LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

stop animal cruelty

just after a 30min jog out in the fresh air...feeling much better, head feels clear!

DeVore

AnonAsimov wrote: »

Hey Thanks for the reply.Such a cringe feeling reading my previous post, I wasn't a happy camper that day. I'm under pressure at work(Under ***ing staffed, a department should have more than one person in it!) and I have exams coming up. Part of it was I sat down to try do some study that night and couldn't focus at all. I'm sitting there thinking "The coursework is right infront of you, read it, understand it and commit it to memory. Why do you find that so ****ing hard?" and then I started thinking of all the things I regret and it just went down down down.

The boat analogy is a good one. I do let outside factor influence my mood too much. I also make the mistake of making the conscious decision to just be happy and ignore my problems, It feels fake and never lasts, Its like sticking wallpaper over a crack that you know is there.

I love that movie "Fight Club"

Anyways I'm up for work in like 5 hours :S

I'm going to try get back into a proper food+gym routine again, I remember having more energy and looking and feeling better. Its awful when I see people I know and their looking great while I look tired and gaunt and am dressed like a homeless person.

Hey, we've all been there... all looked back and thought "WTF was I like?!" You cant imagine how you were that person, writing that thing, thinking that way, etc... but we all were! That's what I mean by "see the pattern"... I still get low moods but now I can look back and say "hey' this isn't the real me... I cant take actions based on this mood, its transitory, I should wait for things to come back around".

Genuinely I feel like I should be like that guy in Memento and tattoo things on me so that if I get in a low mood I will have that to remind me!

Calibos

Zappetty, Zappetty Mac Fecking Zapsterville!!

(My Cymbalta Tapering story Cont'd.)

Finished the last of the 15mg and then 7.5mg Cymbalta on Sunday that I had made up for myself from the 5x 60mg I found.

Bad Brain Zaps from Sunday evening onwards. My previous experience of the tapering schedule I'd made for myself was that I got bad Brain Zaps the night of the first day that I'd move to the next lower dose. Mild Zaps the next night. Then no Zaps for the rest of the days on that particular dosage until I tapered to the next lower dose etc

This held true until this Sunday. I had used up all my homemade Cymbalta dosages. I was now going from 7.5mg to nothing.

So like I said, Sunday evening was bad. Monday all day was bad but OK. However, Tuesday was Terrible!! Much worse!! Today is shaping up the same.

ie. Zaps getting worse not better.

Mentally and emotionally and anxiety wise I couldn't be happier which is great but the withdrawl zaps have kicked in big time. While not painful they are startling and distracting and pretty dibilitating tbh. Fine sitting down but move an inch or turn my head an inch and Zap Zap Zap

Looks like the recommendation of taking 2 weeks off work for the withdrawl was good advice. Wish I'd taken it and organised the time off. I don't need the time off due to emotional, mental or anxiety state or anything. Like I said, I'm extremely happy on that front, but quite frankly with the way the zaps make me jump and jerk etc I'd look like I had bad parkinsons disease or something. In a customer facing role that could be very disconcerting for customers to see.

Theres some anecdotal evidence that the zaps are caused by withdrawl from a common neurotransmitter called acetylcholine thats over stimulated/produced when you're on most SS/NRI's and that the building blocks for this neurotransmitter are Taurine and Vitamin B2 which are in most protein rich foods but in massive quantities in Red Bull funnily enough.

So, I'm off to pick up a few cans of Red Bull.

Fingers crossed they cure my zaps as well as give me wings!!

DeVore

Red bull has humongous amounts of B-vits and Taurine (which is also the stuff in KittyKat that makes Mr Smuggles coat so smooth and gleaming btw ).

Be careful drinking a lot of Red Bull as I have a doctor friend who tells me that Monday morning is "fake heart attack" day whereby otherwise perfectly fit young men present in his ER with the symptoms of a heart attack because they've been on the Vodka and Redbulls for half the night. Heart palpitations and sweats are common with over use of the stuff

Calibos

No fear of Red Bull overdose. The stuff is rank!! Took me about a half hour to drink the can.Like the worst medicine I could imagine Blueerrggghh!! Shiver!!

Said Feck It this afternoon and went for a walk up Bray head with the Brother and dogs. Was actually fine walking straight and only got zaps when turning. Don't know if they're getting milder or if I'm just getting more used to them but I wasn't startled/jerking anywhere near as much. Can't be the Red Bull effect as we headed off after I finished the can and I doubt it was metabolised yet.

