LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

wexie

I don't post here often (although maybe I should) but I just wanted to say thanks to you all.

Coming on here gives me a bit of a boost sometimes though, it's nice to know I'm not alone and there are more people feeling like this, and more importantly it shows that you can get better and control it.

......getting a lot worse again these days and I'm not sure why.
I was doing fine for a while, lots of motivation, getting lots of stuff done and a much better outlook on life all in all.

and now....bleuh.....can't be bothered with much. There are tonnes of things I want to do and a good few things I have to do and I just feel like I've lost all motivation again. Sometimes it's like I just get so overwhelmed I just give up altogether as I won't be able to get everything done the way I'd like it to and I'm just disappointing too many people.

There are lots of good things for me to look forward to, going on holidays soon, getting work done on the house, a possibility of a job change to give me some more stability/regularity......but even so I'm feeling very....dull and lifeless.

I'm going to switch of my laptop (do you ever feel that the computer just sucks the life out of you?) and go outside to try to tick a few things off my list. Maybe getting something done will make me feel a bit better.

Hope you all have a good day.

InReality

Some interesting stuff here about how stress /uncertainty and how much of anxiety is in the body and not the "head".

I liked

"The stress response is largely physical: It is your body priming itself for impending movement."

So if we didn't had to sit at fecking desks when we became stressed it would be so much better !

and

"Sometimes it is more stressful not knowing when or if you are going to be fired than actually being fired."

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/08/opinion/sunday/the-biology-of-risk.html

Drumpot

Calibos wrote: »

Another thread reminded me of something to put in my, "hey, I'm good at something" column. I thwarted robberies on our family business twice. Disarmed a gun toting pair of armed robbers. (Turned out to be starter pistol) and pulled off a thief with a knife to my brothers throat and identified him to the guards.

i.e. I'm good/calm under pressure....which is ironic, given that it seems I have mild GAD.

Just reminded me of something I heard before but had forgotten. Try to think of something that you do that makes you feel good about yourself . . Now do that daily and make it your business you remind yourself of at least one nice thing about yourself each day . .

Right now, I am looking/staring at my neighbours roof at a small bird that looks exactly like one of the birds I saved few years ago. 3 small chicks nets fell from my roof and I managed to get them into a box and place them back near where their nest was (and their mother eventually came back to them!). . That was a nice feeling and they come back to my house every year (was told that would happen when I phoned the nature reserve place in Wexford for advice on how to potentially save them!). .

Saving those birds reminded me thatI saved a pigeon about three weeks ago from a nasty crow who had savaged his ass and he couldn't fly. I made a makeshift nest in my back garden and after a day or so he got his energy back. Watching him fly away was so satisfying . .

I used to only see the negatives in myself, but simple changes allowed me to slowly start to see myself in a better light . . Im nowhere near perfect, but I am also nowhere near as bad as I can sometimes feel about myself. .

People don't need to go around saving animals (was thinking of getting a superhero costume - "Birdman") to feel good about themselves, but there are simple things that we can all do daily to make us feel a little bit better about ourselves. Open the door for somebody, give up your seat on the bus for a person who needs it, let somebody pull out from a sideroad . . There are literally hundreds of simple things I can do that sometimes do give me a little lift . .

By the way, I had to stop staring at the bird on my neighbours house as it was right near their bathroom window and I think they thought I was staring into their jacks! F**k . . Types frantically to look busy . . .

Call Me Jimmy

InReality wrote: »

Some interesting stuff here about how stress /uncertainty and how much of anxiety is in the body and not the "head".

I liked

"The stress response is largely physical: It is your body priming itself for impending movement."

Very good point. Not enough emphasis is placed on the nervous system in educating and informing people about anxiety.

Often times it is the physical sensation that causes the mind to begin the problem-solving and worrying but it appears that we just started worrying and now feel all fuzzy.

