LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

handbagmad

DeVore wrote: »

You have to remember in future that that was "good" as you put it. I don't mean "hopefully in the future you will feel like doing that again" because you wont, or at least you might not. So you need to practically *tattoo* it on yourself "Last time I was down, I went and played football even though it was the last thing I *felt* like doing and it was good".

I have to do that all the time now. I remind myself that when I go to the gym I always leave feeling better. I often hate the idea of going but this "knowledge" now overrides that "feeling" and I go and hey, guess what, I feel better about myself. Its absolutely counter-intuitive and it works.

Write it on a poster on your wall. (its less painful than a tattoo)

absolutely the thinking mode often prevents or makes it harder for me to do the doing or being mode.

I literally have to talk to myself and tell myself to go for a walk or even something more simple go for a shower and know I will feel better for it. If that makes sense.

Micky Dolenz

Dodd wrote: »

I was 50 years old today.

I got a text from O2 to say happy birthday fair play to them.

My twin brother passed last year and don't make it to 50.

It was a day like any other of being alone but I don't mind that if I got a text from my kids just to say happy birthday.

Happy Birthday + 1 day.

Dodd

Can you get tattoos to cover scares.?
I want to change my life but have scares that are obis done by myself.

I feel that I want to do one last good cut before leaving it behind.
Why you will a ask,it has been part of my life since I was a child.

I might check out if I can tattoo them myself.

cena

Sulla Felix wrote: »

Coming out of a similar dip myself. Feeling better the last day or so. I used to like rollercoasters...

It affects me that I start thinking bad thoughts

Calibos

Felt the edginess coming back Tuesday. Talking at 100 miles an hour which I was aware of myself but hoped was nervous energy and that I could turn it into something useful and productive like yer woman in that TED talk talks about. Other family noticed it too. Yesterday there was no kidding myself that it was just nervous energy and while I didn't have a panic attack yesterday evening I did get wound up to the point of tears by a mild stressor. Emotional state fine though either side of it including this morning. The only negativity creeping into my thought processes being the frustration and worry at how going forward the anxiety and stressors will affect my ability to do and achieve the things I am still optimistic about doing and achieving.

From what I can see though, the pattern is definitely short lived depressed thoughts following an anxiety episode rather than the other way round. This gives me hope that if by whatever means I can get a handle on the anxiety, then I don't have to worry too much about depression going forwards.

Anyone on Beta Blockers for anxiety btw? I'm on tablets for high blood pressure and was wondering if Beta Blockers which are used for blood pressure and also anxiety might be a way of killing two birds with one stone. Has anyone found they truly help with anxiety? Getting put on them is obviously subject to a visit to my GP but I don't want to get my hopes up while waiting for the appointment.

TeddyTedson

Dodd wrote: »

Can you get tattoos to cover scares.?
I want to change my life but have scares that are obis done by myself.

I feel that I want to do one last good cut before leaving it behind.
Why you will a ask,it has been part of my life since I was a child.

I might check out if I can tattoo them myself.

It depends on how severe the scarring is. Please try not to do any more cuts though


I can't follow my own advice and face exercising right now. I think I just need to hide away from the world for another few days until I wake up feeling myself again.
It's pretty depressing to think that as a Kid every single day I woke up I felt energy and couldn't wait to see what the day had in store for me whereas today I'm actively avoiding everyone and wishing everyone would leave me alone while trying to fight several problems in my head together.

I call them problems and some are genuine problems but when I'm feeling like this normal situations turn themselves into problems too, adding to the load making everything that much hard to deal with. I've spent a lot of the morning thinking about how I can avoid seeing someone who I've made plans to meet tomorrow which is all the more harder seeing as I had to exact same problem last week and cancelled meeting them then.

I can't even think right still so I'm not sure if I'm managing to explain myself but it's the anxiety problems added with real life problems that manage to make everything that much harder to deal with. Where do you even begin.
I even cancelled playing football because I don't want to see anyone so badly, or more accurately I don't want anyone to see me. I know I should force myself to go but I really, really don't want to. I remember a friend once could see I was a little anxious one day and was perplexed as to why I was acting the way I was but caught on to the fact that I was avoiding eye contact with everyone and for a while got everyone in the room to look at me for a laugh. There was nothing malicious in this but I just remember that feeling of exposure.