Could be better, could be worse but in the grand scheme of things I think I can safely say the whole withdrawl process so far hasn't been anywhere near as bad as I heard and feared it could be despite my Zaps getting really bad the last few days. 'YMMV' though.

Calibos

I should really be used to the 'Speaking too soon' thing.

Ended up in tears of frustration tonight. Just about got through work and I guess the tears were as much tears of relief at the end of the shift as frustration after having to steel myself and hold in the visible signs of the zaps from customers. Mentally exhausting!!

Don't take this as a downer on SSRI's or SNRI's though. Even the withdrawl I am going through now would have been a small price to pay for someone dealing with real depression or anxiety. Better a few tears of frustration/relief at the end of a work shift because of zaps but where sitting down and not moving head too fast provides 100% relief of the symptom and where it ebbs and flows through the day, than Depression or anxiety where there is no relief no matter what you are doing.

However...

As I realise from reading other peoples stories about their depression and anxiety here, from self analysis and reflection and research. I didn't have chronic anxiety, GAD or Depression. No symptom I went to the doctor with that fateful day over a year ago was as bad as any of the the side effects of acclimatising to the SSRI/SNRI's, the side effects of the med once acclimatised nor the side effects of withdrawl.

Over a year ago I had finally gone to the doctor after a week of grief over the death of one of my dogs and mentioned my pre-existing insomnia, extended family history of diagnosis requiring SSRI's and my weeks old jumpiness at loud noises like slamming doors and my dogs barking. I don't blame the doctor for diagnosing depression with those symptoms but in hindsight they led us up the wrong road. The Insomnia was likely the cause of the other symptoms rather than being a symptom itself and the natural grief at the death of my dog was what unfortunately had me shedding tears in the surgery which steered hbim towards a depression diagnosis.

I know I wasn't depressed now because tbh..and I am not belittling anyone elses problems here but I have certain other issues in my life,or where I am in my life at my age that would have some of you suicidal by the sounds of it, whereas they don't bother me too much at all. They are life choices I made and I have to live with them and do live with them. Its not apathy (Sure apathy is a classic sign of depression I hear you say) I am not apathetic about most things. I am enthusiastic about most things, I am finding joy and laughter in life (before during and after the meds) etc. I'm just apathetic about a lot of things that have some of you guys talking about suicide. I only mention this at all because it was what helped me work out that I was likely mis-diagnosed.

[EDIT] Morning edit to clarify what I posted in the last paragraph last night....
Life issues that are "depressing". that I imagine should or could give someone depression, that indeed some people here have been talking about alongside their suicidal ideation and yet these issues haven't brought me to the same ideation. Therefor I couldn't be depressed could I or else I'd be ideating because of them like others. Is my logic sound or faulty?

Only for that some family members know my username on boards I'd simply state what my life issues are for some perspective.

So in a way. I am saying that I don't truly know what you are all going through because I don't actually believe I've been going through it with you. But if my experience of the cure being worse than the mis-diagnosed disease is anything to go by, where the SNRI actually increased the symptoms it was supposed to treat, well I really feel for you all. ie. If a given drug brought your anxiety for instance to a manageable level and for me that same manageable level was worse than I had experienced before the drug well holey hand of jaysus, I can't imagine what your untreated anxiety must have been like!!

As a result I have even more respect and admiration and awe for all of you and how strong you all are.

Be Well everyone!!

Leftyflip

Nope, nope, nope, feck it, I'm not leaving my bed tomorrow. Have no drive to do anything the past few days. Can't say I've missed feeling like this at all.

Feckedy feck feck.

TeddyTedson

I'd love to read a book on the links between anxiety, depression and insomnia.
I honestly can't remember I've had a good nights sleep where I woke up the next day ready for the day.

Calibos

At the risk of speaking too early yet again....

Woke up for work this morning about an hour ago at the time of this posting and although I'm wrecked after only getting to sleep at about 4am, I haven't had a single zap yet. This is the first extended period I haven't had a zap mild or strong since I the day of my last dose of 7.5mg Cymbalta on Saturday.

Has my withdrawal turned a corner and as for last night was it going out with a bang so to speak? While there has been an ebb and flow of severity over the last few days as evidenced by being able to manage the zaps and walk up Bray Head yesterday, I haven't had any period without some level of zaps since Saturday without sitting dead still and not moving an inch. I'm moving around working as normal for the last hour without a single zap.

Fingers crossed.