Self-help for your nerves by Claire Weekes is highly recommende for anyone in the wars with anxiety. It simply educates the reader about their body and for me gave some great insight which for others could potentially change their whole perspective on it.

Calibos

Was just saying that to my mother this morning how my most recent few hours of feeling really sorry for myself with a few tears shed the other night and nearly all in recent memory have followed not preceded feeling anxious and edgy and wired and jittery etc. The physical precipitating the mental lows not the other way round.

Its also one of things I noted about my emotional states and symptoms that helped me realise I had been mis diagnosed with depression. I wasn't depressed all the time. I only got depressed and had depressing ruminations on my position in life at 40 during the course of Anxiety/Adrenaline/Cortisol Edgy jittery physiological episodes. A few hours later or the next day and until the next Edgy physiological episode which could be a few days or a few weeks away, I'd be back to my usual optimistic (It'll all work itself out mindset) for the full duration of the intervening periods.

wexie

Calibos wrote: »

I only got depressed and had depressing ruminations on my position in life at 40 during the course of Anxiety/Adrenaline/Cortisol Edgy jittery physiological episodes.

That's certainly not helping either......looming in the(not so very distant) future is that number when you're officially old, over the hump, all downhill from here

And intellectually I know I'm really not doing all that badly, lovely wife, 3 healthy kids, pretty decent job, nice house in the country, can still manage to pay the bills on time (mostly).......it's just.......I thought I'd have done more with my life by now....achieved more.....seen more.....

I realise this is all in my own perceptions of myself but as I'm sure many of you know they're not so easily changed.

Sometimes I wish I could see myself through my kids eyes, cause they think I'm bloody wonderful (mostly) and can make or fix anything....

Drumpot

wexie wrote: »

That's certainly not helping either......looming in the(not so very distant) future is that number when you're officially old, over the hump, all downhill from here

And intellectually I know I'm really not doing all that badly, lovely wife, 3 healthy kids, pretty decent job, nice house in the country, can still manage to pay the bills on time (mostly).......it's just.......I thought I'd have done more with my life by now....achieved more.....seen more.....

I realise this is all in my own perceptions of myself but as I'm sure many of you know they're not so easily changed.

Sometimes I wish I could see myself through my kids eyes, cause they think I'm bloody wonderful (mostly) and can make or fix anything....

Im not too far behind you in most of the things you listed . . My children's happiness and desire to be around me has improved so much since I have been able to find a bit of balance in my life . . I take that as a positive reflection of my life achievements.

I tend to think that the world we are growing up in puts far too much emphasis and pressure on convincing us that we need material things and that we should crave a specific way of life that isn't vital for a fulfilling life.

Money does not equate to happiness, nor does social standing, educational achievements or job prestige guarantee happiness. They can help, but they can also help people really lose track of having a real satisfying life.

I wonder if there are many people on their deathbeds that lament the fact that they didn't work harder in work or study harder in an exam at sometime in their past . . People should look up the 10 biggest regrets people have on their deathbed. Its a shame that so many of us only really find out what we really value when its too late to enjoy it ! !

Anybody here relate to any of these:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

If so, you are ahead of the curve and have the opportunity to not be on your deathbed regretting not doing any of these things now, for the rest of your life ! !

Bongalongherb

I have suffered from deep depression on and off for many years. But yesterday I was at the edge of a mountain-cliff, I never want to experience it again, I was that close to driving up to the Dublin mountains and driving off the edge of it.

Last sunday gone I was awoken by a family member crying telling me my dog was in a bad state and I jumped up and my best friend was bleeding from the nose heavily (from nose cancer) and I had to ring the vet to open the surgery centre to put my dog to sleep, that destroyed me in mind and soul.

Then the next day I had bad family problems while trying to cope after this loss and I felt even worse. Then I received a bad letter in the post and that was it. My brain function crashed but very badly this time, the worse I ever got. I am pondering on it now trying to understand why I basically died inside. I am at this moment in time still messed up. I have been through a lot worse than this before, but for some reason, yesterday was very very bad, I was focused on one thing and that was to drive of the mountain and it almost happened except my car was almost out of petrol.