I wish I could elaborate a little more on things because I think even just typing out this post has made me feel slightly better. It's actually severely difficult to even explain the way I'm feeling right now. It's just sort of numbness with a little bit of worry and negative thoughts. I remember reading a book saying how you need to sort of "reprogram" your brain to stop all of these negative thoughts you've managed to let become normal over the years. I'd imagine it's a real Irish thing too. I'm going to have to stop typing now because I just can't think at all any more, I keeping drawing blanks in my head and stop to ask myself what was I thinking? I wish it would all just go away or I could start my life over.

Maximus Alexander

Don't cancel tomorrow Teddy. I've fallen into this pattern before, where you feel like just spending time with a friend is too difficult. But I guarantee you'll regret it if you cancel, and you'll have another thing to beat yourself up over. On the other hand, going can only make you feel better. Just drag yourself along no matter how much your mind is telling you not to. It can be little events like this that spur on a turnaround sometimes.

Calibos

I remember a friend once could see I was a little anxious one day and was perplexed as to why I was acting the way I was but caught on to the fact that I was avoiding eye contact with everyone and for a while got everyone in the room to look at me for a laugh. There was nothing malicious in this but I just remember that feeling of exposure.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive myself and reading too much into it but I'd have had words with that friend over that. If I noticed a friend looking anxious and avoiding eye contact my last thought would be to draw peoples attention to it..."just for a laugh loike". My first thought would be, "I must pull X aside later and ask him if everythings OK and does he need to talk to anyone about it.

TeddyTedson

Maximus Alexander wrote: »

Don't cancel tomorrow Teddy. I've fallen into this pattern before, where you feel like just spending time with a friend is too difficult. But I guarantee you'll regret it if you cancel, and you'll have another thing to beat yourself up over. On the other hand, going can only make you feel better. Just drag yourself along no matter how much your mind is telling you not to. It can be little events like this that spur on a turnaround sometimes.

You're right but it's supposed to be a date and I don't want to make an impression feeling like this!

Calibos wrote: »

Maybe I'm overly sensitive myself and reading too much into it but I'd have had words with that friend over that. If I noticed a friend looking anxious and avoiding eye contact my last thought would be to draw peoples attention to it..."just for a laugh loike". My first thought would be, "I must pull X aside later and ask him if everythings OK and does he need to talk to anyone about it.

It was at a friends house where everyone was drinking, except me. I was avoiding people that time too and just told them I couldn't go out that night but they eventually kept on at me to go over for a while at least so I did because I thought I might get some good out of it. The thing is though, none of my friends would know I get this anxiety, well perhaps a few have noticed and I'm a little more forthcoming than I used to be. My friend wouldn't have been trying to be malicious in anyway probably more so trying to bring me into the group a little more given that I was the only one not drinking.

It's unbelievable when people tell me their perception of me, for example I remember being in the pub with a group of friends and one girl remarked on how
I was so relaxed and chilled out all the time and that I never really seemed to worry about anything. Although that is me a lot of the time it's just like it goes from one extreme to another. I think it's a matter of maybe getting a routine going that's pretty much set in stone that doesn't allow me get back here.

playedalive

I haven't posted here in a while and really need to talk as I'm sick of burdening people near me with my problems and people who are near me but would rather deal with me as less as possible with my problems (I don't blame them to be honest). I had to get my dog of 13 years old put down to sleep today at the vets. I know, in my mind, I did the kindest thing as the poor dog could not breathe properly, was uncomfortable and it was unfair keeping him alive by increasing his meds and postponing the inevitable. But, within me, there is still a void. The feeling that I've lost the only true friend I've ever had. Sure I have family who love me and show it despite the anxiety problems they bring. But I've never really had friends. People who actually enjoy being in my company. Sure, people tell me I'm a nice guy and have a kind personality. But I'm only wanted if people need something from me. Otherwise, I'm abandoned and left alone. Of course, he was a dog who could communicate in his own basic way. But he showed me affection and I showed him affection. I feel whenever I show the real me. Affection is never good enough, or I show too much of it and people get bored with me. I've nothing interesting to add to conversations and being nice is simply not good enough. It's not even just affection, people just see I'm a broken, mentally disturbed human being. The only being that could never see that was my dog. Or else he couldn't judge me.

