LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Call Me Jimmy

I've been stupid over the last day or two. It's not anxiety or depression it's simply obsession. I allow myself one look in the mirror and then I end up spending the guts of two days in it. I'm not doing anything I'm just looking, as if by doing so I will change anything. But it's outside my control at this stage, like a junkie I am. It stops me living my life and it also halts my improvements, like doing yoga and meditation. I simply can't stop.

efb

I'm a wee bit anxious the last few days- barely dragged myself out of bed this am for work

Drumpot

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I've been stupid over the last day or two. It's not anxiety or depression it's simply obsession. I allow myself one look in the mirror and then I end up spending the guts of two days in it. I'm not doing anything I'm just looking, as if by doing so I will change anything. But it's outside my control at this stage, like a junkie I am. It stops me living my life and it also halts my improvements, like doing yoga and meditation. I simply can't stop.

I am beginning to recognise that my mood/feelings are not necessarily a correct reflection of my life. I say "beginning" because I actually know that when I feel like crap it doesn't necessarily mean that my life is crap. But I am beginning to be able to make this knowledge a small part of picking myself up.


I have started to again listen to an Iphone app I bought on the mindful way through depression. Basically CBT. I have listened to it before and liked the way it explained negative thought cycle and the fight or flight mode of the mind. But I haven't to date tried some of the techniques suggested. . .Why ? Because I don't follow everything I am told and if I get some success I get complacent. Then when I go back to feeling down my instinct is usually to just blame the techniques. In truth, its me looking outside of myself for something/somebody else to blame.

Its not so much about "blame" because I tend to turn on myself when I think of it this way and blame myself. This is not helpful. I look at it like I have learned really bad habits to deal with my depressed state over the years and unbeknownst to myself I am fighting/resisting certain positive changes. I said it the other day but the more I try to improve my mental state the more I try to remember that there is no pain in change, there is only pain in resisting change. .

I repeat myself a lot because I forget things that I have been advised or learned. I don't forget because I have a bad memory, I forget because I am trying to change the habit of a lifetime. I think of it like exercise. If I don't keep exercising I get unfit. I couldn't play a full 90 minute soccer game. at one stage in my life I could play a soccer and Gaelic game in the same day! Its easy for me to see physically why I cant do this anymore. Its harder to see or accept that the same "exercise" applies to my emotional/mental state.


As I said, I have been feeling anxious of late. If anything I feel like I have regressed a lot which makes me feel worse. However, I know I haven't regressed too much because instead of putting my head under my pillow and dreading the next day, I have a plan of action. I have gone down to the beach the last two mornings to try to get some sense of serenity/grounding. I am looking forward to going to a meditation class next weds. I am planning to do things around the house/garden.

Its not important that I don't feel amazing, what is important (for me anyway) is that I am trying to do positive things to get me out of this slump. I am reaching out for support (meditation, iphone depression app, support groups) and that is a significant improvement on where I was a couple of years ago . .

Again I speak of my story because I don't want people thinking I know their exact feelings or circumstances. I only know what works for me and hope that others can take some of what I say and that it works for them.

Mysteriouschic

I got the letter from the doctor and handed in my deferral form today he said he didn't I was depressed although I know myself I tend to put in a "happy face" and act like I'm completely fine to cover up everything and try to not open up that much because I hate being vulnerable. I come up as moderate in the Dysthymia and and Major depression and high in the seasonal in those tests. Just have to hope this deferral works now he wrote me the letter anyway as he could see I was finding college tough.

I found this other people talking about motivation it seems like a common symptom of depression this describes me almost perfectly. http://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/1a6t30/is_anyones_main_symptom_of_depression_just_a/

Call Me Jimmy

If you have the required documentation and are within the time limits colleges are very sympathetic to this sort of thing. Sometimes it is necessary to defer and it is within your rights if you haven't been able to perform.