This bastard depression I thought was going, but now when I get it, it is getting much stronger and I am basically suicidal. If this happens again I'm done for, so I have to seek professional help. I will say this... Any-one that says depression is not real should spend a day in my mind and then see if it's real for themselves, then they will know how real it is.

I am at this moment right now trying to understand why I went so bad yesterday because right now thinking of it, it frightens the hell out of me, but yesterday I didn't care at all. I better get my act together in some way before I do fly off a cliff, but when a bout of depression kicks in badly, it's damn bloody hard to think straight. Got to make sure It doesn't happen again, this is paramount. I sure as hell feel for folk that get this bad sometimes, it is the most horrible place to be in, horrible.

AKA zenno.

Calibos

Oh man, I really feel for you. Virtual man bear hugs sent your way. I'd lost previous family dogs before but never was part of the decision making process to let them go before, where I was aware he possibly had an illness that could kill him, suffered massive anxiety and heart sinking feelings when he had bad episodes in the months before his death. Then when he had his final episode and we knew it was time to let him go, well....Devastated was not the word. I have never experienced loss like it. (Lost all grandparents but no one else close to me thankfully. Somehow the 3 grandparents that died when I was an adult living into their 80's made the loss feel more natural and easier to bear) and frankly as much as I loved all previous dogs they didn't have the personality of Sunny.

Its what precipitated my going on SSRI/SNRI's for a year. Whether what I was experiencing was natural grief which the doctor misinterpretted as and mis diagnosed as depression or if it was in fact GAD and Short Term depression brought on my Sunnys death and SSRI's were the right way to proceed, I don't know. What I do know is that I am dreading the day the same decision has to be made for Sunnys brother. My only hope will be that it might be a little easier if Butch reaches old age unlike Sunny who went too early.

I guess my point is that what you are feeling now could be pure grief as deep and as devasting and all consuming as it feels but it will slowly get better naturally and will turn out not be a sign that the depression is back or is not necessarily indicative of the depression coming back or precipitating the depression coming back etc. However, if it does turn out to be a trigger for a new depressive episode, there is absolutely no shame in getting help, therapy or meds. Doesn't matter what life event precipitated it. For many people, losing a pet is not far off the devastation of losing a child as hard as that might be for others to understand.

Its a cliche, but the all consuming grief does subside. I cried/sobbed on occasion for months afterwards and I still tear up at least once a fortnight 18 months later when something triggers it. However the all consuming devastation subsided after the first 3-4 weeks.

Call Me Jimmy

Despite all my effort and talk, which somewhat makes me a hypocrite the universe just isn't playin' ball, my attitude at the moment is the immature 'well i'm not playin ball either' f you response. It's nights like these where I truly know I'm ready to die. I've had enough isolation to pretty much discard all my dreams and hopes that I can improve through discipline and practice. They do improve my experience somewhat but it's the seeing pictures of me as a kid and thinking about how class I could have been and then knowing that I'm in a new phase, one that will see me alone (and possibly becoming a weirdo to everyone else) right up til the last breath.

Sorry for the downer/dramatic words, but it honestly is where I'm at. At best I'll struggle on, but I'm strangely calm about there being nothing left, ready to give up my grasping to my identity. We fear death because of a loss of ourselves but myself has gone through a couple of deaths now so the only fear remaining is the physical pain involved in death.

Nobody to worry, I'm not thinking suicide, I know I don't have what it takes to do that. Just expressing where I'm at, it has become normalised to me now.

Bongalongherb

Be well Jimmy, because it's a fecking nightmare when it happens. Just seek help, because that is what I am going to do. I cannot allow myself to get into that situation again because it's serious sh!t.

I forgot to add one thing... If anyone out there is having these problems deeply, I would recommend that you talk about it here on thread, because it can help to talk about it, other than just being a reader. Trust me, it can be a small release just to talk, remember that.

