LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

guitarzero

wexie wrote: »

...Now that it's time to take inventory of where I'm at I feel like I've no idea who I actually am or where I go from here

I know how that feels and it's a harsh place to find yourself. This is a theme for many ppl, more than you might think. The importance of this type of identity crisis is that you start to see more clearly what is actually important and what's trivial. In some sense it's a wake up call to do away with the things that have weighed you down or have no relevance any more. A call to be more authentic to yourself and others. Not to romance it because it can be brutal but it may well turn into something critically important for you.

wexie

looking_around wrote: »

Always feels like it, Never actually is.

To be fair....nice warm bed, book, wifi, hot chocolate.....over a Lady Gaga concert....

I think I'd have to argue with you on this one

looking_around

wexie wrote: »

To be fair....nice warm bed, book, wifi, hot chocolate.....over a Lady Gaga concert....

I think I'd have to argue with you on this one

LOL, well, kinda meant going out with friends and stuff XD

DeVore

Get up Get out Get on!

Go to the concert and try to put everything else out of your mind. Be in the moment and ANY time you think of something that isn't right-here-right-now immediately focus on something around you or music or a friend etc. That's a great exercise, it really really works and is the basis of CBT basically.

cristali

wexie wrote: »

I feel this is my big problem at the moment, at some stage I'll have to go back to work (although turns out my employer have some form of income protection insurance so thankfully I don't need to worry about money (too much)) and I can't for the life of me imagine how I can ever go back to my old job. Then I think about what it is I could go back to and can't think of a single sensible thing (swedish under 21 ladies beach volleyball team apparently already have a coach:().

The more I think about it the more I feel I've spent the last 30 odd years living the life people expected me to live, making the choices I was expected to take.

Now that it's time to take inventory of where I'm at I feel like I've no idea who I actually am or where I go from here

What my psychoterapist said to me when I told her I don't know who I am/what I like anymore is ...try to go back to your childhood, what you used to do and most important try to find ways of nurture yourself, things to do that doesn't cost any money .... At least 10 min a day we're supposed to nurture ourselves.... I had to get to 30yrs to find out I don't know how to nurture myself...So if you're in the same boat, start from there

DeVore

wexie wrote: »

I feel this is my big problem at the moment, at some stage I'll have to go back to work (although turns out my employer have some form of income protection insurance so thankfully I don't need to worry about money (too much)) and I can't for the life of me imagine how I can ever go back to my old job. Then I think about what it is I could go back to and can't think of a single sensible thing (swedish under 21 ladies beach volleyball team apparently already have a coach:().

The more I think about it the more I feel I've spent the last 30 odd years living the life people expected me to live, making the choices I was expected to take.

Now that it's time to take inventory of where I'm at I feel like I've no idea who I actually am or where I go from here

I've recently been in the same position and in many ways still am! I've said exactly that line "I've been living the life other people wanted me to live" and its true, I was a good student, I studied to get the solid job that everyone expected of me. I can hear the voice of many of my teachers and authority figures saying "we expect great things from Tom"... but a lot of the time Tom didn't want to do the things he was "expected" to do.
Every now and then wild ideas would jump into my head and I'd go do them (like Boards ). And people would look at me (middle management, IT guy in a bank) and say "that's not like you".

Eventually I have had to accept that it IS like me. I'm only now discovering who I am and what I want from life and I'm far from sure that I've actually found the answer yet.

For example, 3 years ago I would never ever have thought of myself as a wood worker. Turns out... I'm sort of a wood worker

But rather than agonise over this or get down about it, I'm looking on the positive side. I'm on a voyage of discovery (oh god, did I really just write that, I feel... unwell )... I'm learning all sorts of things about who I am and what I like and its kinda fun if you don't stress about it.

So it turns out you aren't who you are.... great! Start investigating who you are and what you like. Start tasting all the icecreams until you find your favourite flavour!!

Interrobang

It still feels weird to be posting here instead of just reading, but anyhow...

So, I made that appointment with my GP on Friday, and I feel like I've taken a weight off and opened up a whole can of worms at the same time.

I was a bit disingenuous when I phoned to make the appointment. My GP is fantastic, but I didn't really want her to be the one I did this with because she knows me, if that makes sense. So I phoned looking for a Friday appointment, knowing she doesn't work Fridays, safe in the knowledge that I would do this with one of her practice colleagues instead and therefore manage to retain some feeling of anonymity. (Yeah, I know, it doesn't really make sense, but it did at the time.)

