LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Mental Mickey

looking_around wrote: »

Talk to her nurses/doc if you can.

Also, encourage her to get up from bed. staying in bed, will prolong negative feelings, just try and make it one step at a time.
Don't say get out of bed for work, for example, but something like "there's tea/breakfast down stairs, will you come and join me?"

It really depends on what she needs. Has she talked to you about her depression cycles?

For me, when I'm feeling very depressed, I prefer my partner to have a firm voice, a bit like you would when telling a child to do something.
He's then supportive once I'm up, but it's very important for me, that he won't support me being in bed all day.

This won't help others. As it can increase feelings of "they don't understand"/"don't care" etc. So it does depend a little on her and what she needs.

We don't actually live together. She's been seeing a counsellor for the past couple of years in relation to her depression.

looking_around

Mental Mickey wrote: »

We don't actually live together. She's been seeing a counsellor for the past couple of years in relation to her depression.

You could talk to your gf about having a chat with her counsellor?
So you can understand what's going on better and find out what might help.

She may or may not be up for that. But you can only know what is helpful to her, by talking to her.

Maybe texting/spending time, when you can together? But try getting outside, if you can, fresh air, a little exercise is all good.

Do you know how long her cycles normally last for? bipolar (manic depression is the old name. ). Has a couple of types. rapid, slow cycle, type 1 or 2.
But it will cycle through and she'll be ok. Just try and be there for her, if you can, until it does.

Mental Mickey

looking_around wrote: »

You could talk to your gf about having a chat with her counsellor?
So you can understand what's going on better and find out what might help.

She may or may not be up for that. But you can only know what is helpful to her, by talking to her.

Maybe texting/spending time, when you can together? But try getting outside, if you can, fresh air, a little exercise is all good.

Do you know how long her cycles normally last for? bipolar (manic depression is the old name. ). Has a couple of types. rapid, slow cycle, type 1 or 2.
But it will cycle through and she'll be ok. Just try and be there for her, if you can, until it does.

This is the first time I've seen her this bad since we've been together, so it has thrown me.

She told me that she's been texting her counsellor quite a lot recently because she was suicidal. Her counsellor instigated this period of texting because he knew that this episode was going to happen.

I hope to f@&k that it's is the lowest point, and that the only way is up from now on.....??

looking_around

Mental Mickey wrote: »

This is the first time I've seen her this bad since we've been together, so it has thrown me.

She told me that she's been texting her counsellor quite a lot recently because she was suicidal. Her counsellor instigated this period of texting because he knew that this episode was going to happen.

I hope to f@&k that it's is the lowest point, and that the only way is up from now on.....??

One thing I've had to accept, myself. Is that, it can always get worse. I remind myself this, because that way when it does..I'm not thinking "aw sh!t, now what".

But bipolar is a little different than say chronic depression. It WILL cycle through and she'll be ok again.
As she starts to get better, and work more with the counsellor, she'll start to have a better understanding of her cycles and how long it takes what triggers the worst cycles and what she needs to do to pull out. But bipolar is a yoyo, it's up and down. It can be over months. (slow cycle) or all in one day.(rapid cycle.) And anything in between.
However while in depression cycle she will probably feel terrible, she may even think it's the worst she's ever felt and it may feel like it's never going to get better, to her.
It is agony, in 'that' moment.

Try and be there for her, but also make sure to have time for yourself. You're not her counsellor, don't try to be. It's ok to feel lost, unsure how to deal with it.

Google bipolar, familiarize yourself with it.

Gongoozler

I don't know why anyone here is saying talk to her doctor / nurse / counsellor, they wouldn't talk to you about her. try talking to her. You can't so much but show her you're there for her and you're not judging her.

looking_around

Gongoozler wrote: »

I don't know why anyone here is saying talk to her doctor / nurse / counsellor, they wouldn't talk to you about her. try talking to her. You can't so much but show her you're there for her and you're not judging her.

With her permission the will. Which I did mention getting.
sometimes talking to a professional can help with understanding what's going on or what to do.
It can be mentally draining being there for someone who's suicidal, this is why I mention asking her about having a chat with the people she's getting help from. Just because they'll have a good idea of the kind of support she needs, where as, she may not. She might know what she needs of course, but many times what we need, we do not want.

Mental Mickey

looking_around wrote: »

With her permission the will. Which I did mention getting.
sometimes talking to a professional can help with understanding what's going on or what to do.
It can be mentally draining being there for someone who's suicidal, this is why I mention asking her about having a chat with the people she's getting help from. Just because they'll have a good idea of the kind of support she needs, where as, she may not. She might know what she needs of course, but many times what we need, we do not want.