[Update] Had a grand nap so recovered from the last nights insomnia and only getting the mildest intermittant zaps as of 7PM. Fingers crossedI've turned a corner with the withdrawl zaps.

DeVore

Leftyflip wrote: »

Nope, nope, nope, feck it, I'm not leaving my bed tomorrow. Have no drive to do anything the past few days. Can't say I've missed feeling like this at all.

Feckedy feck feck.

Leave your bed... but only to do something new and fun.

New and fun is a great antidote I've found. Nothing gets me into a bad frame of mind like monotony. Can't face work/college/whatever ok... get up and go to the beach. Or to the park. Hey, the Natural History museum is AMAZING and that's from someone who would normally run a million miles from a museum. Go see it... Trust me. Break the monotony and do something spontaneous and outside your norm.

G'wan. You were going to spend all day in bed so you cant have anything else on Consider it a mission.

Report back on your day here. For Science!!

Mysteriouschic

My deferrals been granted emailed earlier because I hadn't received a letter yet I was going to log in to my student account but it wasn't working an I asked if I'd been deferred an I have so glad. I've realised something I think the main reason why I've been positive is because I got to the gym a lot that always makes me feel positive an I know when I don't go thats when I start to feel more depressed or anxious about everything.

mickstupp

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I'd love to read a book on the links between anxiety, depression and insomnia.
I honestly can't remember I've had a good nights sleep where I woke up the next day ready for the day.

Yeah I can't remember the last time I woke up and didn't still feel exhausted.

But now I'm in agony with my back which is very distracting and therefore terrible and good at the same time.

Being ill, mentally or physically, is far too damned expensive.

Chiquitita

Wide awake...feck it!

Leftyflip

DeVore wrote: »

Leave your bed... but only to do something new and fun.

New and fun is a great antidote I've found. Nothing gets me into a bad frame of mind like monotony. Can't face work/college/whatever ok... get up and go to the beach. Or to the park. Hey, the Natural History museum is AMAZING and that's from someone who would normally run a million miles from a museum. Go see it... Trust me. Break the monotony and do something spontaneous and outside your norm.

G'wan. You were going to spend all day in bed so you cant have anything else on Consider it a mission.

Report back on your day here. For Science!!

Thanks DeVore!
Didn't get to go anywhere new, but ended up spending all of the day with some good friends working on some stuff. Had a lotta laughs and fun.
Might just keep the Museum for next time!

Hope everyone's doing okay today!

Graces7

pinkstars wrote: »

Concoction is:

Amitriptyline
Zispin
Zyprexa
Lyrica
Valium

And I'm in the middle of a breakdown

small wonder with so many side effects... miracle is you are stillwalking reminds me of me before i decided to get my mind back...took a year with no help from drs.

my mind is clear..i can cope even with bad things that come at me.

stop animal cruelty

feeling really, really low today. Councellor hasnt got back to me yet with an appointment. Tryed to talk to a "friend" how anxious l get about work...only to be hit back with an "oh really........." just doesnt want to know. l have no one to talk to...l just feel so alone and scared, just wanna get out of my head.

Menas

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

feeling really, really low today. Councellor hasnt got back to me yet with an appointment. Tryed to talk to a "friend" how anxious l get about work...only to be hit back with an "oh really........." just doesnt want to know. l have no one to talk to...l just feel so alone and scared, just wanna get out of my head.

Getting out of you head may feel like it could help for a few hours but alcohol is a downer and really will not help. Tomorrow will be worse than today with a hangover.
If your friend seemed disinterested then that could be that they could not differentiate between normal 'complaints about work' versus 'I really need to talk and need you to listen'.

Try not to stress....try talking to someone else? Talking really is a good medicine!

stop animal cruelty

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Getting out of you head may feel like it could help for a few hours but alcohol is a downer and really will not help. Tomorrow will be worse than today with a hangover.
If your friend seemed disinterested then that could be that they could not differentiate between normal 'complaints about work' versus 'I really need to talk and need you to listen'.

Try not to stress....try talking to someone else? Talking really is a good medicine!

thanks but l didnt mention anything about alcohol...

Menas

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

thanks but l didnt mention anything about alcohol...

Ooops! The rest of the advice holds.

efb

Lovely day in the country in the sunshine. 4 Days holidays 😊

efb

Some random right wing religious nut tweeted me telling me Depression is not an illness. Someone better inform the Medical Community!!!

stop animal cruelty

feeling a bit better, had a cry snd slept for an hour, sleep seems to work for me

Calibos

efb wrote: »

Some random right wing religious nut tweeted me telling me Depression is not an illness. Someone better inform the Medical Community!!!