Turns out she was coming in to do some paperwork that Friday, and before I could rattle off some half-assed excuse about not wanting to bother her, the receptionist phoned her to check if it was okay to make the appointment, phoned me back to confirm that it was, and I was booked in.

I was in a heap in the waiting room. There were even tears.

Anyway, turns out it worked out in the best possible way. I found out that only is she incredibly passionate about this and invests a lot of time in researching it, she also has a vested interest because there's a long history of depression in her own family. And because she had no other patients that morning, I was with her for 45 minutes.

She was delighted to hear that I'd begun to see a counsellor, and even more pleased to hear that I'm finding the sessions exhausting and draining. Apparently that's a good sign in her book.

She's very much recommended a multi-pronged approach, as she doesn't believe that any one thing in isolation will benefit as much as a holistic approach will. First on her list was to continue counselling. Second was mindfulness, and she really emphasised how beneficial this can be. Third was plenty of exercise, fresh air, sunshine, omegas and B-complex vitamins. Last on the list was anti-depressants, and she went through the pros and cons, the concerns I had, and so on. She didn't push them on me, and advised that I'd have a lot of thinking to do, as the visit in itself was a massive step and enough to be dealing with for one day.

I found it really hard to say the words, "I am depressed" out loud when I was with her, and she challenged me on that. In fact she challenged me a lot. She asked me why, if this wouldn't be such a big deal if it were a member of my family or one of my friends, why would I be any less kind to myself.

Even in relation to anti-depressants, she said if I decided to take them it could be for six months, for twelve months, and even if I need them for longer, so what? And I don't mean that she meant "so what?" dismissively; she meant that it should be no more of an issue than taking something for blood pressure or diabetes or whatever. She's almost evangelical about removing any stigma associated with depression, and I'm so glad that my plan to meet with someone else failed spectacularly. I feel that I have someone in my corner really fighting for me in a proactive way now.

I felt weird for the rest of the day, though. You know that feeling in your head when you've had a few drinks the night before, not enough to make you suffer, but enough to give you a dull, heavy feeling in your head? Well, it was like that. Once the kids were in bed I couldn't stay awake on the sofa, but once I went to bed I couldn't sleep. All day yesterday I swung between resigned and angry, and everyone was pissing me off for no reason. I didn't sleep much last night either. I'm going to take myself off for an hour or two this afternoon to see if I can clear my head a bit.

I'm scared by how I might react to the anti-depressants, what side effects I might experience, and how long I'll feel like that.

Having a strong feeling of "everybody's out to get me" for the past day or so.

Seeing a new psychotherapist next week but I've lost all confidence of ever being able to get out of this hole. Feels like it's burned into me.

cristali

Patience, patience and more patience that's what I hear lately, depression/anxiety etc doesn't go over night.... Feeling a bit c**p myself today, probably is the weather and being off at the weekend doesn't help...Feeling like I get p****d off coz of every little thing and a big cloud over my head...dwelling on the idea that maybe I should start taking my ad's but again maybe tomorrow I'll have a good day which is gonna give me strength ...who knows...being confused sucks

Mars Bar

Interrobang wrote: »

She was delighted to hear that I'd begun to see a counsellor, and even more pleased to hear that I'm finding the sessions exhausting and draining. Apparently that's a good sign in her book.

...

I felt weird for the rest of the day, though. You know that feeling in your head when you've had a few drinks the night before, not enough to make you suffer, but enough to give you a dull, heavy feeling in your head? Well, it was like that.

I remember my second session with a counsellor and she asked me how I felt after the first one and honestly, I couldn't remember anything about that day except for the hour with her. The whole day was just an emotional write off. As the saying goes, "the lights are on and nobody is at home". I was just a zombie walking around the place that day.

It's completely normal so don't worry about it.

LynnGrace

guitarzero wrote: »

I know how that feels and it's a harsh place to find yourself. This is a theme for many ppl, more than you might think. The importance of this type of identity crisis is that you start to see more clearly what is actually important and what's trivial. In some sense it's a wake up call to do away with the things that have weighed you down or have no relevance any more. A call to be more authentic to yourself and others. Not to romance it because it can be brutal but it may well turn into something critically important for you.

+1. Very well put.