Best of luck

Call Me Jimmy

Drumpot wrote: »

I am beginning to recognise that my mood/feelings are not necessarily a correct reflection of my life. I say "beginning" because I actually know that when I feel like crap it doesn't necessarily mean that my life is crap. But I am beginning to be able to make this knowledge a small part of picking myself up.


I have started to again listen to an Iphone app I bought on the mindful way through depression. Basically CBT. I have listened to it before and liked the way it explained negative thought cycle and the fight or flight mode of the mind. But I haven't to date tried some of the techniques suggested. . .Why ? Because I don't follow everything I am told and if I get some success I get complacent. Then when I go back to feeling down my instinct is usually to just blame the techniques. In truth, its me looking outside of myself for something/somebody else to blame.

Its not so much about "blame" because I tend to turn on myself when I think of it this way and blame myself. This is not helpful. I look at it like I have learned really bad habits to deal with my depressed state over the years and unbeknownst to myself I am fighting/resisting certain positive changes. I said it the other day but the more I try to improve my mental state the more I try to remember that there is no pain in change, there is only pain in resisting change. .

I repeat myself a lot because I forget things that I have been advised or learned. I don't forget because I have a bad memory, I forget because I am trying to change the habit of a lifetime. I think of it like exercise. If I don't keep exercising I get unfit. I couldn't play a full 90 minute soccer game. at one stage in my life I could play a soccer and Gaelic game in the same day! Its easy for me to see physically why I cant do this anymore. Its harder to see or accept that the same "exercise" applies to my emotional/mental state.


As I said, I have been feeling anxious of late. If anything I feel like I have regressed a lot which makes me feel worse. However, I know I haven't regressed too much because instead of putting my head under my pillow and dreading the next day, I have a plan of action. I have gone down to the beach the last two mornings to try to get some sense of serenity/grounding. I am looking forward to going to a meditation class next weds. I am planning to do things around the house/garden.

Its not important that I don't feel amazing, what is important (for me anyway) is that I am trying to do positive things to get me out of this slump. I am reaching out for support (meditation, iphone depression app, support groups) and that is a significant improvement on where I was a couple of years ago . .

Again I speak of my story because I don't want people thinking I know their exact feelings or circumstances. I only know what works for me and hope that others can take some of what I say and that it works for them.

For me also the complacency kicks in. But I will say that the natural cycle of mood has a lot to answer for. From years of focusing on it, my mood/general feeling is closely monitored by my mind for changes. Sometimes I think the mood changes and this causes me to ask why. Other times I cause the mood change by giving in to the need to look in the mirror. I don't usually tell myself enough 'there is a natural cycle, up and down, that will happen no matter what way my life is', there has to be an equilibrium and I should accept that.

I feel it is possible (as I demonstrated to myself last night) not to stop the up-down cycling, but to create space between I, the witness, and it, the feeling. The key word for me is identification, if I believe I am the feelings the thoughts, of course I will be at their mercy, going up and down with them. But if I am the witness, they go up and down and 'I' just question my senses (in a good way).

I can relate to a lot of what you say. I am beginning to acknowledge more what an overarching challenge it is to change the habits of a lifetime. And on some level I think some of us seeing some progress will be subconsciously averse to the change that we seek.

Great to hear you are signed up for meditation, may ask 'which', where? Just curious, it's not important. The main thing (I'm not sure if you know) is not to expect peace and serenity (or anything) from meditation. Expecting fruits of your labour will make it more difficult. The good news is, all you have to do is the labour and because we know the effects meditation HAS, the labour will bare fruit. The most important thing is to remind yourself constantly that the expectation is the enemy.

Drumpot

@ Call Me Jimmy

http://www.manresa.ie/

A friend told me they do some fantastic courses in this place and they have had some success at learning to meditate.

I am open to finding some sense of peace through spirituality. I would of scoffed at the suggestion a few years ago, but I personally know people who have found it life changing. This to me is another example of my progression, where I have opened up my options with a willingness to try things I refused to even consider. I am not saying this to give myself a pat on the back, I am saying it to show people that small steps can lead to much bigger changes in your life!