The way things are now with me personally, I could be homeless in the next 3 weeks to add to this nightmare. And on it goes.

The demon about experiencing/having deep depression bouts, is that you cannot beat it personally when in it, it is that deep that you cannot do anything, this is the frightening part of it. While in it, you feel that it is there to stay and will never go away.

DeVore

I dunno about you or anyone else Jimmy, but I think you're class!! Honestly, I'm not just saying that. You've conducted yourself with such honesty and sincerity on this thread, through the good times and bad that you strike me as a genuinely great guy.

I know the mood you're in, you cant see yourself that way. When I'm like that I actually scorn the people who tell me they like me because they must be idiots. Don't listen to that voice, its a liar. People like you and you are likeable.

As for the mood swing, we humans are made to oscillate. For whatever reason we have ups and down. We aren't going to be in balance *all* the time, only Buddha could manage something like that
Our trick has to be to recgonise when we aren't in balance and assist the pendulum to swing back. The ebb and flow of feelings is normal. As someone said to me, the average human has one testicle and one breast. "Average" isn't really the goal.

My problem was (is?) that when I start to go down it self-reinforces (the way you are doing now I think) and theres no natural cut-out mechanism to stop it. When I'm going great I need to watch that too because I'll over reach and blow myself up
We're not supposed to NOT feel up or down, but we need to learn to stop the feedback loop which spirals out of control.


I dunno if that makes sense. Either way, you have been doing great lately. Did you think you would never hit a bump in the road again? This is a dip in an otherwise upward trajectory.

Call Me Jimmy

Appreciate the thoughts and words guys.

Unfortunately it hasn't been progress lately, I've been making myself more comfortable in the circumstances that I'm in. But objectively, on a human level it has been a continuous decline for months. I've been outside once in two months, up to a friends house. Haven't gone out out in I don't know how long and I can't see myself doing that... ever again. So yes, I have been crawling the walls less, but my prospects of a functioning life have approached nil (and I don't say that lightly, this is after many years of struggle and a few times of it maybe looking possible).

The thing also is is I don't really FEEL bad, only when say I see pictures of me as a kid and it reminds me of what I have lost (the sort of thing ye don't think about every day) that I'm hit with a strange frustration that I can't really express, or get out.

I do like that I can sometimes at least type here and know it will be read, it's better than a diary and seeing as I am speaking most days not at all its a help.

handbagmad

Jimmy my friend U rock x

Think I understand what ur talking about the last week or so im using my cbt to pull me back from the past.
I feel as though I've hit 'a wall' and am just staying here.

Im putting a lot of important things I need to do on the long finger and just not thinking about them.

Calibos

Jimmy, I think everyone on this thread are amazing people going through personal struggles. Everyone has at one time or another or a lot of the time given us all great advice, great things to think about, great insights into their own and all our conditions no matter what end of the spectrum we are on. However, you actually stand out even amongst such hallowed company. I always want to see what Jimmy has to say on a given matter. Whats Jimmys perspective on this. Whats Jimmys advice?

I was just saying to a family member yesterday how a problem we all seem to have though is that we often don't trust our own advice or insights and it takes someone else saying it to us instead for it really to sink in. That thats why I think therapy or councilling works. Not necessarily because they are telling us anything new or something we didn't already know or reasoned out for ourselves but we often need to hear it from someone else for it to truely sink in.

You've been one of the main people on this thread whos words and advice and perspective have done that for me.

You need to trust that this episode will pass. Short circuit the downward spiral like DeVore says. The other night a trigger sent me on a fast downward spiral, sobbing, my life is sh1t, not suicidal but if I died in my sleep that night or if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness I wouldn't care type of thoughts. I short circuited it by watching nearly an entire 12 episode season of a downloaded TvShow to stop me dwelling on my depressing thoughts. Felt quite a bit better by the end when I was sleepy and ready for bed and was grand the next day. Able to reflect on the thoughts from the night before but they were no longer affecting me and I was hopeful and optimistic again.

