of 7.5mg capsules. (Bought some Tramil Paracetamol capsules and emptied out the contents) Still, nothing like the tiny tapers and massive long duration tapers that lots of Cymbalta users seemed to have to do.

lukesmom

I never once said how I've reacted to xanax! I said I was given a four day script for them until my meds are reviewed on Tuesday. I will say they leave me a bit zombie like and I'm not fond of that feeling but they take edge off the anxiety.

Calibos

lukesmom wrote: »

I never once said how I've reacted to xanax! I said I was given a four day script for them until my meds are reviewed on Tuesday. I will say they leave me a bit zombie like and I'm not fond of that feeling but they take edge off the anxiety.

Was this for me or Grace?

I mentioned you in my post with regard to my aunts doctor who hands benzos out like smarties in terms of him possibly being someone like yourself with Xanax or Valium or me with Cymbalta or Codeine who don't seem to get addicted to them as quickly or as badly as others do. Hence he prescribes them a lot easier. (Although, really he shouldn't be using his own personal experience when deciding on what or how much to prescribe) I didn't mean you were looking to be prescribed them like smarties or anything like that. Apologies if it came across that way.

lukesmom

Calibos wrote: »

Was this for me or Grace?

I mentioned you in my post with regard to my aunts doctor who hands benzos out like smarties in terms of him possibly being someone like yourself with Xanax or Valium or me with Cymbalta or Codeine who don't seem to get addicted to them as quickly or as badly as others do. Hence he prescribes them a lot easier. (Although, really he shouldn't be using his own personal experience when deciding on what or how much to prescribe) I didn't mean you were looking to be prescribed them like smarties or anything like that. Apologies if it came across that way.

Sorry I picked it up wrong x

pinkstars

Anticipatory anxiety panic and just general anxiety is back with a vengeance. I got back to work after being very unwell but I think I'm back to square one....can't leave the house...go for a walk..shops or work. I'm panicking

Drumpot

pinkstars wrote: »

Anticipatory anxiety panic and just general anxiety is back with a vengeance. I got back to work after being very unwell but I think I'm back to square one....can't leave the house...go for a walk..shops or work. I'm panicking

My anxiety has been acute of late.

This morning I went down to the beach for a walk and ended up going to the waters edge and taking deep breaths. In and out . . Trying to focus on the waves, the birds and just being in the moment. .

I was originally gonna put on music on my iphone, but felt it better that I just go with the moment and try to let nature sooth me . . And it worked . .

I am gonna try and get out again later today (just getting some work done in office) . .

Its amazing how simple things can improve my wellbeing. . Staying at home or in bed is one of the things I feel like doing when I am down. I don't want to talk to people or interact in anyway with anybody.

But I recognise that the feelings that I have and what I need to do can be in conflict. Oh and I find going to an empty church can help sooth me. I am not particularly religious, but the peace in the room is helpful.

I used to ignore my problems and that is what makes me anxious. Now accepting that things upset me and trying to give myself time to naturally sooth myself is just a godsend. I used to try to keep myself busy and find all sorts of distractions to avoid being stuck with only my thoughts.

Anxiety is the bodies way of telling you something is wrong but I find a lot of my anxiety is my mind building up issues I just do not want (or know how) to deal with. I find that the CBT approach of acknowledging these thoughts and working on self soothing (not distractions) techniques are priceless . . They aren't perfect, but really help.

Call Me Jimmy

Drumpot, something that is helping me at the moment in terms of, if I am feeling a wave of anxiety is to imagine all my feelings/sensations as one large feeling/sensation and I hold my body and breath still and say to myself repeatedly 'not good or bad, not good or bad' and extra 'space' and comfort is found.

A bit out there but it has calmed me. Not good or bad. Not good or bad.

Mysteriouschic

I might not be able to get a deferral and I spoke to my counsellor she's worried I'll just drop out if I defer so now I'm even more stressed that I'm going to have to force myself to stay I'm just so sad and unmotivated now . Now I'm getting thoughts about dropping out again as I just can't force myself to be there all I'm doing is getting depressed this is why I don't feel I can tell anyone I want to defer because they just don't want me to because they feel I need a degree or to put more work in when that's not the case at all. I may just pay to do the semester again if I have to . My mood instantly changes to sad when I go to college and happy when I leave. I can't handle college I just wish people could understand that I can't put the effort I need to at the moment feel like everyone's just thinking I'm lazy or need more help. Seeing the college doctor tomorrow I'm just getting way more stressed with all this trying to defer and I have to start going in again I'm just stressed and anxious to be there I just everyday I go in not to mention having accounting tomorrow I won't have a clue whats going on and will spend the whole lecture pretending to be doing work.