For me its about replacing the head racing/wrecking tendencies with an alternative focus.

As I said in a previous post I do actually find it helps me relax sometimes just sitting in an empty church. So I am thinking why not go with it and see if expanding on this will yield more long term beneficial results!

I don't expect to be flogging bibles door to door next year, nor do I expect to be preaching anything to anybody. I am trying to use the spiritual techniques to help aid my progress . .

Call Me Jimmy

If it helps you to think of it in biological terms, completely distinct from any form of spirituality (because of all the negative associations we have with the word) then you should do so. There is medical evidence and growing medical research of simple, factual, biological benefits from the physical and mental process of meditation. For me, this clears out any need for belief or faith. It is same as exercise, it's simply good for your body (which includes the mind obviously).

Calibos

How did you get on at the Pdoc today @Lukesmom??

AnonAsimov

Hi Everyone,
I've checked out this thread a bit in the last few months and thought I'd register and say Hi (and probably have an emotion dump too).

Basically I don't like who I'm becoming. I've become so morbid and negative. I hate it how when I talk to my friends that are usually cheery and happy I always end up turning the conversation to where were complaining about something. I always bring the other persons mood down , which just drives people away because who want to hang around a person that's always negative. I feel Im always looking on the sh1ttier side of life and that i'm blind to the good part.

I've been on and off Citalopram for the last few years (Currently Off) . I took it to get through college. I actually got prescribed it for anxiety. Though since it makes you drowsy I would end up not talking it during the week so I could study and then binge on it on the weekend, which I felt was something that could turn into a drug habit so I kinda just stopped.

At the moment I just try and focus on work and piffy part time addon courses, generally trying to get some sort of a career going. But I'm still not particularly happy. I don't really have many friends and the few people I do hangout with I have no emotional connection and wouldn't trust them enough to tell them any of my feelings. Whenever i do let them know how i feel its usually been building up so it comes out like a breakdown and i just feel like I've alienated myself from them.

anyways I'm getting confused as to what I'm trying to say. I just wish I didn't feel so pathetic, hopeless, and like a failure and all that. I wish i could be one of those amiable happy people who see the good in things rather than the bad.

Call Me Jimmy

Welcome.

The first thing I can say for sure is that if you aren't feeling well you usually aren't going to be great company. Do people when physically sick and overwhelmed usually be a good laugh? So you should take some pressure off yourself on that front, it's naturally hard to be positive when you don't feel it.

What I do (and I'm not necessarily recommending it) is only see my friends for fun. Close friends. Yea the odd time I might mention I've been feeling crap if they ask but I look at like this: I hang around with my friends to enjoy myself and have a good time. If a friend of mine was constantly over a long period of time, not picking themselves up and make a bit of effort in my company I would naturally see them less. There is an element of effort imo in all social situations.

That is not meant to be an attack on you at all! I have the luxury of not seeing people when I don't want to. And I've always been a bit of a people-pleaser in trying to be the one who gets people laughing.

I'm sure you have done things to help yourself, but it really requires a concerted effort and a lot of determination to make yourself as well as you can be. These involve the usual things you don't want to hear: some sort of routine, exercise (preferably one that is fun), eating as well as you can, possibly I know I know, meditation. Something different to what you have been doing.

Once you feel enthusiastic and energetic the social thing will just click right into place I promise you. I would consider that a secondary problem or symptom.

You will find a lot of support here so please keep posting. There are a lot of years of experience and old heads at your disposal!

All the best

lukesmom

Crippled with anxiety, see pdoc at 12 today hoping to get put back on mirtazapine. Don't care about the increasing appetite I've joined a fitness club last week. Anything is better than feeling this way.

lukesmom

Calibos wrote: »

How did you get on at the Pdoc today @Lukesmom??