I fear it's not the last time you'll hear from him. I can feel it in me Waters!

Gongoozler

Found a letter today that has my latest medical card attached to it, the expiry is may some time. So though I've no idea how much my cymbalta costs, that's a good enough reason to put the end of may / June as my last prescription for it down to 30mg now, and another month of it should be fine in terms of tapering further, this time to nothing.

Finished up my cbt too. While I felt it could've been more useful, it has definitely infiltrated my thought patterns.

aimzLc2

Hi everyone ,
a very close friend of mine is suffering very badly with depression at the moment , (she has for years- on medication and has seen people about it.)
I'd just love to hear from people who have suffered themselves how best i can support her.
what are things you would like a friend to do /say when you feel low ?
I know it differs person to person but..
When would you like friends to step in and when would you like to be left alone for a bit?
thanks

Calibos

Came across and interesting TED talk on youtube about Depression . Well worth 30 minutes of peoples time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eBUcBfkVCo

DeVore

aimzLc2 wrote: »

Hi everyone ,
a very close friend of mine is suffering very badly with depression at the moment , (she has for years- on medication and has seen people about it.)
I'd just love to hear from people who have suffered themselves how best i can support her.
what are things you would like a friend to do /say when you feel low ?
I know it differs person to person but..
When would you like friends to step in and when would you like to be left alone for a bit?
thanks

Mostly I would want them to say very little. Its hard to advise you I'm afraid because everyone is different. In my case being a good listener means letting the person talk but also not being pitiful. Nothing drives me further from a person than for them to say "aah God love you, I really feel for you, isn't it terrible altogether". I feel like punching that kind of patronising d*ck

Another no no in my book is to try and say something like "oh yeah, when I broke up with my boy/girlfriend I was totally depressed for like, days!".

What I DO want is for someone to take an interest and genuinely try to understand me. And if they don't then its still nice to hear a frank and genuine: "hey, I don't understand, I cant really get to grips with what you are going through but I hear you and I know someone I care about is hurting and I want to be there for you".
That alone, is a terrific thing to hear.

Mostly let the person talk, they can find a way to heal themselves most of the time.

TeddyTedson

Excuse my ignorance here for this question but do people in developing countries suffer much with depression? Here they say mental illness will affect 1 in 4 though out their lifetime. I don't know it that means directly or directly.
But if it's less in developing countries in places that tend to have a more sense of community surely there can be changes made over time with how we live.

For example and this point my be really going off on another direction here but I remember as a kid having street parties in my estate. Everyone seemed to love it and I remember my parents and my neighbours often going out and doing things together.
Then with the celtic tiger these things died off and people would never socialise much within the estate. I can imagine for maybe older people or people who may be away from their family and friends that this may lead to a lot more isolation that. The simple solution to actively try pursue other outlets to socialise but from reading the personal problems forum many people seem to find this difficult and then before long find themselves stuck in a rut.

I know that's not a perfect example of how it works but I've really noticed over the last few years lots of neighbours becoming a lot more social with each other. A man who lived across from me who I only used to know to wave at I got talking with one day about rugby. Since then I'd often arrive home from work and see him outside his house and often have a chat with him. Very simple stuff but it's nice to know your neighbours (well mostly lol) and have more of a sense of community.

That being said there are days when I really don't want to talk to anyone, particularly in work and I make effort to avoid them, like not eating in the canteen. I imagine people must really think I blow hot and cold with them but there are days when I just prefer to remain invisible.

I'm absolutely shattered and am not really sure what points I was trying to make there and I'm sure I've contradicted myself numerous times but there you go!

Goodnight!

Timmyctc

Has anyone ever been referred to Pysch through Casualty/A&E?

I got a referral letter from my doc but before I got a chance to actually go I had my wallet stolen, medical cards and all. Does anyone know firstly if I can go without my Medical card number on hand? And if there's a time limit on when you can go in with such a referral? I'm afraid I probably waited too long after the actual referral letter, or is that even a thing :P

Turtwig

There are undoubtedly cultural aspects to depression but in general people in a developing country will die from other ailments before depression can strike them. To put it another way, everyone today that survives appendicitis has a chance of picking up another illness. The more illnesses that a society can treat the greater the chances of a person in that society being afflicted by what might initially have been a rarer illness. Not saying depression was a rarer illness but now more people can get it either way.