If you've read any of my posts you'll see me questioning my depression diagnosis a lot of the time. There are reasons for me to believe that I may indeed have been misdiagnosed but equally there are reasons to believe that advice I got here much of it from you helped me short circuit spirals into deeper depression. Ironically one of the things that is a source of my depressive thoughts could be one of the main reasons I never fell too deeply into depression. Basically, I am the eldest 'child' at 40 with 3 siblings plus a siblings significant other all still living at home with the parents. None of us Mammies boys or sheltered, all contributing physically and financially to the househbold but all struggling financially and unable to move out. Yet this tight knit family where we all get along great, have been through thick and thin together, who all support each other and comfort each other etc Perhaps if I hadn't had them to talk to through the last 18 months as well as the people here, I would have sunk into a deep enough depression that there would have been no doubt in my mind about whether I had depresion or not.

A support network is so important and that is why this thread is so great. If we live alone we've got a backup support network at our fingertips.

Please know that this episode will pass Jimmy. That your advice is good and sound, has helped others and applies to you too.

Sending virtual Hugs your way dude....

Bongalongherb

DeVore wrote: »

I dunno about you or anyone else Jimmy, but I think you're class!! Honestly, I'm not just saying that. You've conducted yourself with such honesty and sincerity on this thread, through the good times and bad that you strike me as a genuinely great guy.

I know the mood you're in, you cant see yourself that way. When I'm like that I actually scorn the people who tell me they like me because they must be idiots. Don't listen to that voice, its a liar. People like you and you are likeable.

As for the mood swing, we humans are made to oscillate. For whatever reason we have ups and down. We aren't going to be in balance *all* the time, only Buddha could manage something like that
Our trick has to be to recgonise when we aren't in balance and assist the pendulum to swing back. The ebb and flow of feelings is normal. As someone said to me, the average human has one testicle and one breast. "Average" isn't really the goal.

My problem was (is?) that when I start to go down it self-reinforces (the way you are doing now I think) and theres no natural cut-out mechanism to stop it. When I'm going great I need to watch that too because I'll over reach and blow myself up
We're not supposed to NOT feel up or down, but we need to learn to stop the feedback loop which spirals out of control.


I dunno if that makes sense. Either way, you have been doing great lately. Did you think you would never hit a bump in the road again? This is a dip in an otherwise upward trajectory.

It makes a hell of a lot of sense. Very well explained.

Call Me Jimmy

Calibos wrote: »

Jimmy, I think everyone on this thread are amazing people going through personal struggles. Everyone has at one time or another or a lot of the time given us all great advice, great things to think about, great insights into their own and all our conditions no matter what end of the spectrum we are on. However, you actually stand out even amongst such hallowed company. I always want to see what Jimmy has to say on a given matter. Whats Jimmys perspective on this. Whats Jimmys advice?

I was just saying to a family member yesterday how a problem we all seem to have though is that we often don't trust our own advice or insights and it takes someone else saying it to us instead for it really to sink in. That thats why I think therapy or councilling works. Not necessarily because they are telling us anything new or something we didn't already know or reasoned out for ourselves but we often need to hear it from someone else for it to truely sink in.

You've been one of the main people on this thread whos words and advice and perspective have done that for me.

You need to trust that this episode will pass. Short circuit the downward spiral like DeVore says. The other night a trigger sent me on a fast downward spiral, sobbing, my life is sh1t, not suicidal but if I died in my sleep that night or if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness I wouldn't care type of thoughts. I short circuited it by watching nearly an entire 12 episode season of a downloaded TvShow to stop me dwelling on my depressing thoughts. Felt quite a bit better by the end when I was sleepy and ready for bed and was grand the next day. Able to reflect on the thoughts from the night before but they were no longer affecting me and I was hopeful and optimistic again.