Also, I found out yesterday that my retail job is not renewing my contract, which was due for renewal in 10 days. So it means spending the rest of the summer at home while my mum is also on summer holidays. She suffers with anxiety too and it feeds mine, particularly when she gets manic episode of wanting to clean the whole house, throw out rubbish. She can't stop moving and just laze around, which makes me feel guilty and lazy. She's not one for following the whole 'be kind to yourself philosophy' you get in therapy for Depression.

At least the summer won't be too long. I will be moving to France at the end of September for a new job, but even that is scary. Like I know I should grow up and be 23, but I'm just afraid of being me and far away from home is daunting. But I think a new start might help me get my life in order. Like one of the big things the past coulpe of years is accepting I'm a gay man and all the hardships that come with it (online dating with old men trying to charm you with their dicks in their hands ). I've become more comfortable with being gay, so maybe the rest can fall into place. I'm sick of hoping for the best. Only time will tell.

Maximus Alexander

TeddyTedson wrote: »

You're right but it's supposed to be a date and I don't want to make an impression feeling like this!

Arguably that's even more of a reason to go.

What's the worst that can happen? Maybe the date doesn't go well, and you feel bad about that, but probably no worse than you'll feel about cancelling it anyway.

I've no doubt we've all forced ourselves to do things when we were depressed that we really didn't feel like we could manage, but most of the time it works out being better than the alternative. Even if it turns out that you can't manage it after half an hour, you can always make your excuses and leave.

Roquentin

playedalive wrote: »

I haven't posted here in a while and really need to talk as I'm sick of burdening people near me with my problems and people who are near me but would rather deal with me as less as possible with my problems (I don't blame them to be honest). I had to get my dog of 13 years old put down to sleep today at the vets. I know, in my mind, I did the kindest thing as the poor dog could not breathe properly, was uncomfortable and it was unfair keeping him alive by increasing his meds and postponing the inevitable. But, within me, there is still a void. The feeling that I've lost the only true friend I've ever had. Sure I have family who love me and show it despite the anxiety problems they bring. But I've never really had friends. People who actually enjoy being in my company. Sure, people tell me I'm a nice guy and have a kind personality. But I'm only wanted if people need something from me. Otherwise, I'm abandoned and left alone. Of course, he was a dog who could communicate in his own basic way. But he showed me affection and I showed him affection. I feel whenever I show the real me. Affection is never good enough, or I show too much of it and people get bored with me. I've nothing interesting to add to conversations and being nice is simply not good enough. It's not even just affection, people just see I'm a broken, mentally disturbed human being. The only being that could never see that was my dog. Or else he couldn't judge me.

Also, I found out yesterday that my retail job is not renewing my contract, which was due for renewal in 10 days. So it means spending the rest of the summer at home while my mum is also on summer holidays. She suffers with anxiety too and it feeds mine, particularly when she gets manic episode of wanting to clean the whole house, throw out rubbish. She can't stop moving and just laze around, which makes me feel guilty and lazy. She's not one for following the whole 'be kind to yourself philosophy' you get in therapy for Depression.

At least the summer won't be too long. I will be moving to France at the end of September for a new job, but even that is scary. Like I know I should grow up and be 23, but I'm just afraid of being me and far away from home is daunting. But I think a new start might help me get my life in order. Like one of the big things the past coulpe of years is accepting I'm a gay man and all the hardships that come with it (online dating with old men trying to charm you with their dicks in their hands ). I've become more comfortable with being gay, so maybe the rest can fall into place. I'm sick of hoping for the best. Only time will tell.

id say it will pick up when you move to france. if i was moving to france i would be happy.

One of the big problems with contemporary society is that we put so much pressure on young people to achieve. It seems almost that you have to be the college graduate with a family and big house to be deemed successful. The individual is fully aware of this and when he doesnt achieve he himself feels guilty and gets depressed due to the perceived failure.

I get the feeling you are trying too hard to fit in. Its performance anxiety, for when you try too hard you get anxious. You just have to be yourself. Not everyone is going to like you and more to the point you cannot make everyone that you meet happy and nor should you. One must not treat life as a popularity contest, because if you do, you cannot win. You be yourself. be nice, but if a situation demands it be tough.

