LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Drumpot

Hi All,

Just wanted to share something that I am working on at the moment . .

I have been on this thread at different times over the years and have been able to harness a life I could never of imagined . . I no longer need or use Sleeping tablets, Anti depressants, Zanex or alcohol in any form. . There was a time in my life when I was scared of the thought of these things not being available to help me get through my life!

I engaged in CBT , changed doctors and have worked really hard at changing my thought patterns and bad habits. That is what a lot of my problem was, my thinking process (and reading posts here, its clear that there are similar people on this thread).

One of the most important things I am told, was that I surrendered to the fact that I didn't know how to live my life and that by continuing to rely on my thinking, I would struggle to get well. Now I don't mean "Ok so my thinking is my problem therefore I am useless and its my own fault", this in fact was one of the thinking excercises that I used to engage in (critical self destructive attacks on myself).

By "my thinking" I meant how my thought process worked. . In most scenarios I automatically assumed the worst of myself ("I will probobley fail at this", "I am not good enough for that" etc). It was a vicious negative cycle and when I didn't know how to "get rid of the thoughts" or feel better, I would beat myself up further.

I was relying on a sick/unwell mind to help me find the solution. It was akin to trying to learn to play soccer with a broken foot.

Anyways, I have told my story on this forum, but right now I find that life opportunities (knowledge) are frequently in front of me. Where I used to see only negative things and dread the future, I now find myself more enlightened and optimistic about life. In many regards, one of my big problems was that I was focused on things outside of me to pick me up and give me some sense of peace/happiness. Family, friends, my relationships, money, job satisfaction, my partner, my children, my medication. These were originally all integral to how I felt. Now they are more things that compliment my life, as opposed to controlling my life.

Its taken me over 3 years (3 decades if I want to be specific) of intense therapy and reflection to help me get here. The most important factor was not money or support, it was actually me surrendering. I surrendered to a different way of living. I didn't question this new way of living if it didn't work all the time, I persisted with it and when I was feeling down or low I would use these tools to help me back on an even keel. I accepted that in life there are ups and downs and eventually I learned to deal with them.

A couple of weeks ago I had another huge down moment where I felt so low and depressed. After a couple of days I realised that while I felt depseratley low, I actually didn't feel lonely. Its the first time in my life I can remember not feeling lonely while feeling like that . .

in the past I used to give up on a technique or suggestion (meditation, exercise etc) if it didn't work once or twice, but the key is persistence, trust and support. Persistance in that I didn't expect the same positive results every time so I didn't give up when it inevitably didn't work at different times. Trust in that I trusted the system/techniques and didn't question them, I had resigned myself to the fact that I didn't know any better so putting my trust in these techniques actually felt like it took some pressure off me having to have all the answers to my problem. Support was vital but I found support in the most unexpected places from friends/family that I wouldn't of dreamed would support me. Some have let me down and others have just been amazing.

I had prevented myself from getting any support from anybody in fear that I would bore people, embarrass myself or drive them away. This prevented me from actually having meaningful , real relationships with them because a relationship with anybody that's born out of fear is at best not very healthy. In short, I now have a support network (friends, family, medical, support groups) of real people who really care about me and want to be a part of my new life and its only a small part of my rehabilitation.

This hasn't been easy and its not been a straight line of recovery/enlightenment. Its easy to read stuff here and think people found the truth/solution in a book and it all just worked out for them, well that didn't happen to me. I have had moments when I thought there wasn't any more reason to live. .

Part of the process was taking me outside of myself. I hope to be speaking in childrens schools soon about certain aspects of depression from my own childhood. I also hope to be meeting up with other disadvantaged people in the new year. Its not because I am all of a sudden some perfect person, but I find sharing my story helps me feel like its no longer a secret. I am actually also speaking to the inner child in me. The one who was so scared growing up, who felt alone and that nobody protected him.

Anyways, the following is a link to a book I have just started, its called "homecoming". It was referred onto me by my acupuncturist. Its amazing that I have learned to open up to select people (very careful about who!) and the rewards that come with it. We had a great in depth, meaningful discussion about dysfunctional families and depression etc and through that I now read this book which after a few pages I found myself engrossed with . .