If you've read any of my posts you'll see me questioning my depression diagnosis a lot of the time. There are reasons for me to believe that I may indeed have been misdiagnosed but equally there are reasons to believe that advice I got here much of it from you helped me short circuit spirals into deeper depression. Ironically one of the things that is a source of my depressive thoughts could be one of the main reasons I never fell too deeply into depression. Basically, I am the eldest 'child' at 40 with 3 siblings plus a siblings significant other all still living at home with the parents. None of us Mammies boys or sheltered, all contributing physically and financially to the househbold but all struggling financially and unable to move out. Yet this tight knit family where we all get along great, have been through thick and thin together, who all support each other and comfort each other etc Perhaps if I hadn't had them to talk to through the last 18 months as well as the people here, I would have sunk into a deep enough depression that there would have been no doubt in my mind about whether I had depresion or not.

A support network is so important and that is why this thread is so great. If we live alone we've got a backup support network at our fingertips.

Please know that this episode will pass Jimmy. That your advice is good and sound, has helped others and applies to you too.

Sending virtual Hugs your way dude....

Thanks calibos, and the bolded is very true. The hardest thing to do is receive advice. It is much easier to tell someone what they should do. But to be honest I don't even know what someone would advise me to actually do. I've been so long using the acceptance of my young life being effectively over as a defence mechanism that I don't know if I can get it back. I feel deep shame about my appearance and especially losing my hair. I have listened and tried to consider advice and insight about there being attractive bald men etc. but it's like I'm wired not to be able to weave this into my personality.

I've always felt my personality is dependent on a young cheeky grin, having aged about 15 - 20 years in the last 2 or 3 it leaves me feeling unworthy of being my old cocky self. There are some 'core beliefs' as CBT would put it that are as strong as people's belief in gravity. That's what I'm up against. Imagine in order for you to get better you had to try tell yourself AND BELIEVE that say evolution is bull**** or gravity goes up actually, not down. That's what it feels like I'm up against, how do I trick my own mind effectively?

That's leaving aside all the built up emotional issues that have built up, which would at least have a chance of being dealt with, gotten out. But I can't see myself getting started on the other stuff.

handbagmad

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Thanks calibos, and the bolded is very true. The hardest thing to do is receive advice. It is much easier to tell someone what they should do. But to be honest I don't even know what someone would advise me to actually do. I've been so long using the acceptance of my young life being effectively over as a defence mechanism that I don't know if I can get it back. I feel deep shame about my appearance and especially losing my hair. I have listened and tried to consider advice and insight about there being attractive bald men etc. but it's like I'm wired not to be able to weave this into my personality.

I've always felt my personality is dependent on a young cheeky grin, having aged about 15 - 20 years in the last 2 or 3 it leaves me feeling unworthy of being my old cocky self. There are some 'core beliefs' as CBT would put it that are as strong as people's belief in gravity. That's what I'm up against. Imagine in order for you to get better you had to try tell yourself AND BELIEVE that say evolution is bull**** or gravity goes up actually, not down. That's what it feels like I'm up against, how do I trick my own mind effectively?

That's leaving aside all the built up emotional issues that have built up, which would at least have a chance of being dealt with, gotten out. But I can't see myself getting started on the other stuff.

jimmy
my personal self digs are im overweight. All people see of me is a fat person ,lazy with horrible features and unworthy of love or friendship.
My 'witty false' sense of humour has gotten me through friendships in the past but im too tired and pissed off to keep that going now.

When I was stood up last week on my first date in ten years, you asked me for you not to let it set me back and U know what I listened to you.