At best you can only make yourself better in the world. trying to appease everyone is simply not on. So stick to your family and good friends and **** the rest.

I leave you with a quote from the great plato who according to bubbles from trailer park boys is the most intelligent man who ever lived: "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." Plato

playedalive

Thanks for that Roquentin. To be honest, a lot is being exacerbated because my dog died today. It really put it into perspective that nobody else has ever cared about me, as much as I've always cared about them. Except for my dog, which is different.

I guess you could argue that maybe I try too hard. Or most definitely, I strive too much to have the 'ideal life', particularly since I'm 23 and see people with their friends and lives and me struggling to get out of bed in the morning to face my 'life'. I am an arts grad with poor career prospects, poor mental health from years of depression, anxiety, bullying and low self esteem.

I know, definitely since I have accepted being gay, I have noticed I have missed on so much and I'm quite naive in comparison to old college mates and work colleagues. It feels like since 14-22, I've been living in this lonely isolated bubble where it's just me with my thoughts and feelings. There's a part of me that wants to reach out to people and connect. But, people, by nature, are selfish (and rightly so) and are so caught u with their own lives and friends, that I'm rarely needed for their lives as they are for mine. God I sound like such a loser, but it's true.

I get today has been very emotional and full of crying, and it has led to this, past while, where I've discovered and I'm discovering things that are lacking in my life and I'm oh so desperate to not feel this void I have inside me. Maybe France will give me the new start I need. It's definitely better than my present situation which is going nowhere.

Gongoozler

Sorry to hear about your doggie.

Could you maybe try make a list of things you can look forward to in France? To be honest that sounds exciting. And it should be exciting. You're so young and have no ties, try focus on the good things coming up, brush up on your French, make little plans of things to do and see when you get there etc.

Roquentin

playedalive wrote: »

I guess you could argue that maybe I try too hard. Or most definitely, I strive too much to have the 'ideal life', particularly since I'm 23 and see people with their friends and lives and me struggling to get out of bed in the morning to face my 'life'. I am an arts grad with poor career prospects, poor mental health from years of depression, anxiety, bullying and low self esteem.

Its pretty common among your age that you look at others and say well if only i had what they have, my life would be better. But that is the mistake you make, because you are assuming that if you had "the ideal life" as you call it, then it would be better. Now it may or may not be better, we dont know, but i feel if you separate yourself from this materialistic rat race and accept who you are for what you are you will become more free.

I must confess i was the same as you when i was young. I wanted to fit in and be part of the crowd. But it wasnt me. When i finally stopped being what i wasnt i became who i was. The famous phrase: it is better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not.

If you keep looking at others you see or whatever and saying that you want what they have, you cannot be happy. What you are in effect doing is looking at the destination and saying that if i get there i will be happy. Its a common mistake people make, wherein a man thinks that if he has a reputable job and nice family, it will all gel together for some reason. It is the journey that counts and one must take each day as it comes.

I for one have a college degree and i gave it up because i didnt enjoy it. I now jump from minimum wage job to job. I dont have as much money, but i am happier. Your vision will become clearer when you look into your own heart and find yourself. France isnt a bad country to do a bit of self analysis.:)

playedalive

Yeah I do tend to focus far too much on where I want my life to go rather than the journey, which, essentially, does count. It's an annoying habit of mine, but I know other people who do the exact same thing. I guess France might be a nice new start to put things into perspective. Thanks Roquentin for your wisdom.

Roquentin

playedalive wrote: »

Yeah I do tend to focus far too much on where I want my life to go rather than the journey, which, essentially, does count. It's an annoying habit of mine, but I know other people who do the exact same thing. I guess France might be a nice new start to put things into perspective. Thanks Roquentin for your wisdom.

ah yea france will be grand to escape it all. Read a bit of Camus while you are at it or Hemingway.