I don't think me chatting with her counsellor is a goer?? I think she wants to keep it seperate? Maybe I'm trying to get too involved in the process? Maybe I should just leave her to deal with it with the professional, and just be there as a support to her?

looking_around

Mental Mickey wrote: »

I don't think me chatting with her counsellor is a goer?? I think she wants to keep it seperate? Maybe I'm trying to get too involved in the process? Maybe I should just leave her to deal with it with the professional, and just be there as a support to her?

Well, do what she wants most of all, if she wants to keep things separate, let her.

It does depend on what she needs. People have different needs, so it really does depend on her.

DeVore

Any counsellor worth their salt is going to refuse to talk to you anyway and its really not a good idea to talk to them either. That kinda needs to be a totally trust-based, private conversation or else its no good.

I hate this question of "how can I help" because I get asked it a lot and I really don't have a good answer for it. A lot of it depends on how she experiences depression.

For me having someone who is there and who will listen is good. Being forced out of my shell and not let "stew" is positive for me too... many people say that new experiences (doing something new, taking up a class, even just going somewhere unusual) help.
One strange thing with me is that when I wont do it for myself , I'll quite happily do something for someone else! Weird eh? I wouldn't bother my arse fixing my laptop a while back but a friend asked me to fix his and I threw myself into it. Maybe you could try that... ask her to go somewhere that is special to you because you want to share it with her?

Honesty is nice too. I hate people walking on eggshells around me, I'd appreciate someone saying "I know you are depressed, I want to help because I hate seeing you like this but I have a bog's notion how to do that".

Your mileage may vary I'm afraid. Willingness to help is good though, that's a good start...

Mental Mickey

DeVore wrote: »

Any counsellor worth their salt is going to refuse to talk to you anyway and its really not a good idea to talk to them either. That kinda needs to be a totally trust-based, private conversation or else its no good.

I hate this question of "how can I help" because I get asked it a lot and I really don't have a good answer for it. A lot of it depends on how she experiences depression.

For me having someone who is there and who will listen is good. Being forced out of my shell and not let "stew" is positive for me too... many people say that new experiences (doing something new, taking up a class, even just going somewhere unusual) help.
One strange thing with me is that when I wont do it for myself , I'll quite happily do something for someone else! Weird eh? I wouldn't bother my arse fixing my laptop a while back but a friend asked me to fix his and I threw myself into it. Maybe you could try that... ask her to go somewhere that is special to you because you want to share it with her?

Honesty is nice too. I hate people walking on eggshells around me, I'd appreciate someone saying "I know you are depressed, I want to help because I hate seeing you like this but I have a bog's notion how to do that".

Your mileage may vary I'm afraid. Willingness to help is good though, that's a good start...

What do you mean by "your mileage may vary I'm afraid"?

DeVore

What works for me may not work so well for you or her... that's all I mean.

Everyone experiences depression differently and for some exercise is a tonic while for others it doesn't have that effect. Some people want company and to be listened to, others want to be alone to just get away from the stress of other people. It will vary from person to person.

Mental Mickey

DeVore wrote: »

What works for me may not work so well for you or her... that's all I mean.

Everyone experiences depression differently and for some exercise is a tonic while for others it doesn't have that effect. Some people want company and to be listened to, others want to be alone to just get away from the stress of other people. It will vary from person to person.

Thanks

looking_around

DeVore wrote: »

Any counsellor worth their salt is going to refuse to talk to you anyway and its really not a good idea to talk to them either. That kinda needs to be a totally trust-based, private conversation or else its no good.

I guess it's just me, I've often asked nurses/docs to speak to my family. As I found it easier.
I dont mean go straight to the counsellor when I suggest that. But asking my counsellor to talk to my partner at the beginning, was helpful. They could explain things, better than I could at the time.It also opened the door, for my partner to mention anything he was concerned about.
But I understand not everyone would be comfortable with this.

And again, all I meant was asking her about the idea. Also it's not about talking about what goes on in the counselling sessions, but just about getting better idea of ways to help.

But understandably not everyone would be ok with that.