So now if I can ask you, for my sake, to try see this as a short phase. Believe in yourself. Believe it will pass and the other stuff you are talking about can be dealt with, when you are ready x

Calibos

I'm not going to lie Jimmy. At 40 I still have a full head of #hair Follicles#. So I can't truly know what it feels like to be losing my hair. However, do you know how they say male pattern baldness is a sign of high testosterone levels? Well it seems the downside of low enough levels such that I still have my hair is that I didn't have the higher testosterone levels to drive ambition or motivation or to be the cocky cheeky hit with the ladies you used to be. Hence I'm a 40 year old back living at home, with no wife nor kids nor house nor even a long term relationship under my belt. Can't blame all the failings in my life on that but I'm sure it played a part. I'd trade a more fulfilling life up till now for losing my hair over the last decade. I guess I'm a believer in the maxim that it's better to have loved and lost if you know what I mean.

I hashed the hair follicles part of my opening sentence because ironically I electric shave all my hair off and have done for nearly 2 decades. I was so vain that I actually got stressed when I had a hair put of place, almost violent if someone who knew my quirk messed up my hair for a laugh

Not having to deal with hair was so liberating for me.

You're not Samson. All your youthful strength and vigour was not tied to your hair like him, it's tied to what's between your ears not beside your ears.

lukesmom

Jimmy I love reading your posts you speak with such honesty and sincerity. I've been on a down phase for 3 weeks and working very hard through meditation and a lot of relaxation stuff to get me through the long days of anxiety/depression. It's so hard but we must persevere.

fat to ripped

Has anyone tried phenibut?

El_Dangeroso

Deleted User wrote: »

I'd like to believe that's true, and I'm sure it is for most people, but seeing people around me who seem to pick up stuff and succeed so much quicker than I do is just really disheartening. It makes me lose heart and have zero confidence in my abilities (or lack thereof). I've convinced myself at this stage that I'm useless at everything and am destined to never be successful. And that's a really horrible thought.

I know I'm late to the party but I think a lot of us are guilty of comparing our INSIDES to others OUTSIDES. Someone else is looking at you and thinking, wow, I wish I had a degree, but as the saying goes comparison is the thief of joy.

In any case I came across this article in the Guardian that really changed my perspectives on those moments where you don't quite feel good enough:

http://www.theguardian.com/news/oliver-burkeman-s-blog/2014/may/21/everyone-is-totally-just-winging-it

lukesmom

fat to ripped wrote: »

Has anyone tried phenibut?

Hadn't heard of it until now, apparently good for anxiety. Bought magnesium 500mg yesterday to start apparently great for calming you down.

daithi7

Hi Folks,

Great tv program on rte1 tonight, 9.30pm, 'How to be Happy', by Dr Maureen Gaffney. She is the author of 'Flourishing', which as the title suggests is a book on positive psychology and living.

The tv program should be good, so set your recorder, or look it up on RTE player or you tube if you miss it.

Enjoy,
Daithi

lukesmom

daithi7 wrote: »

Hi Folks,

Great tv program on rte1 tonight, 9.30pm, 'How to be Happy', by Dr Maureen Gaffney. She is the author of 'Flourishing', which as the title suggests is a book on positive psychology and living.

The tv program should be good, so set your recorder, or look it up on RTE player or you tube if you miss it.

Enjoy,
Daithi

Thanks for the heads up must watch that.

wexie

Folks,

Looking for some advice please. I was off work earlier this year, with moderate depression and quite bad anxiety. Both of which perhaps not so much caused by my working conditions but certainly exacerbated by them. Lots of consistent chaos, short notice travel (tomorrow is a term used a lot, start driving to Dublin/Cork/Galway and get address details on the way there!), cancellations, insecurity and vague information/ ambiguity.

My manager was very supportive and we had many discussions as to how things can be made better or easier on me. The nature of the business (IT consulting) unfortunately means there will always be lots of ambiguity however I certainly feel things could be managed a lot better.

I've been back in work for a while now and nothing has really changed, phonecalls on friday to travel to the UK on monday, getting job details 17.30 for the next day etc. etc. and it's causing me a lot of anxiety and undue stress. While in principle I (think) I quite enjoy my job the way it's being managed is certainly having quite a negative impact on my mental state and personal life. To the point where currently I'm considering going back to my GP to be signed off work again.