Esel

Interrobang wrote: »

It still feels weird to be posting here instead of just reading, but anyhow...

So, I made that appointment with my GP on Friday, and I feel like I've taken a weight off and opened up a whole can of worms at the same time.

I was a bit disingenuous when I phoned to make the appointment. My GP is fantastic, but I didn't really want her to be the one I did this with because she knows me, if that makes sense. So I phoned looking for a Friday appointment, knowing she doesn't work Fridays, safe in the knowledge that I would do this with one of her practice colleagues instead and therefore manage to retain some feeling of anonymity. (Yeah, I know, it doesn't really make sense, but it did at the time.)

Turns out she was coming in to do some paperwork that Friday, and before I could rattle off some half-assed excuse about not wanting to bother her, the receptionist phoned her to check if it was okay to make the appointment, phoned me back to confirm that it was, and I was booked in.

I was in a heap in the waiting room. There were even tears.

Anyway, turns out it worked out in the best possible way. I found out that only is she incredibly passionate about this and invests a lot of time in researching it, she also has a vested interest because there's a long history of depression in her own family. And because she had no other patients that morning, I was with her for 45 minutes.

She was delighted to hear that I'd begun to see a counsellor, and even more pleased to hear that I'm finding the sessions exhausting and draining. Apparently that's a good sign in her book.

She's very much recommended a multi-pronged approach, as she doesn't believe that any one thing in isolation will benefit as much as a holistic approach will. First on her list was to continue counselling. Second was mindfulness, and she really emphasised how beneficial this can be. Third was plenty of exercise, fresh air, sunshine, omegas and B-complex vitamins. Last on the list was anti-depressants, and she went through the pros and cons, the concerns I had, and so on. She didn't push them on me, and advised that I'd have a lot of thinking to do, as the visit in itself was a massive step and enough to be dealing with for one day.

I found it really hard to say the words, "I am depressed" out loud when I was with her, and she challenged me on that. In fact she challenged me a lot. She asked me why, if this wouldn't be such a big deal if it were a member of my family or one of my friends, why would I be any less kind to myself.

Even in relation to anti-depressants, she said if I decided to take them it could be for six months, for twelve months, and even if I need them for longer, so what? And I don't mean that she meant "so what?" dismissively; she meant that it should be no more of an issue than taking something for blood pressure or diabetes or whatever. She's almost evangelical about removing any stigma associated with depression, and I'm so glad that my plan to meet with someone else failed spectacularly. I feel that I have someone in my corner really fighting for me in a proactive way now.

I felt weird for the rest of the day, though. You know that feeling in your head when you've had a few drinks the night before, not enough to make you suffer, but enough to give you a dull, heavy feeling in your head? Well, it was like that. Once the kids were in bed I couldn't stay awake on the sofa, but once I went to bed I couldn't sleep. All day yesterday I swung between resigned and angry, and everyone was pissing me off for no reason. I didn't sleep much last night either. I'm going to take myself off for an hour or two this afternoon to see if I can clear my head a bit.

I'm scared by how I might react to the anti-depressants, what side effects I might experience, and how long I'll feel like that.

Congratulations and well done! I am genuinely delighted that you have taken this major step. It is great that your doctor is so informed and supportive.

Re the ADs, seriously, don't worry or be scared. Side-effects are generally not hard to bear, and often fade after a short time. Keep in touch with your doctor (sounds like she will be very proactive on that ) and your pharmacist and you should have no problems regarding medication. Your doctor may adjust the dose, or even change you to a different AD if they feel it would be better. There is a range of ADs, some work for some people and not for others.

Expect it to take up to 8 weeks to notice the benefit - stick with them.

Interrobang

Thanks, Esel - I think I'm probably doing too much research and focusing too much on the possible adverse side effects. Perhaps my GP was on to something when she advised against falling into the trap of what she called "catastrophic thinking" when considering going down the AD route...!

Mars Bar wrote: »

It's completely normal so don't worry about it.

That's comforting to know. I find that after a session I often can't recall much of what we actually talked about, but feel absolutely drained - like you say, the rest of the day is an emotional write-off. I don't know, maybe that's what catharsis is supposed to feel like.

wexie wrote: »

Now that it's time to take inventory of where I'm at I feel like I've no idea who I actually am or where I go from here

I could have written this word for word. Sometimes I look back at stuff I did years ago and I don't recognise the person who did it. I've spent a long time being the person I was expected to be that I never stopped to think about who I actually am. It's a scary prospect, not really knowing yourself.

guitarzero wrote: »

In some sense it's a wake up call to do away with the things that have weighed you down or have no relevance any more. A call to be more authentic to yourself and others. Not to romance it because it can be brutal but it may well turn into something critically important for you.