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Home-Coming-Reclaiming-Championing-Inner/dp/0749910542

For a flavour, click on the following link and follow it onto part 2,3 etc if you like it. Just listen to the man talk. There is ways of changing your thinking and healing how broken you feel. I have only read a few pages of the attached book and feel a bit better . .

http://youtu.be/QPRMaWHdIgA

Last night after reading 30 pages of the book, I said something to my wife that I have never said to her. I said I was looking forward to a holiday she has booked (mainly for the children), she nearly fell off the couch. Such a simple thing, but I usually prefer not to look forward to anything, its a bad habit I got into. .

I am not saying that this book will change your life. For me, it was suggested to me at the right time and I have made certain progress that may mean I might get more out of it then others. I just wanted to share it with the good folks fighting the good fight here . .

Well, when I stopped fighting myself, my thoughts and started to work on CBT techniques with complete trust, I started to see light that now engulfs my life . . I hope this helps somebody . .

Paperduel

Esel wrote: »

Meditation is good and very helpful.

Not sure how realistic a goal it is to be in that state most of the time though?

Are you thinking more of a mindfulness state?

Mindfulness is the same as meditation as far as I'm aware.

You can be in that state all the time.Mindfulness is not the best name for it as it indicates your mind should be full of thoughts, when in fact you should try and remove unnecessary thoughts from your mind.

Esel

Paperduel wrote: »

Mindfulness is the same as meditation as far as I'm aware.

You can be in that state all the time.Mindfulness is not the best name for it as it indicates your mind should be full of thoughts, when in fact you should try and remove unnecessary thoughts from your mind.

They are not the same, though.

Mindfulness does not mean what you think it does. Basically, it means being aware of the present. Being mindful, if you will.

Paddy 12345

I would like to say thanks to Timmyctc for info posted last night.

All my posts and replies have some how been deleted,as it seem to happen a lot here but I took a capture so I would not miss the info.

I understand you don't want people getting destressed but us who ask a difficult Q should not be deleted and banned.

My Q was how to get scars off and Timmy posted was Bio oil which looks good.

xLisaBx

Paddy 12345 wrote: »

I would like to say thanks to Timmyctc for info posted last night.

All my posts and replies have some how been deleted,as it seem to happen a lot here but I took a capture so I would not miss the info.

I understand you don't want people getting destressed but us who ask a difficult Q should not be deleted and banned.

My Q was how to get scars off and Timmy posted was Bio oil which looks good.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to accept the scars instead of willing them to fade.

Paddy 12345

xLisaBx wrote: »

Sometimes the best thing to do is to accept the scars instead of willing them to fade.

Such is life but will others accept them and not judge you.?

xLisaBx

Truthfully, some will and some wont are they obvious ones?

Paddy 12345

xLisaBx wrote: »

Truthfully, some will and some wont are they obvious ones?

Yes.

xLisaBx

Paddy 12345 wrote: »

Yes.

If you can't blame it on a cat scratching you or a fence accident then maybe try the bio oil
Just ask yourself: are those that judge even worth a space in your life? A few marks on skin isn't the end of the world

Paddy 12345

I just came here tonight to Thank Timmyctc and will try Bio oil.

Paddy 12345

xLisaBx wrote: »

If you can't blame it on a cat scratching you or a fence accident then maybe try the bio oil
Just ask yourself: are those that judge even worth a space in your life? A few marks on skin isn't the end of the world

It's to do with a job I hope to get but you would need to own a tiger to get these scars.

I would not blame anyone if they seen it and thought "I don't need to be working with someone that might go all out killing people".?

Other than that I don't care as I don't have friends or people that would see them.

lukesmom

How is everybody today???

Gongoozler

lukesmom wrote: »

How is everybody today???

Good. And you?

I'm now down to the 7.5mg of my cymbalta with guidance from a psychiatrist as of yesterday. Feeling a little irritable at times, but generally fine. Going to give it a few weeks on this and then come off. I've been told I'll have a few days side effects regardless of how small a dose I'm coming off. So I dunno, may have to book a day off work after a weekend for that.

lukesmom

Gongoozler wrote: »

Good. And you?

Not too bad have had anxiety the past 4 or 5 days but I'm getting through if by just accepting it's there and it will pass .

Calibos

Gongoozler wrote: »

Good. And you?