Hey see post above and thank you for asking

pinkstars

I can't believe I'm gone so far backwards. Afraid to even go to supervalue this all happened after I had my little girl who's now 3 but I got myself well and had been in work a year and a half....can this happen? Is it normal?

lukesmom

Got mirtazapine prescription so take my first one tonight! I'm also on cymbalta 120mg and seroquel xr300mg. Doc also prescribed low dose xanax to take as needed until the mirt kicks in again. Feeling a lot more positive today because I know from experience how effective mirt is.

DeVore

AnonAsmiov... I suffer with that too. What I've found (and been told by others before me) is that being "happy" is a conscious personal choice. At first I didnt really understand that and in fact I got quite annoyed, tired of being told cliches about this and then a mate of mine said "well, if it ISNT then you are allowing your happiness to be at the mercy, beck and call of outside forces, like a little boat in a big sea... sure, sometimes it will be on the crest of a wave and sometimes it will sink to the bottom".

That kinda stopped me because its true, if you dont control your "happiness" then who does?

It sounds to me like there is something underlying which you arent confronting or talking about and it's bubbling up a resentful unhappiness because you are trying to bury your feelings about it.

This is how it works for me anyway, if I try to ignore/bury something its like trying to crush silly-putty... it squirts out in all sorts of directions and its rarely pleasant. I have to sit down, go through my feelings about whatever it is (and identifying it isnt always easy or pleasant) and then give it its due time and attention.

You cant just say "ok I'm going to be happy and only think positive thoughts and be all Sunshine and Lollipops", thats not going to work ether but if you can process anything negative and then say "ok, not everything is perfect but I'm choosing to be in a good mood because I'm in charge here" you might find that works for you.
Once I've processed anything I'm feeling hurt about, I put a mental tick note on it as "Done" and then I continue on my way. I've given it my time and its due, and now it needs to be put to rest.

Your mileage may vary!

Lightbulb Sun

lukesmom wrote: »

Got mirtazapine prescription so take my first one tonight! I'm also on cymbalta 120mg and seroquel xr300mg. Doc also prescribed low dose xanax to take as needed until the mirt kicks in again. Feeling a lot more positive today because I know from experience how effective mirt is.

How do you go about getting doctor appointments? Can you see him at short notice? Only ever see mine every four months typically, depends on how he thinks I'm doing at the time. At the moment can't get a quicker appointment than mid summer, he's completely booked up til then.

Call Me Jimmy

Very good point DeVore, I think it may have been (I hate the term but I hope ye get what I mean) un-PC to say what you have just said. For me it rings true.

I remember being brought to task when I was younger by my psychiatrist at the time who said I was not being proactive in my recovery. I got defensive. On some level I agreed with him but on the flip side, being in the midst of something like this can be confusing and overwhelming. At the time I wasn't thinking clearly. So I understand that it is hard for someone to hear that they are responsible for their own happiness.

I am wondering though, are years of experience a requirement before a change in mindset or attitude? That's what happened for me. I am in a worse situation now than I was then but my acute suffering is less because of all the knowledge and insight I've acquired.

DeVore

Not sure why it would be "un-PC"... I do understand that people (myself included for many years) believe that their happiness/mental well-being is somehow outside their control and for some thats probably more true than saying its under their control simply because its gotten to a state whereby they ARENT in charge any more. There is no negative attached to that statement, I'd say it probably applies to most of the populace tbh.

But when you start to take actions, like seeing counsellor or doctor. When you reach out to friends, or even write on this thread... you've taken the first step down the path of taking back control.
I do agree with you that it may take many years and some suffering to come to understand that. I certainly had to reach a pretty dark place before I "bounced". But I dont think its *necessary* to do so... everyone finds their own path.

The best example I can think of is Thai people. They are reknowned for smiling and being genuinely happy. They are, in my experience, the happiest people on earth. And they have nothing... frequently they live in poverty. They've suffered country destroying tsunamis and revolutions etc but they are happy. Its not delusion, its not mindless oblivion, they just understand that the outside forces dont control their mood. If you have met buddhists before, you know that inner peace and calm they have often despite having nothing but the robes on their back. Its that kind of serenity that pervades the country.