I should have this tattooed somewhere as a reminder. I think it is going to be brutal, and fear is going to be my biggest obstacle. There's a massive leap between knowing what you should do for yourself and actually doing it. Funny how it's so much easier to look after other people.

cristali wrote: »

I don't know how to nurture myself...So if you're in the same boat, start from there

Same here. Haven't a clue. In all honesty, I wouldn't even think to do it. I think part of my journey will be learning how to set a value on doing things for myself. With work and two young kids I tend to put myself last. Actually, scratch that, I don't even make the list. I have something against the phrase 'me time' - I don't know why, but it just grates with me! - but I like the idea of 'nurturing'. So I remembered your words today. I took off out of the house, but instead of sitting in a coffee shop I picked up a take-away coffee and just sat by the water doing nothing. I find being near water calms me, so I just sat there watching it drift past. It was almost hypnotic in a way, and I even dozed off a bit a couple of times. I think I might make it a regular thing - it was kind of like taking myself outside of everything, but in a good way. Your words made a positive difference to my day today, so thank you.

wexie wrote: »

I myself have been tested as highly intelligent (some have said perhaps it's part of my problem ) but have started college twice and could never really hack it.

I wonder is that more common than we know? I though college was a doddle, until it wasn't. Learning always came easy to me. I never had to work at it and always got good results effortlessly. In school and as an undergrad I was kept busy with other stuff outside college, and when I did my Masters I worked two jobs not because I had to, but because I'm not good at saying no to helping people. In all that time, classes and exams and theses and grades were only one part of a bigger picture, so I never really gave them a second thought.

Then I was awarded a scholarship for my PhD, and one of the conditions was that I didn't undertake any other work, but concentrated solely on my research. Apparently I'd "earned" it. I "deserved" it. But do you know something? I don't think that I believed that I deserved to be successful. And that's when I hit bottom and lost a year of my life, because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy: when you believe that you're not worth it, nothing you do seems worthwhile, so you stop doing it and it becomes a vicious circle. Whether the depression was a factor in my 'failure' or whether the failure triggered the bottoming out is a bit of a chicken-and-egg question. I don't have the answer. What I do know, however, is that no matter how demonstrably able I am, I have a hard time accepting the evidence in front of me, and continue to set myself stupidly high expectations.

efb wrote: »

Not in a great head space today- Gaga concert later and right now, I just don't want to go. Going home and climbing into my bed seems way more appealing

I've been thinking about you since you posted this - how did it go in the end?

stop animal cruelty

Recently my boyfriend dumped me....finding it so tough, never cried so much or hard in my life....lm really hurt atm. Dreading the next few weeks/months, gonna ask my doc to top up lexapro, what has happened to me, l would have been the last person in the world to turn to medication, really dont know how il cope

efb

Interrobang wrote: »

I've been thinking about you since you posted this - how did it go in the end?

Rang my sister, talked it through, she said you'd feel worse in the morning if you didn't go. I went and I enjoyed it- met up with old friends too tks

DeVore

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Recently my boyfriend dumped me....finding it so tough, never cried so much or hard in my life....lm really hurt atm. Dreading the next few weeks/months, gonna ask my doc to top up lexapro, what has happened to me, l would have been the last person in the world to turn to medication, really dont know how il cope

Talk to your doc but listen to him if he says you don't need a top up on Lexapro... you've had a sh1tty thing happen to you. You kinda should feel sh1tty about it. The trick is to process the hurt, go through the feelings and feel them until they don't have their power over you. Its a tough thing to explain but you need to process the feelings cos if you try and stuff them somewhere deep down, they have a way of kinda squirting out at random times and places!

So, its fine to feel bad... its not fine to wallow in it. Give it its due time and attention, as long as it needs and then its done. When it comes back into your thoughts begging to get more of your attention, then its being a greed little memory. Its had its time, it got your full attention. It needs to go into your past now and you move onwards. Don't stay there because I know, its a weird sort of perverse pleasure in being hurt and feeling awful ... it satisfies the "I deserve this" sort of depressive thoughts. Don't let it, that's not right or proper.