I'm now down to the 7.5mg of my cymbalta with guidance from a psychiatrist as of yesterday. Feeling a little irritable at times, but generally fine. Going to give it a few weeks on this and then come off. I've been told I'll have a few days side effects regardless of how small a dose I'm coming off. So I dunno, may have to book a day off work after a weekend for that.

You can at most take a long weekend off work for the withdrawl? In that case if your cessation timeline mirrored my own then it would get worse everyday for about 7 days peaking at day 7 and then dropping off over the following 7 days. So I'd time your cessation such that the long weekend from work was in the middle of that 2 week period. ie. Take last 7.5mg dose on a Sun/Mon. You'd hit peak Zaps the following Sat/Sun and hopefully by the time you were back to work on the following Tuesday the zaps would be back manageable during work on their downward trend as you went through that work week.

Gongoozler

Thanks, I'll take it into account when I plan on coming off.

stop animal cruelty

Hey guys any advice on how to get thru the dark mornings & evenings?? Beginning to feel winter set in already, dreading all the dullness and darkness to come does this effect anyone else?

Roquentin

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Hey guys any advice on how to get thru the dark mornings & evenings?? Beginning to feel winter set in already, dreading all the dullness and darkness to come does this effect anyone else?

seasonal affective disorder coupled with the ending of summer. Hits me, but i enjoy the night and the stars. puts life in perspective

Paddy 12345

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Hey guys any advice on how to get thru the dark mornings & evenings?? Beginning to feel winter set in already, dreading all the dullness and darkness to come does this effect anyone else?

I think there is a lamp you can get that compensates for lack of day light, Well I'm sure there is but I can't afford it.
I believe it uses much electric as well but if you have the money I would go for it.

Esel

SAD lights have come a long way. They used to be called light boxes (you can still get these) - they are used during the daytime.

You can now get a timed SAD light, which you use in the bedroom and set to the time you want to wake up. Before that time, it slowly brightens up, so that it is at maximum brightness a while before the time you have set. The theory is that it mimics the sunrise.

Running costs for either type are very low.

GuessWhoEh

As someone who suffers with mild depression, the worst question is to be asked "what have you to be depressed about?" I can't stand when people ask me that question and why I feel depressed. If I knew that then I would be avoiding the build up to the depression. I don't think people really understand what it is these days and there is a slight stigma to being depressed.

Paddy 12345

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

As someone who suffers with mild depression, the worst question is to be asked "what have you to be depressed about?" I can't stand when people ask me that question and why I feel depressed. If I knew that then I would be avoiding the build up to the depression. I don't think people really understand what it is these days and there is a slight stigma to being depressed.

The thing is people think depression=sad.

So they think what do you to be sad about.

I remember about 15 your ago my youngest brother said to me while I was busy (I was always busy) " I think I have depression".
I said to him "I wish I had time to be depressed".

He is passed away some years ago and I wish I know at the time just to stop and talk to him.

Hotfail.com

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

As someone who suffers with mild depression, the worst question is to be asked "what have you to be depressed about?" I can't stand when people ask me that question and why I feel depressed. If I knew that then I would be avoiding the build up to the depression. I don't think people really understand what it is these days and there is a slight stigma to being depressed.

I think the term "depression" can be very misleading.

People can feel "depressed" when something bad happens, but that doesn't mean they have depression. It still isn't clear to a lot of people that there's a difference between the two.

Esel

Hotfail.com wrote: »

I think the term "depression" can be very misleading.

People can feel "depressed" when something bad happens, but that doesn't mean they have depression. It still isn't clear to a lot of people that there's a difference between the two.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Sometimes it can help to be more specific i.e. say you suffer from 'clinical depression' or 'major depressive disorder' or whatever the actual diagnosis may be.

GuessWhoEh

Esel wrote: »

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Sometimes it can help to be more specific i.e. say you suffer from 'clinical depression' or 'major depressive disorder' or whatever the actual diagnosis may be.

My doctor actually diagnosed me as "mild" depression. He said I had the signs for depression but he didn't deem them as too worrying. He prescribed me Xanax which I refuse to take. He also gave me a really low dosage of Lexapro which made me feel worst. I know you're supposed to take them for a while before they take affect but I was taking them for a month straight and the only effect I felt was worst than I already was so I stopped taking them. Currently I'm taking nothing and trying to spend my days outside rather than stuck inside. Seems to work a little. I know I should really talk to someone but I can't seem to find counsellors in my area. I emailed a councelling place near me a few weeks ago and they never bothered replying back to me.