DeVore

Ah yes, I see what you mean... though that is *you* choosing to open that relationship up (and I commend you for it, its a clever way to get things explained to people you love from a "figure of authority" so to speak)... but it would be pretty gauche for a counsellor to just breach trust and talk to family/spouse about confidential discussions with a client. I'm pretty sure that would breach some form of doctor-patient confidentiality

looking_around

DeVore wrote: »

Ah yes, I see what you mean... though that is *you* choosing to open that relationship up (and I commend you for it, its a clever way to get things explained to people you love from a "figure of authority" so to speak)... but it would be pretty gauche for a counsellor to just breach trust and talk to family/spouse about confidential discussions with a client. I'm pretty sure that would breach some form of doctor-patient confidentiality

Oh I agree, that's why I suggested he ask her about it. Only once of course, and not to push it.
She'll probably say no, but keep it in mind and if she needs to, she'd know he's open and just wants to understand better etc.

God no, I'd never encouraging going straight to the counsellor or doc. I don't imagine and doc worth anything would even humour him if he did.

Mental Mickey

looking_around wrote: »

Oh I agree, that's why I suggested he ask her about it. Only once of course, and not to push it.
She'll probably say no, but keep it in mind and if she needs to, she'd know he's open and just wants to understand better etc.

God no, I'd never encouraging going straight to the counsellor or doc. I don't imagine and doc worth anything would even humour him if he did.

Thing is, she was a couple of years into the process before I came along and said that it would be too difficult to backtrack through it all when she's come so far out of it.

looking_around

Mental Mickey wrote: »

Thing is, she was a couple of years into the process before I came along and said that it would be too difficult to backtrack through it all when she's come so far out of it.

It's not about back tracking, just about understanding the illness and what to do at times like this.

DeVore

Yeah, I wouldn't really want to dreg through my past either....

Perhaps an honest discussion of "I'm here for you, but can you help me understand what I can do to help cos I'm floundering here and I really want to be there for you." (and have this discussion when she's NOT depressed ideally ). It might bring some closeness between you two too.

TheSegal

I've been experiencing a different side of depression this week, at least I think it's related to it. My temper has been sky rocketing almost everyday, the slightest thing can set me off. I'm doing my deep breathing exercises, going to the gym and trying to read at night but I still can't stop it from flaring up at the slightest thing, i'm able to restrain myself from roaring at people but it's getting harder everyday. My counselor is currently booked out because it's the start of the academic year and that causes it to fill up quick. I'm not comfortable with another counselor as i've built up a relationship with my own counselor over the years.

Does anyone have any links to other things I can do to vent it constructively? I really don't like holding it in because I know it's just going to hurt me in the long run.

DeVore

Exercise... go hit a punchbag. That's my outlet!

I also get buildups of anger and have been known to lash out verbally when under stress. Sometimes it doesn't take much stress either

I find working myself to absolute exhaustion on a bag or sparring with my coach brings a lovely sense of peace (and a damned good nights sleep!) and helps reset everything for a while. There is a lovely peace that it brings to me.... sitting there with sweat dripping off my nose and just too tired to even think

TheSegal

I try to get in exercise every second day, heavy squatting and olympic style lifting, it leaves me in absolute bits and I feel good that night but the next day i'm ready to put my fist through a wall again. A lad at work just suggested running in the morning out near Ballybrit, I really need something because it's gotten to the point where it's distracting me at work and I don't want my performance to suffer. I'm a good worker and falling behind just makes me more angry, bit of a negative feedback loop there

DeVore

Have you tried meditation... (its not as hippy as you might think ).... it can help to do a quick 5 minute meditation during work... puts me back in balance.

Are you on any meds? I was taking steroids for a persistent chest infection and they made me act like an anti-Christ. I went back to the doc the next week and mentioned that and he casually says "oh yeah, they will do that... lots of people report that".... well, thanks a bunch for the freakin' heads-up doc!!

Mental Mickey

I must mention the exercise to my OH...

TheSegal

The extent of my meditation is deep breathing exercises, i've never tried any other methods. The only medication i'm on at the moment is Lamictal for my epilepsy, none of the side-effects mention rage so I should be able to cross that off anyway!

Do you have any links to an idiots guide to meditation by any chance?

DeVore

I actually don't , other then googling it I guess. My counsellor taught me the very basics. If you haven't seen a counsellor that's probably something you should do (and don't get all weird about the word counsellor like I did... ).
Treating your anger is only treating the symptoms. You need to find the root cause or it will always squirt out somewhere/somehow.

Take some time out and sit down somewhere quiet and try to fearlessly follow the thoughts in your head and see if you cant get to some cause/reason why you are angry. I usually find its something someone has done to me / against me or something someone has said to me, or neglected to do for me. It usually is kicked off by something like that... then next thing you know my dinner is getting the frying of a lifetime

Sitting down and acknowledging that I have been hurt by someone is an excellent first step to taking that persons power over me away (if that makes sense).



ps: meditation isn't all complicated and stuff... its kinda just like active day dreaming but with a script.

guitarzero

Help.