Big hugs, keep writing here, you're one of us and we care for our own.

looking_around

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Recently my boyfriend dumped me....finding it so tough, never cried so much or hard in my life....lm really hurt atm. Dreading the next few weeks/months, gonna ask my doc to top up lexapro, what has happened to me, l would have been the last person in the world to turn to medication, really dont know how il cope

What has happened is that you know meds can help and that's ok!
__
Are you seeking support by other means as well? like family/friends? diving into a hobby?

It's ok to be hurt and to cry. Cry as much as need. It does get easier!

stop animal cruelty

Thanks a mil Devore gonna print that off....

Looking around - lv been in counselling for a good while so can talk to her about it, cant wait to see her....opened up to my parents but they dont really know what to say, lm more so upset by the way he ended it, really cold by text, just so hurt by him, not even a call or apology

Interrobang

efb wrote: »

Rang my sister, talked it through, she said you'd feel worse in the morning if you didn't go. I went and I enjoyed it- met up with old friends too tks

Glad to hear it. Hope this week is a better week for you.

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

lm more so upset by the way he ended it, really cold by text, just so hurt by him, not even a call or apology

That's cold, but while it says something about him, it's no reflection on you. I like that you know you deserved better, because you *know* you deserved better, if that makes sense. Be kind to yourself.

DeVore

The guy sounds like a d1ck... you should be happy its over and that you didn't waste any more of your time on him.

As for parents... yeah, I can empathise. I wrote a bit about my dad and my take on family trying to help here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=92054431&postcount=6197

DeVore

Ok, actually... I'll tell you all about the fish.


I was once very hurt by a good friend of mine. We'd been mates for years but then he went and did something hurtful to me. It really hurt. I put it out of my mind and I went about my life telling myself that no one and no thing would be allowed hurt me. But it kept jumping into my head, how angry I was with him (read: how hurt I was he had done that). I was cooking fish for dinner and putting it out of my mind. Studiously ignoring the whole thing. Frying my fish. Not going to give him the satisfaction. Frying my fish. Don't need him, don't need anyone. Frying my fish.

The fish got the most abusive frying you ever saw in your life. It was RSPCA levels of abuse. By the time I was finished it was fried beyond recognition almost. I looked at the fish and realised that for all my determination, my mind hadn't been on the fish... in fact I was violently frying SOMETHING in that pan but I don't think I was thinking of it as fish

I had to sit down and acknowledge that someone I cared about, someone I had let get close to me had done something very unthinking and hurtful. I opened the Pandora's box of icky feelings and just accept that I really felt wounded... I'll spare you the details of the rooting through all my feels, but in the end it works for me... I was able to go back to my life and the memory went into the history-bank.

If you don't process these things, something or someone gets fried like a fish before you even realise it.

Interrobang

DeVore wrote: »

The fish got the most abusive frying you ever saw in your life. It was RSPCA levels of abuse. By the time I was finished it was fried beyond recognition almost. I looked at the fish and realised that for all my determination, my mind hadn't been on the fish... in fact I was violently frying SOMETHING in that pan but I don't think I was thinking of it as fish

I did something similar to a hydrangea with a garden shears. Poor plant got an almighty hard pruning and never completely recovered on one side. It's still lopsided to this day.

There's probably a metaphor in there somewhere...

wexie

DeVore wrote: »

If you don't process these things, something or someone gets fried like a fish before you even realise it.

And sadly sometimes it turns out to be ourselves

I spent the best part of my childhood determined I wouldn't get hurt again and look where it's got me.

Getting hurt is a normal part of life, both physically and emotionally, it's learning to deal with it properly that's the important part, not preventing it from happening.

(clearly it's a lot easier giving advice than taking advice )

DeVore

Unfortunately in my case it tends to be the people nearest and dearest to me. People I wouldn't want to hurt in a million years but one little straw and I'd project a lot of crap onto them that I had been bottling up. If there's anything I'm grateful for its that (mostly) I don't do that any more.... that's the biggest single improvement in me since I started fighting back.

looking_around

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Thanks a mil Devore gonna print that off....