Esel

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

My doctor actually diagnosed me as "mild" depression. He said I had the signs for depression but he didn't deem them as too worrying. He prescribed me Xanax which I refuse to take. He also gave me a really low dosage of Lexapro which made me feel worst. I know you're supposed to take them for a while before they take affect but I was taking them for a month straight and the only effect I felt was worst than I already was so I stopped taking them. Currently I'm taking nothing and trying to spend my days outside rather than stuck inside. Seems to work a little. I know I should really talk to someone but I can't seem to find counsellors in my area. I emailed a councelling place near me a few weeks ago and they never bothered replying back to me.

The thing with AD medication is that it often has to be taken for at least eight and often twelve weeks before an improvement of mood is noticed. I agree with you on Xanax - unless it was prescribed for occasional use only. Might be a good idea to talk to your doctor again?

Also, sometimes e-mail fails to elicit a reply (for many, sometimes technical, reasons).
Ringing them might be a good idea.

mickstupp

What's helped me a lot (besides medication) is trying to be in some way productive each day. Three hours is the sweet spot for me at the moment. As long as I can get three hours work done, it keeps the serious lows at bay, and I can be functional. If I take a day off, I'm screwed and feel rotten the next day.

Obviously, being productive with depression can be extremely difficult. My friend helped me out with this, put me on to the so-called pomodoro method. You only work for 25 minutes and then take a break. Combine this with an approach that breaks big tasks down into little ones, and it can be very effective.

For example, instead of thinking I have to write this big paper, which is a mountain of a thing to climb... I think: I'm going to write for 25 minutes, and whatever happens during that 25 minutes, however much I get written, that's ok. Important to get up and move around on a break, and not sit there checking emails or the internet. Gotta get away, look at the sky or make tea or something. For other jobs it's enough to just break it down a bit. I was doing some painting during the summer, so instead of thinking I've to paint this whole sitting room and ceiling, I thought: I'm going to paint this one little section, and see how that goes. Section by section and before I knew it the whole room was done.

Making hills out of mountains has really helped. Sometimes the size of a task puts me off even starting, so making things smaller helps to start them and get them done. It's kind of removing the perceived importance or magnitude of things. I'm not sitting there on a Sunday dreading a full week of commuting and work, it's literally taking it a day at a time. I'm going in today and we'll see how it goes. It can be really difficult changing mental habits, but I found the more things I broke down into little tasks, the easier it got to be productive even though I don't feel good.

But I also found that if I spend my off time being passive, like watching TV or a movie or playing a video game, I very quickly get worse. I have to move to around, even just standing instead of sitting during some activities has really helped.

None of this means each day isn't still a struggle, start to finish, but it's a little easier to be functional. And that makes you feel like less of a waste of space, which is great. I can have days of not feeling good but without the normal associated self-esteem issues. So, big mountain tasks into little hill tasks. Helps me anyway.

looking_around

Paddy 12345 wrote: »

Such is life but will others accept them and not judge you.?

My arms are covered in scars.

Words and such too.


I find when I go around in short sleeves, I get a few stares but that's about it.

I've never had anyone bring them up. I've talked to people and they glance the odd time but continue with the conversation.
They draw the eye so I understand that.

I haven't felt judged over them, and I haven't felt like people have treated me differently either.

Tbh, it's important for you to see them as what they are. "battle scars", they are a (negative) coping mechanism, hopefully it's something you've dealt with and can say "I've made it through". Don't be ashamed of them.

looking_around

Paddy 12345 wrote: »

It's to do with a job I hope to get but you would need to own a tiger to get these scars.

I would not blame anyone if they seen it and thought "I don't need to be working with someone that might go all out killing people".?

Other than that I don't care as I don't have friends or people that would see them.

I should've read more comments before posting.

Most people don't connect self-harm with "going to kill people", the connection is more with suicide risk. (although often incorrect too.)

However, for some jobs, long sleeves might be the best option. Or go with short sleeves in the interview, you'll be able to tell there and then if they'll judge you on it. For me, it has largely depended on the type of job.

Gongoozler

Can't stop feckin crying with this withdrawal