Its not that I dont get upset when things dont go right for me now, I still do but much less so than before and I can look at things more aloofly (is that a word?!) and say ok... wasnt good but it isnt going to spoil my day...

I guess its kinda like Fight Club... let that which truely doesn not matter, slide.

lukesmom

Lightbulb Sun wrote: »

How do you go about getting doctor appointments? Can you see him at short notice? Only ever see mine every four months typically, depends on how he thinks I'm doing at the time. At the moment can't get a quicker appointment than mid summer, he's completely booked up til then.

My psych is quite good I can usually get appointment a week in advance but got one today I told them I was very eager to see her.

ellavin

My doc put me on lexipro took it two days I know she said you have to take it a long time to work but can't see how it can tbh!! There in cupboard since

Ugo Monye spacecraft experience

ellavin wrote: »

My doc put me on lexipro took it two days I know she said you have to take it a long time to work but can't see how it can tbh!! There in cupboard since

You have to take it for a lot longer that 2 days to get the benefits. I was on Lexapro and it's really worth sticking with. The benefits are subtle but worthwhile

ellavin

Yeah I know she said it would take 5 or 6 weeks to notice? Doesn't help me now.. and it certainly wouldn't of help me to see a councillor 3 days after I saw the doc I couldn't go..

Ugo Monye spacecraft experience wrote: »

You have to take it for a lot longer that 2 days to get the benefits. I was on Lexapro and it's really worth sticking with. The benefits are subtle but worthwhile

Calibos

Whether your impression of how tablets generally work come from legal painkillers where one might start to feel the headache ease 30 minutes later or from illicit psychoactive tablets like popping an ecstacy and coming up 30 minutes later, its simply not the same thing. In terms of ecstacy, the drug is telling your brain. "Release all your serotonin now and don't reuptake any of it till I'm done and damn the consequences!!" ie. Massive high followed by massive low. SSRI's on the other hand are dealing with a situation in the brain where there is a natural imbalance and its telling the brain, "we have to find a balance here, not too much and not to little. Re-uptake a bit more,no a bit less, ah thats just right. " It takes a few weeks for your brain to find that balance with the SSRI's help

Call Me Jimmy

I never quite understood the action of SSRI's. I'm not on them anymore but I would encourage anyone starting them to maybe watch some youtube vids (if there are good ones) of the science behind it. It might bring a bit of patience.

Gongoozler

A doctor told me that the reuptake is the bad part as it's not being released correctly, hence the reuptake inhibitor part being what the anti depressant does.

RossFixxxed

Just to echo what the others have said, they take a few weeks and it varies from person to person.

MUCH more importantly is to follow your GPs direction and stick with it. Advise him if you make changes. I have seen people start to feel much better gradually on Lexapro and then decide they don't need it anymore and just stop cold turkey. I have had to rush out at 2a.m. to help the person in question as they began to drop badly and suffer withdrawls. These are SERIOUS medications and you don't mess with them, you don't do anything at all without a professional.

You were prescribed them for a reason and they take time. I more than understand the knee-jerk reaction you have had, but I would get talking to the GP and consider resuming your recommended treatment, or at least coming up with another plan. Please help yourself get better!!

pinkstars

Just to let ye know I am also on zispin and am on 45mg this week and feeling awful - would have been fine on this dose before so here's hoping that it will work for me again, i have taken it for nearly a week so the doctor doesn't want me to just stop in as she said the drug is only building up in my system now. I had a major breakdown in the doctors today.

pinkstars

lukesmom wrote: »

Crippled with anxiety, see pdoc at 12 today hoping to get put back on mirtazapine. Don't care about the increasing appetite I've joined a fitness club last week. Anything is better than feeling this way.

Have you been put back on mirtazapine?

lukesmom

pinkstars wrote: »

Have you been put back on mirtazapine?

Yes