Looking around - lv been in counselling for a good while so can talk to her about it, cant wait to see her....opened up to my parents but they dont really know what to say, lm more so upset by the way he ended it, really cold by text, just so hurt by him, not even a call or apology

It's very hard to know what to say, ask for a hug, or for them to do something with you, like go to the movies, a meal out, a board game ..distraction stuff, and they'll have an idea of how they can support you. And because you're asking for whatever it is, hopefully, you'll feel supported in turn.

Do talk it out with your counselor as well.

And what a coward. I hate face to face "deep" discussions, and tend to these via text, but I also tend to be in the same room. I just don't like speaking S:. I can imagine choosing texting over voice, but not at a distance from a person.

guitarzero

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Recently my boyfriend dumped me....finding it so tough, never cried so much or hard in my life....lm really hurt atm. Dreading the next few weeks/months, gonna ask my doc to top up lexapro, what has happened to me, l would have been the last person in the world to turn to medication, really dont know how il cope

Hey, sorry to hear about that. Getting dumped is sickening (especially like that), if you are already suffering of depression it can get very overwhelming I know. Me and my ex parted ways in Feb and the withdrawal symptoms were pretty merciless, took about a month just to feel myself again. And this is the thing, you will find your feet again. And there's a word thats gets thrown around a lot lately that depressed ppl might get a bit frustrated by but there is a fair level of truth in it - distraction.
Just get distracted. Get your emotions entangled in something a light lighter and a little less demanding. The habits we made with the other half can still clog up the mind with all their weight and power and looking a release, the compass has shifted but it's so hard to reset the ship in that direction. Because I had suffered a horrible break up before I knew what needed to be done.
I joined a language exchange group, I met up with the lads for football/beers even if I didnt want to, I'd have knitted jumpers if that's all I was left with. But it works, it defuses a lot of the tension and emotion. Hope at least some of this is of some consolation. Stay strong, dig deeper.

stop animal cruelty

Thanks for all yer replys guys...feeling a bit better. What lm really gonna miss the most is feeling part of something and the company, the fact that someone asked how was my day and just doing things together....the feeling that someone cared about me (tho not too sure about that one now).

Just need to let off more steam....lm so unhappy in my new job. Today l threatened to walk out and manager turns around and says "yeah do walk away" shes a fcuking bitch...and lm not the only person this week that threatened the same! gonna finish up there, cannot put up with her anymore, since the break up, my confidence has been rock bottom and shes making it worst, making me feel like lm useless around the place when l know lm a damn hard worker. lf it wasnt for my counsellor, l wouldnt be here, owe so much to her.

looking_around

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Thanks for all yer replys guys...feeling a bit better. What lm really gonna miss the most is feeling part of something and the company, the fact that someone asked how was my day and just doing things together....the feeling that someone cared about me (tho not too sure about that one now).

Just need to let off more steam....lm so unhappy in my new job. Today l threatened to walk out and manager turns around and says "yeah do walk away" shes a fcuking bitch...and lm not the only person this week that threatened the same! gonna finish up there, cannot put up with her anymore, since the break up, my confidence has been rock bottom and shes making it worst, making me feel like lm useless around the place when l know lm a damn hard worker. lf it wasnt for my counsellor, l wouldnt be here, owe so much to her.

work can affect everything, if you are in a position to leave, do, there's no point risking your health for it.

Gongoozler

She sounds like a Grade A bitch, scta. I think you shouldn't give her the satisfaction, how about putting on a little act of confidence when around her, arrogance if you can manage it. Sounds like it might annoy her. As well as possibly helping you feel better.


An update on me and my anti depressant saga - I'm done! I was on 7.5mg gave it a go coming off and it's going ok so far. Saturday was my first day without. Experienced only a couple of zaps Saturday evening. I was quite teary for much of yesterday. And I've had a few zaps today. But very manageable. Feeling ok today too.

Quite glad to be done with them! I would never go back on them.

They made me a whole lot worse than I used to be. Gave me active suicidal thoughts when I never had them before. I would be very wary of recommending them to anyone. Though recommending is hardly the right term. I think they might work for some, but can make others a lot worse. Actually I've seen that in my job, people's experiences of how bad it can be.

Anyway I'll stop going on now. I expect there's a chance I'll have at least one more teary day, with the withdrawal, hopefully not. And some more zaps, but hopefully they won't get worse. Even if they are I'd be pretty sure they'd be short lived.

So yeah I'm done.

Esel

^ Keep in touch.