It's not really a solution though is it? It'll make me feel better short term but then once I have to head back into the chaos things will get worse again.

My manager is still being very supportive and making all the right noises however nothing is really changing or being done. While he certainly is full of ideas I need a solution short term while we can work on either a job change or a change in conditions.

I don't really want to start threatening with HR (aside from the fact it's absolutely impossible to get to talk to a human being in HR, large multinational : log a ticket and get an email from someone in Iraqistan or somewhere thereabouts) as my manager has been so good so far but I do need a solution.

I could of course always look for another job but due to the nature of my work I'd probably end up commuting to Dublin at best, UK at worst and the thoughts of that are enough to make me contemplate a pint and a glass of Scotch at this early hour.

So what do I do? Do I tough it out and hope for things to get better? (Which they won't I've been battling this for over 5 years now and nothing has been done, the attitude seems to be : if you don't like it, look for a new job. My manager says he understands how this has impacted me but as stated, nothing seems to be changing.

Apologies for the long post / rant, I'm really trying to get my head around this and figure out what I can do and I'm hoping perhaps someone here has some experience or ideas.

The one thing I keep thinking is what my psychologist told me : it'd be a lot easier if it was visible / physical ailment such as a broken leg. (in which case the company would already have taken action).

(hence not posting in the work issues forum)

Maximus Alexander

I think you need to seriously consider a career change. In the end, the point of a job is to earn the ability to take care of yourself and look after your needs. If the job itself is running counter to your needs and damaging your well-being, then it's not the right place for you to be.

I don't know how things are for you financially, whether you could could afford to take some time off to consider a new path, or take a wage cut to change role, but I think you need to examine this and do something sooner rather than later. Life is short, and it'll be even shorter if you're anxious all the time. You're not going to look back on your death bed and say "I wish I'd spent more time in that IT Consultancy job", but you might say the opposite.

InReality

A lack of control over my time is a big stress to me.
So I've tried to develop my ability to "push back" at certain demands on me. I'm always initally afraid in these situations but so far haven't been shot.

Can you "push back"s against any of the things causing you stress ?
For example if told to go to UK on monday , say sorry have x on monday can go on tuesday ? At least then you have some control over your schedule.
If you didn't care about getting fired/promotions etc how would you respond to the job demands ?

Its hard to be objective in this situtaion about the grass on the other side.
However I think its at least possible that there are similar jobs that would be less demanding in areas that are stressing you at the moment.

Try going to a talk counsellor as well. You might have figured out the solution yourself but just need a bit of a support to do it.

InReality

El_Dangeroso wrote: »

I know I'm late to the party but I think a lot of us are guilty of comparing our INSIDES to others OUTSIDES. Someone else is looking at you and thinking, wow, I wish I had a degree, but as the saying goes comparison is the thief of joy.

In any case I came across this article in the Guardian that really changed my perspectives on those moments where you don't quite feel good enough:

http://www.theguardian.com/news/oliver-burkeman-s-blog/2014/may/21/everyone-is-totally-just-winging-it

Thats a great read.
I also think having a tendency towards perfectionism makes it hard to grasp the reality that a lot of work is actually quite messy and flawed.
Some places I've worked try to deny this and some accept it and just get on with stuff.
I also assumed that every other workplace is the place of perfection that it looks like from the outside

Found this today very reassured by it.

http://www.deliveringhappiness.com/making-stress-friend-3-things-know/

lukesmom

Hi I've generalised anxiety disorder and it has flared up the past few weeks. Apart from medication I'm trying to help myself come through it. So I've been:

Meditating daily
Practising mindfullness
Seeing psychologist once a week
Trying to get out of the house
Positive thinking
Daily affirmations
Weekly reiki sessions
Lowered coffee to one small cup a day

Is there anything else you could add that I am missing????? Some days seem to be better than other and it can be so disheartening when you've had a good day but wake up in the horrors