I am suffering depression and living at home with family. My depression has been going on for many years now. I moved home again after losing my job and now I'm deeply regretting it. My mother is going nuts because of this condition. She believes that my depression and anxiety is self induced therefore I should be ok. I may not be able to continue working because I feel tired, depressed, sometimes drowsy, headaches and anxiety.

She wants me out because she cant cope with the reality of my condition. If I lose my job then I have to leave house. I am not guaranteed this job and at this rate I might lose it or leave. If I dont have a job I dont have a home. I have asked some friends could I stay with them but they said only for a few days to 'get myself back on my feet' .

How are other ppl here coping with living with family? How tolerant are the family of their condition? Do they feel they are being pushed out of the home? I feel pretty helpless and dont know where to go.

Esel

guitarzero wrote: »

Help.

I am suffering depression and living at home with family. My depression has been going on for many years now. I moved home again after losing my job and now I'm deeply regretting it. My mother is going nuts because of this condition. [I think]She believes that my depression and anxiety is self induced therefore I should be ok.[/I think]

[I think (she says)/ I hear her say]She wants me out because she cant cope with the reality of my condition.[/I think]

Sorry for the visual shouting I did above - I did it, and I'm not really apologising for it.

Your mother loves you, and you love... her, unless there is a major dysfunctional relationship going on. So, her threatening to kick you out must be a last ditch effort on her part. She hasn't done it yet.

What are you doing to address your issues? That is the real question here. GP, doctor, counsellor, help?

We all, and I mean everybody, have issues.

Simple advice (but very hard to do): Address your issues. As I said above: GP, doctor, counsellor, help.

Is there, maybe, something you are doing that really pisses your mother off? If there is, then fupping stop doing it!

You can, and you know you can, man.

guitarzero

Esel wrote: »

Sorry for the visual shouting I did above - I did it, and I'm not really apologising for it.

Your mother loves you, and you love... her, unless there is a major dysfunctional relationship going on. So, her threatening to kick you out must be a last ditch effort on her part. She hasn't done it yet.

What are you doing to address your issues? That is the real question here. GP, doctor, counsellor, help?

We all, and I mean everybody, have issues.

Simple advice (but very hard to do): Address your issues. As I said above: GP, doctor, counsellor, help.

Is there, maybe, something you are doing that really pisses your mother off? If there is, then fupping stop doing it!

You can, and you know you can, man.

DeVore

Well... that sounded a little rough Esel.

The point is valid though, you don't say if you are attending a counsellor or have seen a doctor or etc etc... Are you taking actions to address your depression? If not you really need to, depression isn't a cold in that it wont go away on its own if you "just push through it".
It gets worse and spirals downwards if its not met head on.


Have you spoken to your mum about why(if!) she feels this way and shown her that you are taking actions to try to recover (if you are)... this would be important to do (in a non-combative way) so she has an idea that this isn't just the way things are going to be...she sees some attempt to get back on your own feet.

guitarzero

Hi DeVore

I'm seeing a psychotherapist, second session this evening and putting a lot of faith in it. I have seen psychotherapists before but didnt find them very helpful, 2 who said in their own words 'I cant help you'. I have tried diet and exercise/the football team. Gave meditation and yoga a try to discover they made the symptoms worse. Admittedly I have pulled back from socializing but it's mostly from being completely uninterested and the difficulty I have mustering up any enthusiasm. I really dont relate to ppl generally and never really have which is a serious issue for me.

I have seen so many recommendations for depression but barring anti depressants, which I think is an unavoidable inevitability at this point, I have given it my best go. I'm very weary of the idea of taking anti depressants. I've been told it's my attitude but I have had this depressed/lonely feeling for as long as I can remember. So I had to confront what I had been denying for so long as it wasnt paying off ignoring it.

In relation to the home. My mother is letting me stay as long as I keep my job (amongst other 'bargains'). Trouble is the anxiety and depression are making it very hard to keep the job. There are some days where I simply cant work/concentrate and have been sent home on 2 occasions. The fact that I have a job is a sign that I am trying to get back on my feet. I am doing counselling and getting into exercise again but it's not enough.

She believes my depression is entirely self induced therefore I am totally at fault. I dont know the origin of this depression as it feels so much a part of who I am and who I was to a large extent. I do feel hopeless and dont really have anywhere to go. I cant get a place because I could lose this job and I have nowhere to stay should worst come to worst.

This depression has been going on for many years and everyone is just fed up.