Actually a great book to read is kerouacs On the Road. He basically echoes what i have said about the journey rather than the end. Its a good book for when you are travelling

Sulla Felix

cena wrote: »

It affects me that I start thinking bad thoughts

Oh, I do too, probably on more days than not to be honest. Thinking them and doing them are two different things though.
Thought patterns are just habits like any other and I learned if I can stop myself reaching for that half liter of coke when I'm feeling stressed/tired (which just made me feel even more stressed/tired an hour later when I sugar/caffeine crashed) I can stop myself indulging in my darker thoughts, which rather than being cathartic, usually just left me feeling worse than I began.
The human brain is an awful illogical thing sometimes.

daithi7

playedalive wrote: »

Yeah I do tend to focus far too much on where I want my life to go rather than the journey, which, essentially, does count. It's an annoying habit of mine, but I know other people who do the exact same thing. I guess France might be a nice new start to put things into perspective. Thanks Roquentin for your wisdom.

Sorry to hear about your dog, they become the centre of any loving owners life, so I can empathise, but it sounds like you did the right thing for the dog, good on you.

re your life from your posts, you got a whole plethora of things going on, but when you get to know people & life a bit better, you'll realise everyone has. Mind your mum over the summer, often looking out for a loved one is the best most positive way to channel our own energies into something truly positive, that has the nice secondary effect of getting us away from our own troubles....

France sounds like an excellent opportunity for a fresh start in an exciting new country. But be prepared for a bit of social isolation, due to language barriers & cultural différences & so on. You're going to have to really get your French as good as you can and have plans to break into social outlets there e.g. thru sport, clubs, friends, college, etc.

lastly its great to plan for the future, in. fact its a vital part of life. but we must all remember to live in the present while we'redoing it and to get the best out of every day and every hour, that's how you end up living a fulfilled happy life. Good luck to you.

p.s. 23 is a great age, what I'd do to be 23 again, but people forget most guys are uptight and bloody self conscious when they're that age. i know for me it took till i was around 28 until i truly realised that you only pass this way once, and to make the most of life. You can't just flick this realisation switch, but it probably can help to realise there will be an age sometime soon, when you really accept yourself as you are and your life as it is, not necessarily how you want you or it to be, and the ironic thing is that is the day when both you and your life go on an upward trajectory....

Timmyctc

Anyone about perchance? I need to ask a question

wexie

Timmyctc wrote: »

Anyone about perchance? I need to ask a question

Fire away, PM if you want*

*no guarantees with regards to the accuracy of the answer but you'll get the best I have to offer

Dodd

TeddyTedson wrote: »

It depends
r.

Thanks for your reply and take care of your self.

I wish you all the strength you need as I do.

wexie

......
This is probably an absolutely terrible idea (I get them sometimes) but **** it I'm going to throw it out there.

Would there be any interest in a depression/anxiety/whatever else party/gathering?

While I'm sure it could be an absolutely daunting prospect for many of us (myself included) I'm also sure that there are many here that could do with a gathering of like minded souls, even if it's just to sit quietly in eachothers company and know that that's okay, or talk about our experiences, have a chat about what works or doesn't work for us, little practical things we all do to help ourselves.

This will have to be towards the end of the summer (probably september at the earliest realistically).

I can offer a lovely seaview (on a clear day) about 15 minutes from any number of lovely wexford beaches, several thousand acres of forestry about 5 minutes walk away and many quiet country lanes.

As daunting and strange a prospect it could be I genuinely think this could work. It could be like a BoardsBeers for those of us building ourselves up to be able to go to a BoardsBeers.

Maximus Alexander

I hope you have your outfit selected for that date tonight Teddy. Knock 'em dead. Not literally.

teletubby

Hi, I've crept around this thread for some time now but never posted in it. Your all such a great support to each other.
When it came to dealing with my own demons I was unsure what route to take. I'd been prescribed anti depressants when I was younger but didn't stick with and so I let things lie and eat me from the inside out for years.
I made a call to one of the support numbers here earlier this year and felt like that was the first step, it gave me the courage I needed to approach my gp and then I began counselling.
I wrote a poem and wanted to share it with you's, I removed all the very personal stuff from it and made it a bit shorter, it's something I like to read over, a bit like my mantra which I know can be terribly cliched but here it is all the same.

Life can be good, Life can be sweet
Life can sweep you off your feet.

I've lived in the past never wondering why,
I've let everyday simply pass me by.
Never find a way to say things out loud,
No one would hear or believe me, I felt lost in a crowd.
Looking for support in all the wrong places,
Not seeing understanding in anyone's faces.
There are those who can't give you what they never had,
For some it's not possible, it doesn't make them bad.

Up high in a tree I would hide like a bird,
Not making a sound, not speaking a word.
I'm climbing down from them branches, back into me,
I'm feeling alive, I'm feeling free.
Released from a prison of my own making,
My life is for living, it's there for the taking.

Sometimes words don't fit what we need to say,
So we wear our troubles and carry them every day.
Abuse, shame, guilt to name but a few,
Might not matter to others but it's all relative to you.
Surrounded by people who are dying to live,
All searching for someone with comfort to give.
But how can they accept it when they feel they are not worthy,
They can't see it themselves their thoughts are too blurry.

You are deserving of happiness, I am too,
Believe these words and make them true.
Be mindful of others but especially yourself,
Take what's holding you back and put it high on a shelf.
There is no reality just our own perception,
This really is true it's not a deception.
The mind can be a weapon but also a toy,
Be careful who plays with it, it has the power to destroy.


When all else fails and you've nothing to lose,
It's left to just you which path you choose.
Try with all your will and all of your might,
Try as hard as you can to win that fight.
I've emerged from the darkness into the light,
I live for the days, no longer the night.

Life is great , life is sweet,
Life just swept me off my feet.

handbagmad

In utter financial crisis. I can't handle all this anymore. I have nothing.

Roquentin

wexie wrote: »

......
This is probably an absolutely terrible idea (I get them sometimes) but **** it I'm going to throw it out there.

Would there be any interest in a depression/anxiety/whatever else party/gathering?

While I'm sure it could be an absolutely daunting prospect for many of us (myself included) I'm also sure that there are many here that could do with a gathering of like minded souls, even if it's just to sit quietly in eachothers company and know that that's okay, or talk about our experiences, have a chat about what works or doesn't work for us, little practical things we all do to help ourselves.

This will have to be towards the end of the summer (probably september at the earliest realistically).

I can offer a lovely seaview (on a clear day) about 15 minutes from any number of lovely wexford beaches, several thousand acres of forestry about 5 minutes walk away and many quiet country lanes.

As daunting and strange a prospect it could be I genuinely think this could work. It could be like a BoardsBeers for those of us building ourselves up to be able to go to a BoardsBeers.

we dont know each other though. Would be interesting alright

Menas

handbagmad wrote: »

In utter financial crisis. I can't handle all this anymore. I have nothing.

Hang in there. Try to break your big problem in to a bunch of smaller problems and see if any of them can get solved or de prioritised.
Get financial and/or mental counselling?
But we all have something, just need to dig deep to realise what it is.

Good luck.

Lone Stone

Anyone going to the March For Suicide Prevention tomorrow in dub city ? meeting at the garden of remembrance at 2pm.

playedalive

wexie wrote: »

......
This is probably an absolutely terrible idea (I get them sometimes) but **** it I'm going to throw it out there.

Would there be any interest in a depression/anxiety/whatever else party/gathering?

While I'm sure it could be an absolutely daunting prospect for many of us (myself included) I'm also sure that there are many here that could do with a gathering of like minded souls, even if it's just to sit quietly in eachothers company and know that that's okay, or talk about our experiences, have a chat about what works or doesn't work for us, little practical things we all do to help ourselves.

This will have to be towards the end of the summer (probably september at the earliest realistically).

I can offer a lovely seaview (on a clear day) about 15 minutes from any number of lovely wexford beaches, several thousand acres of forestry about 5 minutes walk away and many quiet country lanes.

As daunting and strange a prospect it could be I genuinely think this could work. It could be like a BoardsBeers for those of us building ourselves up to be able to go to a BoardsBeers.

It's a nice idea, in theory, but complicated. Especially if people have the impression it's a beers. Depression and alcohol is a potential cocktail for disaster. Also, sometimes, advice that you give regarding lifestyle choices/ meds can actually be quite harmful. What makes one person feel better doesn't exactly work for somebody else. Sharing advice is comforting but I do beleive it has its drawbacks, particularly when in a vulnerable state

If you can, I would definitely recommend you visit an Aware support group. At least a mediator is there who directs the group and there's a understanding about no talking about meds/counsellors but just our feelings.